Wonho's POV

SeolHyun is sitting opposite me and I feel like dying from happiness. She hasn't pulled away at all, her hand is still in mine. I'm probably grinning like a fool, but I don't care at all. Neither does she, because she's grinning too. We're pushing it, I know, we should be going really soon, but we both don't want to. 

"How are your livestages going now?" I ask her while my thumb the back of her hand. 

"We're preparing a very special stage", she grins and I want to know what it's about. 

"Which song are you going to perform?" I try to hide the curiosity in my voice as well as possible. 

"Not telling you", she sticks out her tongue and I pretend to be hurt by it all while pulling my hand back from hers. I cross my arms over my chest and look her straight in the eye. 

"That's a pity then", I lift my chin and look around the quiet café. Not a lot of people come here so it is relatively safe for us to be here. We're both not that famous either, so the waitress doesn't know us either. She does keep on looking our way and when my eyes meet hers she turns her head away again. 

"She's totally into you", SeolHyun sighs and I turn my attention back to the beautiful girl in front of me. She seems annoyed by the fact I was looking at the girl. 

"Who isn't?" I joke and it earns me a smack on the arm.

"Don't be a douche", she rolls her eyes and then looks at her phone for a second. 

"I am never a douche. It's just that it's true. All girls love me", I say with a lot of confidence. All I want to see is how jealous she can get of other girls. What is her reaction to this? 

"Oh come on... Not everyone", she states and looks at me bitterly. 

"A lot of girls do, including you", I wink at her playfully but she's not joking anymore.

"You're being ridiculous", she turns her head to the side so I can't gauge her reaction to me. 

"You don't love me?" My head tilts to the side while the words roll off my tongue and out of my mouth. Her expression is unreadable and that's when I know I've gone too far with this. I've pushed her too far from me. 

"Love is a very big word to use", she mutters and fiddles with her fingernails. She used to always bite them when she was nervous or distressed. She can't do it now since they've been taken care off and the others would notice right away. That's why she starts chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

"I'm sorry", I say without thinking. I truly am. I've made her upset about this and it was never my intention to do so. I just want her to be happy about things, about this, about us. Whatever 'us' means. 

"It's fine. I need to stop overreacting to everything", she tries to smile and gets up from her seat. 

"No you don't. You've gone through too much", I take her hand as she tries to pass me by. I stand up too and look into her eyes. "I don't want you to pretend in front of me." 

"You don't even know half of what I've gone through", she pleads and tries to get away from my grip. I don't let her because she is not okay. "And I'm not pretending so please let me go." 

"I will never let you go again, do you understand that?" I whisper so softly only she can hear it. It takes her by surprise. "I've regretted letting you go back then for all this time. I don't plan on making the same mistake twice." And it is true. I want to be in her life again, for however long that may be and whatever role she'll give me. 

"Don't say things you don't mean. Don't make promises you can't keep", the tears are welling up in her eyes and we need to get out of here fast. 

"I'm not", is all I manage to say before lodging her out of the café. The waitress gives us a concerned look but I give her a small smile to reassure her everything is fine. She seems to be taking it. SeolHyun on the other hand is trembling under my touch. She's having some kind of panic attack, I know so because she used to have them all of the time. 

"SeolHyun, look at me", I say desperately while we enter a lonely street. She looks at the ground instead of me and is still trembling. I put 2 fingers under her chin and make her look up at me. Hey eyes are rimmed red and full of tears while some of her make-up is smudged on her face. Thank god we're not in that café anymore, they would be staring at her and she hates that. "What's wrong?" 

Her eyes beg for sympathy as her lips quaver. She's desperate to tell me something but the lump in is prohibiting her from talking at all. I want to take it all away and make it better. Her breathing is ragged and is becoming more superficial than before, indicating she's getting worse. I make her sit on the ground and put a hand on her back. 

"Steadily breathe in and out. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Can you do that?" She nods at me and starts doing what I tell her while I repeat the instructions. Her breathing steadies a little more and she stops wailing. I smile a little at how hard she is trying to come back from her almost panic attack. "Can you feel it getting better?" 

Again, she gives me the slightest nod. In the end it only takes her 5 more minutes to completely calm down and rest her head against my chest fro support. I let her rest since she must be exhausted. It always used to be like this when she had a panic attack. Those mostly occurred after something bad had happened, but I fail to see what bad thing happened now. Her eyes are closed and her arms are around my waist in some kind of sideway hug. My arms snake around her shoulders as I pull her into my lap for a proper hug. There is no protest when I make my first move, so I take it's okay for me to do so. Her eyes remain closed as we keep hugging like that. She's holding on to me like some kind of lifeline, it worries me. Hasn't she been getting better? Is it my fault for bringing back those memories? These thoughts all swirl through my head as I try to find an explanation to everything that just happened. 

"Sorry", she mutters against my shirt and my hand instinctively reaches up to her hair. 

"Don't be", I whisper. We're sitting against the brick fence of a house, in the middle of a street. Luckily no one comes by or in the street whatsoever. We've been very lucky up until now. "Do you want me to take you home?" 

"Yes please", she says in a broken voice as her eyes close again. I take out my phone and call a taxi for the both of us. I'll take her home and make sure she's okay. The girls can think whatever they want from this. The taxi arrives shortly after and I've managed to get rid of some of the smudged make-up on her face. She looks somewhat normal again now. The guy doesn't ask questions as we take the ride back. SeolHyun is still holding on to me like her life depends on it and I'm not planning on letting go of her until she's safely inside her bed. 

The dorms seem to be full of people. The rest of her group must be inside, doing whatever they do on a free night. I knock on the door and luckily her best friend opens the door. She's talked quite a lot about MiNa over the past few weeks. It seems like they're really close, just not close enough for Seollie to tell her about her past. I doubt she'll ever be close enough to anyone to tell them about it. MiNa gasps but doesn't attract the attention of the other girls while she hauls us inside and takes us to their room. It's the first time I'm entering her room and I feel like I'm violating some kind of privacy now. Before, all I wanted to do was see her room and what makes her like she is now. All I can see now is that her side of the room is bare and devoid of posters like she used to have. It makes me question things even more.

"What happened?" MiNa asked us concerned. Her eyes keep darting from SeolHyun to me, and back. 

"She had a panic attack while we were talking", I explain and MiNa shakes her head for some reason. She doesn't tell me though. "I thought bringing her back would be the best thing."

"You thought well. I'll give you a few minutes to talk, but they you'll have to be on your way", she says curtly and I nod my head. Of course I have to leave as soon as possible, if their manager finds out she's screwed. MiNa leaves the room for us to talk and all I can do is stare at SeolHyun. She seems so young at this point. Like she hasn't aged a bit since I left. 

"SeolHyun, you have to talk to me about this", I whisper and take her hand in mine. She just stares at the ground for a great deal. "Please?" 

"What do you want me to say? That I'll be alright?" she suddenly spits at me. Her defense mechanism is playing up. She always does this when she's vulnerable. 

"Don't be like this. I know you, I know you act like this whenever you don't want to talk about it. You'll have to talk about this to someone, someday, you know?" I sigh and release her hand to rake mine through my hair. I'm getting nervous for no reason. I want her to talk to me about it without thinking too much. I want her to trust me enough to tell me. She won't be fooled of course. 

"I need some time", she says quietly and bows her head again. "You can go now. Thank you for getting me back", her words are so empty and devoid of emotion when she talks to me. She's closing herself off once again. I've failed once again too. 

"Fine. I'll give you time. Call me when you need anything, okay?" I say and get up. My arms ache to wrap around her again and hug her. I feel as though she needs a hug, but I won't give it to her before she asks me to. I won't invade her privacy like that anymore. She needs time and she needs space. 

"I will." She lies down on her bed and I close the door behind me. The others still don't notice me as I leave. Only MiNa does and she nods a 'thank you' to me. I nod back and close that door too. Everything that could've gone wrong has absolutely gone wrong. I just want her to be alright. That's all I'm asking for.