"No." 

I sighed. Jinyoung hadn't let me leave his side since arriving in Jeju. The girls were going swimming again and I was stuck listening to potential tourist spots.

"I'm sorry but I can't focus if you're not near me. The last two times you left my side you got attacked." He looked as weary as I felt. "Just until we get back, stay near me."

And so I did. We went everywhere together and I was relaxing from every passing moment. Right now it was night and we went to a bar at the beach. Jinyoung had his arm over the back of the chair I was sitting.

It amazed me how casual he's been recently. Almost like he's stopped trying to fight me and the reason we were next to each other. That was fine with me, it helped eased my anxiety.

"You're still doing alright? You haven't passed out yet today." Jinyoung broke away from the conversation the other two were having. They were arguing about locations and picture angles.

"My headache is almost gone. Maybe the drug is mostly out of my system."

"Have anymore memories came?"

"A few."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

During our conversation he had become embarassingly close. Was he even aware?

"N-no. It was all nonsense. Too patchy to make sense of it." I lowered my eyes. That wasn't necessarily true. I was currently fighting a war within myself. Did I love Jinyoung or was that something the Institute made me feel? It was hard to separate them from myself. If they wouldn't have rewritten me, would I love Jinyoung? I tried to think of something that I loved about him.

What has he done to warrent such devotion from me? He was cruel. I watched as he refilled my glass with water. My lips were dry, I was confused.

He used to be cruel. I couldn't remember the last time he was mean to me. Ever since Himchan he's been kind, was it out of pity?

His fingers brushed my cheek and I jumped back. All three of them were staring at me.

"You zoned out."

"Did I?" I took a big swallow of water.

"We're going to head back early. Finish this and I'll review it in the morning." He pulled me out of the booth. Shin Woo nor Sandeul complained and went back to work. I let Jinyoung drag me all the way to our rooms without speaking a word. He was about to try and get more information out of me. I could see it in his body posture, so sure of himself.

"Speak to me." Was his first words as soon as the door closed. He turned to me with a worried expression. "I know last time we talked you mentioned some things. I stopped you then but now I need to know. You're not the same, Jiyoon. You...seem sad."

I parted my lips but nothing came out. This is a moment when I wished mind reading was a skill he had. There was no good way to explain my memories. He would get mad and I would get upset. It was easier to keep it to myself, even if it did make me sad. Still, I wanted him to know. I wanted him to comfort me.

"Where to start? I was ten, my parents had hid me from them. Dressed me as a boy, but it didn't last long. I don't know the details, I was too young. When they brought me to the Institute I was instantly an outcast, they made sure of it. I became angry and violent." My eyes shut. It was so far from who I was now. "They began taking me to this room that had one chair. Every time I acted out they put me in it and injected something into me until I never acted out again."

He didn't miss a beat. "They brainwashed you."

"Yes and no. It's different. More permanant. I don't know who I really am anymore. Now that my memories are back I can see both halves of myself but which one is real? Am I real? Is the woman standing before you really Jiyoon? You told me once that we couldn't love each other because that's what the System had designed. I understand what you meant now. Do I really love you? Or is it just something that they manufactured inside of me?"

We stood in the kitchen. His arms hung loosely against his sides. My arms were wrapped around me. I felt small and vulnerable. Jinyoung didn't speak for awhile. I almost left so he could process everything when he took in a deep breath.

"The Jiyoon then, the Jiyoon now. They're both you." He looked up at me. "You are you. What they did to you isn't permanent, your memories are proof of that. The Jiyoon standing before me is a kind, considerate woman. She's beautiful and supportive." Jinyoung took a step closer. "She's understanding and patient. The System didn't create her, she molded herself." He towered above me now, my lower back pressed against the counter. "And this perfect woman is my wife."