Fool.

Loser.

Stupid.

Coward.

Lovesick.

I am those words from above. Why am I saying this? Well, you need to get know me before I tell her the words that I never told. Those words are the reasons why I can't tell her the words that I want to say.

Afraid.

Scared.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Worried.

Suffocating.

Fainting.

 Those words are my feelings if I told my words. I don't want to feel those emotions  that's why I don't give any try to tell her my words, my thoughts and my heart. 

Why can't I? Why can't do it? I always asking this for a decade. Why I didn't do that? Is it only because of my emotions I will feel if I tell the truth? The truth that I don't want to face. The truth that I want to hide.

But those emotions is not heavy as you think. The truth is heavier from anything else. I cannot hold it back it anymore. I want to release this so bad. I want to get out in this feelings that always haunting me. I want release this out in my chest. I felt everyone is choking me, they don't want me for being myself. MYSELF. I can't deny this anymore. 

I fell in love to a girl.

I fell in love to a girl.

I am in love to a girl.

I am stupid gay!!

I am so gay for her!!

I freaking love her!!!

I still love her.....

 Right now, I decided to tell my words for her in cowardly way. In short, I am using my privilege as an author. I must stop this feelings for her that I kept almost 10 years. 10 years yet still love her. That's foolish.I need to release this. I am having a hard time because of her. I must end this. I must end my work that makes me always remind of her. I need to get her out in my life and my heart. I must release the pain inside my heart. I must end this.

"Hey... Taeyeon!! Are you still there? I am asking you question. Why all of the sudden?? You can't decide this for yourself." Yuri asked me in the other line.

"Oh.. Sorry, I just zoning out.. I must end my career as an author because I am too tired writing for almost everyday and you knew that I am engaged. I must be the one who should organize our wedding. Please understand my situation, Yul.." I said while clutching my phone tightly.

"That's not fair, Taeyeon-ah!! You been though a lot then you will just give up. You're now famous, Taeng. You exert pale of sweat to achieve your position now. Many writers over there are envious at your state and you will just stop writing?! Taeyeon.. you need to think about this and I mme--"

"Yuri-ah... This is my final decision. This is going to be my last book and press conference. I need a break and this is my will. This is not for him, this is for me. This will be the best for me and for the others as well. Don't control me, Yul." 

She deeply sighed and said "Fine.. You're my boss and my job is to follow you. Anyway, are you still in Gangnam? The press con will be start in 30 minutes but you are still far." 

"Yeah.. The traffic is so bad that my car moves an inch every 3 minutes. I don't if I can be there in right time. Just let the people know that I am going there so they can't doubt that I am not continuing my presscon. I'll call when I am nearby, okay?? I'll hang up this first. Bye~" I ended the call before she would answer me.

I threw my phone on my side. I tapped my fingers on the dashboard while looking outside boringly. I smile a bit when I saw my face on advertisement television on the streets. It was news about my press conference today.

Famous author, Kim Taeyeon calls every fans of her works to meet her at M Building for having a grand press conference. She also call many medias because she has a big announcement to tell with us. Her fans are very excited to found out what Kim Taeyeon will reveal to us this time. Fans speculated that Taeyeon will publish her latest book that she mentioned that she been working. As we k we, Kim Taeyeon known as an author of many romance books but her specialty and secret weapon on her successful works was her angst feel.. She is known as queen of emotions in books that makes the whole country cry. Her works become sensational and we doubt that she will kill all the books stores with her name enlisted as the no. 1 author this month. We all know that Taeyeon will make us wow again if she publish another book. Right now, I am here at M Building waiting her to come out to stage and definitely wait her news for all of us. I am Park Dojung, reporting.

I looked away from a moment because the car in front of me moves. I stepped on the accelerator to make my car forward. It suddenly again after a minute and half. The traffic is terrible.

Famous... How can someone like me became famous? Before, I am just nobody. They always mention that I am famous. This nonsense. 

Author.. Writer... How did it happen? I never finished a book before. I am not a fan of books and reading. Why I became like this? Is it because... of her?? I don't know but somehow it feels that she's the reason why I became like this.

(Flashback)

"What books do you read? I always saw you here in library, I infer that you love reading books that makes you always here." She asked cutely while looking around.

Omo! What will I tell her? I am just following her or let's say stalking her because... I felt something for her. I am just reading or looking at Guinnes books and she seems that she is a fan of Harry Potter series or a Percy Jackson series. She seemed happy that she spot me going around the library for many days. What will gonna do? I don't know any single romance books here. Will I just going to lie or not? Aishhh... I'm screwed!!

She lifted her eyebrow as she waited me to speak up "Uhmm... I-- I-- I am just looking for books that will suited on my taste or style. I haven't find one.. It's hard for me because it's my first time to read book so I don't anything to answer to you..." I rubbed my neck because I am getting nervous on her reaction. I feel that she sensed me that I am hpjust lying.

She beamed her bright smile and grab my hand "Oh.. Is that so? Maybe.. I can help you to find perfect book for your taste. Come on, I'll bring my favorites. I guessed there something you will there if you didn't mind me to take you."

"Oh... That's great. At least there someone I knew know about books." I forcedly smile because reading is not my thing, honestly. I am just spying her but it turns out that I stepped on the trap. Anyway, it doesn't matter since she's freaking holding my hand. My heart is fluttered that time and I can't erase my wide grin on my face. She may thought that I am creepy.

(End of Flashback)

I chuckled when I remembered that embarrassing moment. Still, I can remember every moments when I moved in at that dorm. How I wished that I could forget all of those because those moments made me know myself better but it turns out that it's bad for me. I shook my head slowly.

This is not right, Taeyeon. You need to forget her. You need to forget that you're a gay.

*Phone beeps*

From Babe:

Hey.. are you still mad? I'm sorry babe.. I can't really go there because dad loaded me a lot of projects in company and you know that I am doing this for our marriage, right? Don't be nervous,okay? Take care and always remember that I love you no matter what happen. Good luck and love you again <3

A tear trails down to my cheeks as I read his message. Why can't I give my complete love to him? Why I don't love him much as I love her. I feel guilt eating me up when every time he says he loves me. I can't understand myself why can't I love him so much. 

I love him but my feeilngs for him is very different from her. It's plain and usual. It never excites me. He almost give everything to me but it doesn't enough to completely forget her. I am very serious this time that I will forget her once I release this. If not, I don't know what to do in my life anymore. It may sound depressing, I just really want to let everyone knows who I am, what I felt and my words.

----------------

"Are you all ready!!!!!" the Mac shouted and fans became wild as soon as the mc introduce Taeyeon.

"The no.1 author of Korea, the one who makes our hearts sway from the words she inscripted. Please wlecome , our lovely kid author!! Ms. Kim Taeyeon!!!!"

Taeyeon walked from behind the curtain and loud cheers can be heard over the building. She waved her hand politely while showing her mischevious smile that everyone loves.

"Annyeonghaseyo! Kim Taeyeon- imnida. Nice to meet you all." Taeyeon bowed to her 1,000 fans who went just to see her.

"I am very happy to see you all again after a long time. I think you were all surprise at my sudden announcement. Am I right?" She asked.

"NE!!!!!!!!"

"I am right. So let's get started." Taeyeon said as she sat down on the chair.

Many bright lights are flashing on Taeyeon's face as they want to get best picture of her. They treat Taeyeon as a celebrity than being writer. 

A well-known entertainment network representative asked the first question "Ms. Taeyeon-shii, I know you expected to hear this question and that is what is the reason why you held a press conference. I guessed that youhave a news something for us."

"Yes, that's right. I have something say... Actually, this is might be bad news for you guys since you love my works and-----"

"Will you stop writing???!!!" one reporter yelled and everyone grew quiet, waiting for Taeyeon's response.

"Ah..... Yes.. I am not going to publish books anymore." Taeyeon looked on the floor, giving a sorry expression for her fans.

"No!!!!" Many fans started to make petitions and many fans cried.

The reporter asked again "What is your reason for quitting, Taeyeon-shii?"

"The truth is....... I planned this day as my launch of my latest book but... two months ago, I unexpectedly become engage to my boyfriend and I think this is going to be my last work... My reason is I am getting married for few months and I need to have a rest. I hope you all understand." Taeyeon bowed in front of the crowd, making her fans shocked and surprise for her revelation.

"Be happy, Taeyeon noona!!!" A boy shouted from the crowd.

"Don't worry, we still love you!!!!" A loud cheer rang up again as they support Taeyeon for her marriage.

Taeyeon can't help to tear up from touched messages from her fans. Her fans love her really much. She held her tears as she speak up again.

"Aww~~ I am very touch, seriously. But who says that my ending always sad.. I'll not let my ending become sad just like my books so to those who patiently wait for my come back,  happily to presented to all of you my last and most special book entitled.......

The curtain falls down revealing the book cover.

Thousand Words For You!!!!!

Fans screamed in excitement as they heard the title. The fans began to wonder why the title seems too long and it's feels like a total romance book not an angst book they had before from Taeyeon. They want to know where the title came from.

"Kim Taeyeon! Kim Taeyeon!" they cheered.

"Uhmm... this book is very special to me since this is going to be my last book and I put all my emotions there and so far, this is the book I worked the hardest because the story is very different from my recent works. I don't know if you like it but the important is I already published it after a long long years I spent to decide to work on that book. 

It's important because finally I release this and many of you can able feel the emotions of the characters there. I hope you all like my book, I recommend that you should read it little by little because you don't have any books you will received from me. "

After she spoke, the books are available to buy so everyone get their own copy of TWFY in fastest way so they can have a chance to have a fan sign and talk to their Taeyeon.

(While in fansigning)

I really love your works, Taeyeon-unnie but it's pitiful that you will stop writing. I wished that you will come back to writing, unnie. I'll anticipate your come back." A fan brightly said while giving the book.

"I am not sure if I ever come back but if I miss writing, I'll be coming back for sure. Here's your book, hope you enjoy my last book." Taeyeon smiled warmly.

"Can I hug you for the last moment, unnie?" Fan asked.

"/Yeah, sure. I will be missing hugs from all of you." Taeyeon stood and give the fan a hug, she patted her shoulders while saying "I'm sorry if you become disappointed on my last book. I am having a hard time to make this. Take Care.." Taeyeon released the hug and give her a warm smile while waving her hand.

"Next please.... " Taeyeon said as she waits other people to come in front of her. She will miss this a lot, meeting and signing for fans are the greatest thing for being famous. She feels grateful towards to her fans as they always praise Taeyeon. She can't say anything bad to her fans because her fans been good to her.

"Give me your book-juseyo..." Taeyeon said as she reached the book from her fan's hand. She slowly make her signature and Taeyeon asked her "Your name, miss??"

It's been a while when we see each other, Taeng. You're really different now. I read all your books when I was at America, I am also your fan, Taeyeon. I wait the right time to face you and I think this is perfect time to asked you......

How, have you been, Taeyeon-ah?

Taeyeon froze in her seat while her hand is trembling, she looks up from the person acclaim as her fan. Her eyes widen when she verify the owner's voice that she never heard from almost 10 years.

"Annyeong!!!" The woman offered a handshake, smiling at her like she did nothing bad to Taeyeon.

"Leave..." Taeyeon coldly said.

"Leave..... I am busy and many people waiting their turns.. If you want to talk me, please make it in other time. I don't have time to talk to the person who hurted me."

Author's Note:

Hey!! Hello, my readers. This is my first chapter.. The next chapter might be the scenes in TWFY book, meaning the characters will change to Red Velvet members. Who do you think appears in Taeyeon's fansigning event? You can guess~ Who do you think is the "HER"? Please comment what are your thoughts so I can know how you felt to make next chapters better. Up vote,Comment,Subscribed,Views were highly appreciated. :) I hope you will like this story!! BTW, for the readers for Maybe We? Please wait for a bit because I can't think some ideas for the bonus chapter. Please be patient.. That's it for now, goodbye!!! :D