“Changkyun stay in the bed! Nurse said you need to rest!” Manager shouts and tries to lay Changkyun in the bed, but he isn’t going to give up so easily.

“Does it matter where I’ll sit on my bed or in the recording studio? I promise I won’t attend any dance practices, I’ll just make beats! I can’t just sit and don’t do anything, hyung~” Changkyun whines like a little kid, trying to escape from his arms. Manager sighs and gives up.

“Okay but you aren’t doing any physical work!” Changkyun’s eyes sparkle in happiness and he nods quickly. He takes his coat and heads off from the dorm and makes manager sigh. He puts his earphones and decides to take a bus, because he promised that he won’t do any unnecessary physical work, so no walking today. Building is very near to the dorm so it takes only 2 stops to arrive in the company’s building. He quietly walks in the hallway, knows that everyone is now at the practice, so he can do his work in peace. He walks in the recording studio and sits in front of the computer, searches for his saved work, which he was doing before. Only after 15 minutes someone walks in the room and Changkyun looks at the person.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you resting at home?” Jooheon walks in and closes the door. After his win he didn’t talk to any of them normally, he feels more awkward around him, because Gun was enlisted, well not because of him, but he kind of replaced him. And he really doesn’t want to deal with Jooheon right now, who probably is blaming everything on him.

“Manager allowed me to come, but I was going to go soon anyways.” He saves his beats quickly and stands from the chair.

“Hey wait…” But Changkyun is already outside. Jooheon looks at the door disbelief, not quietly understands what just happened. Changkyun groans in frustration, he just wanted to work, why Jooheon should appear. He sighs and tries to find new room to write lyrics or something. Going back to the dorm is the last thing he want to do. He walks into the changing room, which no one uses already for years and sits on the floor. Takes his notebook and starts to scribe lyrics for their upcoming album songs.

“What the hell are you doing here?” But he’s again interrupted by Jooheon, who walks to him, with frowned eyebrows. “I don’t think you understand the situation very well.” He stands right in front of him. “As you know Gun is out and I can’t write tons of songs alone, so take you’re a** up and help me.”

“I can’t work when someone else is with me…” Changkyun says and makes Jooheon groan loudly.

“I don’t care! What are you asking me to do then? We can’t write songs separately, or you think we can make two version of the album, one mine and other one yours! Think logically, you’re the smart kid here.” Jooheon says and pulls Changkyun up by his arm. Changkyun wants to disagree, but what he said, sadly makes a sense, so they walk in the studio together. Changkyun is awkward like never, he sits quietly next to Jooheon and stares at his notebook, his mind stops functioning, he had so many ideas before, but right now he only can doodle on the empty paper.

“Ah what the heck is really wrong with you?” Jooheon shouts annoyingly. “I know we aren’t friends and probably both of us hate each other, but it’s impossible to work with you!” Changkyun then looks at him angrily.

“I said I can’t work with someone else around me! I always worked on everything alone and I feel comfortable doing everything by myself” And makes Jooheon roll his eyes.

“You really didn’t have any friends or what? How can you feel better when you’re alone? I rather be even with you, but not alone!” Changkyun leans his head back and growl, he never been so annoyed by someone.

“My members were the first and the last friends I had, but even with them I wrote songs alone!” Jooheon again would shout back, but he looks at him confused.

“Your members?”Changkyun’s expression becomes confused too, he blankly looks at the wall, before looking at Jooheon in confusion all over his face.

“You don’t know about Nu’Bility?” And Jooheon’s already small eyes become even tinier.

“Why I should know your personal life?”

“No, I really thought manager told you…Well I would never be part of Starship or No Mercy if my previous company had money to debut us.” Jooheon is still looking at him with puzzled face.

“So you was an idol before?” He asks and Changkyun nods, Jooheon still seems blanked out for a moment, before he looks at his notebook again. “Anyways you should get used in teamwork, I won’t be able to write all of the songs alone.” Changkyun rolls his eyes and cries out. He really can’t work right now. “And what’s about the beats you were making? We can’t add our self-composed songs you know right?” Jooheon glances at him from the corner of his eyes, still very concentrated on his papers.

“Ah this…It’s just for myself.” And Jooheon again looks at him and gives a weird look. “Okay! I needed excuse to leave the dorm, because I was bored to death!”

“It was better if you died then.” Jooheon chuckles on his own joke and starts to write lyrics again, Changkyun gives him a gaze, before trying to put words together and somehow think about lyrics. Changkyun seems very concentrated on his work for a while, but then he feels terrible pain in his hand what makes him drops his pan. He looks at his injured hand and remembers that he forgot to bandage it.

“Ah f**k!” He shouts when pain doesn’t stop and it catches Jooheon’s attention.

“What’s wrong? Wait, you was writing with your injured hand?!” He shouts, can’t believe that kid of scientist can be so damn stupid. “Gosh how can you be so troublesome?” He complains and stands up from his seat and takes his hand. “You didn’t even bandage it? Seriously what’s wrong with you, did you injure your brain too?” Then he grabs him by his arm and makes him stand up, but it causes more pain in Changkyun’s hand.

“Hey what the hell-Ow! Ow! Ow!!! My hand hurts!” Jooheon looks at shorter in disgust.

“Are you girl or what? Come on let’s at least buy a bandage!” Jooheon drags him out the building and they go to the nearest pharmacy. Jooheon buys some painkiller cream and helps Changkyun to bandage his hand.

“Thanks, you didn’t need to buy this cream.” Changkyun quietly says. But it feels weird when Jooheon is helping him, maybe he’s not that bad guy?

“I know, so now buy me some food, I’m hungry.” Forget what I was saying. Jooheon walks away and Changkyun looks at him still shocked and then shakes his head.

“This guy really can’t be polite…” But sighs and tires to catch up with Jooheon. They walk in small Korean restaurant and Changkyun thinks that they will order few small portions and then they will leave as fast as possible. But thing he didn’t know that Jooheon is human being pig. He wasn’t even able to count how many things he ordered.

“Are you really going to eat all of this?!” Changkyun asks when he looks at their table full of different kind of dishes.

“It’s not even a half of how much I used to eat.” Jooheon says and mouthful and Changkyun only can sigh and wait when he will end eating. Changkyun doesn’t eat at all, he’s on strict diet. Well, no one asked him to go on diet, he decided it by himself. After Jooheon finally finishes eating they head back to company, walking is awkward, because none of them enjoys each other’s company. On the way they meet other boys.

“Hey today we ended everything faster than we thought we would, so we’re going back to dorm, but we need to buy products at first. Will you go with us?” Shownu asks and Jooheon’s ready to answer that they still need to work on the song, when Changkyun interrupts and nods. Jooheon hits him by his arm with his elbow, but forgets about his injury and Changkyun whimpers in pain.

“Why?” Changkyun looks at him, but Jooheon avoids his gaze and walks away, feeling a little bit guilty. They walk in the market and Changkyun as always is walking alone, left out by everyone. But suddenly his attention catches one product. Cucumbers. How much he loves them and he can’t even remember the last time when he ate them. He looks at them and pouts a bit. There is no way he would ask Kihyun to buy them, he knows that answer will be ‘No’. He sighs and leaves this section. But Jooheon sees everything and uses his chance, because Kihyun is walking with him.

“I’m so hungry damn…” He says when they’re walking through the section where Changkyun was.

“What do you want to eat?” Kihyun looks at younger and asks.

“Hmmm food I want to eat is…” Jooheon is looking around, like he’s searching for something. “Cucumbers!” He says and takes the pack of cucumbers with a big smile.

“Who said cucumbers?!” Suddenly Minhyuk appears. “There is no way we are eating this disgusting thing!” He shouts so loud that everyone starts to stare at them, Kihyun puts his hand on to shut him up.

“Calm down I’ll make it only for Jooheon!” Kihyun yells and boy finally ends biting his hand and smiles at him, when Kihyun wipes his saliva on his pants and gives the most disgusted gaze.

  Soon they’re back at the dorm and Kihyun starts to make dishes and as always Shownu helps him, because he’s the one who manages to make something what likes and tastes like a food and not some poison. Wonho, Hyungwon and Minhyuk playing something and scream every time when some of them loses. Changkyun’s resting in his room and Jooheon’s sitting in the kitchen waiting for the food. After a while Kihyun calls everyone to eat and puts dishes on the table.

“Come quickly or Jooheon won’t leave anything for you guys!” He shouts and mouthful Jooheon who already started to eat without even waiting to others, squeals hurt by his hyung’s words. Everyone starts to eat, Changkyun’s still in his room, he always eats dinner the last, because he doesn’t want to ruin both his and others mood, they’re still uncomfortable with each other. When most of them ended eating Changkyun walks out and sits. Kihyun and Jooheon are still eating too.

“Oh yeah, your cucumbers should be ready!” Kihyun stands from the chair and walks to check it. He couldn’t make it before, because someone called Lee Minhyuk said he couldn’t stand the smell of it. Changkyun quickly looks up after hearing word cucumbers, sadly it’s for Jooheon. How much does this guy really can eat? He almost drools when Kihyun puts plate of cucumbers in front of Jooheon. Then Kihyun walks out from the kitchen, leaving this two alone. Changkyun can’t help but stare at Jooheon’s plate.

“Hey! It’s not polite to stare at food!” Jooheon says loudly. “I’m not sharing, it’s mine!” Jooheon says and takes whole plate to himself, but he knows that in the end it all be Changkyun’s. He eats only few of them, he doesn’t want to be too obvious and comfortably leans on the chair and rubs his tummy. “Ah I’m full~ Bless Kihyun~” He says satisfied and stands from the chair, leaving Changkyun alone. Changkyun looks around and checks few times if horizon is clear and then happily puts plate in front of himself and grins whole time while eating. Jooheon’s standing behind the wall to check if he’s eating it and chuckles when he sees how happy he is. Then he walks to other guys. He’s job is done here. Changkyun sighs when he finishes eating and looks at the table. I ate so much... And feels angry at himself, he’s not only called ugly by fans, but also fat, so he needs to lose weight, but look at him, he ate like a pig. He walks into his room and heavily lies on the bed and patiently waits to his turn to shower. He takes a shower longer than usual, no matter how much he tries, he still have this heavy feeling on his heart. When he ends, he quickly dresses up and is ready to go out, but suddenly, he doesn’t know why he looks at his fingers. He puts two finger into to vomit, but it comes as nausea and he falls on his knees in front of the toilet seat, tears form in his eyes. He stands up to splash water on his face. He looks up and stares at himself in the mirror and as always, hates what he sees there. But then he thinks about what happened yesterday.

Wonwoo hits Changkyun on the stomach so hard that he falls down on the ground.

“I see you started everything from new chapter, trying to be an idol, successfully hiding from everyone that you’re suicidal pathetic freak. But why are you even trying anything, when you know that you’ll still fail in the end? You can’t do anything Changkyun, you’re miserable, weak f**got, who needs to be erased from everyone’s sign.” Then Wonwoo kneels in front of him and playfully slaps him on the cheek few times and then looks into his eyes. ”You really should have died when you jumped from school’s rooftop. Did you think that you would escape from us by a suicide? You just became more pathetic and disgusting in everyone’s eyes. And you know what?” He leans closer to him, but Changkyun’s too tired and beaten up to do something. “Friends never leave each other. Never. And we are good friends, right Changkyunie?” Wonwoo whispers to his ear and then burst into his maniacal laughter.

  Only when Changkyun snaps himself from his thoughts, he sees he’s bleeding wrist. When did he took razor and cut his skin, he doesn’t remember. Oh my god what am I doing?! He puts hands on in horror and the bloody razor drops down on the floor. He looks at his wrist and it’s all covered in blood and cuts. He stares at his hand for too long, before taking a razor and adding more cuts. He missed this feeling. And he needed it. When he ended, he cleans his wrist from the blood, but cuts are still bleeding, his shirt and bed will get dirty anyways. But he doesn’t care. He decides to wear a thick jacket and he feels burning pain when fabric touches his fresh cuts, because he didn’t even bandage it. He walks out from the room and quietly walks upstairs and lies in his bed. He promises himself that he won’t do it again, but doesn’t know if he can even trust himself anymore. 

Idk why am I writing big chapters so suddenly, this one is 5 pages, but I hope it's interesting at least :’) And please comment, your comments always make me so happy ♥♥♥