Yuri POV

“Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Kwon Yul! Happy Birthday to you!”

You haven’t lived until you have heard triplets of Sooyoung, Tiffany and Yoona sing you “Happy Birthday”. They do it every year…at full volume and full of enthusiasm.

Taeyeon and Seohyun come to my room with twenty-five red velvet cupcakes with each one with candle in it, followed by Sunny and Hyoyeon carrying colorful helium balloons.

I’m twenty-five today. But I feel flippin ninety-five.

“Thank you, girls.”

And I blow the candles all out without making a wish.

Because I know my wish couldn’t be granted after all.

And this is the birthday that I have really wanted to skip. I want to rewind time and go back to my last year birthday. Warm Princess was here. Physically. In this room with us. With me. Serenading a birthday song together with the triplets, laughing together and lovingly pressing her lips on mine, while whispering “I love you forever, Yuri” countless times.

I’m smiling now thinking about her, but my stomach churns.

I don’t want to eat my birthday cake without her.

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Yuri POV

Our plane is going to depart for Japan in three hours. Yokohama, to be exact. The first stop of SNSD’s world tour.

World-freaking-tour. How I wish I could have requested for a leave absent. I can actually ask Hyukjun and get him to convince Boss Lee Soo Man. Besides, Lee Soo Man trusts Hyukjun a lot and I think that’s the main reason Hyukjun was getting promoted four years ago as one of SM top executive boards.

However, with the same reason as well, I know he is also not going to fulfill my request. Undoubtedly.

So, I grab handful of clothes, jeans, undergarments, toiletries, passport, phone and drop them into my suitcase. It’s a last-minute packing and I am confident that I may forget lots of things, but it’s too late now. Everyone has already been waiting in the living room for me. Or maybe they’ve already left to the carpark.

I zip and lock it, then pull out the suitcase handle. I also check the pocket of my jacket for my cigarette and lighter. All ready. But, I can’t wholly step out of my bedroom without staring at Warm Princess’s letter that she left for me, lying on top of my dresser table. It’s still securely sealed inside the envelop. She knew she was dying. I know it’s a goodbye message and I’m still sure as hell not ready to open it. I switch off the light and start dragging my luggage towards the hall.

I definitely get it right. Everyone has already left, except Sooyoung, who is probably getting told by Taeyeon to wait for me, and…Hyukjun. I’m actually surprised he’s here.

Sooyoung tips her chin up when she catches a sight of me. “Gotta move your faster, Kwon Douche Blackie.”

“Sorry, I am bad with last minute packing, Miss Choi Shiksin Beccuccio.”

That’s how we always address each other. Our terms of endearment. And speaking about Sooyoung, she is the only person in the group who will straightforwardly tell me that Warm Princess is gone. As in indeed gone. Yeah, gone. Physically. From this world. No sugarcoating. No camouflage. Just outspoken honesty. And I love her for it.

“I’ll see you in the carpark, dude.” She taps my shoulder and bids farewell to Hyukjun.” See you next time, Oppa,”

“Bye, Sooyoung.”

We stand still in silence as Sooyoung has completely disappeared from our sight.

“Yul, you may have already heard million times beforehand. But, I just want to let you know that I’ll always proud of you, sis.” He squishes my hand tightly.

I remain silent.

“You’ll always say that you really look up at me. But truthfully, is the other way around, Yul. I’m the one who look up at you.” He continues as he stares at my eyes deeply.” I still remember at the time when I was wishing to be buried together with umma and appa inside the tombstone---“

“And I punch you afterwards” I interrupt.

He lets a small smile and sighs. “Yeah, I was being a jerk at that time.”

“And I didn’t want to speak with you at all until you swore to me of getting your tongue cut off if you had ever brought that idea up again.”

He heaves another sigh and hugs me afterwards.

Now, I am the one who wants to fall apart in his arms. I remember that, once, I actually really thought of getting buried together with Warm Princess, because I didn’t want to live anymore without her. Remembering that, I’m really feeling like a bastard now. Especially, to Hyukjun. This time, I totally deserve to get punched.

“Yul, I know you don’t really want to go on this tour. But, just for this time, you don’t have to do it for me. Or because of a job. Do this for your members. Do this for SONES. Do this for umma and appa. Do this for…Sooyeon. You can do it, Yul.”

I really want to respond with “Yes, I will” or “Yes, I can”, but I can’t bring myself to say it now. Truthfully, I’m also going to embark into an unknown territory soon and I don’t even want to think about it now. Not in the least.

Instead, I just reply with a nod.

”Bye, Oppa. Love you and see you soon.”

“Bye sis, love you.”

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Yuri POV

It’s officially Friday by the time we touch in Yokohama and I’m quietly relieved that the flying hours only take two hours from Seoul. Relieved that I’m totally pain-free from all the fuss of getting a nightmare of jetlag.

Yet, I still need to drag my off the plane, through customs and all the way to our hotel. I’ll need a time to cool myself off before heading for soundcheck, rehearsal and an interview before the show tonight. To be honest, I do really want to skip the freaking interview.

Because I know I’m absolutely going to be flippin horrible at telling a lie and it’s damn hard to put my game face on.

So, I am actually grateful when Taeyeon and Seohyun mostly do the talking part. Answering every nitty-gritty questions with caution, specifically during the part where the reporters ask Warm Princess whereabouts. That’s where I’m going to be freaking terrible faking it with a ‘cover-up’ story. Faking the truth that she’s died. Indeed, it’s extremely forbidden to tell the world that she’s died. SM told us because fans are not yet ready to hear this news. And a breach at any condition will be deemed and taken very seriously by the company. Basically, the only answer allowed to say is “She’s currently under medical condition.” No further explanation.

What a .

And I practically want to hug our Manager Oppa when he reminds the reporters that any personal questions are off the table. No need to dodge why we’ve been off the radar for couple of weeks. Thank Him, because I’d probably take somebody’s head off and silence them with my fist if they’ve personally directed those questions to me.

Dinner is preceded by, and concluded with several strong Japanese sake bottles.

That’s decent enough to calm my nerves down and get myself comfortable when we take the stage because I