1:30 a.m.

I am alone in the apartment,
Waiting anxiously for his return.


I am sitting alone in his room,
Just as I had planned to do earlier.


My eyes are focused on the door of the room,
And my ears are wide open and ready
To listen for the sound of the front door opening.


'Any second now,' I think to myself,

'Any second now he will walk through that door,
And you will finally have your revenge.'



It is now 1:31.


The apartment is deathly silent.


I do not dare to move from my position;
My plan did not call for me to move from my position.


I must sit here quietly and wait until I hear the sound of the front door opening.

Then and only then can I be certain that I will have my revenge.


1:32.

1:33.

1:34.

1:35.


The time passes slowly and painfully,
And I remain seated stiffly on the chair in his room.


I close my eyes for a brief moment to clear my mind when, suddenly, I hear it:
The long awaited sound of the front door opening.


'This is it!' I scream in my mind, 'The hour of revenge is upon you!
You can now set everything right!'



I hear the noises Kibum makes clearly:

Now he hangs his coat on the coat hanger;
Oh, and he has just removed his shoes and is yawning because he is tired of a hard day at "school."

He's going into the kitchen, our once sacred sanctuary;
He pours a glass of water.

Oh wait! He's put the glass down on the counter top...

And now he's making his way to the room.


As the weight of time covers me in a wave of anticipation,
I calmly lean back against the chair;
Fix my eyes on the handle of the bedroom door;
And let an expression of perfect contentment make its way onto my face.


'Finally,' I think as I see the handle of the door move a touch to the right,
'It's time for my revenge.'




Kibum steps into the room.


At first he does not notice me sitting in the chair;
He just enters his room sullenly and silently like he does every night.


He removes his t-shirt and throws it in the corner of the room,
And as I stare at his absorbing the moonlight.
I think to myself:

'Perfect. He is now at his most vulnerable. Revenge is inevitable.'



It is only after he turns his body around and removes his belt from his pants
That he notices a shadow sitting serenely in the seat.


"Oh my God!" Kibum shouts in shock.


"Kibum, relax. It's just me..." I reply sweetly, playing my role of the easily manipulated and controlled puppet to perfection.


"Oh, Jonghyun. You...you scared me..."


"I'm sorry about that, Kibum. I didn't mean to..."



I lift my body from the chair
And to walk over to Kibum's side.


I look longingly into his lethargic brown eyes,
Knowing with utter satisfaction that he is fooled by my act.


I carefully place my hand on the side of his cheek
And force a concerned expression onto my countenance
As part of my masterful performance.


"Kibum," I begin with a distressed tone, "You're burning up..."


"What? I am? Oh, I..."


"You need to rest. You're making yourself sick."

I gently move my hand from his cheek to his neck
And lightly begin to rub small circles around the silky smooth skin.

After I feel that Kibum believes that my feelings of care and concern are genuine,
I say in an unshaken voice:
 
"Please, Kibum, just rest.
Rest is what you really need right now."



And so begins my master plan.


I place my hands on either side of Kibum's shoulders
And slowly lead him over to his bed,
His bed that is lying there
In aspiration of blood.


And Kibum, being the unperceptive fool he is,
Did not even notice that his bed had been tainted, soiled,
Much like the orphanage had been so many years ago,
And much like my mind had become after being exposed to the demonic distress brought about by the overbearing power of lust.



Once he reaches his bed,
Kibum lies his body down without a second thought.


It has become natural to him,
All part of his daily routine.

Shame he doesn't know that this night will fall out of the conventional comfort-scheme he has come to know,
For this night is not all about Kim Kibum;
It's about Kim Jonghyun
And his thirst for revenge.



"Kibum," I begin with a tinge of sorrow in my voice,
"I...I really need to talk to you for a minute..."

After I speak these words,
I sit my own body down on top of the bed in which he is laying.


We both become tainted,
Caught in the clutches of the accursed,
Mere play-toys of fate and destiny.

Except, in my case,
I already know what is to come at the hands of the devil and the misconception of fate.


So who is playing whom for a fool now?



"Listen, Kibum...
I feel like...like I'm losing you.

I know that your studies are demanding,
And I know that ever since the incident with Minho, you've been more desperate than ever to conform to your mother's expectations...
But, even so, I can't help but...
But feel like...
I don't mean anything to you anymore."


"Jonghyun, don't say that. It's not like that..."


"Then what is it like, Kibum? Tell me honestly.
Do you not love me anymore?
Do you only see me as a pity project and keep me around for the sake of keeping your conscience clean?
Or, worse,
Do you just not care about me at all?"


"No, Jonghyun, no. You know you mean the world to me..."



"Oh, cut the crap, Kibum!" I scream suddenly, savagely.



His words have just hit me...

And my perfectly planned act falls apart all at once...

And I...
I can't keep track of my thoughts anymore...



"J...Jonghyun? Are you...are you angry...?
Are you angry...with me?"



What was my plan again?
Oh, God!
I've forgotten my plan!


All of my hard work...
Forgotten.


Useless! You're useless!


And now Kibum is going to...

Going to torture...going to destroy...



And suddenly, an unbearable pressure builds up inside my head
That causes my heart to beat erratically.


I let out a shrill shriek and grab my chest in pain.


Kibum s his body up off the sheets
And starts hyperventilating at the sight of my panic attack.


"Oh my God! Jonghyun! Are...are you okay?"


No.
No, I can't lose.
I can't...
He can't...
I must...


As I breathe heavily, fighting to keep myself alive,
Struggling against the spiteful clutches of fate in the presence of her most despised traitor,
I avert my gaze from the sheets directly into the eyes of Kibum.

I put all of my hatred for him into that one stare,
And, I swear, in that moment, my gaze is sharper than even the blade of the knife, 
Waiting impatiently, bloodthirstily, just beneath his pillow.



"Jonghyun? Why are you...why are you looking at me like that?"



Think clearly, Jonghyun!
Fight the pain and gather your thoughts!
If you don't...
He wins.


And...he can't...he can't win!
You must...


I...I hate him! I hate him...
And...and...


I...I'm going to kill him...

I'm going to kill him!


But...but he says...that...he loves you...


No, you idiot! He's trying to get inside of your head!
He knows about your plan!

He knows...


He's working with the devil!
The devil is on his side, Jonghyun, not yours!

And Kibum is going to kill you, Jonghyun...
He's going to kill you because he knows about your plan!

He knows...


You have to kill him before he kills you!
He'll kill you...

He won't hesitate to kill you...
Because he doesn't love you anymore...
And he's working the devil.



"Jonghyun! You're...you're really scaring me..."


"Oh, am I? Am I now?" I whisper manically as I clutch my heart even tighter.



What are you waiting for?
Kill him!

He's too stunned to do anything...
He can't run away...
Just get the knife!
Kill him!



"Please, Jonghyun...just...stop this..."


"I'll stop this...I'll stop this now!"



After I viciously shout these words,
I lunge at Kibum.


I take his trembling shoulders in my hands
And pin them down on the sheets.


I sit my body on top of his stomach,
Watching in pure ecstasy as his body wriggles and writhes below mine.



Oh, yes! Yes!
I have never in my life
Seen a sight as beautiful as this one.



"J...Jonghyun, seriously! Stop this!
I...I'm scared...!"



The sight of his useless, weak body
Shaking just below mine out of genuine fear and disbelief
Is so pleasurable to me.


Oh, yes! It's like a drug...
It's so good...

I need more...


As tears begin to fall from Kibum's eyes
And his hyperventilating becomes heavier and more intense,
I move my hands on top of his chest and begin rubbing it hungrily,
Searching for the perfect place to penetrate.



Oh, the feeling of his cold, bare chest -
Drenched in sweat,
Rising and falling rapidly due to his shaky respiration -
Is intoxicating to me in ways I never thought to be possible...


The pleasure of his increasing mental instability matching with my own...
The strong smell of his cold cowardice...
It all builds up in me,
Creating within me a I have never experience before in my life.


Caught up in the trepidation,
I allow loud, breathy moans to escape my lips.



"Jonghyun! Oh my God, Jonghyun!
Pl...please...don't...
Don't do that!
Please...
Please!"



Kibum is now crying uncontrollably.

Oh, God,
He looks his best when he is dominated by dread and dismay!

Oh, how irresistible he is to me,
Especially now!
Now of all times,
He is so desirable.


Caught up in this sick, deadly lust,
I savagely grab hold of my shirt,
And in one swift, concise movement,
Tear it completely off of my body.


Kibum begins to sob harder,
And his body...to convulse more frequently...
And his breath to fall more and more short...



"No! Jonghyun, please...
No! No, no no..."



I can't...control myself anymore...
I can't hold back...

I need him...

I want him...



I roughly grab both of his cheeks in my hands
And crash my lips against his with one quick of my upper body.


I kiss him with frenetic passion,
Shoving my tongue into his mouth
And savoring every single sob that forces itself to escape his occupied lips.


Every time he gasps for air,
I intensify our kiss,
Until soon I hear him choking not on his saliva, but on my own...


And the feeling of dominating the advocate of the devil is just...indescribable.




But somehow, Kibum fosters up enough strength
To lift his arms for a brief moment
And to vehemently grab my neck.


He tries to strangle me.




I knew it!
I knew he wanted to kill me!

He's the son of the devil...
He's trying to kill you...


Stop wasting time, Jonghyun!
He'll kill you if you don't kill him first!




I slap his cheek hard,
And his head is whipped in the opposite direction by the force of the blow.


He grabs his cheek, yelping in pain,
And sobs even harder than before.



"How was it, Kibum?" I ask mockingly, forcefully removing his hands from his face and pinning them above his head on the mattress.

"Was it better than what she gave you? Huh?

Was it better than what you got from Shin Se Kyung?"



After I say her name,
Kibum's eyes widen
And his mouth falls wide open.

The sight of his wide-open mouth
Brings back the flood of hatred and lust I had momentarily stifled...

And I lunge at him once again,
Smashing my lips onto his,
the breath and the life out of him little by little.



"How..." he manages to mutter in the middle of my domination, "How...did...you...know...?"


After the broken series of words registers in my mind,
I abruptly stop the kiss.


I stop the kiss
And smack him hard on the other cheek.


Once again he cries out in pain,
And a river of tears flows from his eyes.



"You don't love me anymore, Kibum!" I shout, crazed.

"You thought you could love somebody else and not love me anymore...!
You thought you could pretend to love me...!

You actually thought...
You could get away with it...!"



After accusing Kibum,
I can no longer fight the devil's demands clouding every inch of sanity I have left:


KILL HIM.
DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!
KILL HIM!
KILL HIM NOW!


I adhere to the unhallowed commands of my master.



I reach over to the other side of the bed;
Slide my hand underneath the perfectly intact pillow;
And pull the previously slumbering knife out from underneath it.


As soon as Kibum sees the glorious utensil radiate unmatched power in my hands,
He lets out a cry so desperate, so forlorn,
That even I feel a tiny shred of guilt for putting him through such gratifying torture.



"Jonghyun! You...what...?
Please...don't...!"


"How do you like me now, Kibum?" I ask sadistically.

"Do you love me now?

Now that I'm in control of your life,
Do you have feelings for me?"



 Kibum's shaking is so intense...
And his sobs so loud...
That I clearly know the answer to my own rhetorical question.



"Oh, Kibum.
Poor, poor Kibum.
I love seeing you like this.
I've never liked you more than I do now..."


And, much to my surprise,
Kibum actually finds the strength within himself
To spit in my face,
Glare spitefully into my eyes,
And shout at the top of his lungs:


"ing sadist! Leave me alone!"



In response to his insolence,
I take the knife
And slide it shakily across his chest,
Creating a large gash that gushes blood within a matter of seconds.


Kibum lets out more cries of pain and severe distress,
And I just absorb the sweetness of each one.



"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I...I didn't mean it...!" he pleads helplessly.


Oh, he is so precious,
Trying to change my mind like this.

How ignorant he is!
How stupid!

He should know by now that nothing he says or does will change my mind -
Absolutely nothing.



"I've been waiting a long time for this, Kibum.

I've been waiting here a long time for you.

And now, my waiting has finally paid off.

I can finally finish the deed
Once and for all."


I lift the blade high above my head,
And poise myself perfectly for penetration.


"Jonghyun, wait! Please...!"




Since I love seeing Kibum in so much pain,
I let him have his wish.


I slowly lower the blade,
And as I do so,
I can hear him breathe a sigh of relief.



I smack him hard across the face again.

How dare he command me to lighten my sentence!

How dare he actually have the nerve to breathe in relief at my kindness!


Just to show him who is in charge,
I the edge of the blade.


I want my saliva to enter into Kibum's body
So that, even in death, he'll always remember the day he was dominated,
The day he was destroyed by the very boy he thought he could deceive,
Thought he could manipulate.


In seeing me the blade,
Kibum understands that his fate is sealed.

And that thought scares him more than the thought that he will be facing a strange and unnatural death
By the man who once repeatedly said 'I love you' to him day in and day out.




"I'm going to kill you now, Kibum.
I'm going to kill you now, and you can't stop me from killing you!"


"Jonghyun, wait...please!"


"I have been wating, Kibum. I've been waiting for a long time..."


"No...please...no!"


"Why not? You don't love me anymore..."


"No, Jonghyun, no!
I love you!
I...I've always loved you!
Please believe me! I love you...!"


"No you don't, you liar!
Even in the face of death all you can do is deceive..."


"You have it all wrong, Jonghyun!
Please believe me! I really love you!"




He really...loves you?

He...does?



No, Jonghyun! No!
He's lying to you!
He's trying to save himself!


Don't you see?
He's just going to run away from you if you let him go...


He's just going to...going to...try to...
Kill you!


He'll get revenge!

He'll break your heart again
And then he'll take your life!


He doesn't really love you!
He just wants to save himself!



Do it now!

Kill him now!

It's time!



I swiftly lift the knife above my head again,
Stare violently at my powerless victim,
And watch the last of his tears stream down his reddened cheeks.

I am ready to finally have my revenge.



"Jonghyun, put it down! Put it down, Jonghyun!"


"Goodbye, Kibum."


"No, Jonghyun! Put it down...
Put it down,
PLEASE!
JONGHYUN, PUT IT DOWN!
PUT IT ING DOWN, PLEASE!"

 

And,
In parting
And in redemption,
I heartlessly shout:


"I love you, Kibum! I ing love you to death!"


 

And,
In one swift motion,
I stick the knife into his chest.


It penetrates the skin easily.


His eyes become large...


And the last of his tear drops rolls down his face...


And the sweat on his forehead glistens in the moonlight...


And I hear the last of his breaths leave his lips...


And I hear the beating of his heart slow...


Until soon I can no longer hear it at all.


The blood from the wound just keeps flowing...


It flows and flows like a biblical plague...


And the white sheets become soaked in his blood...


And, finally,

I feel relieved.



I have done it;
I have had my revenge.


I have killed Kim Kibum;
I can finally be at peace.


 

After I am sure that he is dead,
I laugh.


I laugh such a heartfelt laugh
That tears of pure joy flood from my eyes.



What a feat I have accomplished!
How triumphant am I!

I have fooled the great deceiver!
I have once and for all silenced him.

And it is the most rewarding feeling in the world.



Caught up in my pride and self-praise,
I rub my hands on top of the stab wound
And admire the droplets of his blood dripping from my fingertips.


One by one,
I the blood from my fingers,
And, oh! It tastes so good!


The taste of defeat is so delicious
That I bend my head forward
And the open wound again and again
Until the blood is smeared in all directions, all over his bare chest.


The mixture of his blood, sweat, and tears is so gustatorily exhilarating
That I bow my head in reverence
And humbly thank the Lord for the miracle he has bestowed upon me.


And in staring at Kibum's lifeless figure,
I feel a sense of pure happiness coursing through my veins.



I will no longer be bombarded by memories.
I will no longer be forced to remember those times we shared.

Now that there is no more him, there can be no more memories.


Everything will be as it should be.

Everything will be right again.


Kibum can call me what he may -
A murderer, a demon, a monster - 
But he cannot control my memories any longer.

And that's the only thing that matters.


So call me a murder, Kibum!
Call me a demon!
Call me a monster!

I am now rid of you and rid of the memories,
And that's the only thing that matters.



I'm a monster and I've finally been avenged.


I'm a monster and I'm finally free!


I'm a monster and I'm finally free!



In my final moment of true joy,
The last moment of joy I will ever experience again,
I run to Kibum's bedroom window.


I run to the window
And open it hastily.


I smile a wide smile,

Throw my head back,

Spread my arms far apart

And yell at the top of my lungs:


"I'm a monster and I'm finally free!
I'm a monster and I'm finally fee!

I'M A MONSTER AND I'M FINALLY FREE!"



And with that,
I have truly taken the life

Of the immaculate Kim Kibum.