CHAPTER 1: OF NIGHTMARES AND DAYDREAMS

I winced a little bit as I was surrounded by darkness. The bus I sat in had just driven into a dark, long tunnel. It wasn’t only the blackness of the tunnel that startled me but also the loud, echoing sounds that kept ringing in my ears. I glanced around. The bus’s windows were open. I sighed and pulled my jacket’s coat over my head. This would do. I deeply disliked the noise coming from the windows. I closed my eyes again and continued resting my head against the bus’s cool window. It was the end of January. January 29^th of 2016, to be exact. It was the day I hated the most in the world. Exactly three years ago my life had been made into a living hell. Exactly three years ago I had been left completely alone with my little sister. Well, almost completely. I did have my gang and unit standing behind my back, supporting me and her, us.

My gang? At least it used to be. My father had been in the leading role, a chief, for over 10 years. He got married and then two daughters were born with a three-year-gap. Everything was bright. Then our mother was diagnosed with cancer. That was when the downfall started. It spread quickly, and in a year we three were standing on her grave. I also think that as the day when our father changed. The always optimistic and kind man became serious and gloomy, like he had lost all of his hope. He was a good chief for our gang, though. He made sure no unit of the gang started messing around too much or came in contact with the police. It was like he was a leader of a bunch of fiddlers who loved and respected him. But then everything came falling down.

One night I woke up because of loud thumps and muffled groans coming from the room next to mine. The brave girl I was, I got up and without a doubt walked into father’s room, about to ask what was wrong – and only got to stare in shock as an unidentified figure slashed his neck open in front of my eyes. I winced once again as the memory of fresh blood landing on my skin made its way to my mind. I glanced at my sister Chanmi, who was in deep sleep on the other side of the bus’s aisle. I could feel a wrinkle forming on my forehead. How lucky she was that I didn’t wake her up before going to father’s room that night. Otherwise she would share the trauma with me.

Anyhow, after that night my life had a complete change. I had always been named the best fighter of my unit and I was treated with certain respect by my peers. But after my father was murdered, I fell to the bottom. The woman who replaced him as the gang’s new chief didn’t bother hiding her disliking towards me and Chanmi. And all because we were the offspring of the former chief. Chanmi never got to officially belong in any unit. It was a common habit to start training around 10 years, and to officially become a member of a unit at the age of 16 – Chanmi was already waiting for her 17^th birthday.

I glanced at the clock. Supposedly the bus would be arriving in around ten minutes. I slowly got up from my seat and moved next to my sister instead. I gently patted her shoulder and called her name quietly. Slowly she opened her eyes and started stretching. She had been sleeping for the whole bus ride, which was about 2 and half hours.

“Are we there already?” she asked quietly.

“Almost”, I replied.

Just like numerous other gang chiefs, our father had been buried to the mountainside. There was a whole graveyard only for chiefs like him, and their families. I wondered if I and Chanmi would be buried there too, after many, many years, or would our family be long forgotten by that.

As the bus drove towards the next stop, I got up and pulled Chanmi behind me like a small child, making sure I wouldn’t lose her on the way. We hopped off the bus and made our way towards the gates of the graveyard. I glanced at Chanmi who carried a beautiful bouquet of white roses in her hands. She had bought it from Seoul to place at father’s grave. Her face was dead serious, as an opposite to her usual bright and smiley expression. I understood her. She had been just four years old when our mother died so she didn’t really remember her. She had always been a daddy’s girl. I, anyhow, remembered our mother very clearly and grieved for her more than for father – maybe because I had seen him change and fall down, which had scared me in a way.

We approached the dark, gloomy looking gravestone slowly. It was almost ironic how formal the annual death anniversary was. We did the same thing every single year yet we couldn’t ever just walk there, leave the flowers and leave. We just had to make it this formal. Like father would have gotten angry if we didn’t.

We bowed on our knees in front of the gravestone that had both of our parent’s names written on it, and Chanmi placed the roses on the ground in front of the stone. Then we bowed our heads in both grief and respect.

“Dad”, Chanmi said quietly. “I miss you so much. But I’m doing good. I’m training well, and I promise I’ll become a unit member this year for sure! I won’t disappoint you again.”

I listened to her speaking and after she got silent, mumbled a silent I miss you, out of policy. Then we got up slowly and after standing in front of the gravestone for a moment, nodded to each other and slowly walked away. For an outsider it might seem troublesome and frustrating to travel for over two hours just to visit the grave shortly before returning back to Seoul – but for us it was a ritual that had to be repeated year after year. This was only our third time, but it had already become very important for us.

As we walked back to the bus stop, I felt my phone vibrating in my jacket’s pocket. I picked it to my hand just to see a message from my unit’s leader, Park Jinwoo. He was one of the only people in the whole gang who hadn’t changed their attitude for me after we became orphans. He still treated me with respect, even though he was the unit leader. He had respected my father greatly so he continued treating me well even though he was gone. I read the message quickly as my fingers started to get cold and I didn’t have gloves with me.

Is it done? We’ve got a mission for this evening so it would be nice to have you here.

I nodded at myself while writing a short, clear reply. I would be at home before 6pm. A mission with my unit would be enough to clear my head out of the gloomy thoughts this date always made me have. My unit was the greatest. It was the smallest of all the units in the gang, but we were all good friends, and secretly we considered Chanmi as a part of us since she spent a lot of time with us. Other than her, there were only me, Jinwoo and Cha Eunwoo, who had been my best friend since our childhood. He was one year younger than me but he had the ability to surprise me time after time with his intelligence and maturity.

“Come on, Chanmi”, I said and grabbed my sister’s wrist as I noticed she was immersed in her thoughts. “The bus is leaving!”

As we sat down in the bus again, I promised myself I’d try my best to cheer her up before we’d reach Seoul. I looked at her for a while, as she was leaning her head against the window, clearly sulking. I grabbed her head gently and put it to rest against my shoulder instead.

“This is much more comfortable, right?” I asked and smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes. “At least it’s warmer than the window.”

“Oh, is my Chanmi cold?” I asked and pulled her into a playful, tight hug.

She let out a surprised yelp and flashed me a fake glare. I proceeded to tickle her sides and soon she couldn’t hold back her giggles anymore. I felt better myself too. I had completed my mission in less than two minutes. She looked like the sadness was driven away for a while, and she just rested her head on my shoulder, slowly drifting off. I smiled and gently patted her head before deciding to do the same and closed my eyes.

I must’ve gotten lost while heading to the dreamland. Maybe someone mixed the signs and I accidentally got into the land of nightmares instead. Suddenly I was a 17-year-old teenager again, standing on the door of my father’s bedroom. I saw a sharp knife flash in the air and felt hot, red liquid spreading to my face and clothes. I felt like I was paralyzed; I couldn’t move at all. I glanced down and saw my feet getting drowned in cement. I looked up again and the figure who had just killed my father dropped the man on the floor and proceeded to approach me with the knife pointed at me. I felt my heart beating so fast I thought I’d get a heart attack. I couldn’t help but to close my eyes tightly. Then I felt a slight air flow near me, and then –

“Wake up!”

I winced awake, gasping and bringing my hands up to my neck. For a brief moment, I was still in shock from the nightmare and looked around in panic. I felt someone gently grabbing my shaking hand. I looked at Chanmi who sat next to me, looking me in the eyes with a concerned expression. I blinked my eyes a few times, finally starting to realize I was awake and safe.

“We just arrived”, Chanmi said, raising her eyebrows. “We should exit the bus.”

Still a bit overwhelmed, I nodded and clumsily got up, walking down the aisle and hopping off the bus, Chanmi following right after me. As the bus drove off, I heard her asking me what was wrong. I shook my head.

“Hey, are you really alright?” she asked again.

“Yes”, I replied quietly. “Yes I am. I just had a bad dream.”

“That’s crappy”, she said, pouting at me. “I had a nice dream. I got into your unit!”

“You have to train hard if that’s your goal. We’re the best, you know.”

We both recognized the familiar, slow-spoken voice immediately and turned around to see Jinwoo standing a few feet away from us. He smiled at us and I couldn’t hold back a chuckle. He was such a thoughtful person, coming to get us from the bus stop. I wrapped my arm around Chanmi’s shoulder.

“That’s right”, I said. “Listen to Jinwoo. Only the best can enter our unit.”

“Speaking of which”, Jinwoo continued. “We should be back at the headquarters at 6pm. We should hurry.”

I nodded and smiled at my leader. I was in need of a challenging, speedy mission.