I sit calmly -

Back straight,
Head resting on the foam wall,
Eyes fixed straight ahead,

Waiting for the door on the outside to open
And for the men to come in and take me.

 

And, for the first time in my life,
I am certain of my state of mind
And certain of my destiny.


 

As I sit here,

Grinning from ear to ear,

Breathing rhythmically and evenly,

Eyes sparkling with the hope of a new day,

I reflect upon the words of Kibum

And let them absorb into my skin one by one.



I understand you.
You are not a monster.


I forgive you.
You are not a monster.


I'll be waiting for you.
You are not a monster.



Angel in disguise.



As I sit here in deep reflection,

Basking so joyously in his memory
And in the knowledge of my future salvation,

A thought crosses my mind -

And the thought is so powerful and of such great magnitude
That it rings through my head for what seems like hours:


Angel in disguise.
Angel in disguise?


You are Kibum's angel in disguise.


But...how...?


I suppose that you have delivered him from his sufferings,

And I suppose that this fact is of some worth in the matters of the afterlife -

But...Jonghyun,

What more did you do for him?


You didn't secure him a position in heaven.

You're only human; you cannot interfere in the affairs of the almighty.


You didn't mourn his loss after your notorious murder -

Not even once.


Worse of all, you didn't even feel sorrow for your actions.

On the contrary, Jonghyun, you blamed Kibum for everything.


How could you be so selfish as to blame Kibum, the victim, for your own wrongdoing?


How could you be an angel for him?


If anything, Kibum has been an angel for you.


Had it not been for Kibum, you would have never known the true nature of insanity.

Had it not been for Kibum, you would have never known the true nature of humanity.

Had it not been for Kibum, you would have never known the true nature of love -
Of true, sacrificial love,

The richest and purest form of love that exists.


Because of Kibum,
You will be spared from the evils of the world -

From the judgmental stares of strangers and from the malicious whispers of the ignorant and of the narcissistic.


Because of Kibum,
You have come to learn that your mother has loved you all of these years
And you have finally come to terms with the insecurities of your own heart.


Because of Kibum,
You have come to understand what it truly means to love and have loved.


You have come to understand of what pure love is truly made:


It is made of heartache,
Made of tears,
Made of kisses and caresses
And beating hearts that cannot be stifled.


It is made of anger,
It is made of pain,
It is made of rebellion,
And it is made of paranoia.


And, most importantly of all,
You have come to know in loving Kim Kibum
That sanity is of lesser importance
Than the affairs of the heart.


And now, Jonghyun, that you have stopped thinking with your mind and have begun to think with your heart,

You can truly live a life of fulfillment and purpose in the hereafter.


And that is all you could have ever asked for.



And so it seems
That it is not you, Jonghyun, who is an angel in this situation -
Oh no, it certainly is not you!


It is him:

It is Kim Kibum,
Who has grown wings and soared high above the clouds
And has taught you lessons of life that you could not have hoped to learn otherwise.


In this way,
Kibum truly has become an angel.


Kibum is truly
An angel in disguise.


And now that you no longer fear parting from the earth
And facing a life of eternal emptiness and eternal darkness,
You can welcome death freely.


You can welcome death as a brother
And as a friend.


For it is in dying
That you will come to be freed of the chains of society
And come to experience true love once more.


It is in dying

That you will finally become

Free.



And just as I finish thinking these final thoughts,
The foam wall opens from the outside
And two men that I do not recognize walk into the room.


"It's time, Jonghyun," one of the men says as he walks closer to me,

"It's time to die."


And I just smile at the man while
Willingly lifting my body up off of the soft ground
And meeting him halfway so as not to burden him.


The man wears an expression of deep confusion
But does not reject my act of surrender.


And as the two men grab onto my shoulders
And briskly lead me out of the foam room in which I have become so accustomed to living,
Tears begin to roll down my cheeks -


Tears of pure joy

And tears of pure gratitude.



I am escorted past crowds of people that have gathered to witness my execution,
All screaming in unison the same harsh words:


"Good riddance, murder!"

"Die, you heartless animal! Die!"

"May God have mercy on your soul!"


And as I walk past them,

I absorb their cruel words with the best of intentions

And breathe each one of them back out

In peaceful meditation.


And it is when I am finally standing face to face with the electric chair

That I close my eyes

And enjoy my final moments of life.



I listen to the shouts of the anxious crowd,

I feel the hands of the men tightening around me,

I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks,

I feel my heart pounding excitedly in my chest,

I feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins,

And I feel a strong gust of cold wind blow around my neck.


And as the wind whips against my neck,

I can hear his voice calling out to me,

Saying ever so kindly and ever so honestly:


Now is your moment, Jonghyun.
Stay strong
And remember your destiny.


And I adhere to the words of the wind

As the straight jacket is finally removed from my body,

A blindfold is placed over my eyes,

And I am hastily secured into the electric chair. 



And as the head of the police department says a few final words to the crowd of spectators,

I allow my mind to wander for the very last time.



This is it, Jonghyun.
This is the moment you have been waiting for.


After this moment,
You will be freed from the evils of society.


After this moment,
You will be freed from the clutches of fate and the pressures of destiny.


After this moment,
You will finally be accepted and finally be loved
By the only person in this world who ever meant anything to you.



This is your moment of redemption, Jonghyun.


This is your moment of glory.


You will finally be left alone
And you will finally be loved.



Yes, Jonghyun,
You will finally be loved.



And with this thought,

I relinquish the hold of reality,

Abandon all traces of sanity,

Offer up my soul to the Lord above,

And patiently await the moment that the electricity will course through my veins

So that I can finally stand face to face

With the person that I love the most.





- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


When I open my eyes once again,
I am surrounded by white light,
Hands freed and hanging limply at my sides,
Heart beating slowly and calmly for the first time in my life.


As I appreciate the feeling of warmth soaking into my skin,
I hear a voice calling out to me from far beyond the clouds.


As I put my hand before my face
So as to block out some of the blinding sunlight,
I see him approaching -



I see Kibum
For the first time in ages.



As he beings to run to catch up to me,
I take in the beautiful sight that lays before me,
And I capture it deep within my memory 
To remain there
For all time.



When he reaches my side,

He pulls me into a warm embrace

And just holds me in perfect silence

As tears begin to fall from his cheeks.



And it is in this moment

That Kibum finally leans close to me

And softly kisses my lips.


And our lips stay connected

For what seems like decades.



It is only after our lips part

And his eyes look straight into mine out of love and longing

That he lets out an innocent and cheerful laugh

And says in his most sacred and sincere voice:



"Welcome home, Jonghyun."



And it is here,

Standing in his arms -

Eyes locked on each other's,

Bodies touching,

And hearts beating as one,



That I finally feel alive

And I finally feel at home.

 

______________________________________________________________________

Well, that's it!
That was officially the end of the story.(:

OH MY GOODNESS! I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN AN ENDING BEFORE! :O
I really hope it wasn't bad. ):
I tried to make it what I had hoped for, but I don't really think I succeeded. Oh well. No regrets now! :]

I just have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who read this story and commented!
It's because of your love and support that I was able to finish! <3
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY FINISHED A STORY!
I really hope that I can write more stories for you guys and, you know, FINISH THEM! xD

A lot of you have asked me to write another JongKey story, and I'm just here to tell you that I just started one! :D
It's another nontraditional JongKey story, but this time, IT'S INTENSE.
If you thought this story was intense, you haven't seen anything yet.

This JongKey story will feature drug use, scenes of violence, foul language, and scenes of ual relations. It's going to be full of angst and full of subtle statements about society.

If you'd like to read the forward and first chapter, here's the link:
 

The ader - An Unconventional JongKey Story

I'll also be working on my other two stories that I have going on.
The first is a 2Min fic called In Fear and Faith.
The second is a nontraditional romance story called Untouchable featuring various artists (only Minho from SHINee).

Once again, thank you all for reading this story until the very end and I cannot wait to write more for all of you incredible people! :3

Love,
~ Jen ♥