[ Jonghyun ]

Fingers curling tightly around the leather-covered stirring wheel, knuckles turning painfully white, head guiltily hung low, teeth pressed against a begrudgingly grit - DEFEATED, I was.

I can feel it seeping through my veins, crawling along my blood, and banging the walls of my heart - The GUILT.

The once genuine smile turned into a heartbreaking frown. And you can blame it all on me.

You were innocent.
And so was she.

The image of her crying when I spoke the words she did not and would not ever expect to hear was tattooed permanently at the back of my eyelids. She was hurt, and you can blame it all on me.

The fault is mine to admit.

I was the culprit.

She used to make my heart swell, make me feel all giddy inside. She made me feel different.
Or so I thought.

The simple touches, hugs, and kisses - they differ from yours.

As days, weeks, and months of being with her passed, I soon found the obvious contrast. The one significant thing lacking from the 'relationship'.

Love.

I didn't realize it until you kept your distance. I always thought you'd never leave me, that whether or not my affair with her was a phase, you'd stand by me. I guess I was wrong.

Because you're human, too.
And humans have a heart that's bound to scream when enough is enough.

She was my biggest mistake, but that doesn't give me any right to tear her heart to pieces. She did no wrong, I did. And you can blame it all on me.

You left me, I left her.

And now everything's all screwed and done.

The reality now screams at me, 'it's too late'.

Have you ever met the biggest idiot in the history of mankind?
I did. He goes by the name of Kim Jonghyun.

I gradually raised my head and unclenched my jaw, my blood still stirring from the guilt but I did not shed a tear. I won't, at least not for her. With a large intake of air, I started the engine and stepped on the pedal that made the vehicle move forward, taking me to where I needed to be - Onew-hyung's place. I initially planned on just leaving the music sheets with him, but now I could use some company.

Among the few close friends I have, I trust him the most. His calm demeanor and non-judging eyes made me open up to him, letting him see through me. Vulnerable. May it be a good thing or the other way around. Maybe it was the fact that we endured the wrath of our trainee days together, or just simply the competitiveness I felt whenever I hear him sing with that soulful voice of his. Either way, I trust him enough to even have this thought of laying all my problems for him to witness.

The familiar concrete building caught my eye, turning the wheel to where it stood as I planned to enter the basement parking. It has been months since I last visited that chicken maniac. I got out of the car and walked to the elevators, pressing the up  button and standing inside patiently until the fourteenth flour is reached.

It didn't take long for the heavy silver doors to slide open and I immediately headed out. If I recall correctly, there are only two large flats on the said floor - one being occupied by Onew-hyung and the other remained unfilled. Sneaky little klutz, wanting all the silence to himself and not to mention getting away from his stalker fans.

I passed by the first door and for some reason, a feeling of uneasiness enveloped me.
Ghosts aren't real, are they?

Oh, . So, now supernatural beings want to come and eat me for all the bad things I've done?

I'm seriously going crazy, that plain thought should be enough explanation.

I shrugged, walking past the haunted door and ending up in front of the singer's apartment. I rang the doorbell, a hand holding onto the music sheets. My initial expectation - which was to be greeted by Onew-hyung eating chicken for dinner - was altered when after a few minutes, the owner of the flat still didn't make his presence known.

I tried pressing the button once again in case he missed hearing the first one. A few seconds ticked by and finally, the door was pulled open from the inside revealing a surprised - and oddly stressed - Lee Jinki.

It felt strange seeing his eyes widen at the very sight of me. Did he not check the monitor from the inside before opening the door?

"Jonghyun? What brings you here?"
He questioned. Not really the kind of greeting I was expecting.

"Hi, Hyung. I came to deliver these since producer-nim said he couldn't get a hold of you."
I smiled, waving the papers for him to see.

"Oh. Thanks, Jonghyun. I was kind of busy I didn't think someone would call."
He finally smiled back, somehow looking relieved and grabbing the scores from me.
"Come in, come in. We haven't talked for a while!"

I simply nodded and followed inside after kicking my shoes off. I settled for sitting on the long couch while he rummages the contents of the fridge for something to drink, just like old times.

"Uhh, we got all sorts of milk, a box of orange juice, a couple of sodas, and water."

I looked at the direction of the source of his voice - most likely the kitchen - and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

We?

"Did all your soju turned into milk?"
I found myself asking after remembering the many times that I've seen him chug down a bottle of alcohol as if it was water.

"Ya! Whatever. I'm giving you a can of coke whether you like it or not, you ungrateful pup."
I heard him mumble, his head still stuck inside the fridge.

I shrugged him off, not really caring what the drink is as long as I get to talk to him and catch up on things.

My eyes scanned the living room - nothing seemed to change except for a few things lying around. A pink cat plushie sat beside me on the long couch, a pair of bunny slippers tucked under the center table, and a yellow post-it stuck on the vase filled with colorful flowers placed on the shelf beside the TV which says, 'Poor flowers need to drink!'.

It was as if he was living with somebody, a lover. And to make matters worse, it reminded me of you.

"Here."
The older male's voice broke me out of my trance when he handed me the can of coke.

"Thanks."
I mouthed, grabbing the soda and popping the sipping hole.
I almost spat out the liquid when he sat down on the single sofa wearing a pink apron. The acid went up my nose, causing me to tear up a little, as I tried to swallow the drink.

"What?"
He obliviously asked upon noticing my current choking state.

"What in the world are you wearing that for, Hyung?"
I asked, trying not to sound offensive, while wiping the slight tear in the corner of my eye.

"Oh, this?"
He looked down at his body, a finger pointing at the apron. As he looked back at me, he had this knowing smile plastered across his face.
"House rules."

"Since when did you have house rules? Wait, wait, wait. Are you living with someone? Your secret girlfriend, perhaps?"
It seems like my mouth has a mind of its own as it spoke the teasing questions from my mind.

Weird. I couldn't keep my eyes off of that apron. The one you have back home kept flashing through my mind.

"Recently."
He chuckled.
"And yeah, practically. But not with a girl, you !"

For the past  hour, I ended up laying all my anxieties to him. It felt like a huge boulder was lifted off of my chest. He listened from the beginning until the end, not even the least bit weirded out when I told him I was attracted to both genders. The respect was still there, and I'm glad I decided to tell him.

But something bothered me, though.
Why wasn't he surprised when I told him about you?

Instead of bombarding me with questions about you, who he needs to work with soon because of the MV, he remained calm and just kept on smiling. Sometimes I wish I have the power to read people's minds so that I won't be left out in the dark anymore.

I'm an insensitive idiot, that fact was proven so many times already.

Why make it harder for me?

"So, shouldn't you be resting? It's getting kind of late."
He inquired after checking the clock for the umpteenth time that night.

"Hyung, are you purposely kicking me out? You've been glancing at the clock ever since I got here."
I pouted, not intentional.

He laughed lightly and pushed himself up from the couch, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. The mischievous look he had earlier on was replaced with nothing but seriousness.

"To tell you the truth, I need to be somewhere. And I know I'd most likely be murdered for doing this, but uhh, I think... It's better if you come with me."

A/N:

Eh, got bored, didn't ya?
Nothing much happened in this chapter, sorry.
I wanted the pace to go on smoothly, I didn't really want to rush it. So, yea.

Remember how I promised you, guys, a double update?
*wiggles eyebrows*

Yeah, it's happening. Lol.
I'll be posting the next chapter before 24 hours pass.
Since we have different time zones, I can't really tell if it'll be another day for you when
the chapter is posted. Just hold on to that promise that I'll post it before a day has passed.
Because I'm doing a DVD marathon with my siblings right now (Barbie - The Diamond Castle,
Percy Jackson and The Olympians, Stardust, Narnia 1 & 2).

Anyway, I want to know your opinion about something.

Should I change this story's title?
Reason: I was browsing through some Yoosu fics and found one with the exact title as mine.

I'm worried, will I be charged of something? :<

P.S.
Thank you to all who subscribed! I may not have the time
to thank you personally by visiting your wall, but I'm really, really touched
that people are actually reading what I'm posting here. THANK YOU, EVERYONE!
*waves to all old and new readers*

P.P.S
Has anyone seen Key's bed scene during
his musical, Catch Me If You Can? ♥