(red carnation - my heart aches for you)

They sit like that till Taehyung stops crying. Yoongi ignores the sharp pangs of guilt in his chest; choosing to focus on trying to provide the boy comfort. They sit in silence, unmoving, close and huddled against the wall. He rubs his hand in slow circles on Taehyung’s back, trying to calm the boy whose sniffs are muffled against his cotton t-shirt. His phone buzzes. He ignores it.

“Hyung..”

He pulls himself a little away from the boy whose eyes and nose are red and cheeks are tear-stained to have a better look at his face. There is saliva sticking to his t-shirt but, it’s a testament to how Yoongi is affected by the news that he does not even blink because of it. Taehyung cringes, however, and tries to wipe it away. Yoongi holds his wrist to stop him.

“Hyung, you can’t tell others. Not till Bang PD allows.”

Yoongi frowns. “How is that possible? Besides they’ll notice it when you - you are not supposed to be talking.”

The red-haired’s laugh sounds bitter to his ears.

“Yea.”

Then, suddenly, Taehyung is pushing away from him and is standing. “I forgot there for a while.” There is a strange look in his eyes for a second.

Yoongi tries to reassure him. “It has happened to a lot of people. It gets better with time.”

Taehyung snorts. Okay, so may be he should not have said that. Jimin is better at this. But, just because he is not good at comforting does not mean he does not want to. “Highly debatable.”

With that, they are back to the beginning. The tensed air is back around them and, somehow, he feels Taehyung isn’t talking about his surgery-predicament. He watches as the singer kicks the glass and sends it rolling further away and vanishes into the room he now shares with Namjoon and Seokjin. He wonders if this had anything to do with the sudden change in their sleeping arrangement. Why Seokjin had suddenly left their room and had exchanged it with Hoseok when the latter had gone back home.

***

Taehyung does not come out of his room. Not even when the others returned. Jimin is disappointed to find his best friend sleeping. Namjoon pulls Jimin back by his collar and tells him to pester him the next morning when the short singer tries to wake him up. Yoongi and Namjoon greet each other curtly before the latter disappears into the bathroom. The rest of them watch them with confused eyes.

Yoongi shrugs his shoulders at Jimin nonchalantly before he is out of their dorm, heading towards the studio. He has taken only a few steps when he hears footsteps behind him. Seokjin looks tired.

“ Yoon-”

“I know about Taehyung.”

Seokjin looks shocked. Didn’t expect that. Did he?

“Tae - Tae, told you?” He stutters like he couldn’t possibly imagine why the other singer might do so.

Yoongi bristles. “Not before I wiped his blood off the floor.” It isn’t the truth but, Yoongi is feeling hurt. He is the oldest member of the group after Jin and he is among the last to know. So, may be he was avoiding Taehyung for other reasons but, they weren’t big enough for him to ignore the younger boy now or, not be aware of his ailments.

Do they have such a low opinion of him?

“Blood?” Seokjin looks alarmed.

“Yes, hyung, blood. What sort of surgery is it though if he is coughing out blood? Since how long have you known?”

“Not too long.” Seokjin looks regretful. “It wasn’t my place to tell and Taehyung specifically told us to not say it to you.”

Ouch. He should have seen that coming. “Even then, hyung. This is a matter of his career and it affects us all.” Yoongi wants to shut his mouth but, all he is doing is blabbering nonsense. He watches Seokjin’s face cloud in confusion.

“His career?”

Yoongi folds his arm on his chest and glares. They are standing in the middle of a dark corridor and it is not the place to be talking about this. Whatever that Seokjin is about to tell him is interrupted by his ringtone. It is Namjoon’s verse of Cypher ii and Yoongi narrows his eyes at him. Seokjin slides his thumb on the phone’s screen and mouths ‘Hobi’ for explanation. “Am coming.. No.. What? .. Oh. .. Okay. Don’t worry. Tell him I can exchange beds with him for tonight. .. . Anything for you, Tae, now go back to sleep.”

“Instead of being an idol, go play the role of a mother. You are better than those actresses”, Yoongi says dryly.

Seokjin brows knit together. It is something Yoongi used to find cute once.“They act.” The singers says it like it explains everything. He is frowning like he does not get why Yoongi said that. “Anyway, don’t stay hungry for too long.”

“Don’t worry for me, hyung.”

He waits till the clack of his shoes’ heel fade away before he heads to his studio.

***

When he remembers to return to the dorm, it is past ten in the morning. He is sure most of them are sleeping, however, he is surprised when he finds Hoseok lounging on the couch, idly flicking through the channels on TV.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Hey.”

“What were you so grumpy about last night?”

He looks through the kitchen - no one. He checks Namjoon’s room - no one again. Only the maknae and Jimin are sleeping. He checks his own room next.

“Where are the rest?” No one is using the bathroom because he would have heard the shower running.

“There is some meeting. Bang PD called them.” That stops Yoongi from his mental grousing about the absent members and looks at the dancer in surprise.

“What?”

“Yea. Funny, isn’t it? Like, why call Tae for it and not you?”

Yoongi dreads the outcome of the meeting - the Whys and Hows and the What Ifs. He is anxious. He paces around that space in circles.

“What you doin’, hyung?” Yoongi goes and flops onto the other end of the couch and Hoseok has a suspicious look in his eyes. “Why you being so funny today? What did I miss?”

“Hobi - I” He cannot forget the image of Taehyung sobbing like that in his arms. There are only a handful number of times since the start he has seen the younger boy cry. Yoongi snatches the remote from the dancer’s hand. “Do you want to play?”

“Play?”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Yea, Hobi. Play.”

“Sure.”

They pull the gadgets out from a blue box that Seokjin had stuffed them into. They sit down to sort and plug the cables. Jimin comes out of his room, rubbing his eyes.

“Mornin’.”

“Morning, ChimChim. Do you wanna play?” Hoseok asks while throwing the controller towards the grey-haired boy who grabs it in reflex and glares at the other.

“Sure, hyung. What are you playing? Wait. Is Yoongi hyung playing too?”

Yoongi turns around from where he is seating cross legged on the floor and glowers at the third member. “Am sitting right here.”

Hoseok pats him on the shoulder (which earns him another glare) and says mockingly, “It’s okay, hyung. No one cares.” Both the dancers cackle and Yoongi looks between the two, feeling so done with them. Jimin kicks away the pillow which Hoseok has brought from his room (which earns him an indignant ‘hey’ ) and sandwiches himself between his two hyungs.

He says, “I know I’ll lose.” Yoongi opens his mouth to pass a sarcastic comment. “My Suga hyung is the best.” Yoongi promptly shuts his mouth at the eye smile the boy is giving him.

Hoseok shoves him towards Yoongi in fake annoyance and mutters, “Yea, yea. Your Suga hyung this and your Suga hyung that.”

Jimin readily grabs one of Yoongi’s hand and jokes, “Why you jealous, hyung?” Jimin winks at Hoseok and Yoongi smirks from beside them.

They don’t hear the door opening or, the three of the previously absent members entering. Three of them look up in surprise. Yoongi does not miss how cautiously Jimin extracts his arm from Yoongi’s on seeing Taehyung. Before, Yoongi would have stopped that arm and been an arse and pulled Jimin towards him to show the other boy. For some reason now though, he lets it be. Unconsciously, he straightens himself and wiggles to move a centimeter away from the boy next to him. He does not feel Hoseok’s gaze upon him. All this transpires in a heartbeat. Then, Jimin shoots up from where he is wedged between the two rappers and bounds towards Taehyung. He practically throws himself at the younger boy, shrieking loudly and they both tumble on the floor as neither of them judged the amount of the force. Everyone starts laughing as Jimin pushes himself up, looking sheepish. Taehyung sits up, groaning. And, for a second, when Taehyung is rubbing the back of his head, their gaze meet. Yoongi can only see the brown orbs. Then, the moment is broken because Taehyung looks away.

Suddenly, Hoseok is jumping on the two and they are wrestling on the ground and Jungkook who had been missing til then, jumps in, taking them by surprise. Yoongi rolls his eyes at them, refusing to join the madness. He can hear the grunts and groans coming from the rolling heap. He hurriedly removes the gadgets and the cable from their way and trails after Seokjin. He is, not surprisingly, standing in the kitchen and Yoongi wonders for the nth time why their eldest member spends most of his free time between stuffing his mouth and being in the kitchen. It isn’t like he cooked all the time.

“Hyung?”

“Hmmm?”

“What did Bang PD say?”

Seokjin is still in the clothes in which he had left in the morning unlike Namjoon who after waking Jungkook up made a beeline for the bathroom. They can hear the shrieks of laughter and high pitched giggles from the other room. Seokjin sighs. He leans himself against the counter, raking one hand through his hair.

“We’ll say everyone. About it. The.. The vocal nodules surgery thing.”

“Was there anything else to say?” Yoongi peers at him curiously. Did he miss something?

“No. Of course not.”

Somehow Yoongi does not believe it. The way Seokjin purses his lips, his posture, his fleeting glances towards Yoongi before he looks away, but, he lets it drop. It may be yet another thing which is not the eldest member’s to tell. It may be yet another thing which Taehyung does not want him, specifically, to know.

“Let’s have lunch before you announce.”

He goes back out and watches as the kids fight in the living space. They have brought their pillows and are throwing them at each other. One such white fluffy pillow flies towards him before it hits him squarely on the face. He looks at Taehyung in incredulity. The hooligans, as he calls them in his mind are howling and Hoseok is fake-cooing. Taehyung shifts uncomfortably on his knees, his hand stretched out for the pillow. He does not miss the citric scent that whiffs from the pillow before he dunks it at Taehyung’s head. They all blink in surprise. Probably, they expected him to not take it sportively. Judging by the surprise look on the red-haired boy, so had he too. Yoongi smirks at him. He is pleased when Taehyung returns him a smile. He turns on his heels and leaves the scene.

When afternoon comes, and the nature of the meeting has been revealed, everyone is devastated. Jimin and Hoseok are wailing for their Taetae and Jungkook is all pale and quiet. Namjoon and Seokjin look uncomfortable, sitting on the floor pointedly facing away from each other. Jimin is weeping and shaking Taehyung who is sitting quietly on the couch squeezed between them, his eyes downcast. The two dancers are mumbling promises of never leaving the younger one alone ever again and berating themselves to have not known and letting their poor Tae suffer all by himself. Taehyung tries to comfort them by pointing out that the leader and their eldest hyung knew so, he wasn’t exactly alone and then, proceeds to joke, “It’s not like I had cancer or, something.”

The intensity of everyone’s glares shrink him in his place.

Yoongi who does not know where to put himself and is torn between wanting to demand questions like the others were doing (“why didn’t you say something before?” “Did you let your condition be so bad by negligence that you fainted in the station?” “How did they not come to know?”) and rescuing Taehyung from the inquisition. He knows the other members need to know too but, the look of anxious on the singer’s face makes the decision for him. (Though he does not get why the boy should feel guilty in the first place but, then, it is Taehyung. He could.)

“Okay, that’s enough. What happened can’t be helped with. Let’s focus on what’s to come.” Jimin opens his mouth to argue but, Yoongi stops him with a sharp look. “This affects him more than any of us. He needs time. Don’t pressurise or, harass him with unnecessary questions.” Seokjin smiles at him proudly and Taehyung gives him a grateful look.

Jimin looks at him suspiciously and glares. Well. He can’t support his favourite dongsaeng for everything.

“Are you going to the studio?” Namjoon’s voice is a relief and brings him an excuse to escape.

“Yea, yea. Are you coming along?”

“Yes, hyung.”

He quickens his step to disappear from the questions he is sure would be now thrown at him. He hears Jimin say in a tone of disbelief “Yoongi hyung knew it too?”

He also wants to avoid Jungkook’s stare when his lips were threatening to stretch into a smile upon seeing Taehyung’s. He dutifully squashes the warm feeling spreading in his chest.

***

When he walks out of the dorm, it is to escape Jimin and Hoseok’s questions. What he walks into is a very uncomfortable silence in the studio. Namjoon is all quite and grim which is very understandable. Yoongi knows it is a grave matter and he himself is worried about Taehyung but, he has seen and heard a lot of other idols who have recovered from this.. situation just fine. So, why is Namjoon treating it like a matter of life and death? He does not voice it because he knows Namjoon or, even Seokjin for that matter will take it as an offence. He does not get why those around Taehyung instead of staying positive and keep him up and running, look grim, morose and sad. Jimin perpetually has the crying face on him; Hoseok is no far behind. Jungkook is all laughs and smiles till he sees Taehyung and, then, he goes quiet, pale and nervous. Seokjin looks worried and Namjoon is annoyed. He looks like he would flip out at any moment. Especially, when it comes to Yoongi. The disapproving and disappointed looks he sends in Yoongi’s way every now and then is getting the short rapper peeved. At one point, he gets a ridiculous idea in his head. May be, Namjoon thinks it is Yoongi’s fault that Taehyung is suffering. May be, he blames Yoongi.

The remaining of their concert tour is postponed to the third week of September. They do not want to perform without one of their members present. For the second time in BTS history, their tour is cancelled and Taehyung apologizes to the members many times. However, they continue to pick up knew routines for dance - Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. Jungkook being the singer also sits for practices with Seokjin. He is also in two new variety shows and is constantly going in and out of the dorm. Taehyung, given his current disposition has been given a break. Every now and then, he practices for his drama whose shooting will start in a few months. They will go back to the concert thing as soon as Taehyung recovers. The tickets have been refunded. BTS does not release any statement giving any details for the cancellation. Namjoon and Yoongi are busy with producing new songs. Namjoon also the leader, is busy in chalking up their schedule with the staff. In the first and in the only such meeting that Yoongi takes part in, he asks Bang PD if instead of exempting Taehyung from the new show ‘Bon Voyage’ for they’ll be shooting, they postpone the dates of said shooting too since it could well affect the singer’s popularity. Namjoon and Bang PD gawk at him. He squirms under their attention. Yoongi has never made a personal request before and his rift with the red-haired singer is well known among the staff. Bang PD acquiesces when Yoongi offers to produce more songs and dedicate more time on improving what he has already done in the mean time.

(When Yoongi leaves and the meeting room is still shrouded in silence, Bang PD breaks the silence and tells Namjoon that he was going to agree to the request anyway since Yoongi has never asked for anything personally and how much more time could he dedicate to music production anyway? It is humanly impossible.)

Taehyung is present in the BTS third anniversary shoot. He is also present in the anniversary special radio but, barely talks. He is not his usual self. Yoongi can tell. He knows. It’s not easy. When fans are asking so many questions and a person of Taehyung’s nature has to be suddenly cut off from communication. The tall singer can’t talk to his parents now. His friends. With the members. He is very withdrawn. Occasionally, talking and laughing at Namjoon and Hoseok’s jokes. He wonders why they are even letting him be on the radio. He is talking most importantly. Won’t that make his situation worse? When the quiz round comes and Namjoon fails to answer Jimin’s questions, his ‘I would've easily got all the answers right if I did Jimin's’ slips out of his mouth. As soon as those words tumble out of his mouth, he feels conscious and his voice drops. He looks at the cue cards in his hands and blinks. Why is he feeling conscious? It takes him a whole second to answer to what Jimin had sung in his audition. Not even thirty seconds pass before the now-blond singer excuses himself from his seat and leaves. He does not miss the blank look of Hoseok and the awkwardness on Namjoon’s face, the pitiful smile of Seokjin’s and Jimin’s poker face or, Jungkook’s “Did he just.. ?”

With their leader’s “Wow, that was all of a sudden. What’s this situation”, everyone starts conversing in their usual fashion and the split-second uncomfortable atmosphere is dispelled. Yoongi tries to stick to his usual expression and not let the confusion inside of him show on his face. He is relieved when Taehyung comes back.

Fans become curious when Taehyung is repeatedly missing from the ‘Bangtan Bomb’ uploads. When BTS turns up at KCON New York without Taehyung rumours start flying that the young idol will be dropping out of the po