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Hoseok’s words hit me hard. They stuck with me for days, echoing in the back of my mind when I was too preoccupied to allow it in the forefront.

Try harder.

Did that mean I was going to have to be what I’d been precisely trying not to be- pushy? It was a daunting challenge and I wasn’t confident I could be successful. But I agreed with Hoseok. Anna needed me, and I wasn’t being cocky or self-righteous in thinking so. I’d patiently been learning every little thing about her for months, still with much left to unveil. But I knew enough to decide that it was finally time for me to step in. I couldn’t wait any longer for her to ask for my help.

I was always a very calculated man, everyone knew that. So every part of me was telling me that showing up to her dorm unplanned was a terrible idea, even though it really wasn’t. My heart was the only thing thinking realistically for once so I let it take the lead.

So, as soon as possible, I had Seulgi bring me into the girls’ dorm building with her as her guest. I wasn’t much of one as I separated from her to head off to Anna’s dorm, but that was the plan she had been happy to agree with. She also felt that if there was anyone who would really, truly provide comfort to her, it’d be me. And that meant a lot to me.

“It’s been really hard for her to turn to her real family from so far away,” she told me as we waited in the elevator. “Chun Hwa was the closest thing to family she had here. I always felt like you were never too far off.”

I made sure to thank Seulgi for the confidence booster on top of everything else. I found that I definitely needed it as I stood in front of Anna’s door, my knuckles gently tapping against it. The face that greeted me was Soo Jeon’s, looking a little thinner than usual.

“Suga-oppa,” she lightly exclaimed in surprise. I wasn’t sure if she fully knew about the current dynamic between Anna and me but if she did, she didn’t give anything away. She just smiled expectantly at me, waiting to hear what I wanted.

My first instinct was to tell her I was sorry for her loss. But saying sorry just felt so lackluster to me, even though it would've been genuine. My next idea was to ask her how she was. Another stupid idea. She’d lost her roommate right before her very eyes. There was no way she could be all that great.

“My condolences,” I eventually settled with, somewhat satisfied. If I could’ve come up with something better, I would’ve. And Soo Jeon seemed to appreciate it, anyway.

“To you, as well,” she returned, making me look at her in confusion. She smiled sadly. “She was your friend, too.”

“Yeah, I guess she was,” I agreed with a sad smile of my own. All this time, I had been worrying so much about other people that I hadn’t once paused to mourn for myself. “But, um, I was hoping I could talk to Anna.”

“Oh, uh, she’s actually not home right now. She told me this morning that she’d be working late tonight.”

I couldn’t even begin to describe my envy that she’d had the opportunity for Anna to tell her anything. “Oh, okay. That’s fine. Thanks anyway, Soo Jeon.”

“But as far as I know, she’ll be home tomorrow night!” She hurriedly added just as I was beginning to turn around, interrupting my motion. I looked back at her hopefully.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah, so you should stop by then.”

It sounded more like a plea than a suggestion. Honestly, I was truly really proud of myself for proving to all our friends that I really was  good for her.

“I think I will,” I confirmed, oozing with gratitude. “Thanks, Soo Jeon.”

“Thank you in advance,” she said knowingly, giving me a small but bright smile. It was a refreshing sight to see on her. “I’ll let you know if anything changes about tomorrow.”

Thankfully, I didn’t hear from her as night crept up the next day. I felt a strong sense of deja vu as I followed my exact actions from yesterday, though this time with Soo Jeon’s help instead of Seulgi’s. It was all the same even when she answered the door and told me again that Anna wasn’t at their dorm. But unlike the day before, that didn’t mean I was shot out of luck.

“She went up to the rooftop a little while ago,” Soo Jeon told me, giving me the same knowing look as yesterday. She then asked me to wait as she ran inside and grabbed the fleece blanket from their couch. I looked at her peculiarly.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m being the best wing-woman ever,” she stated proudly as she shoved the messy bundle into my hands. I raised an eyebrow in question to which she pursed her lips. “You’re a smart man, figure it out.”

I may have been romantically dense on occassion but I wasn’t dense enough to be clueless to what she was setting up. She guiltlessly shrugged before shooing me off. She didn’t have to do or say anything else. In the blink of an eye, I was already climbing the stairs up to the rooftop, mentally mapping out what I was going to say and do for Anna.

Anything I came up with evaporated at the sight of her, her back to me as she leaned against the little wall surrounding the perimeter of the rooftop. Her gaze was transfixed ahead of her, though I had a feeling she wasn’t actually looking at anything in particular. The noises of the street below were faint from such a height, offering enough silence for her to lose herself in her mind’s inner workings.

Taking slow and steady steps, I approached her so quietly that she didn’t even notice. It was only when I carefully laid the blanket over her shoulders that she was made aware, her body jumping in surprise. Deciding to take the whole thing in baby steps, I stepped back to give her some space.

I didn’t know who she was expecting to see when she looked over her shoulder but it seemed it wasn’t me.

“Yoongi,” she voiced with widened eyes, instinctively turning her whole body to face me.

“It didn’t look like that jacket was warm enough,” I explained casually, hoping I was actually coming off that way. “Aren’t you cold?”

“Oh, uh,” she stuttered, blinking a few times. “A little, I guess.”

I hummed before walking over to the ledge myself, resting my forearms down on it and leaning forward. I avoided the eyes glued to me. “You should’ve dressed warmer if you knew you were gonna be up here for a while. You’re lucky I came with a blanket.”

“Yeah,” she muttered almost voicelessly, still looking at me like I was a ghost.

“But you know, it would’ve been nicer to have gotten an invitation up here rather than having to go searching for you,” I finally got to the point, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.  

I was surprised to see that she hadn’t looked away following the abrupt nature of which I had called her out. Instead, she bravely took it head on, allowing it to fill her with a new kind of pain.

“I’m sorry, Yoongi.”

“Hm?” She spoke so softly I wasn’t sure I had heard her right.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated with more attempted strength, only for her voice to crack. It was enough to make me give in quicker than I’d anticipated.

With a sigh, I turned to her with open arms. “Come here.”

She looked at me with apprehension but I could see the tears welling in her eyes. It only continued to soften me. “What?”

“Come here,” I reiterated, though I didn’t give her the chance to do so as I reached out for her on my own.

The next thing either of us knew, she was buried in my arms, wailing at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t even begin to describe how broken she sounded. Her body shook like it was struggling to carry the weight of everything she was holding on her shoulders. I was sure it was.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated under her sobs, clutching onto me as if to prove she regretted pushing me away. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, I was only messing around. I’m here for you now, that’s all that matters.”

She heaved a few times, desperately trying to find her footing as she found solace in my words. It obviously wasn’t nearly enough to mend her broken heart but it was enough to simmer down the intensity of her sudden breakdown. It took a few long and painful minutes but eventually, her sobs settled down into soft cries and then into occasional sniffles. She adjusted her head to rest it against my shoulder, shaking it in despair.

“I don’t know what to do, Yoongi. It hurts so bad,” she whimpered softly, making the ache in my own heart intensify.

“I know, baby, I know,” I cooed sadly, running a soothing hand down her spine. “I’m so sorry this happened.”

My words brought tears back to her eyes, feeling them as they soaked through my sweatshirt. But they were different tears than before. Those were tears of heartbreak while these felt like tears of defeat. Like if she had been fighting a battle with the cruel universe at work, the universe had won. But in a way very like herself, she tried to uphold her strength.

“Don’t push yourself harder than the world is. If you want to keep crying, then cry,” I urged sympathetically.

“I’m so tired of crying,” she admitted in true wariness. “It’s all I’ve been able to do lately.”

“But you haven’t done it with me, yet,” I told her, my thumb rubbing softly against the skin on her neck. “You have me now. I’ll sit here with you, I’ll hold you, hell, I’ll even cry with you. But I’m here for you.”

That was it. That was all she needed to hear for her to reopen the dam. Although her cries weren’t nearly as aggressive as before, they were still a total release of her emotions. And as promised, I held onto her as tightly and securely as I could. Because finally, I was there for her. 

“She can’t be gone, Yoongi,” she cried, struggling to even get the words to come across clearly. “I can’t do any of this without her.”

On a normal day, I would’ve argued against that. We both knew she could do anything she put her mind to without relying on anyone else. But this wasn’t supposed to be rational, this was supposed to be a chance to get everything out. I had a feeling she hadn’t cried quite like this, in the comfort of someone’s arms, and that she needed it. I rubbed her back, her hair, her arms- anything that could possibly soothe her. I promised myself that I’d be her rock as much and for as long as she needed and that was certainly the case on that rooftop. And we stayed up there for a long time- even painstakingly long if I hadn’t been more than happy to be everything she needed me to be in that moment.

Time wasn’t a factor to worry about but eventually, weather was. The night's cool gusts of wind brought in a storm, its first few drops of rain serving as an appreciated warning for what was to come. I was quick to heed it.

“Come on, let me take you back to your dorm,” I began, placing my hands on her shoulders to prepare to lead her away. She retaliated by clutching onto me harder and hiding herself deeper into my body.

“No, I don’t want to go back!” She protested desperately, her hold on me rendering me motionless. “I… it’s horrible being there.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, not quite understanding what she was talking about. She had two older sisters sharing a room right next to hers, always happy and willing to take care of her. That was when I remembered who used to share a bedroom with her. And I couldn’t believe I hadn’t once thought about it. That in her own bedroom, Anna was only further reminded of what had happened. Of the fact that she had just lost her best friend.

“You can stay with me, then,” I told her without any hesitance, coming up with a solution on the spot. “Do you have anything to do in the morning?”

She sniffled. “No…”

“Alright, so you’ll stay with me tonight, then. Is that better?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded. I took her into the warmth of my side and led her off the roof, out of her building and into my own. The lobby guard’s sympathetic eyes followed our huddled bodies, just as aware of the incident as the rest of Korea, if not more.

Bringing her back to my place really ended up being the best thing for her. As we were stepping inside, Hoseok was stepping out of his room to grab a snack from the kitchen. It seemed like time stood still as the two stared at each other in surprise, for I wasn’t the only one Anna had pushed away. Then, he frowned and rushed right over to us, stealing Anna out of my arms to wrap her in a suffocating embrace of his own. For the first time, I was more than willing to allow him to do so.

“Oh, dear,” he cooed sadly as he hurriedly rubbed her back, hoping to calm the cries that returned to her. Hoseok didn’t always know what to do when someone was so emotionally distraught but I appreciated how much he was trying to help. I knew him just being himself would add a little brightness to Anna’s mood. “Don’t cry, you know I prefer you when you’re smiling.”

He craned his neck to get a better look at Anna’s face, wiping away at whatever tears he could see as he continued. “Save the crying for Yoongi, he’s all deep and angsty like that.”

“Angsty,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. But my ears perked up at the sound of her small laughter. Well, it was half-laughter, half-crying, but it was a start.

All of the commotion lured Jimin out of his room, who squinted at us after sitting in his dark room for so long. Once he realized what was going on, he ran a hand through his wet, recently showered hair and approached us carefully. He glanced at me, as if to be given the go, so I gave him a small nod in encouragement.

He then went right over to his two friends, who were still latched onto each other, and placed a warm hand on Anna’s back. Despite his age, he was a gentle spirit who was always good with these kinds of things. Glancing over at Jimin's touch to see it was him, Anna stepped away from Hoseok and gave him his own little hug, refusing to leave anyone unaccounted for. And she had two very good options in this case- you couldn’t find two more loving guys amongst our friends.

Anna wiped at her eyes as she pulled away, grateful she didn’t have makeup to worry about smudging. She looked between the three of us, giving us forced but still appreciative smiles.

“I’ve missed you guys,” she sighed, taking my hand and pulling herself closely to my side.

“We’ve missed you, too. But we’ve been worried sick about you,” Jimin admitted honestly.

“Seriously, don’t go disappearing on us like that again! We wanted to be there for you,” Hoseok added sadly, making Anna’s heart tighten.

“In reality, we would’ve been there with you,” Jimin corrected with his own bout of sadness. “We’ve all been really down, too. She was family to all of us.”

I could tell that the mentioning of Chun Hwa and the newfound guilt from her avoidance of her friends was starting to heavily bear down on her. I squeezed her hand, reminding her that although we wanted her tears to stop, I was there for her to turn to if needed be. I was still a new crutch for her to have.

“I know. And I’m really sorry,” she apologized with her whole heart. It had to have been the millionth time she uttered those words when in reality, she didn't need to at all. “I just didn’t want to burden you guys. I was… I was a mess.”

“We’re your best friends, that’s part of the job!” Hoseok pointed out incredulously, giving Anna a small shove. “And we would’ve been happy to be there for you through it all.”

I should’ve known she wouldn’t be able to hold back tears. It was naive of me to think otherwise, really. But in both my and Anna’s defense, they were the most controlled of all. They simply welled up at the bottoms of her eyes, a result of how incredibly touched she was.

“Thank you, guys,” she said softly, looking at us in admiration. The other two boys nodded, nonverbally assuring her it was no problem.

She then sighed and turned her attention towards me, looking a little more relaxed. It honestly wasn’t by much but it was something. “I know it’s late but can we watch a movie or something? You can sleep through the whole thing if you want, I just need to relax a little.”

I smiled and squeezed her hand. “Sure.”

“Only if you count us in, though,” Hobi pipped in, pointing to himself and Jimin and making Anna smile. It was clear as day to me just how much she missed them. 

“Of course.”

Within seconds, she and the guys had thrown themselves onto the couch, leaving it up to me to pick out something good.

“No comedy, though,” Anna set one standard, narrowing our options. “I rarely think they’re very funny.”

Part of me felt like we could’ve used the comic relief but I let it go. She was somewhat right, anyway.

I really didn’t have a good movie to offer so Jimin ended up picking something he’d watched with Taehyung, promising that it was really good. I was never able to decide that for myself as I ended up passing out 10 minutes into the movie, just as Anna expected. Beginnings were always boring, anyway. And with the warmth of Anna’s body cuddled up against my side, a feeling I’d so come to miss, it was easy for me to fall into a satisfied slumber.