Wonho's POV

I purposely pull SeolHyun a little closer before rolling over to lean over her. I don't know why I'm doing it in the first place, but it seems like fun. We're having fun, right? It had been fun a few seconds ago. Her cheeks turn a deep shade of red while she looks up at me with big eyes. There's been a new kind of pull between us ever since we saw each other again. There used to be only a platonic feeling of friendship between us, I considered her as a little sister. This is different, we've both changed in a million ways and it's freaking me out. 

"Uhm, Wonho?" She asks a little unsure and I flash her a smile before getting off. 

"Sorry, got carried away", I take my cap off and ruffle my hair. It's something I do when I'm kind of nervous. Which is what she's making me right now. 

"It was fun though", her smile is shy as she lies back into the grass, staring up at the sky. "It reminds me of how things used to be."

"Do you ever miss it? Home?" I dare to ask and she almost chokes on something. 

"Never." Her jaw is set in a firm line as she doesn't even think twice about it. 

"Not even the nights we used to spend on my roof?" I sigh and lean back into the grass too. 

"Those were the only good thing about that place", she admits silently as she keeps her gaze on the stars. They're all out tonight. 

"I miss them too." I have never admitted this to someone, not even myself. But I do miss them. They were carefree and void of responsibilities. And in some other way they were full of them too. Our lives have never been easy, just look at the predicament we're in now. 

"I'm sorry", she sits up and hugs her knees. Again her top shifts a little and I can see the same marks as before. I'm kind of afraid to ask where they come from. She sure didn't used to have them when we were little. She quickly notices and pulls her top back over them without even glancing at me. 

"Don't ask me, please", she pleads with me while still hugging her knees. Her voice sounds broken as my heart breaks for all the things that happened to her while I wasn't there to protect her. It's my own damn fault that she's so weary of me now.

"You'll tell me in your own time", I say back while reaching for her arm. My hand is warm against her cold skin as she flinches a little. The flinch is not from the cold, it's from the contact. She's always had that, just never with me. I was the only one she didn't flinch from. This is how low I've sunken in her heart. 

"We should get back, Wonho", she gets up, hurriedly, to get away from my touch as fast as she can. 

"Seollie..." I get up too and walk after her. Upon hearing her nickname she stops abruptly. 

"Why do you still use that?" when she turns around I can see hurt all over her face. 

"Because that's who you are to me, Seollie. You're still that girl to me", I plead with her while taking another step to her. 

"Am I really?" Suddenly she is the little girl in front of me again. The one who was always questioning her existence, the one who always ran to me for everything. So unsure of why life had to be this way. 

"That will never change. Of all the things, you can count on that", I put my arms around her without thinking. What's even weirder is she putting hers around me too. We stay engulfed in that embrace for a while. Neither of us wants to pull back as I try to remember a time where this was normal between us. In the end she is the one to end this. While she pulls back I can see the tears still on her cheeks.

"We should really get back now", she smiles through her tears. We both let go of the moment and I walk her back to her door. It's the civil thing to do. 

"SeolHyun, I really think tonight was a big step for the both of us", I say while we stand in front of the door. 

"I believe so too", there is a faint smile on her lips as she looks down at her feet. 

"I hope we can continue to take steps towards our friendship", I try to be polite, but there is still so much I want to tell her. 

Like how I want to ask her about the marks on her back, what happened to her during the time I was gone and what she came looking for here in Seoul. She is not ready for those kind of conversations yet and I should not be pressuring her into telling me. It means more if she tells me herself. I also want to tell her about the mixed feelings in my gut. This is not the kind of feeling you get from your little sister. 

"We will", she assures me while finally looking up. "Good night, Wonho." 

I'm still not used to hearing her say my stage name. But my real name has been lost for a few years now. No one ever calls me by it these days. But I'd really like for her to start using it again, to keep me grounded. 

"Good night, Seollie", I smile and lean in to kiss her cheek. It's a fleeting moment, but I feel her stiffen beneath my touch. 

"I'll talk.. ehm.. to you later?" It was not supposed to be a question, I'm sure of it, but it's cute to see her startled. The walls around her are slowly tearing down, brick by brick. 

"Talk to you later", I give her a crooked smile before turning around and walking away. 

"Stay safe", she says behind my back and I can't help but grin at how she said it. 

"I'll try", I turn around to give her a wink. Then she disappears behind her door with a small smile. Maybe I'm finally getting through to her. 

The whole way back home I can't stop myself from smiling. Tonight has been a very good night for the both of us. It makes me feel ecstatic for some reason. SeolHyun looked like she would be spilling everything to me soon. Then I can help her again. We can properly work through this, I'm sure of it. 

The members are still awake by the time I get to the dorms. They're in the living room as I sit down on the floor since the couches are taken. No one looks up but Jooheon, he eyes me suspiciously. That dude, I swear. 

"So where have you always been going at night?" Minhyuk slyly asks me while eating some popcorn. They have noticed, of course they have. 

"No where in particular", I try to brush it off. 

"That's not what we heard", Kihyun joins in and I groan. 

"Jooheon, you're an ", I insult him and he just shoots me an apologetic smile. 

"So who is she?" Hyungwon leans forward so he can see me. 

"She's just a friend from back in the day. We lost contact and now she's about to debut in a new group", I explain but get interrupted by Shownu. 

"SeolHyun is your friend?" his mouth hangs open. 

"Yeah, she's like a little sister to me", I nod.

"Sure." Jooheon is getting on my nerves right now. 

"Do you think she'll go for a young guy?" IM asks and I almost spit out the water I'm drinking. 

"She won't go for anything. Not as long as I'm around", I growl at him and he puts his hands up in defense. 

"Sorry, bro." 

"It's fine. Don't bother", I say and look down at my hands. Why are they being about this?

"Look, just watch out with everything. Someone could see you and it would be disastrous for your career and her starting one as well", Shownu warns me and I take it to the heart. 

I know it's risky to walk out like this always. That's why I took her back here last time. We both know the dangers of this getting out. People would never believe we're just friends. They'd think she's a gold digger, hanging on to me to get her own fame. But it was me who contacted her in the first place. 

"I'm going to bed", I tell them and go to my room. 

SeolHyun's POV

The dorms are quiet. Everyone has gone to sleep while I sit in our living room. This has been one strange night. Wonho broke through some of my walls and I don't know if I like it or not. It's confusing and so difficult to let him in. But when he tries this hard, I can't refuse. It's like we used to be again, I can never refuse him. He's not taking advantage of it, he's rather very understanding about it all. His hug was surprising but it was also surprisingly something I was really craving. Physical contact is something I still struggle with. The girls are not a problem since they've been around for a while. Wonho is practically still a stranger to me. So why did it feel so good and easy to let him do it? 

And then there was this moment where I thought he was going to kiss me. I shouldn't be hoping for it, but nonetheless I was waiting for it. How would I have reacted? We'll never know now. He used to always be like a big brother to me, but now I'm feeling a bit more than that kind of love. It scares me. A lot. 

My bed welcomes me in the end while I can't get any sleep. It's the same as the previous nights. Wonho keeps me up most of the time. It confuses me still. But he keeps on bringing back memories to me that I'm so desperate to forget. It worked for a while, to suppress them, but here they are again. Taking my night's rest away from me. It's starting to show too. MiNa still covers for me, but the girls are starting to lose their belief. 

I look at my phone and wonder if he's still up too. It's late, but is he having the same problem as me? Why would he even? I'm the one with the difficulties here. And my debut is coming up too, to add to all of the stress. Weirdly, it's not the thing I fear most in the future.