Puhhhhhhh

I let out a heavy breath, lots of white fog comes out from my mouth. I jump a bit to fix the backpack on my back and take a step down to the stairs in front of me. One by one slowly. I set my eyes to my surrounding. Yeoksi, international airport must be different with local.

I just arrived from my morning flight from Daegu. Do I mention extreme? Oh, I did not. Wanna know why? Our plane had a turbulence problem back then, all the passengers inside the plane screamed out loud. A little girl who sat beside me clung so tight to my arms. Don’t ask me about my reaction .. of course screamed with all of my strength. Okay, skip that!

Here I am, standing all alone in Seoul Capital Area. I walk faster to claim my luggage. After waiting for a few long minutes, I get to pull 2 of jumbo size-suitcases. I walk to the gate, my eyes looking for someone who’s already waiting for me.

“Hyekyo!” I hear a familiar voice shout my name, and a smile quickly form on my lips. I quicken my pace to reach the owner of the voice.

“Oppa!” I throw myself to hug my beloved cousin Jo Insung. It’s been so long since the last time I met him. He went to Seoul after being accepted to study at School of Medicine in Seoul National University. He was born with a super smart brain, but still humble and never being arrogant with it. He’s my role model, in everything since I was a child. He’s 2 years older than me. I have no real siblings, but he acted like one. Everyone knew him as my real brother because he got a sister complex.

“How’s your flight?” He asks, and free one of my hand by pulling one of my suitcase.

“I think I’m going to die! The plane suddenly shake a lot! I already pray to God to forgive my sin!” I hear Insung oppa laugh so hard. “Ya! I’m serious! It’s not funny oppa!” I shout at him and slap his upper arm. He winces but still can’t stop his laughter.

“You and your smart mouth always success to make me laugh.” I’m getting ready to hit him one more time, but he dodges by take a big step ahead mine. “Okay, okay, okay my fault!” I pouted my lips and he reach out his hand to mess up my hair. I push away his hand and rearrange my messy hair.

“Oppa!!!!!”

“Hahaha! Serve you right! Let’s have a breakfast before I send you to the dorm.” He links his hand on to my shoulder and we’re heading to the car.

40 minutes later, I sit down on the chair inside a clean and neat restaurant. I excuse myself to get inside the bathroom. After wash my hand, I splash a little bit of water to my face. I haven’t sleep since yesterday, my eye bag turn black. I need a full time of beauty sleep after this.

On the table, a bowl of warm broth-beef soup catch my attention. I feel my stomach growl, they’re roaring for food. “Uwah! It looks so delicious! Jalmeokeseubnida!” I dig up my soup. Slowly taste the savor .. it’s divine. Daebak!

“Oppa, it’s the same with my mom’s.” I send a thumb to Insung oppa, and take a piece of mandu. Everything in here is delicious!

“Right? That’s why I often have a meal in here whenever I have time. It heal my homesick feelings.” He order for the second bowl of his food.

“Yeaah, you know, I can’t sleep last night .. at all! I’m trying to close my eyes but fail, after that I realized it’s because I don’t want to go away from home!” Insung oppa laughs but understand what I’m feeling. It’s the first time in forever I’m being away from my mother. She’s alone at home, but I’m glad Insung oppa’s mom come often to my house to check my mom.

“Are you ready to face the college life Hyekyo?” I ..hesitantly nod, but quickly change into NO gesture.

“I hate being away from my mother, but I’m happy being accepted in SNU. I want to make my mom proud, that’s why I have to be strong and face the reality. Well, you know we are not live in wealth. At least after this I can get a proper job and help my mom.” I slowly scoop another mandu to my mouth. I’m holding my tears, my mom’s face running inside my head.

“Good girl! You’re brave and strong Hyekyo! I’ll always support you. Don’t afraid, just call me whenever you need help!” I feel so grateful, even I have no luck in wealth but at least I got plenty of love from my family. Talk about love..

“How’s Wonbin? You guys are still okay right?” Won Bin is my current boyfriend. Our relationship already started since 3 years ago. I like him very much. He’s funny, loyal, cheerful, and of course handsome, but, this last one year, he changed a little. I feel like .. he’s bored with me. I’m trying to shoo away that awful thought but can’t help being gloomy. Insung oppa already knew about Wonbin. I know he keeps a secret with him, and I know it will make me sad.

I grab my glass and drink the water. This topic trigger my eyes to produce more water. I don’t want to cry, now. I never had any bad thought about my boyfriend, but his sudden change of attitude confused me. My brain keeps saying “Stop it Hyekyo! Leave him!” “You stupid, just break up!”. Well, I want to! I swear I do! But, I’m afraid of losing someone important. He’s kind of special, he’s fit up with me in all aspect. NAH! STOP IT ALREADY! I already convince myself slowly let him go. It’s the right time to tell Insung oppa about my feeling. I cough to clear my throat, trying to smile.

“I … think, we are going to end up. I already prepare myself for the separation, hahaha.” I’m trying to be cool and seem not to care. I often laugh or smile a lot to stop my tears.

“But but you know oppa .. it’s hard to let go of someone that you love dearly. I’m trying to keep myself strong. I often told myself to let go, but my stupid heart … it doesn’t want to let go! That’s why I decided to follow the flow, let the time decide.”

I sweep away the small tears from my eyes. I have been thinking about it for a long time. The right decision to let go my loved one. We are in a long distance now, we will be hard to meet. Also he got into another college in Daegu. If only …. If only … we’re break …. up …. I wish I won’t be that sad because of the separation.

***

I’m so tired! I just finished unpacking all of my stuff and arrange it as my please. My new roommate help me to settle everything, her name is Kim Jiwon. She arrived 2 days ago, so she already finished all of her stuff and willing herself to help me. I wish we could be a great friends, since she’s a law student too. Ji won went back to her room minutes ago and I decided to take a bath. This place will be my shelter for the next few years. I have to adapt quickly!

I throw myself to bed and put my head up on my pillow. I stretch my body. Ahh, hurt everywhere. If only Eomma is here, she’ll help me to tidy up everything. I feel tears starting to gather inside my eyes. CRYBABY! But I am homesick!!!! I miss my mother. So .. yeah I’m crying like a baby for a few minutes. Suddenly, my phone ring loudly. I look at the screen, “Saranghaneun Eomma” poops out. Yeoksi, mother’s instinct. I’m crying and crying. I told my mother about everything, and she feels sorry for not accompany me because she’s busy with work.

“But you already have a friend right, be kind to her like you used to be, help her if she needs something. You’ll be alright. You can go home whenever you have a long holiday. You have to learn to be independent. Maturity will comes to you. Be strong! I love you.” We end the 2 hours call. A few weight in my heart being lifted after the phone call.

I continue to play with my phone, no one text me, hmm. I open my K-talk , looking for Wonbin’s name. He still hanging me without no news. Last night, he told me that he couldn’t contact me for a day because of the opening ceremony at his college and it’s forbidden to bring a cellphone, weird rule I think, but he promised to message me after dinner.

Well, it’s almost 9.30pm. After dinner? After dinner my . I have to remain calm. Don’t angry .. Song Hyekyo. I decided to type a message.

“Binnn, eoddi ya?” I’m asking him where he is. I press the send button, and waiting for a reply.

I log in to my SNS twitter and surfing the timeline. I’m not used to SNS, I only create an account and then will log out and only open it whenever I want. I scroll and scroll my screen, until one name catch my eyes. Wonbin. He did update to his SNS at lunch.

Bah, such a big liar, forbid to bring cellphone? I want to curse him out. He knew I never open my SNS! Wahhh, jinjja. I put my phone on the drawer beside my bed, trying to forget about everything and sleep well.

I wake up early in the morning, and take a bath first. The woman’s dorm almost same with an apartment with 2 rooms. I’m in the same chamber with Jiwon. Our bedroom is separate to each other, but the others like kitchen and bathroom are one for all. Today is the first day of the opening ceremony. I’m a little bit nervous for this new environment. I’m glad Jiwon is a cheerful girl just like me, so we get close quickly.

“We are in the same age right? You can speak comfortably with me.” We decided to drop out formalities.

“Are you ready Hyekyo? Let’s go!” We walk together to school. There’s a lot of new student like us, many of them walk alone. Jiwon links her harm with mine, she’s cute and so childish but I let her do it. It doesn’t bother me at all.

We line up with another student and being divided into groups based on our student number. Jiwon and I are in one group. What a coincidence. I find a seat and bring Jiwon with me.

Everyone stop talking when hear someone used the mic to speak. It’s our Dean, the Dean of School of Law. He looks so