Jessica POV
 

I am walking on air. It seems surreal that we’ve just had ; that she made love to me. God, she made love to me! I am lost in my own thought - again, recalling the deed we’ve just done not so long ago. The way Yuri beautifies my body with her lips; her possessiveness over me and her deep-brown orbs that never fail to make my stomach churns. . .I shiver just remembering the feel of our physical intimacy – overwhelming, sensational- everything I have ever dreamed of. Everything that I don’t even dare to imagine before.

Before I meet her.

I feel different. I feel accepted. It’s not a fake acceptance. It’s real. Freaking real. And I’ve never felt more than alive right now.

I am interrupted in my thoughts by the sound of my phone. One text message. From Yuri. I let out a giddy smile as I slide my screen page.

Yuri: “Sica, I’ve got good news. My creative juices are flowing like a waterfall –non-stop. You know what?I’ve just finished written two songs in one hour. Two freaking songs, Sica! I won’t be able to do it without you : ) “

My smile is getting even wider and I text her back quickly.

Me: “I know you can do it, Yul : ) Now I’m dying to hear you play those songs for me.”

Yuri: “I will. In fact, I badly want to play them for you. Now. Oh damn it… I don’t just want to play those songs for you. I want you too. Badly.”

I let out a nervous breath as I read her reply. Just by thinking of being intimate with Yuri again makes my cheeks getting heated and my heart beat harshly in my chest.

Me: “I want you too. Yuri, can we. . . . maybe, later. . . tonight?”

I’m pretty sure my entire body is experiencing an extreme heatwave at the moment as I replied her text. This is crazy. But it’s true. It’s real. My body longs for her. I long for her like I’ve never longed for anything in my life.

Yuri: “, I don’t know if I can hold it until tonight, Sica. But I have to. . . damn deadline! Jae-Won’s been nagging me to get everything done, so all of us can start recording soon and preparing for our comeback.”

Comeback. My first ever comeback with the girls. With Yuri. Excitement fills my soul with the thought of being on stage with the girls and especially, Yuri. The last time we hit the stage is back in America. The time when I was still unaware and had no idea that someone would’ve made my entire world flipped. The time when I was still stubbornly in denial and scared to admit the truth to myself, even though deep down I already knew that my heart had been overtaken.

I smile and reply her back.

Me:”Yul, you have no idea. Every part of me aches – my body, my skin and my heart- for you to fill me again. They’ve already missed your taste. But, we must hold on, at least until you finish your work. And you know, I can’t wait for our comeback too. Or ‘debut’, at least for me.”

Yuri: “I miss to taste every fiber of your being again, Sica. But you’re right. This is your ‘debut’ and it has to be special. I’m going to give the best of me to make it even more special, just for you : )

Btw, are you still at SM? Are you feeling bored? Sorry to keep you waiting, dear. One more hour and I’m done.”

Me: “Then, make it special, Yul. Fill the songs with your magic touch, because I want to feel you when I sing them. Feel every fiber of you filling my soul.

I’m on my way to COEX Mall to buy dinner for us. You must be hungry. Let’s eat together after you finish work!”

Yuri: “I feel you. No, I breathe and hold you in every time I write and sing the songs. You’re the main fuel of my soul, Sica. You’re fueling me. Oh Sica, I freaking want to get the whole world know that I burn for you.

You’re right, I’m hungry. But it’s not just only a physical hunger. You’d better hurry!”

Me: “And I want to burn brighter for you, Yuri. Burn your lips, your skins and your souls until both of us can’t contain, can’t control anymore.

I’ll be hurry. See you soon!”

Yuri: “See you soon, my fuel.”

Yuri’s reply has the blood coursing through my body and the recent images of what we did in the bathroom hits my mind again. I smile sheepishly and fasten my pace towards the entrance of the mall. I’d better hurry!

A minute later, I am pulling open the entrance doors of the COEX Mall and welcomed with the boisterous noise of thousands of people gather in this mega-spacious lobby. I let out a deep breath as I stride forward and walk past anyone – who seems oblivious of my presence. It’s a huge relief that today I bring my cap with me so no one, hopefully, won’t be able to recognize me in the public. Honestly, I am still not used to an idea of wearing a cap, especially when it’s indoor. Or maybe it’s just me who’s not used to the reality that we. . . me is actually popular in South Korea.

I keep walking past a collection of shops along the long corridor without a stop. The floor maybe isn’t as crowded as the lobby or no one pays me any attention nor recognizes me, but still, I am not slowing down my pace. I’d better be hurry. Yuri is hungry, Yuri is almost done, Yuri is waiting for you, Yuri is . . . looking. . . My steps come to slow stop as my eyesight makes a contact with a familiar portrait of beautiful woman in sports apparel hanging on the shop front wall display. Drawing myself closer to the wallpaper, to her, I can’t help but to simply staring back at her and be immersed in her splendor beauty. Barrel Girl. Kwon Yuri. I reach out to touch Yuri’s face; my finger tracing from her y brown orbs – that never fails to capture my heart – to the perfect pointy nose and ends on her kissable luscious lips – that I’ll never have enough to taste it over and over again -

Kwon Yuri. How you never fail to take my breath away.

I’m in about to walk away from the display when the six striking words embed on her clothing catches my attention. You’re the fuel of my soul. You’re the fuel of my soul. You’re the fuel of my… soul. As I read it over and over again, something shifted. Excitement, adrenalin, hope, dreamy course through me and I feel as though my heart is beating right out of my chest. That’s what Yuri texted me before. She really meant it. She publicly declared it without anyone might realize that those words are meant only for me. Unable to control the overwhelming feelings anymore, I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and let out a single tear rolling down my cheeks. Yuri, you’re the only one that lights my fire. You’re the never-ending fire to my soul. I instinctively reach out my hand toward her and trace every single letter, letting them to seep in into my soul and drink them in, while I bring my other hand to my mouth to restrain my strangled sob.

I want to be the forever fuel to your soul. The future to your soul.

Future. Us. Together. The molecules in the air spin faster around me as I think about us being together in the future. Starting a family. Raising kids. Cuddling in bed. Making a passionate love every night. I can envision it. Damn, I can see us. I can feel us. The feeling is blindingly beautiful and warmth and comforting. Yes, I can see our future. I can feel us.

Oh God. I can see us.

I have no idea how long I’ve been standing here, simply crying and staring in awe and happiness while my mind keep repeating “You’re the fuel of my soul” again and again. Some passers-by who come in and out of the shop shoot at me with looks of confusion and surprise. I ignore them. I need to savor this moment. I just have to.

Oh, how I can’t wait to get back to her and rip my soul wide open and bury myself in her- so deep that I’m going to sleep there forever.

And we have only been apart for few hours. But, every part of me is burning with uncontrollable eagerness to get back to Yuri as soon as possible. So, Jessica, you’d better hurry.<