Chapter 13: For what it's worth

My thumb rubbed against my forefinger restlessly as I lingered in front of the familiar doorway. My mind had been a complete blank as I made my way to work, although my body seemed to be clued in on the destination.

But now that I've arrived, the unpleasant feelings were once again threatening to overwhelm me.

Should I take the day off?

No, it wouldn't help anything.

With a heavy sigh, I pulled the brim of my trucker cap lower and stepped into the studio.

"O—oh!"

I snapped my head up at the exclamation to realize that I had nearly crashed into the petite girl before me. "Sorry, Yoona," I muttered as I went around her.

"It's okay…" The doe-eyed girl answered hesitantly. "Good morning, Soo."

I continued to trudge towards my usual desk. "Morning."

"Are… are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," I said quietly. I sat down on the chair with some difficulty and massaged my right knee, making a mental note to get a stool to rest my leg on later.

Yoona approached the desk timidly. "Sooyoung, are you and Jessica…"

Her voice trailed off as soon as she saw the look on my face. She got the hint that I didn't want to talk about it.

That is, the fact that Jessica and I haven't spoken to each other since that evening at the restaurant.

I reached for a file and tried to focus on the wall of text in front of me. But no matter how I tried, my eyes just glossed over the words, while my mind kept replaying what had happened then.

"Sooyoung!"

I spun around and leaned against the wall. Jessica stood before me, panting lightly. She glared me, but I refused to budge. Finally she rushed forward, pushing me roughly aside and sliding to open the door.

James Smith was already gone.

When she turned back to look at me, her face was colored a deep red. Only this time, it was due to rage.

Her pale hands gripped the cloth of her dress, which was already in slight disarray.

"Why did you have to do that?" Her words were slow but her voice was positively deadly.

I inhaled sharply, bracing myself for the storm. "As I said, he's a lecher—"

"It's just a dinner! Do you know how difficult it was to arrange for dinner with him?" She was practically yelling at me. "Do you know who he is?"

I narrowed my eyes. My blood, too, was starting to boil. "I know that he's some famous director, but—"

"He is a world-class director! It's rare to be able to work with someone like him!"

Though I was itching to retort, I saw how infuriated Jessica was. I wasn't in the least interested in getting into a fight with her. I flicked my gaze to the floor, choosing to clamp my jaws tightly together instead.

She took in a deep breath, but her words still came out shaky. "You… You know how important it is for me to do this."

My eyes widened. I looked up at the girl, who had wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

A pained expression.

And I instantly understood.

"All of this… is for your mother?"

Jessica did not say anything further and merely averted her gaze.

So that's why she wanted to be in James Smith's movie? Because she wanted to prove herself to her mother?

I pressed my palms against my face. This was not what I had expected.

"I know it's important to you… but…"

But what I did was right, wasn't it? Tell me I was right.

My voice rose as an inexplicable anger struck me. "But it doesn't mean that you have to go to such lengths!"

The girl jerked her head towards me and I could once more see the cold fire burning brightly in those eyes. "How many times must I tell you? It's just a dinner!"

Just as I was about to retaliate, she snapped again. "And why do you care so much anyway?"

I was stunned into silence.

Yes, why do I care so much? I'm just her personal assistant; it's not my place to decide whom she has dinner with.

As I stood dumbly in front of her, she took a small step towards me.

Her gaze seemed to soften as she repeated her words, in what was almost a murmur. "Tell me… Why do you care?"

"I…" I bowed my head, and scratched my eyebrow uncertainly. "I…"

I don't know.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

There must be a reason… What is the reason?

I repeatedly clenched and released my fists, frustrated by the mess of thoughts in my head.

For what seemed like a very long time, we did not utter another word. And it felt as if the silence was slowly suffocating me.

The reason is…

At last, I dared to meet her eyes.

"W—we are friends, aren't we? I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Despite a rather… rocky start to our relationship, we could be considered friends, right? Or at least that was what I believed.

The girl's eyes widened, as a mixture of emotions seemed to flicker across her face. But before I could decipher what they meant, she had relaxed into an impassive expression.

She retreated a few steps backwards.

"Friends…" she muttered softly.

And her piercing gaze suddenly lost its intensity.

"Thank you, but," her voice was icy; "I can take care of myself."

She then left the room.

The next day, I was summoned by Taeyeon to her office.

I sat listlessly in front of her desk, staring at the surprisingly spotless wooden surface.

How did things turn out like this?

Was I wrong?

The sound of the door opening interrupted my thoughts. I scrunched my shoulders rigidly as the manager strode into the office, taking her seat across the desk from me.

Taeyeon leaned her elbows on the table, clasping her hands together and resting her chin on them.

"Sooyoung."

I continued to admire the wooden grain of the table. "Yes."

"I've heard about what happened yesterday."

My hands, which were fastened on the edge of my chair, instinctively tightened their grip. There is no doubt about it. I'm going to be fired for my impudence.

It’s okay for me though.

"I have also heard about Mr. Smith's… reputation."

I blinked, and finally lifted my head to look at her.

"If I had known about the dinner, I would have asked someone to accompany Jessica."

"So I don't blame you, Sooyoung, for doing whatever you did. You had her interests at heart."

I fidgeted uncomfortably in my seat. Even though I was relieved that I wouldn't be fired, the fact that Taeyeon had not reprimanded me somehow made me feel worse.

The manager leaned back against her chair tiredly and sighed. "That said… Starring in his movie would have done won