Truthfully, it was only her second time she saw Jackson crying directly after Christmas five years ago. It’s not like those crying on the stage he had because of getting emotional with the fans’ cheering or awards in his hands. And, it’s not like she could handle her own tears after seeing him crying.

She wiped his tears with her thumbs, it was warm. But, with that, she couldn’t stop herself to shed a tear. She had those mixed emotion. She didn’t even know how to feel, whether upset or happy or confused or surprised. She didn’t understand the situation, and when she confused with these overflowing feeling, she cried.

“No, no, no Youngji-ah…” Jackson was panic, seeing her cried. He sat beside her, cupped her cheeks in his hands, watching her tears flowing down her cheeks; heartbreaking.

Jackson seemed like couldn’t stand it anymore. He pulled her closer and put her in his arm, didn’t even care if anyone saw them, and he just needed her to be in his arms.

“No, don’t cry anymore, please. I’m sorry, Youngji-ah, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry, so so sorry.”

For a moment Youngji buried her head in his arm; holding on his shirt; crying and sobbing quietly. She couldn’t deny it, Jackson’s chest was board and was warm enough to make her calm and feel safe.  It was silent between them. Youngji could hear Jackson heart beats, it’s kinda fast but she wasn’t so sure if it’s normal or not for him, but she felt relaxed hearing that. After a minute or more, she didn’t remember, after enjoying the silence between them; Youngji pulled herself out from Jackson’s arms.

They were too close that they could smell each other’s scent. Youngji was still clinging to his shirt where she left her tears mark to, while Jackson was still holding on her arms as if he’s worried she would break down again and he’s not ready for her. Youngji, then, felt Jackson’s hands on her cheeks, wiping her remaining tears.

“You know you’re wearing a very good quality, don’t you?” Jackson whispered.

Youngji burst into laughter. “Yaah!!” She hit his chest, while making space between them. “You sounded weird too, don’t you know?” She added, “Saying a lot of ‘no’ and ‘sorry’.” She said between her laughter.

“I’m serious, look, you have no smudge.” Jackson leaned his face to Youngji, smiled.

Youngji stared at him but soon looked away. She didn’t want him to know how embarrassed she was at the moment. Youngji glanced at him and realized he was giving her some space. The dim light made his figure looked dazzling. His presence alone had made her nervous, now he confessed something Youngji didn’t even know what and how to reply. Youngji could feel her heart suddenly pounding.

“I accept it.” Youngji said.

“Hmm?” Jackson asked, he seemed goofing off.

“I said, I accept it.” She repeated, “Your apology.”

Jackson smiled, “Thank you.”

Five minutes passed in silence between them. They seemed busy with their own thought. It wasn’t awkward, but they just stayed there enjoying the whistle of cold wind, until Jackson broke the silence.

“Then, Youngji,” Jackson said, “since you accept my apology, now, can I expect for your answer?”

Youngji looked down, staring at her glittering shoes. She did hear him clearly but she didn’t know what to say. In her life she always believes there’s always possibility for everything, she’s certain about that. There’s always wish that is fulfilled, there’s always dream that comes true. But, for now, thinking thoroughly was the only option she had, she couldn’t let her feeling control her future, disturb her happiness, her work, or him. People said love is blind, but human being doesn’t just have a heart, they also have a brain, and brain works for wisdom and logic. It was true that she wants to experience passionate love, even when her parents hate him, she needs him and wants to go through everything with him, but she needs reason for that, strong enough to make her step away from the world and stay in his arm no matter what people say.

People might say that she thinks like an old woman; too serious, too deep. But it was her heart she wants to give, and she doesn’t want to give it to just a man. Besides, it was long time ago since she had a little crush on him.

Youngji lifted her head, facing Jackson who looked away. She was about to say something when suddenly her phone vibrated. She looked at it.  It was her manager unnie. Youngji slid her phone and accept, “Yes, Unnie?”

“Youngji-ah, where are you?”

“I’m in the rooftop garden; on 10th floor.”

“What are you doing there?”

“I…” she glanced at Jackson, “I was just looking for fresh air.”

“Who’s with you? Are you alone?”

“Errm… What is it, unnie?” she dodged.

“The show is almost over, we need to pack up and leave.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Should I come? Do you want me to come?”

“No, it’s okay, unnie. I’ll be right there.”

“Ok, I’ll wait.”

“Ok, unnie.”

Youngji hung up her phone. “Jackson, I… I need to go. My manager is looking for me. Erm…see ya later…” She said, and then got up from her seat and leave. But, it was just a couple steps until she felt Jackson held her hand.

“Wait… I want to give you something.” Jackson said.

Youngji saw him put his hand in to his pants pocket and took out a glittering necklace. It has thin chain and the pendant was a small red ruby butterfly-shaped. Youngji dropped her jaw, was dumbfounded.

“Happy birthday, I know it’s tomorrow, but I don’t know if I could see you tomorrow, because I’m going to Hongkong early in the morning, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. so…” He paused, thinking. “Well, actually it’s not really a birthday present; I bought this when the first time I knew we’re going to work together. It was two months ago. But, I just think I need to find good timing to give it to you. So, if you don’t mind, I really hope you want to accept this. Red is your favorite color, right?”

Again. Silence. Tsk! This guy! Does he really need to remember that? Youngji talked to herself.

“Well, let’s say that it is a make up present, celebrating our reunion after…”

Youngji chuckled, “So, do you want to put it on me or just talking?”

Jackson smiled. He wrapped his arms around Youngji’s neck; coming a step closer and hooked the clasp of the necklace.

“Thank you,” Youngji said, touching the pendant. “Well, see ya.”

Youngji turned around and walked to the glass door. Without even glanced back she kept forcing her feet to walk away, leaving him alone in the night cold air. It’s not because she wanted to go home quickly, she was just afraid, if she turned back, she would never be able to continue her steps.

* * *

Youngji blinked her eyes slowly. She was trying to adjust her eyes to a sudden light her eyes should bear. She woke up because her body had been shaken continuously. She was peeking from under the cover and seeing her sister sat beside her.

“Yaa! Birthday girl! WAKE UP!! It’s 10 o’clock, now!” SongYeon poked Youngji’s .

“AAh! Unnie…” Youngji groaned in annoyed.

“Happy Birthday, my beloved sister!” Song Yeon was forcing her hug to half sleepy Youngji. “Today is your birthday, remember?” she said, “Come on, take a shower and have breakfast!

Youngji looked at around her, for a second she forgot that last night she asked her manager to drop her to her parents’ house instead of her own apartment, because she wanted to spend her day off and birthday at her parents’. She stayed in her old room where everything was almost the same; her mother doesn’t really change the room that much besides cleaning the bed sheet and put some stuffs Youngji’s fans, who visited their café, gave.

“Unnie… you really don’t feel sorry for your sister, do you?!”

“No, I don’t.” Song Yeon yelled, “Get up already, Youngji-ah!”

Youngji mumbled about how sleepy she is but she got up from her bed and took a walk at the bathroom anyway.

After 30 minutes Youngji came out from her room with hair was slightly wet. She wore oversize green t-shirt and cropped shorts. She came into the kitchen and found her sister was preparing their breakfast.

“Where’s everyone?” Youngji asked to her mother.

“Eomma has gone to the shop. And Appa is going to Anyang, he has business meeting there.  Eomma goes to the shop early today because your fans’ presents will come the whole day, and she needs to tell them where to put them. Or, it will be mess at the shop.” Song Yeon said, “Happy birthday, my lovely sister.” Song Yeon put a bowl of seaweed soup that was made by their mother before, in front of her.

“Thank you, Unnie.” Youngji smiled and hugged her sister and started to dig it, and as usual that was the best seaweed she ever tasted in her life. “Emm… Eomma’ s food is always awesome.” Youngji said with happy face before shoved rice into .

“Youngji-ah… now, you’re 27, what’s your plan?” Song Yeon Asked.

“Errmm… I’d like to have a paragliding license. I think that would be great. And I’d like to go travelling around the world and try their unique food.”

“What about boyfriend?”

Youngji laughed,  “Unnie!”

“Why? I think, it’s time for you to have a boyfriend.” Song Yeon insisted, “Don’t you have one or two men you like?”

Youngji’s not answering. She was waiting her sister dropped the topic. She was shoving with omelet and rice and her second bowl of seaweed soup.

“Oh, now you’re pretending not to hear me, aren’t you?” Song Yeon flicked Youngji’s forehead.

Youngji pouted, putting her hand on her forehead to protect it from another attack. She, then, looked at her sister, a little bit hesitant. “Erhm… unnie, actually, last night Jackson…”

Hearing Youngji mentioned Jackson, Song Yeon dropped her chopstick. “Jackson? What’s with Jackson?” She was so curious that she leaned toward Youngji, sharpening her hearing.

Youngji her lips, but told her sister the whole story anyway.

Song Yeon leaned back to her chair, covering her wide-opened mouth with her hand, her eyes were staring at Youngji disbelieved, if it’s not Youngji who told the story she wouldn’t believe it. She sighed.

“Tsk, that kid is insane.” She referring to Jackson, “Then, what are you going to do now? Are you going to reject or accept him?”

Youngji shrugged her shoulders.

“Yaa~ Heo Youngji! Don’t give me ambiguous answer!”

“Unnie, I truthfully think him as a friend right now