“

“We need to talk, come here Am!”

She patted the space next to her, signaling me to sit down.

I knew that there was something wrong, that she was up to something.

When I was already seated beside her, she came and gave me a side hug. She was laying her head on my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist.

No one dared to start the conversation, her palm was rubbing my right hand, I could feel her warmth.

I couldn’t control my heartbeats, it was beating like crazy. Both of us were actually fans of skin ships, we loved hugging, she was always being so clingy to me and I always let her. But never in this position, I didn’t know how did we have the guts to act like this.

She retracted her head from my chest,” You need to breathe, please.”

With that, I took a deep breath to calm my heart beats down.  

I was laying on my back, my arms around her shoulder, bringing her closer to me.

 “Okay, what's up, Krys? What are we going to talk about?”

She got back to her previous position, laying her head on my chest.

“Don’t they disturb you?”

 “What is that?” I didn't get what she was talking about.

“That, those heartbeats of yours. Don’t they disturb you?”

Did she even know that this stupid heart was beating like crazy because of her?

 “Ummmmm.. Sometimes they do.”

“Why?”

She was nuzzling to my chest so I couldn’t really hear what she said.

“Pardon?”

“Why do the beatings, you know..? Sometimes disturb you?”

“Just because.. Sometimes they make feel like it’s hard to breathe.”

 Because you already belonged to someone else, Krys, please!! You know that. You are not dense.

All of a sudden, she changed her position, her back was leaning on my body, she laid so comfortably on top of me. She took my right hand to feel her heart beats, it was also beating like crazy.

“You feel this, right? They are beating like this when you are near me, when you are too far away from me, when you are with your friends and ignore me. Anything about you make this heart beats like this.”

I couldn’t say anything, I just couldn’t process what she was talking about.

 “Please... don't avoid me anymore, Am. Please, stay with me, trust me with anything that will be happening in the future. Trust me, this heart is beating like this just because of you.”

Without me realising, my eyes became blur because of tears. If she felt that way, why does she have to be with someone else? The pang in my chest made me unable to say anything.

What do I have to believe? You are in a relationship with someone else. Do you tell him the same thing you just told me?

How long do I have to wait? No, that’s not the real question. The real question is, if I were to wait for you, are you going to come?

Oh my dear God, my love life is so complicated. I couldn’