Changkyun spent whole night in the recording studio. He didn't want to come back and face to Jooheon and others. He was so mad at him, but he knew that he would really tell everyone about his sickness, if he ends this deal. Even if company wouldn’t react on it too harsh, it would be safer if he kept it in a secret.

  He was making beats already for 5 hours, he sighs and removes his headphones. He stands up and goes to bring some coffee. He walks to snack machine, which is placed in the end of the building. And takes one tin of cold coffee. He sits down on the floor and drinks coffee. He doesn’t know how long he will take all of this, he feels that he’s on the edge of breakdown, but still tries to collect himself and stay calm. He touches a necklace and sighs, makes himself remember the reason why he decided to go on this path. Then he takes his phone and looks at the screen. 7 am, boys will come soon too. He leans his head on the wall and again heavily sighs. He’s so tired of this already. He stays there for a while, before going back to the recording studio, to save his work. He’s locking the door, when hears voices coming from the hallway. They arrived? he sighs and gets ready for another s***ty day with other trainees. When he walks inside the dance practice room, he sees manager with other trainees, talking about something. 

“Where have you wondering whole night?” Manager asks with a cold and serious tone which was weird, because from the start, only their future manager decided to be kind to Changkyun.

“I was here, making some beats…” Changkyun says and rubs his neck awkwardly.

“Did someone allow you? You aren’t starter trainee anymore Changkyun, you must be more serious now, it’s not childish games anymore.” He says with disappointment in his voice, making Changkyun feel hurt a bit, because no one works as much as he does, it sounds selfish, but he should work double harder to be accepted by fans and judges, it seems like everyone treats and sees him differently and he should justify everyone’s hopes. And it’s so stressing.

“I’m sorry…” Changkyun mumbles, even though he isn’t sorry. Manager stands up and walks to the door.

“Now everyone, practice hard, final is very close.” And leaves the practice room. Everyone stays quiet, Changkyun shakes his head and sits down, keeps a distance between boys and him, as always.

“I thought you ran away.” Hyungwon snorts with annoyed expression, like he really hoped that he left.

“Why would I?” Changkyun looks at him with emotionless face. He’s really done with their s**t already, even he doesn’t know when he became so brave, but he’s so tired of them that he doesn’t even care if all of them will beat the life out him. Hyungwon looks at him with a surprised face at first, because he wasn’t waiting something like this from Changkyun, usually he stays quiet, with his head down, but then smirks evilly.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of stupid to become brave so suddenly when it’s 8 against 1? But why do I even need others, I would beat the s**t out of nerd like you without putting any effort. You’re nothing but words.” Changkyun stares at him for a while, saying nothing and Hyungwon’s clearly losing his patience.

“But don’t you think it’s much stupider when guy in his twenties still makes things clear by using strength in his hands? Which by the way you don’t seem to have that much to be so proud of.” Changkyun says calmly, he tried to be nice around them and it’s their fault if they didn’t accept it. He wasn’t going to be a weak link anymore. He knew his place and he would fight for it. 

“You little!” And this is when Hyungwon loses his s**t and attacks younger, by jumping on top of him and gives a first hit on the face. And others immediately react on it and jump from the floor to stop them. Hyungwon keeps smashing his hands, but Changkyun’s blocking himself from hits really well. As a kid who often, really often was physically bullied in school and he couldn’t fight back at that time, he learned how to protect himself and keep safe from serious injuries. Boys tried to pull Hyungwon away, but he was in rage and keep slipped from their hands and he was getting angrier because he couldn’t beat Changkyun no matter how strong his hits were. Changkyun somehow manages to kick Hyungwon in the tummy and he falls back and boys catch him by his arms and legs, to stop him running into a fight again. Hyungwon jerks few times before calming a bit and leans down on the floor. 

“Seriously you guys are in kindergarten or what?!” Shownu shouts, it’s the first time when he talks so loudly, because he’s always so calm and quiet. “And Changkyun could you stop bringing more troubles?!” Suddenly he turns to Changkyun. Changkyun can’t believe in his ears, ARE THEY BLAMING HIM?! It’s Hyungwon who started it. How the hell Changkyun became cause of it?!

“What are you blaming me for?! It’s not my fault that he’s mental unstable!” Changkyun shouts back, he has never been so angry in his life, all of the emotions and anger he held boils inside him. He’s ready to rip each of them apart.

“Know how to talk to elders!” Shownu shouts, it sounds lame, because he couldn’t find any other excuses to blame younger. He knew that it wasn’t Changkyun’s fault, but it seems that in every situation he wanted to blame everything on him and splash all of this anger and stress on a guy who didn’t do anything wrong. And he was getting angrier that he couldn’t control his emotions and was acting like a total jerk. And again this anger was put on Changkyun.

“I would, if respected any of you!” Changkyun says and touches his bleeding lip, which burst on first hit. He stands up from the floor and walks out, slamming the door behind. He walks into the bathroom and wipes out blood with a water and stares in the mirror for a while. I hate myself. He felt how he was ruining apart and his demons slowly crawled up from shadows, he held them so long, but he couldn’t deal with everything this anymore, it was mentally damaging him. His reflection seems stranger again. It felt like he was looking at other person. I need to cut he thinks. I need to drink pills. He isn't taking his eyes off from his reflection, he hated him, he hated him for being so weak, he hated him because he wasn’t perfect, he hated him because he was a failure, he hated him for not being the strongest, he hated him to being born. I want to die and it was the last thing he thought, before his demons possessed his soul again, he let them inside his mind again. For years he tried to act like he was fine only to keep them away, but this show, those trainees, those people wrecked him in every way. And there wasn’t going back anymore. 

Tough Changkyun, huh? Okay, I know it's been a while since the last update, but I didn't have any ideas, but now muse came to me again, so I think I will update one more chapter today. Hope you enjoy this story ^^ ♥