Chapter 19: Epilogue

"Uhhh… Nope," I mumbled as I tore the paper off the writing pad, scrunching it up into a tight ball and throwing it carelessly aside. My fingers reached for my pen again, while I moved to sit cross-legged on the chair and tucked my feet underneath my thighs.

The winter this year… feels especially cold.

A quick twirl of the pen around my digits, and I went back to staring at the writing pad before me, my mind is as blank as the paper was. As the seconds ticked by, I resisted the urge to muss up my hair in frustration.

I don't know what to say. After all this time, I still don't know what to say.

After chewing nervously on the pen for another good minute or so, I decided to give up. With a loud groan, I fell back against the chair, catching a glimpse of the calendar on my desk in the process.

It’s almost one year, three months and 11 days since I left Seoul.

Thinking back, everything seems so surreal.

It felt like a dream even then, considering how I was practically stuck in a daze for the first few days that followed my return to California. Thankfully, my aunt's wedding went well, and my mother was more than pleased that I was able to persuade Yuri to attend. At the very least, it kept the woman from badgering me on every living thing I met in Korea.

Shortly after the celebrations were over, I travelled back to London.

I had hoped that I would provide a welcome distraction from my distracting thoughts, and my wish was granted because I soon found myself very busy. Amazingly enough, though, all the sleep deprivation could not stop me from compulsively checking the internet at all hours for any news (or more accurately, gossip) on a certain idol on the other side of the world.

But I digress.

The point is, based on whatever I could find on the World Wide Web, it was obvious that Ice princess was getting more successful by the day. She swept more awards, acted in more movies, and even recorded an English album to launch her career in the US. I was genuinely happy for her.

Nevertheless, along with her rise in stardom also came an increasing deluge of sensational rumors about her love life. Surfing the net thus became a sadomasochistic habit – I wanted to know, but at the same time I didn't want to know. Just three months ago, I read that she was involved in yet another dating scandal with an actor she was working with.

I had slammed my laptop shut faster than you can say "eeks".

Despite my best efforts not to do so, my mind often wondered about where she was, what she was doing and whether she was well. But no matter how much googling I did, and how many articles I read, the curiosity in me could not be satisfied. In the end I realized that I wasn't actually interested in all these. No, I wanted to know who she was with, what she was thinking about and whether she was happy without me. And that, unfortunately, was beyond the expertise of the internet god.

Now, you might say, why don't I just talk to her? Well guess what, I have been meaning to write to her; I just haven't figured out what to say. If you haven't noticed, that is the reason why I've been crumpling balls of paper and tossing them.

It is probably a mistake trying to write to Jessica using pen and paper. I had decided to do so because I thought that would be more, err, romantic, but looking at the overflowing waste paper basket in the corner, I think I should have stuck to typing instead. It's almost certain that I would be reincarnated in my next life as a tree.

Speaking of which, I'd better get ready, because otherwise I'll be—

A sudden knock was made and my eyes instantly looked thru the door and a girl called out behind the door.

"Just give me five minutes." I said and started to fix my things.

Before I go, I seized the pen once more and, after ruffling my fringe in annoyance, scribbled intently on the writing pad. I then folded the paper as neatly as I could and stuffed it into an envelope…

Grabbing my coat on the chair, and putting the letter on its pocket as I marched out, I glanced at my wrist watch.

8 am.

"I wouldn’t be late if I just walk going there, right?" I asked, as the woman beside me immediately checked her wrist watch too.

"We still have 20 minutes and it’s just a 10 minutes’ walk going there, so I think we can." She said and smile.

"Okay then, let’s go." I smiled as I marched out.

I was walking along the streets of London. My breaths appeared as little white puffs in the chilly air, all that physical activity and the coat and boots I was wearing, however, could not keep me warm, and I had also wrapped a maroon scarf around my neck.

And now, I’ve been sarcastically asking myself why I decided to walk with this chilly weather.

Before long, I happened to look at my surroundings. And a bright red letter box suddenly catches my attention. I stopped, I remember the letter I made a while ago for a certain special someone after seeing the letter box.

I hesitated.

Thoughts started to eat me up tho.

Should I drop the letter there?

Is there any point in writing to her now?

Maybe I shouldn't disturb her life.

Maybe…

It's time for me to let go.

I bite my lower lip. And groan in frustration.

Damn it.

I quickly shifted my gaze and started to walk again heading towards the place where I should be going. After a 10 minutes’ walk, I spotted the place in the distance. Putting my hands on my pocket as I walk across the square, into the building, up the flight of steps… I entered a room.

"Oh, pardon me," I started, when I lifted my gaze and smiled. "Good Morning everyone,"

All the people inside the room lifted their gaze and stood up immediately and a smile formed into their lips and greeted back in unison, "Good morning, Miss Choi."

"Did I keep you all waiting?" I asked as I gesture for them to take all their seat.

"No, not at all Miss Choi." A man in suit said as the rest nodded in agreement.

"Well then, shall we start?" I asked and they all gave me a nod.

For those of you who are been wondering, I know you’ve been asking what I am doing now and my life her in London, A secret I’ve been hiding throughout my days in Korea, well you’ll know it now…

That’s right, Choi Sooyoung, yes me, is the new CEO of our company. The daughter of Choi Family who the owner of the largest entertainment company in London, A company similar with the company I’ve worked back there in Korea. Yeah the K-Talents, It's pretty far on what am I back there korea compare to my life her in London. Oh do you remember that James Smith Director? That explains why he knows me. Who wouldn’t have thought that. I decided to take over the business when I noticed that my father could no longer handle it on his own. Originally I didn’t want to take it over. But I knew that, in my years of being part of the industry, I knew very well to manage it.

Well, I actually found my business suits to be quite y.

The meeting with the directors went well, as expected. It was a discussion about all of the upcoming projects.

I exhaled heavily and lean myself to the car seat, I decided to take the car instead of walking again, I don’t want to freeze myself and die.

 It was a short quiet ride tho that’s makes my mood more down.

"Ah, what a gloomy weather." I sighed staring outside of the window. It was only a moment when we reached to our destination; I went out of the car and quickly went to my office. I just wanted to stay on my office right now nothing else.

"uhm, Miss Kang?" I called out before entering my office, my secretary specifically.

"Yes Miss Choi?"

"Come to my office, we need to discuss something." I said before I entered my office and immediately slumped myself to the chair.

Not too long I was now discussing with my secretary, like I said before.

"Ah, yes, I thought about it again," I said as I glided my hand across the paper, pointing out various spots, "I think that the flow will be much better if the arrangement goes this wa—…."

"Miss Choi?"

"Miss Choi!"

"Hu—h?" I sputtered as I snapped out of my trance,

"Are you okay, Miss Choi?" my secretary asked as her face shows concern.

"I—umm—I'm sorry," I replied.

But again somewhere along the way, however, my conscious faded out and into another topic.

Jessica.

My secretary exhaled heavily and leaned back against the chair, tapping her pencil on the table. "What's the matter, Sooyoung?" she’s now addressing me as a friend not as her boss.

I looked up at once. "Nothing's the matter, Hyoni."

"Are you sure?" She quirked an eyebrow, and to my surprise, sat forward and spoke in a much gentler tone. "I have been your secretary for almost two years now and also a friend, Sooyoung. I can see that, you seem a lot more… unfocused, these days."

My gaze fell back to the table, and I sighed.

"I think we should stop here for now, and take a rest first." Hyoni added as she stood up from her seat.

I nodded and smiled as she went out slowly.

"Yes, Hyon. Thank you."

I shake my head and heavily slump myself to the chair again, leaving me in an even worse mood than before. But she was right. At this rate, I'm going to have a big problem if I continue to be like this.

I turn my chair to the glass wall and take a moment to stare outside, I was about to close my eyes, when suddenly my phone rang. Or should I say, my new phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"SOOYOUNG!!"

I almost slide and fell on my chair and only wince as the sound rattled my eardrum and threatened to turn my brains to mush. "Hyoyeon? Why on earth are you shouting?" (A/N: Italics for Hyoyeon’s lines)

"I should be the one asking, where on earth were you these couple of days? I couldn't call through at all! I thought something happened to you!!"

I sighed as I stood up and continue to look outside the glass wall. "Sorry, Hyo. My phone fell into my soup while I was eating and drowned. I only got it replaced last night." I decided to leave out the part that the poor device had dropped into the soup because – you guessed it – I was distracted by my thoughts of Jessica. I didn't want my best friend to start hollering at me again.

"But you weren't answering your emails too!"

I smacked my forehead. "I was so busy Hyo, you know what I ‘am now."

Given all the work I was loaded with, it was a pain to have my own time. And also with my busy schedule, though, was that I could finally kick my habit of tracking Jessica’s news.

"And why didn't you tell me? If I didn’t call your mother I wouldn’t know!" My best friend continued to admonish me over the phone.

"Umm, I didn't want to bother you guys… " I gave a sheepish laugh, hoping to appease the boiling blonde on the other side of the line. "I'm sorry. Please don't be angry with meee?"

A mere "hmpf", was the response I got.

"Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please?"

"Good grief!" Hyoyeon declared, but her voice was no longer as harsh as before. "I'm glad that you're safe and sound. How was your work?"

I grimaced. "Eh it’s okay, aside from making me so busy, everything is going smooth and fine… well some of it not."

"Are you taking good care of yourself? Don’t stress out so much and take a good rest or I’ll spank your head if you are not!"

Oh, who wouldn’t thought that my best friend would be this sweet, maybe this is the effect of having her Se