Filming the variety show was exhausting. From the moment you stepped out of your house till the moment the doors to your house finally closed behind you, you were constantly facing cameras. You were forced into blouses with too many frills and flower prints for your liking, skirts with so many layers that made walking difficult for you. They were a far cry from the dress pants you wore to work and single coloured blouses that you had grown so used to. But the huge change in your physical appearance did not bother you as much as your emotions did.

In front of the cameras you were a caring and loving wife whom adored your funny husband very much, giving him pecks and little other small displays of affection like hooking arms or feeding him was absolutely normal. Away from the cameras, that façade fell away and you were back to being the old Lydia Kim, a rational person whom never let your emotions get the better of you. As a normal human being, you knew you were capable of feeling emotions but you’ve always prided yourself on never acting on them, your brain always much stronger than your heart. You were always sure; doing things your own way and playing by your own rules.

But now, you were playing by someone else’s rules and in doing so, you had allowed yourself to be reduced into someone whose life revolved around her “husband”, whose future is supposed to be a “happily ever after”. You now had 2 different personalities and it was tiring for you to constantly switch between the two. You were also fighting an internal war with yourself: a part of you wanted you to break free from this toxic marriage, another part told you that you have to stay.

Ultimately, you felt disgusted at yourself for being so fake and for being at the mercy of others.

Moving away from the thoughts of yourself, you found yourself thinking of Johnny and his ability to push all your wrong buttons. Johnny seems to make it his life mission to drive you up the wall and even though you would never openly admit it to him, he was doing a great job at it. No matter how mad you were in the past, you never actually acted on your emotions but with Johnny, you have an extremely strong urge to lash out at him whenever he does something. Yesterday was the first time you showed the first signs of lashing out at him; and you considered that a failure for you, a stain on your perfect record.

-

You’ve done so many photoshoots for your wedding you’ve lost track of them all. You remembered planning them all out with your wedding planner at the very beginning but now, you couldn’t remember what theme it was supposed to be today nor how long the photoshoot was supposed to take. From a rack of dresses, your stylist took out a black cheongsam, the traditional dress worn by Chinese females. The dress had a halter neck, leaving your shoulders bare, The back of the dress started from the middle of your back, leaving your upper back bare. The black dress had red prints of the Chinese cherry blossoms all over it and a pair of red heels was worn to complete your look. Your dark brown hair fell down the sides of your face in soft curls; you were given dark makeup but your lips were tinted bright red, a sharp contrast to your fair