Letter #3

Dear Yewon,

I write this letter with a heavy heart as I wonder what I did to hurt you this time around. The third time and counting...

It’s scary to know that I have this tendency to upset people I care about. I fear that one day, I’ll hurt you so much and nothing I say or do will make you forgive me for it. I’m afraid that you’ll start to hate me; I could not bear to think that you hated me. I worry that I’ll scar you so deep, that you’ll never want to see me again.

I get attached to people very quickly, and when I do, I can’t let them go. You are now someone I am deeply and profoundly attached to, Yewon, and so the prospect of you hating me makes me so nervous.

I will try my hardest to never upset you ever again.

Love,
Seungcheol

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Letter #6

Dear Yewon,

A few days ago, my mother told me that she never knows what’s going on inside my head, because I don’t ever express my feelings. She said that this is a bad thing, because people will never know me for who I really am.

And she’s right. People know me as that coldhearted, dispassionate prince who doesn’t smile very much. I guess that’s why I’m writing these letters; I want to express myself and reveal a part of me to you that others could never see.

And so, in an attempt at expressing myself, I want to use this letter to talk about the history of my feelings for you.

You were first introduced to me in a banquet. I disliked you by default, and I thought that I should demonstrate that dislike. And so, I made a conscious effort to be mean to you. But I didn’t like being mean to you, because you always took it personally. I clearly remember how the light in your eyes would fade whenever I yelled at you. And to be honest, I viewed you as a child, and so I felt like I was abusing a little girl.

I think the moment I stopped viewing you as a child was when you chose not to punish your old maid. When you wrote out your decree and said that you wanted the people of Solen to love and trust you, not hate and fear you– I realized that you were so much more mature than you let on. I remember thinking to myself then, for the first time, that you would make a very good queen.

Ever since then, you continued to surprise me with the compassion and the love you showed to others. And then I kissed you for the first time when you came to me in tears begging me not to attack Galacia. You remember that, right?

I kissed you to calm you down. I kissed you to make you get used to intimacy. I kissed you so that I myself can get used to it too. And then when we were finally ready to consummate, I chickened out, because I could not get used to it. You had not been the person that I wanted to share such moments with.

Then Jeonghan left my side, and I was left broken. But even in my shattered state, you continued to surprise me with the love and care you showed to my people. That’s why I stayed married to you; I recognized how much of a loss it would be to my country if I let go of someone with your capacity as a queen

And then I went away to war, and I wrote you letters for the very first time.

In those letters, I let myself go, and I found that it’s so much easier for me to express myself through writing. I realized that I loved writing to you. I loved letting out what I’ve been trapping inside my heart.

Then was the battle, after which I became a hostage. I saw you again when I was your father’s prisoner, and I felt embarrassed and pathetic because of the stupid battle that I waged and all the suffering I caused. I couldn’t even look you in the eye. As I sailed away back to Solen, I truly thought I would never see you again.

But you surprised me again, your highness. You saved Solen from ruin by refusing the alliance with China and returning to me against all odds, by your own will and against your father’s. After that, you even cut your hair for the country’s sake, and I continued to feel ashamed of myself. How can the princess of Galacia do more for my country than I ever did? You made me feel so small, your highness. And gradually, through all of this, I fell in love with you and everything you stood for.

Sometimes I think about how I went from vowing to never love again to loving you so quickly, but now that I write out the process, I think that loving you was inevitable . How could I have not fallen for the beautiful moon with a heart of gold?

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Letter #11

Dear Yewon,

You don’t know very much about my Sun, do you? She has been such a big part of my life, but you don’t know her at all. My memories with her, I want to use this letter to share them with you.

Solbin was the daughter of one of the royals. At first, I only ever saw her during official events, and every time, I would ask her to dance because I thought she was pretty. During one banquet in particular when I still 16, I snuck her out to the gardens and kissed her. Unfortunately, her father caught me.

The following day, His Majesty asked me if I wanted to marry her, and I agreed instantly, because I really, really liked her. So she was promised to me, and ever since then, I would see her more and more often, until I could truly say that I fell in love with her. She really was like the sun, Yewon. She glowed with happiness and brightened everyone’s days.

So eventually I loved her, and some time after that, I impregnated her (accidentally…). We were to be married in the following weeks so that the child is not born out of wedlock, but before we had the chance, she was gone forever.

The pain of losing someone you love is indescribable; it’s the kind of pain that drives you to resent everything and everyone around you. When I was mourning, I was desensitized to other people’s feelings, as I could only focus on my own self; I couldn’t even talk to anyone, and when someone tried to get through to me, I snapped at them.

Looking back, the way I mourned her was not ideal. Cutting myself off from the people who would have helped me recover only made it worse than it should have been. As you know, I never really recovered from that death; until now, it still hurts like a fresh wound, and it has altered my personality and my ability to communicate. It’s why I’m writing you letters now instead of talking to you face to face.

This why I advise you, your highness, to never ever keep painful things in your heart. If it hurts, talk the pain away. Talk to me. I will always be there to listen and support you in your time of need.

Sincerely,
Seungcheol

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Letter #15

Dear Yewon,

I would like to use this letter to talk one particular conversation that we had. It was conversation that really affected me, and I want you to know that.

Remember, before the battle, when you thought that I wanted to go fight to my death? You asked me not to fight because you didn’t want me to die. After that, I told you not to worry, and I showed you my will with all the provisions that will be afforded to you if I died; I thought you only cared that I lived because you didn’t want to be widowed and left without any money or power.

But you didn’t care about those provisions, and you clarified that you didn’t want me to die­ because you CARED about me.

I don’t think you understand how much it meant to hear you say that. In a time when I felt like I mattered to no one in the world, it was so fulfilling to hear you say that I mattered to you.

The truth was that I did actually think about dying in that battle, but after my conversation with you, I felt like I owed it to you to stay alive. If I died, you’d be hurt and I would have betrayed you, and that was literally the only motivation I had to not ride out to my suicide.

When I was taken hostage and tortured at the hands of your brother, there were moments of severe pain when I thought I would die. In those moments, the conversation we had would resurface in my head, and I would feel so bad. “I can’t die,” I would think. “If I die, Princess Yewon will be unhappy. I have to stay alive for her.”

I carry those sentiments with me until this very moment. Your care for me has made me value my own life more than ever before. Thank you, my dear princess. Thank you for giving me the hope to live.

Love,
Seungcheol

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Letter #20

Dearest Yewon,

Wow, you really got around to reading the final letter. I hurt you a lot, don’t I? I’m so sorry for all the pain that I caused you. Please, never be in pain because of me again.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if you freed yourself from me and instead found a nice man who would never upset you like I do. The thought hurts my heart a little, but maybe it really would be better if I disappeared from your life. A part of me feels like I’m holding you back from what you rightfully deserve.

Maybe if I weren’t a prince, everything would be so different. I could have been a jolly local baker, and you were one of my customers. I would have fallen for your bright, toothy smile and that fiery vigor in your eyes, and I would have gone to your blacksmith father and asked to marry you. We would have gotten married, and we would have borne beautiful twins that we would raise in our little cottage in the middle of the town. You would have taught them to read, and I would have taught them to ride, and they would have grown up to be wonderful people.

I’m sorry that we are both stuck in the vicious vortex of politics. I’m sorry that its evil has damaged my soul and my ability to communicate kindly with you.

I pray that I never upset you ever again.

With all of my love,
Seungcheol

A/N: i'm sorry this chapter didn't really explain much (but it's important!)

the explanation will come in the next chapter (which i will try to update very soon i know yall are anxious ^^;)