4am:

You've been trying to fall asleep for the past few hours but it was simply evading you. You tried everything; popping sleeping pills, reading till your eyes burnt, listening to classical music and taking medication but nothing was working. You were desperate to stop the demons in your head and the silence of the night was slowly driving you insane. It ate away at your mind; the void filled by images you've been trying so hard to forget and the cold night just another physical reminder of the lonely nights you hate to spend for the rest of your life without your parents by your side. It all started with the folder his mother gave. That evening, you bored images of lacking statistics into your mind and gradually, your thoughts travelled to your dead parents, whom you felt you had greatly disappointed by making a mess of the legacy they left behind. Afterwards, the negativity came flooding you in waves and you can’t seem to stop them. This feeling was all too familiar but you wanted it to stop. Yet it persisted like an itch under your skin, making you curl in horror and disgust.

Seeking medication once again, you dragged your listless body out of the empty bed and shuffled down to your kitchen in the dark, your legs weighing heavily, as though it would take all your energy to simply lift them up from the floor. Opening the drawer that you were so familiar with, you popped 1 sleeping pill onto your palm before deciding that it wasn't enough.

2 wouldn't hurt.

Popping another, you poured yourself a glass of water before placing the 2 pills at your lips, ready to swallow,

Yet the cold feeling of 2 tablets were replaced by soft and warm fingers that took your escape from you.

“You've already had 8 pills within the night Lydia, anymore and you'll overdose.”

Under the dim moonlight filtering through the huge glass panels, you could make out Johnny's face right in front of yours as he stared at you with concerned eyes. You were too exhausted to argue with him, so you said,

“I can't sleep.”

You hoped that he can hear the weariness in your voice, understand that you needed those pills very badly so that he'll give them back to you. Truth was, you didn't even realise that you've already had 8 pills but you didn't care if you overdosed, you were willing to do anything to just be able to sleep. And it didn't matter to you if you were to sleep forever. Thoughts of suicide still travelled back into your mind occasionally and tonight were one of those nights.

His soft voice travelled through the space between the 2 of you as he held onto your hand lightly.

“Come here.”

You didn't protest, and followed him up the stairs to his room. Lying down on the bed with his head against the headboard, he pulled you down gently so that you were lying against him and his next words came.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

You only knew 1 position to take from the movies you've watched so you nestled yourself between his left arm and body before placing your head against his chest where his heart was and your left hand against his stomach.

He whispered into your hair and the words travelled out like a lullaby.

 “Now ju