a/n: I would say this is a filler chapter, but, it's not actually.

It's just the first 9646 words of the final chapter. Cos didn't wanna dump all the things together in the last chapter. You should get some time to absorb the information, right?

(purple hyacinth - I Am Sorry; Please Forgive Me: Sorrow)

His mandatory army service goes unexpectedly nice. Initially, he does have a problem with adjusting to waking up so early and running for drills but Yoongi is used to a schedule, of doing certain things in a certain hours. Just not in an organised and ordered fashion. After the initial hitch, he starts appreciating it - the disciplined environment, the fixed hour of waking up and retiring to bed; the fixed hours for meals. The standard drills for everyone who has joined to be a part of the mandatory service. Yoongi realizes that the army life is better suited to him than the idol one and that he should have just become a soldier instead. Being an idol often gives him identity crisis. Is he Suga? Min Yoongi? Agust D? Has he been successful? In achieving his dreams? Because he has achieved something, but, is it what he had wanted? Wished for? Is he really the cute person his fans think him to be? ‘cuz he knows he isn’t. Is he really as nice as ARMYs tell him to be? Is he as hardworking as they think him to be? Does he deserve it? How does he distance himself from his on-stage personas? It gets to him in the way fame and glamour gets to everybody else.

Being under someone’s scrutiny, knowing someone is always following you, always watching you; that you have to watch your step, doesn’t help. It only makes the matter more grave.

Yoongi figures he really really likes the anonymity here. None one seems to recognise him.

Two years pass swiftly and Yoongi is apprehensive of what’s to come. He now knows what it is like to live away from the public’s eye. Does he want to go back? Is he ready to become Idol Suga again? He has absolutely no idea what the other members are doing and have done in the past two years. Jimin doesn’t visit him after first year. His brother Jihoon and his mother have visited him during the visiting hours but most of the times, there was no one. His father dropped in one time and it was so awkward; both of them standing and looking away from each other, at a loss for words. His father left after fifteen minutes.

It is during his last week, Sejin comes to meet, his face haggard, informing how the officials messed up his release papers. He’ll have to stay back but only for a week at the most. Yoongi isn’t disappointed because once he goes back out there, there’s no coming back.

Of course, one week of delay means Seokjin is already out. It means a reduction in the time he’ll be able to spend with Namjoon and Hoseok.

The day he is released, manager Sejin comes to pick him up and drive him to his home. When Yoongi asks the older man why he looks so glum, the taller man only shakes his head and tells the rapper to rest well. They’ll leave for Seoul twenty-four hours later. They have to cut the hours of his stay at Daegu. Yoongi doesn’t insist on knowing why. He’ll find out soon anyway.

*

Yoongi and his mother sit on the couch in the living room, talking all night about his army stint and how he feels so fresh and rejuvenated. She also hands him back his phone. He switches it on and watches all the messages flood his inbox. Two years his phone was switched off. He tells Sejin on the way about getting a new phone who simply nods his head. They reach Seoul by the next evening and he is taken straight to the BigHit office. He is puzzled for a bit. He was expecting to go to dorm first.

Bang Shihyuk is waiting for him inside.

“It’s good to see you again, Yoongi.”

“Thank you. Same here.” They side hug each other.

“Yoongi, I hope you are prepared for the fanmeet tonight.”

“Already?”

Bang PD frowns and looks at Sejin. “Have you not filled him in?”

Yoongi looks from Shihyuk to Sejin. “Fill me in with what?”

“That we are not renewing BTS’s contract.” oh Hitman Bang looks regretful. “I’m really sorry. We wanted to wait for every one to be here another two years later and take the decision together but, we couldn’t.”

It’s not totally.. unexpected. The contract expires in almost three years time. BTS will be 10 years old by then. It is.. quite.. expected but, the news nevertheless sinks his heart.

“Why?”, he asks.

“Taehyung already filed for nullifying his contract. We somehow managed to make him-” What? Someone knocks at the door, looking for Bang PD, “I have to go. I have got a meeting. Sejin, tell him.”

Bang PD ushers them out of his cabin and Yoongi takes leaden steps towards the van waiting outside, his heart hammering in his cage. Because what? The what?

He waits till the vehicle starts moving to turn around and demand, “Taehyung filed for what?”

Sejin sighs. “Yoongi.. there were a lot of problems.. It’s not because of anything else. He wanted it out of concern for us.”

“Concern for what?” He hisses.

“We got involved in a .. drug scandal.”

***

His head is reeling. He manages to have enough time to wash up in the dorm before he is hauled to change his clothes. They stop on the way for snacks and continue to the fanmeet location. Seokjin is waiting backstage and looks glum. They don’t have much time to talk other than exchange ‘hi’s and hug and are propelled by the staff towards the stage. Namjoon joins half way through the meet surprising them both. Yoongi had been deflecting questions not related to him (as he had been told to) and so did Seokjin. Namjoon takes the more pressing questions and announces this is his last fanmeet for a while. He’ll be leaving for his mandatory service in a week’s time and he apologises to the crowd on behalf of Idol JHope who is unable to attend the fanmeet due to poor health and is resting before he too has to leave for the military service. As soon as they reach the dorm, Yoongi finds out that’s a lie.

They also have a new manager now. Sejin is the only one same from before. It’s all too much to take in. He is unprepared. It’s like being thrown into the woods alone and be expected to run away from the wolves. Reality barking at him to wake up.

Taehyung, Sejin informed him, was involved in a drug scandal - he was hospitalised due to drug overdose. They are lucky Taehyung was found by a friend in time. There was a huge battle in the court following his hospitalisation. Taehyung had developed several medical complications during that time. It also in the due process became a public knowledge that the singer was once a Hanahaki patient.

The scandal was huge. Fans and anti-fans equally booed them and targeted the singer in malicious comments and posts. Till Taehyung recovered enough to come out to the public and give his statement - he accused a mid-ranking government official of propositioning him to sponsor him and on being declined, his continuous persistence despite Taehyung having turned him down several times. Framing him in a drug scandal was just a means to get back at him. The whole situation turned nasty with the minister denying it and calling the singer a liar and delusional. Taehyung was almost about to be slapped with defamation charges till videos of said government official in compromising situations made into the internet and spread like wildfire. One of his ex-assistant stepped forward as a witness to say the minister was corrupted and was a man with nefarious intent. He has ruined several idols and stars lives like that. A few actors and ex-idols then finding courage also came out and spoke in Taehyung’s favour and told how they had been once victims too.

The minister was immediately sacked from his post and is now on trial with different charges levelled against him.

This happened almost a year after Yoongi left for service.

***

Yoongi drops his hand bag on the couch and rounds up on them.

“Why didn’t you guys tell me? The did you keep this away from me?!”

Namjoon only sighs in reply and plops on the couch. “You just came back, hyung. I was beginning to be happy to see you. Don’t ruin it.”

“ ‘Don’t ruin it’? ” He sneers in disbelief and looks at Seokjin in incredulity but, the older man shakes his hand.

“Yoongi-yah, we’ll talk about this. When you’re refreshed and have rested.”

“Hyung-” The door to the living room opens and a very healthy-looking, vibrant Hoseok
enters, bounds up to him and hugs him. Yoongi’s wide eyes turn back to their leader in accusation and demands, “Didn’t you say he isn’t well?”

Hoseok laughs from next to him and squeezes his shoulder once. “Am glad to see you too.” The rapper says sarcastically. He feels pity for Yoongi and explains, “I didn’t feel like attending.” He shrugs his shoulder like it’s no big deal and pries himself off Yoongi as the other rapper stares at him. “You just came back. Don’t burden yourself right at once.” He then saunters off to his room. Yoongi looks back at the others, waiting for an explanation.

“Things have changed, hyung” is all Namjoon says before he too leaves the room. Seokjin pats the spot next to him and motions him to sit down.

“It was all too much too soon for me too. It’ll take time.”

“Taeh-”

“No”, Seokjin sighs.

“But-”

“Yoongi, not right now. You’ll know eventually anyway. Give yourself some time before that.”

“Where are the kids?” Yoongi asks, defeated.

“...”

Yoongi looks at him. “Hyung?”

“MC-ing somewhere.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at him. They sit in silence like that till Seokjin remembers that he has to prepare some nice dishes. His family will be visiting in the evening. He asks Yoongi to help him with preparing them. No need to jump into things they’ll be falling into anyway.

***

It has been three days since Yoongi arrived back to the dorm. He is yet to see Taehyung.

He is even yet to hear someone mention him.

Jungkook is always busy on his phone or, computer. Hoseok is texting his girlfriend or, dancing in the practice hall. Namjoon is in the studio working till the last moment. He won’t have much time to prepare for their last album when their service gets over is the explanation he gives Yoongi. Seokjin is lounging most of the time if he isn’t in gym. Jimin is either practicing his dance moves or, out on a date somewhere. Yoongi himself is lounging like Seokjin most of the time. With or, without him. The older member at least goes to gym. Yoongi can’t bear to take himself to the studio. He doesn’t know why.

He is still waiting for any proper explanation to what happened. He has searched online and has seen the older articles. He was flinching half the time while going through them, blanching when he reads about the minister accusing Taehyung of having no morals and being easy. Yoongi wants to kill the minister.

So much has happened in his absence and it’s all too much to take in.

“What are you thinking about?” Seokjin asks.

“I know we promised to each other that when whoever will be in army we’ll not let them have in connection to this world. Give them peace from all this.. chaos. Hyung - I-”

“They told me only a week after I came back. Namjoon did. I was still at home then.”
They are sitting on the rooftop, a beer bottle each in their hands, Seokjin’s face turned away from him. “Have you met him?” His voice is low and cautious. They don’t need to take his name.

“No.”

“You won’t either.” Yoongi’s head snaps so quickly in his direction that he gets a whiplash.

“Oww..” He rubs his nape. “What do you mean?”

“You won’t see him till our next group schedule that is.” Yoongi’s eyes widen. “I mean, whatever version of the group”, Seokjin quickly clarifies, “not like, all seven of us but, you know, may be if you two have schedule together, you can meet him.”

“Why?”

“He left the dorm.” Yoongi gapes at him. Seokjin chuckles and flicks him on the face. “Shut that mouth of yours. Don’t wanna have mosquitoes. Do you?” Yoongi grimaces and swats his arm away.

“He left the dorm? When? Why did no one- How did Bang PD allow him?” Yoongi narrows his eyes. “They didn’t force him to. Did they? Because of the scandal?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “No, no nothing like that.”

“That better be.” Yoongi glowers.

“Taetae left by himself.” Seokjin says softly. Yoongi stares at the oldest member. The singer sighs, taking a swig of the bitter liquid. “I don’t know why, Yoongi. I dunno. All I know that - all I could make out that something happened (“no ” the rapper says acerbically) - Not- not due to the scandal. There was a fight. Some argument. I don’t know. They don’t wanna talk about it and I haven’t found Jimin alone around for too long.” The singer chuckles bitterly. “I can understand. One would want to run away from here.”

“That’s not like Jiminnie.”

“That’s what it seems to be like though. Everyone’s changed, Yoongi-yah. Everything’s changed. It’s better if we accept the fact faster.”

Yoongi drinks the no-longer-cold beer trying to recall any difference he may have noticed. He knows Seokjin to be a very observant man. He must be saying on the basis of something but, he refuses to believe it before he sees it for himself. Seokjin’s fingers wrap around his free hand. The singer is crying. The rapper immediately puts his bottle down.

“Hyung? I know we couldn’t be there for Tae but-”

“No.” The older male is shaking his head. “No.” He looks at Yoongi, his eyes and nose red. His cheeks slightly flushed. “Sorry.”

The rapper’s heart picks up speed, anxious. “Hyung..”

“I wasn’t not just there for him - Yoongi opens his mouth to protest - I even lied to him.” Yoongi’s mouth falls shut. “I told everything will be okay. I insisted him to get it done, it’ll be okay. I promised him everything will become better. I lied to him. I gave him false hopes.” Yoongi looks at the singer in trepidation.

“What are you saying, hyung?”

Seokjin’s grip on his wrist is bruising. “It wasn’t better, Yoongi. It kept him alive, Yoongi-yah.” He is crying loudly, tears spilling. “It just kept him alive but, it killed him everyday. It still kills him.”

“Are you- are you talking about..” Yoongi’s eyes are wide, searching the older’s face, to tell him quickly, to quell the fear building up in him.

“The operation. Yoongi-yah. It has created more damage then it has helped.”

“It saved his life!” Yoongi says horrified. “How can you even say it created more damage?! What makes you say that?”

Seokjin wipes his tear with the back of his hand. “Do you remember the first time we took Taehyung to the hospital for his allergy?”Yoongi nods his head. “The doctor asked us if he was on some medicinal drugs?”

“What? So, he was on drugs? I thought he said he didn’t?” He says, not quite following.

“No. He wasn’t on drugs.” Seokjin snorts. “Not that kind anyway.” Yoongi frowns. “He- he was prescribed a lot of medication post-surgery due to his condition. He had to keep going for check-ups. For a year.”

“No way.” Yoongi says in disbelief. “He told us the day after Joon-ah’s birthday was his last.”

“Yea. That’s what it was supposed to be but, he never turned up, apparently. When he did, his condition had taken a set back. Uncle Yeon said that every time he would improve, he would come back the next time with an even more worse state. It was like his improvement was always receded with every succeeding appointment.” His gaze is burning with a ferocity, with reproach. “Do you know how long it takes for a Hanahaki patient to recover?”

He is afraid to ask. To know. “How long?” Yoongi’s voice is strained.

“At the max, a week.” Seokjin releases his grip on Yoongi and cards his hand through his hair. “Tae took a ing long year.”

“Why?” His voice is barely audible, not wanting to hear what he suspects.

“What do you think?” Seokjin snaps in irritation before he mumbles a sorry. “We never let him have a proper chance at recovery. Uncle Yeon kept telling me. Warning me but, I..” The elder trails off.

Yoongi tilts his head up and his vision blurs for a second. “So, he got allergy from the medication?”

“Yes and no.” Yoongi waits for him to elaborate. “His body is susceptible to a lot .. I don’t know.. He didn’t follow the diet he was strictly advised by the physician on case. He skipped on his check-ups. He, probably, skipped his meds too. One year’s too long, Yoongi-yah. By the time, he was completely free, he got .. addicted to it. Those meds have high content of.. this chemical in their composition. Uncle Yeon said it should not be taken for a prolonged period. So, his dosage were always alternated and changed and finally stopped.” Yoongi senses the singer has more to continue with. “Officially.” is all he says then.

“So, what? Like, Taehyung continued with his medicines? Even after the course was over?”

“Yes.”

“Because he got addicted?”

“It’s not that simple, Yoongi. Hanahaki is not as easy people make it to be.” He turns his head towards Yoongi who looks back at him. The singer’s gaze is so pained and heavy. “I have known people.. who have had Hanahaki. It’s cruel, Yoongi. To the person it happens.” Seokjin’s eyes are searching for something, he can tell. He just doesn’t know what. “It can be cruel even to the person for whom it happens.” Yoongi looks away. “It’s horrible. That pain. That love and then, when you sacrifice it, it leaves a.. a mental scar. It’s not like a childish love. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise. It’s borne from insecurity, desperateness, a dangerous defence mechanism sure to take you to your death.” Seokjin places his hand on Yoongi’s thigh. “Even after having seen, having known, having heard all that.. I don’t know why I chose to believe Taehyung was going to