SeolHyun's POV

The world is dark. I can hear voices in the distance, speaking of me. Talking about me, as if I'm not here. I can hear every single word they're saying, I just can't respond to it. They're talking about me having a trauma and needing to overcome it. I can't even remember what happened to make them speak like that. The only thing I can think of is how peaceful this darkness is. I just want to stay in it for the rest of my life, hiding away. But hiding away from what? That's the real question I can't seem to answer. There's something going on, but trying to think of it hurts my head, a lot. 

I don't know how many time has passed when I finally come to. Wonho is sitting next to me, holding my hand in his, but he's asleep. The other guy left, for some reason. I try not to stir too much, he must've been up all this time, looking after me. If I wake him up now, I won't forgive myself. Not that I'm not already angry at myself for letting all of that happen. She got to me, good this time. there's not a bone in my body that wants to admit that she has this kind of power over me. I lie to myself way too often. 

The fact that Wonho had to see me like that is hurting me even more. He had to take care of my while I was in that state. No one has ever seen my like that, not even my therapist. Who I should really give a call after all of this happening. Apparently all the therapy sessions haven't helped me at all. While doing those she was just a figment of my imagination, not even nearly as bad as the real thing. I realise that now, after seeing the real thing again. She is a monster, waiting to destroy me, inside and out. The jealousy she must've felt when I was younger is even worse now since I'm on TV. She must hate seeing me there and knowing I'm getting popular, which tells me why she was here. She needed to feel big again, towards me. She needed to see that I am still scared of her in every single way. I want to slap myself for being like that. 

"Seollie?" Wonho groans and I curse internally. Why does he have to wake up now? 

"Yeah?" I ask him while he sits up, cutely rubbing his eyes. His hair is a mess and his clothes are wrinkled from lying down on them. He stretches his back since he's been sleeping bent over. If he gets any injuries from this I'll blame myself for everything. 

"Are you better now?" his eyes are focussed on mine. I don't know what he saw in them earlier, but he's looking for a sign of that. I avert my eyes from him, looking down at our joined hands. A kind of embarrassing feeling washes over me. He's seen the weakest side of me. How do I look into the eyes of the boy I'm in love with without feeling ashamed of myself? This is not a part anyone should see and yet he saw it. The weird thing is: he's not running for the hills just yet. Which scares me even more. 

The good thing is that he didn't ask me if I am okay. He knows I'm not and that question is stupid. People always do that, but what can you tell them? 'I'm fine now...' It's all a lie anyways. 

"I don't know", it's the most honest I've been with myself for a long time. He kisses my cheek slightly and then looks at my eyes again. 

"I'm sorry I made you come here on your time off..." he starts but dies out at the end of his sentence. We both know I chose to come here too. This is not his fault, at all. It's hers. And mine. "I had no idea it was your mother... All this time I thought it was him." 

A bit lump appears in my throat and I try to swallow it. Try not to cry, but it happens anyways. Wonho doesn't flinch, instead he just holds me close to his chest, making me sit up a little. That's the thing though. No one ever suspects the mother, they always go to the guy. Well, they haven't met the woman who gave birth to me yet. 

"We should go home..." Wonho says and lets go, picking up my stuff and throwing them in the suitcase that's still open on the ground. I sit up and shake my head. 

"Wonho..." I try but he doesn't respond to me at all. "Hoseok." Then he turns around to look at me. He knows I wouldn't use his real name without having something important to say. "I need to deal with this first. I can't leave without facing him and her. This can't go on like that." 

"But you saw what just happened..." Wonho comes back to me and takes my hands in his. "Are you willing to go there again? Because I don't ever want to see you like that again. Not because I don't like it, but because it's not healthy for you." 

It takes me a while to find my voice again. It's so hard to think clearly with everything swarming through your head like this. "I need some air." That's when I get up and push through the windows of my balcony. I must still look like a lunatic, with the smeared make-up and all, but it's worth it. The air makes me think clearer and I can see things in perspective now. 

"I'm doing it. I just need to call my therapist..." Wonho still disagrees with it all, but he tries to be supportive of my decision. He just doesn't want me to get hurt or anything. Which I get. 

The call to my therapist wasn't an easy one. He hasn't heard from me in a while and is happy to hear from me. He doesn't even question me when I ask if he can come down here for me. He's just that kind of person. The one who would do a hell of a lot for his patients. He's been with me ever since I arrived at the company and is one of the few people who knows what went down here all those years ago. Once he told me I was his toughest case ever, he didn't really know how to handle it in the beginning. Luckily we sorted all of that out by the end. 

Wonho is still kind of pouty, looking at me, making sure I don't relapse. He's the one who doesn't trust me now. How the tables have turned between us. Things have gotten really bad. 

"SeolHyun?" Wonho suddenly asks and I turn my head. He usually uses my nickname, so I know this is serious. "Are you sure?" 

"I need  to do this..." I almost plead with him. Getting him on board with all of this is really hard. He doesn't like the fact that he can't control a thing about it. Wonho likes to be in control, he always has. 

"If I'd known how bad it really was..." he trails off again into his head. He's been doing that a lot these past few hours. I don't know what's going on in there, but it must be serious. Maybe I've traumatised him for life with my behaviour the other day. What does he see when he looks at me now? Damaged goods? Is he here because he still likes me or because he's just worried I'll do something to myself? Those are the questions I've been really afraid of, ever since we met again and I told him the truth. It's the thing I'm most afraid of after her: everyone seeing me as some kind of person who needs protection. I can stand on my own two feet, I've been doing it ever since I left this place. People tend to forget that part. 

There's a knock on the door and Wonho shoots up to get it. Ever since that woman showed up here, he won't let me answer the door by myself. What if it's her again? He opens it and sighs a little. "You're the therapist, I take?" 

"Yes, Doctor Kim. Nice to meet you, ...?" I haven't told Dr. Kim about Wonho yet. He does know of him from earlier in my life. 

"Hoseok, but my stagename is Wonho", he nods at the doctor. Dr. Kim sends me a glance from over Wonho's shoulder. He's clearly intrigued. 

"Well, it is indeed nice to meet you. Would you mind leaving us alone a bit? This is confidential", Wonho seems even less pleased by that suggestions but he gives up and goes back to his room for now. "It's been a while, SeolHyun." He sits down across from me in a chair. I'm on the bed, my legs crossed. 

"Yeah, maybe a little too long", I smile faintly at him as he searches for signs in my face. 

"Tell me what happened", his usual calm tone calms me too. I'm not afraid to tell him all of this stuff. He's seen me at my worst in life and he's actually the only person I trust with this kind of thing. So I tell him. Everything. Even the parts Wonho told me after. He doesn't seem worried or concerned that much when I finish. He just scribbles something down, I've learnt not to ask about it. Then he looks back up at me and studies me. "I think this was bound to happen."

I'm so stunned by what he's saying. "What?" My mouth nearly drops open. 

"This was bound to happen at least at one point. To show you how to get over it. You thought you were doing just fine, but that was miles away from the spot it all happened. Now that you're back here, you're back to the girl you used to be, somehow. And seeing your 'mother' didn't make it any better. The only way for you to get over this is to confront your problems", he explains to me. And it kind of makes sense. I really did think I was fine before coming here. 

"And how do I face it?" I ask him, desperate for an answer. 

"You're not going to get over this by just doing one thing. It'l be a whole change in lifestyle too. It's not going to go away fast, but this will help you begin that process. I want you to prepare a speech, write down everything you want to say to your 'mother'. Afterwards I want you to go back to your old house and just tell her that. Take the paper with you or not. I'll be there to support you, alongside Wonho. By telling her everything you want her to hear you'll get it off your chest and you can start the process of healing." 

I nod and mull it all over in my head. He's making total sense, but I'm afraid I won't go through with it because I'm afraid. He and Wonho will be by my side, but will that be enough to give me strength? I can only try and hope so. Doctor Kim leaves me after discussing a time and date for when I'm going to tell her everything. Tomorrow, at noon. Wonho walks back in as soon as Doctor Kim is done. His face is full of questions as he first kisses my lips. 

"And?" he asks me, sitting down on his knees in front of the bed, taking my hands in his. "What did he say?" 

"We figured out a way for me to get over this. You won't like it..." Is the first thing I say but he cuts me off. 

"I don't care about liking it or not. As long as it'll make you feel better and heal, it's all fine with me. If you feel you have to do this, it's okay", his words are soft and sweet while I try to contain my tears. Wonho holds me while I cry, again. After that we both lie down for a bit. I wake in the middle of the night. I need to get this done. That's when I start writing my letter.