Chapter 4: I'm a thief

I drummed my fingers impatiently against my thigh as I listened to the dial tone.

Come on, woman, pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

Finally! I put on my best imitation of the British accent and my gruffest voice.

"May I speak to Miss Kim Hyoyeon please?"

Hyoyeon switched to English immediately. "Yes, speaking?"

"This is Chief Inspector Barnaby from the Scotland Yard. Miss Kim, are you aware that there are some pictures of you circulating on the internet?"

"P—pictures?"

"Yes ma'am."

I could tell that my blonde friend had stopped breathing.

"I am afraid to inform you that several members of the public have been admitted to the mental institution after seeing these pictures – in which you were prancing around as Sailor Moon."

"Wha—"

It was so funny that I couldn't stop myself from letting out a chuckle.

"CHOI SOOYOUNG!!"

"Ow, Hyo, not so loud!" I jerked the phone away from my ear, but it was too late. "I think my eardrum just burst…"

"Serves you right! And what the hell are you doing calling me at this time? Aren't you supposed to be working?"

I sighed. "They're at it again, Hyo. Filming's stopped for the time being."

"Again? What is it about this time?"

"I don't know. I don't understand what they're saying."

That's right. Welcome to War of the Worlds, episode 35, starring Eye-smile and Ice Princess. Not the show we're actually filming, but featuring the same two actresses.

What I've quickly learned over the last few days was that those two could never get past filming a scene without bickering, which would in turn always escalate into a full blown armed conflict. I've long lost count of the number of times we've had to stop work because bombs were detonating, the ground was shaking, and bullets were flying left, right and center.

So anyway, here I was, sitting in the stairwell in a bid to escape from the warzone.

I heard a sound and turned. The door to the stairwell was open and a girl had poked her head through the gap.

"Umm, Sooyoung? Jessica-ssi is looking for you."

Crap. What is it now?

"Thanks, Yoona."

I put the phone back against my ear. "I've been summoned by her royal highness. Talk to you later."

"Sure thing. Have fun, Soo." Hyoyeon said blithely.

"Shut up. Bye!"

I stood up and smiled at the girl standing at the door. Yoona is Tiffany’s personal assistant. She's also a real sweet kid, and we got along pretty well. Like Tiffany, she spoke impeccable English. Unfortunately for her though, that meant that she was automatically thrown the task of acting as the go-between Ice Princess and I.

"So is the war over?" I asked as I followed her back into the studio.

Yoona giggled. "Temporary ceasefire."

I rolled my eyes.

The studio was half-empty. It seemed that the crew has decided to break for lunch. Tiffany and Ice Princess stood stiffly a distance apart, each of them glaring in opposite directions at nothing in particular. The few souls who were brave (read: foolhardy) enough to remain on the set were literally tiptoeing around them as they went about their businesses, as if afraid that the landmines would be set off at any moment.

I felt increasingly apprehensive as I approached Ice Princess. What can I say? From day one, the blasted woman had seemed bent on making life hell for me.

Just to quote some examples:

Round One…

Yoona tapped me on the shoulder. "Soo?"

"Yes?"

"Jessica wants ramen for lunch. But she wants them from a particular shop."

"Okay," I said as I gingerly placed the enormous pile of scripts I was carrying on the table. "Where is the shop?"

"Umm… the shop is rather far away. It is actually in a small town outside Seoul."

I raised my eyebrows. "I see. Can I get Mr. Driver to give me a ride there then?"

"Ah, Soo, I'm sorry…" Yoona looked at me apologetically. "The vans are used only by the artists, so you'll have to make your own way there."

She then took out a gigantic map to point out the place to me. As she rattled on with the directions, my eyebrows reached dangerous heights.

A two-hour train ride, a thirty minutes bus ride plus a hike through the countryside just because she wants to eat ramen?!

And that's just one-way!

I glanced to Ice Princess, who was barely concealing the smirk on her face. Uggh.

Ice Princess - 1, Sooyoung -  0

Round Two…

"Here you go," I said as I passed the noodles over to Yoona. My poor posterior was still numb from the long and bumpy rides which I had