epilogue

Present, four years later...

In the morning, the sky is dazzling blue with clean, white puffs of clouds scattered high over it. There is something brightly expectant about the morning as if the sun had been up for hours and hours, just waiting for the rest of the world to wake up.

It is my 25th autumn on earth, seventeen years of it I had lived without Baekhyun, four years that I had been hopelessly in love with him, and four of it when I finally chose myself over him for some reasons.

What I felt for Baekhyun was neither puppy love nor infatuation, nor anything that people always talk about and laugh at. I couldn’t really explain it—it’s so hard to put into words but well, it was just something I’d never felt before. Something I’d never even known. People can’t tell you about things like that, you have to find them out for yourself.

I really don’t know just why I’m telling you all this. Maybe you’ll think I’m being silly. But I’m not, really, because this is important. You see, the thing I had for Baekhyun was different. It wasn’t because it was Baekhyun and I we’re talking about. It was something much more than that.

It wasn’t even near to how magazines or fictional stories describe, where the guy is being teased by his family about liking a certain girl, and then he blushes and stutters. And it wasn’t silly, like sometimes, when a girl sits in school but never listens to her teacher, just writing her name with the surname of the boy she likes all over the back page of her notebook. I never wrote Baekhyun’s name at all, till I wrote it in a sheet of paper to be passed in our Math class for the list of our group mates.

Maybe you would or wouldn’t understand what I mean, but it was something I’ll always remember because I just couldn’t forget anything. It’s a thing like that.

I sit at the back of the benches, having to witness Baekhyun and a veiled bride exchanging vows. The soft notes of piano are lingering beautifully in the atmosphere. The ceremony ends and they face us as husband and wife.

He doesn’t know that I am here, and I promised he will never know, yet I swear he stares at my direction for quite some time until he surrenders on having to think where he could’ve met me. They walk along the aisle hand by hand, with silly grins on their faces, acting like fools in love.

That night, when we shared everything with each other, when we talked about ourselves, our dreams, our failures, and everything that concerned us, I realized that there was so much in this friendship that I hadn’t seen when I was foolishly in love with Baekhyun. I never realized how much I sacrificed my time and feelings for a love that was never been mine. We promised each other that we were not going to forget everything that we’d done together. However, there are times when you have to let it go, so that, you can be the person you wanted yourself to be.

After half a year since I graduated pre-med, my father’s business was getting better and he has had a business partnership with someone who’s so rich and successful. It was like God has had planned this for me to move on, because then, my father was assigned to manage their branch in California. I was so stressed during that time because I was still reviewing for my local board’s exam when my father told me that we were moving out to America.

During those times, I weighed things. What would it cause me if I left Korea? What opportunities would come across my path if I chose to move out with my parents? I thought and thought and asked everyone about what should I do about the matter. Jinhee, my best friend, cried when I told her that my family was going to America. She told me that she would support me no matter what decision I made. When Yuri knew about it, because Jinhee told her, I didn’t get angry though, she told me that it was a good opportunity for me to study and work there. Hani said that I should do what I think would make myself better.

And that was what I needed.

I needed to be a better person. I needed to be someone who’s not afraid for tomorrow because I know I can do it. I needed to be someone who’s not afraid to be judged, and who’s not living under someone’s control.

When I told Baekhyun about it, he was just quiet and just listened to everything that I was saying. “I think what Hani told me, that I should do what I think is going to make better, is right. What I think is, having to study and work in America will make me the person I want me to be, don’t you think?”

He looked at me with quiet eyes. Honestly, even though I was 90% convinced that I should move to America, I was still anticipating for him to tell something that would make me think of staying here in Korea. Although that never happened. He pursed his lips into a thin line and touched my hand and squeezed it.

“If you think that you should go, then go. I’m not stopping you, Yumi. But I just want you to know, that no matter what decisions you made, I’m just right here.”

After what he had said, I realized that there was no reason for me not to have a brighter future. A week after that, we were all set to flying to America. I didn’t constantly communicate with any of my friends in Korea. Even Jinhee, we only had talked over the Internet because overseas texts and calls were very expensive. Jinhee was telling me stories about how they were doing there, that she had been also studying med, Yuri was busy in photography and traveling the world and Hani shifted into Psychology. Things like that.

I never had the courage to ask about Baekhyun. I was not yet over him that time, but still, I was doing well with my life. I was so busy that sometimes, I forgot to think about him, but during late nights, when I was tired and weary, I couldn’t help but to replay the memories I had with him. Though, as if there was a telepathy going in between Jinhee and me, she was also telling me some news about Baekhyun.

She told me that after a month since my departure, Baekhyun’s relationship with Sohee got worse, and after a week, they had broken up. Then she told me that Baekhyun was asking her about me, and she had told him news about me. In my second year in America, she told me that Baekhyun had a new girlfriend. Honestly, I was not a bit shocked about the news. Baekhyun is a guy I know who does not stay single for a long time.

As for me, I also met new friends like Faith, she’s really mean and frank, but she has good points whenever she speaks, and then one day, we just clicked and we are inseparable. Then there’s Hera, a Korean-Chinese girl who’s very sweet and smart. I also got suitors whom I also became friends with. Then there is Kevin whom I had a relationship with, for almost a year, but then, we realized that it’s better to break up because we just saw each other as friends. He said he still loves his ex-girlfriend, Heather. I did not get angry with him, though. For one, because I still had some feelings for Baekhyun that time.

One day, when I was busy doing some research, my phone beeped and I saw Jinhee texted me. That day, I knew something was off. I opened the message she sent to me, and when I finished reading it, I didn’t exactly know what I should feel.

“Mimi, have you heard that Baekhyun already proposed to his girlfriend? Yuri told me that the wedding date is not yet confirmed, but it will certainly happen this year.”

I couldn’t help wishing that there wasn’t so much sadness in growing up. It was all so packed up in my mind, bashing, clashing one another. There had been long, long days of being young and not wondering about tomorrow at all and thinking in a strange, forgotten child’s world.

There were days when my thoughts were as mild as feathers and even an hour seemed like a long time. Then suddenly it’s like turning a sharp corner–I am now older and the things that counted when I was younger, didn’t count anymore at all, and looking back, I can’t even see them.

Growing up crowds your mind with new thoughts and new feelings, so that you forget how you used to think and feel.

I walk out of the church after praying to God for Baekhyun and his wife, and wait at the shed for a bus to come and take me, so that I can venture the world with the new me. The 'me' who isn’t burden with so much sadness just because of Baekhyun. I welcomed the 'me' that I was before I met Baekhyun.

I feel so light, carefree and normal again.

I sit by the window and the bus starts to move pass by. I pull the window up, and closing my eyes, the soft wind caresses my skin like a touch of a newborn baby. I breathe in and imagine the gentle music in my ears. I open my eyes to see it all glide past me, lop off by fence posts, and I feel myself alive inside with a quite happiness.

“Excuse me miss, this seat is not yet taken, right?” A tall guy, I think, with the same age as mine, asks me as he eyes the seat beside me. I smile at him and say, “No one sits there, just go on.”

He nods at me and sits comfortably. He fidgets in his seat when he tries to look at me. “The weather’s fine, right?” I look at him and he is indeed talking to me.

“Yes, it’s beautiful,” I answered.

He looks at me, amused by my answer and shakes his head while chuckling softly. “Yes, it’s beautiful, indeed.” I hum.

“What’s your name, miss, if it’s okay?” He asks me. I look at him and pull out my hand from the pocket of my jacket.

“Yumi.”

He accepts my hand with both of his and shakes it gently.

“Nice to meet you, Yumi. You have a beautiful name. I’m Park Chanyeol, by the way.”

I smile, liking how his name sounds in my ears. We are exchanging smiles through our lips and eyes, when my phone vibrates inside my pocket. I reach for it and my eyes glisten with happiness as the screen flashes, Alarm: 11:11 A.M.

I look back at Chanyeol, he’s still looking at my phone, and when he lifts his head up, I feel giddiness enveloping my heart.

And now, I know suddenly that it will come and come forever, slipping by in the breath of the moment, and yet never again, will there ever be anything quite as wonderful as having to fulfill a wish the time I asked about it, when the clock strikes 11:11.

That concludes the story... hoped you like it? Heol. Who am I kidding? This story has been sitting on my laptop for about 2 years now so grammar is still rusty and meh. I'm gonna proofread this once I get the chance to... What do you think?

P.S. the bulk update started at Chapter 007 just to be sure :)

"Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken.

Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better."

끝