Baekhyun stared at himself in the mirror. He brushed hard, the foamy mint of his toothpaste making his mouth tingle and burn. 

He continued to look at himself, noticing how red his eyes were. He knew he wasn’t getting much sleep. Groaning he remembered Chanyeol confronting him. It was just the beginning of the school year. This was always how Baekhyun started the school year. 

By being hypervigilant. He needed to stay ahead of the curb, so he wouldn’t fall behind near the end of the year if things went south. He learned his lesson. He could manage to stay on top of it this time around. He bent down to spit. 

He hoped that Shinae hadn’t heard Chanyeol earlier. But how could she not? She was small and Chanyeol was the loudest out of them all. He stood back up, wiped his mouth, and looked over at the tub.

The plain curtain was partially shut. He could hear her small voice softly humming as she washed. He had set a bowl up for her with warm water, a bit of soap, a small dollop of shampoo and conditioner so she could get herself cleaned up as well. 

He dreaded the thought of her having heard or asking anything pertaining to what Chanyeol mentioned about last year. It was a rough one, and he never wanted to hear another word about it. He’d rather forget it ever happened and move forward rather than backward. But his roommates were hell-bent on watching him closely and reminding him over and over about it. Junmyeon had checked on him the other day when he left early, and Chanyeol had checked on him today as well. It was sweet, but just another painful flash from the past each time.

He let the icy water rush out, His hands cupped beneath the cool stream as goosebumps crept up his bare arms. He quickly splashed it against his face a couple of times. Letting the cool water soothe his aching eyes and jolt him awake. He stood up again and grabbed a fresh rag, dabbed at his face, and then sighed. 

He wanted his friends to stop. He knew they were just worried for him, but he was able to manage and handle himself. He had been doing it for years. 

He wiped his face down once more and stared at himself in the mirror again. His eyes looked less red and his lips twitched slightly at the sight. He pulled out the top cabinet drawer and grabbed the eye drops he constantly used. He threw his head back and held one eye open and then the other as he let the soothing cool gel-like drops chase away the rest of the red. He dropped them back into the drawer and slammed it shut.

The second he did, he heard her soft voice shout out, “I’m done!”

+++

Shinae sat on Baekhyun’s comfortable duvet, her eyes traced the white and blue pattern that adorned it. She peeked up here and there to watch Baekhyun as he adjusted the string he was handling. It wasn’t a string to her; it looked more like a sturdy rope than anything else. But between his fingers, it looked small and fragile. He wrapped it around the bedpost closest to the nightstand multiple times before tying it tight and letting the other end hang down. The other end of the string also hung down the opposite side. 

She watched as he leaned in closer to the contraption he was making for her. His dark brown eyes dropped down past a point she couldn’t see, and his head disappeared for a moment. She had seen him grab a small rag earlier, before coming in with the string he was now using. He didn’t tell her what he was doing, but she realized it had everything to do with making it easier for her to get up to the nightstand. 

She stared at him once more when his head again rose above the edge of the bed. His eyes focused. She swore they looked different from earlier. But she wasn’t sure why or how. His eyes dropped once more, his hands working on something beneath her sightline. 

She looked over at his desk and saw his books already laid out for later when he would study once more. Her eyes turned back to him. His studying reminded her of herself. How she would pour over the same page repeatedly until the words felt like they had burned into her brain. Her eyes would begin to burn from staring at her notes for so long. Her back would ache and she’d find herself passed out at some point from simple exhaustion. Only ever being pulled out of her fitful slumber by the blare of her phone's alarm. 

She wondered if Chanyeol saw Baekhyun study like that and if he worried about him. Her own heart tightened a little at the thought. Chanyeol seemed so caring, but she couldn’t deny her curiosity. What had Chanyeol been referring to before? What happened last year?

“Uh, Baekhyun,” her voice called out. 

“Hm?” He murmured, not letting his gaze stray away from what he was working on. 

“What…what happened last year?” Her voice was quiet this time. Like she was scared of the impending explosion.

But Baekhyun didn’t look at her. His jaw muscles tightened, and he went back to setting up the little string thing as though she had said nothing at all. She sighed and looked back down at her hands. Of course, he wouldn’t respond. Another long, tense moment passes before Baekhyun speaks again. 

“So this is a basic pulley system I set up for you,” he says, as though she hadn’t just been asking about the problems he had last year.

“You just grab this string right here.” his slender fingers grabbed one side of the little rope and he gently tugged at it to show her, “Pull on it until it raises up or the other way to lower yourself. I know the little basket is made of a rag but it should be strong enough to support you without any issues-jut don’t lose your balance.”

He looked at Shinae, his dark eyes stoic as he reached out and set one end of the rope on the bed. Shinae’s eyes focus on it. Her feet sunk into his comforter as she made her way over, her balance shaky at best. Once her tiny fingers grasped the rope's edge, she once again becomes more aware of their size difference. She knew she had noticed it before, but the string was large enough for it to comfortably support her weight without snapping-meanwhile Baekhyun could easily snap said string in half.

She wanted to scream out loud, frustrated with how her brain couldn’t seem to stop pointing out the size difference. It’s like it was intentionally trying to sabotage this whole trusting thing they were working on. But then again, can they really trust each other when he won’t be honest with her about what happened last year? 

She sighed, getting to work and slowly but surely pulling the cloth up using the system. The rag looked a little shabby but at the same time appeared to be a simple cloth hammock, definitely something that could support her weight with ease. Her fingers tightened around the rope as she neared the edge of the bed, fully aware of Baekhyun’s large eyes watching her every movement. She felt as though she were a performer on stage, desperately trying not to stumble and make a fool of herself. She breathed in deep, set one foot down on the cloth. The soft fabric gave slightly under the weight but not enough to worry her. Her damp palms gripped the rope tightly. She inhaled and then quickly stepped across the cloth onto the nightstand. 

She felt relief wash over her. Her fingers loosened, letting the rope swing back and the cloth fall back towards the ground before stopping. She almost squealed out with delight, her feet tapped a little against the surface, trying to hide her excitement at the simple accomplishment. She could move to and from the nightstand and bed to the floor without having to rely on him. 

She felt a harsh brush of minty air ruffle her hair. Her head whipped around to catch Baekhyun staring-his pink lips quirked up slightly in a smirk. “It works.” 

She bit her lip in response, trying not to show how utterly delighted she was and just simply nodded. ”Yeah.”

Baekhyun sighed and slowly stood up, “night”. He made his way back to his desk like clockwork. His nightly routine, it seemed, was to obsess over school work into the early hours of the next day, get some sleep, then go to school and repeat the process over again. 

She could remember the way that felt. 

This constant looming fear that if she slowed down for even a second, she would fall behind and be unable to redeem herself. Her heart would constantly be pounding and stuttering from the lack of sleep and the consistent intake of caffeine. But she couldn’t afford to slow down. Her brain would feel like mush at times, so overloaded with masses of information at once that it couldn’t stand to stay whole. The fatigue would literally kill her, but her motivation kept lighting a fire under her -she could not slow down. 

She watched the way Baekhyun seemed to mimic her old habits. His foot tapped relentlessly. She could feel the faint vibrations muffled by the wood of the nightstand and the carpeted floor. His one hand supported his head as though it weighed a ton. His eyes flitted back and forth rapidly, taking in as much as they could in one millisecond. His other hand had a pencil in a death grip as it tapped against the desktop. The lead was probably near to breaking in half at the rate he was going. Shinae knew she looked intense when she was studying, but to see the mannerisms in someone else confirmed her suspicions. She did this behavior in public spaces. Baekhyun at least got to do it in privacy.

But Shinae couldn’t help the pity that seemed to swell in her chest at the sight. He looked stressed. If he was anything like her, he probably was stressed. Her eyes wandered to the little makeshift elevator and decided she’d make him keep to his promise of letting her study, too. She crept over to the string and did what she needed to do to get to the ground. The ride was surprisingly smooth, given how quickly the system had been set up. She hated to admit it, but it impressed her.  

She looked up, trying to adjust to the perspective shift. She realized that it was probably one of the harder things to get used to-when she was a normal height; she was almost always looking at everything from the same perspective. But now that she was small, being on the ground was different from being on his bed or nightstand, and it all was different from being in his hand. She would feel somewhat normal in certain spots and then utterly tiny in others…being on the floor was a great way for her to feel like an ant. She took a deep breath to steady herself and powered on ahead. She was not going to chicken out now. She couldn’t afford to lose the information her brain had been storing for years because of a stupid size change. 

The closer Shinae got to Baekhyun’s desk, the more intense the tremors became from him, tapping his foot. Shinae struggled a little to stay upright but got herself close enough to his chair that he’d hopefully be able to hear her. She raised her gaze and tried not to tremble a bit at how far back she had to crane her head to see him properly. He looked massive. She imagined standing at the base of some of the tallest buildings in Seoul and having to stand like this just to see where they hit the skyline. The thought freaked her out. He was a literal building… 

Shinae shook her body, tried to loosen the stiffness and get rid of the tension that was starting to curl its fingers around her joints and vocal chords. Then she cleared . Baekhyun didn’t hear it. He continued on with his work. Shinae closed her eyes. Her fingers dug into the palms of her slick hands and she tried again-this time she put more force behind the sound. 

This time, the response was immediate. Baekhyun’s leg stopped bouncing, his pencil stilled, and his gaze whipped downward-dark eyes landed on Shinae and narrowed slightly. Shinae could tell he didn’t like being interrupted-but too bad. She swallowed the lump that grew in and continued, “Can I help?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened instantly. “I don’t need help, I’m not dumb.” 

Shinae’s jaw dropped. “Excuse me-I did not mean it like that.” Her arms crossed her chest, hands twisted into fists as her once soft gaze hardened into a glare. “I