It hurt. 
  I never wanted things to end up like this. Everything was so messed up I didn't even know how it became this way. 
  But maybe it's for the best. 
  At least, that's what I try to tell myself, because how can it? How can it be the best when my heart feels like it's constantly being ripped apart, when I feel tears welling into my eyes just at the thought of him. 
  But there's no one to blame, but myself. I... I made my decision. And there's nothing I can do but honour it, and his courage for putting on a brave face after what I did to him. 
  That's right. I, Lee Sungjong, am the one that left him. I, am the one that broke his heart. The one that embraced him and the one that let him fall. I, alone, am to blame for the state I am in. 
  It had been painful; watching him struggle after I left. For a month, all I saw of him was an empty shell of the man I love. Of course, I wasn't doing much better myself. Following some sick sadist in me, I found myself comforted by the fact that I wasn't suffering alone. That he, Kim Myungsoo, was feeling the same ache and loneliness that I felt. Many a times I contemplated falling to my knees and apologising to him, knowing he would take me back. 
  But I couldn't. It was a decision I made, and one I wouldn't back out on. 
  I was alright with the pain. I had convinced myself that nothing could hurt more than seeing the one I love struggling to get to his feet, all because of me. 
  Oh, how wrong I was. Because even though watching him fall and have to struggle to him feet because of me, there was something even worse. 
  Watching him stand on his feet, because of someone else that wasn't. Me. 
  Lee Sungyeol, new transfer student. And the one that brought the light back to Myungsoo's eyes and gave him a reason to smile again. 
  It had pained me, having to watch from afar as Sungyeol wrapped his arms around Myungsoo, comforting him as the latter cried. It had been like a slap in my face, when news about them dating reached my ears. 
  It had been heartbreaking, seeing them kiss with my own eyes. 
  There were times when our eyes would meet, and we would hold eye contact just long enough to leave me hopeful that Myungsoo still had some feelings for me. But all he would do was nod, with his blank face, before turning to Sungyeol with a smile. 
  That was when I knew I lost him. 
  But it was fine. It really was. Because God knows how much I have missed the smile on his face, the sound of his laugh; the man that I really, really love. 
  That's why, despite my still ever strong feelings, I only watched him from afar. Myungsoo was happy, Myungsoo was great. 
  Who am I to interfere with his perfect life?
  I'm the one who left and even if I had a good reason, it won't make him take me back. 

A/N: Just something I wrote on a whim. How was it? :D