That night was one that Yewon will always remember. Seungcheol had somehow erased so much of the pain that came with reading her father’s letter, and made her feel well enough to stop crying.

And it was not only Seungcheol who helped through the distress of being disowned and exiled. It was in this time of hardship in which Yewon realized that she was not alone; the King, the Queen, Yulhee and Wonwoo all encouraged and supported her in a time she would have otherwise been deeply depressed. She realized that she did indeed have another family here in Solen, one that treasured and loved her as any family should.

She would have never imagined that it would come to this, that her Galacian identity would be diminished to the extent that Solen felt like home, and the people here felt like her family. She felt this sense of ownership for Solen, and part of her identified with and loved this country as if it were her own, as if she were born and bred there.

And although Seungcheol, the King, the Queen, Yulhee and Wonwoo all supported her through this difficult time, no one did it better than her genius maid, Haein.

Haein had told her something about the letter that completely reversed Yewon’s sorrow: “Your highness, your father did not disown you,” Haein told Yewon after reading the letter. “Nor did he exile you from Galacia. He’s protecting you with this letter.” Haein explained her theory: Yewon’s father only wrote that he disowned her because he was afraid that she would be hurt or used as bait by Solenese officials. He wrote it to potentially stop them from doing more than cut her hair, to prevent them from holding her hostage. If the officials in Solen thought that the King had disowned her, they would have no reason to do that. And releasing the hostages was not an act of kindness on the part of her father; he released the hostages to protect her reputation among the people of Solen.

“Imagine the love the people of Solen will have for you when they find out that you were the only reason their beloved prisoners were returned to them. He wants you to be loved and respected in this country, and by releasing the hostages in your name, you will be.”

From then on, Yewon chose to believe Haein’s theory, and her father’s letter no longer distressed her.

However, something else had begun to do so. With the unstable political situation, the demand for an heir was stronger than ever, and both Yewon and Seungcheol were pressured by palace officials and the King to finally produce an heir. It was a lot of pressure, especially because Yewon now dreaded sleeping with her husband. She felt like it was hopeless to expect it to feel better or less uncomfortable.

Seungcheol told her that he would come to her bed that night, and Yewon felt sulky the entire day and wished it didn’t have to happen.

When Haein was preparing her for the night, she noticed that Yewon was not looking forward to it at all. “I take it that you don’t enjoy the nights with him,” Haein stated.

Yewon had been afraid of talking with Haein about with Seungcheol. It didn’t seem appropriate, and she guessed that Seungcheol would not want her talking about it either. However, she did really want to confide in someone experienced; maybe Haein’s advice would make it better?

“Everything you say to me will be in confidence, your highness,” Haein told her when she saw that Yewon was hesitant. “I hope you know that.”

That was the push that Yewon needed to come clean, and she told Haein about what happened when they slept together. She included all of the embarrassing details: how she would lay down with her eyes closed, and what Seungcheol would do. She told her that it got worse every time, and that there was almost no pleasure at all.

“You have to remember something, your highness,” Haein advised. “Prince Seungcheol does not have much experience with women; you may even be the only woman he ever slept with. Most of his ual experiences have probably been with a man…”

That was something that Yewon never thought about or considered, but it was a good point that made Yewon see some things a lot more clearly.

“Because of this, I think that Prince Seungcheol is not used to passivity from his ual partner. It may even be that he himself prefers to be passive. So my advice to you, your highness, is to take control of your ual encounters. Be in charge of your own pleasure and his as well. And if his pride does not let him let you take control, push for it anyways. I guarantee that it would feel so much better if you do this.”

Yewon intended to take Haein’s advice. She didn’t think she could handle another session with Seungcheol if things did not change. Although she couldn’t imagine Seungcheol being submissive and letting her take control, she was determined to at least try.

-

“I want to take control tonight,” Yewon told him when he arrived at her room that night.

“I’m sorry?” Seungcheol looked startled.

“I want to be dominant tonight, and I want you to let me.”

Seungcheol wore a shocked expression on his face as he heard her say that. He looked slightly unnerved by that request.

“With all due respect your highness, that’s not how it’s done.”

“Is this about pride?” she asked.

“No.”

“Then what is it about? Why can’t I be dominant if it’s not about pride?”

“Because I don’t want you to,” he replied with a frown.

“Is it repulsive to you or something?” she asked, trying to get a satisfactory answer from him.

“Maybe,” he answered as he glowered at her. “Please remove these thoughts from your head, your highness. And if you insist on such things, find another man to sleep with.”

At this point, she was increasingly beginning to understand that she was the reason he was repulsed. He never wanted with her at all, and that’s why he’s pushing the idea of her sleeping with someone else. What husband would do that unless he was repelled by his wife? He may be emotionally fond of her like he claimed, but Yewon had begun to understand that he was physically repulsed by her. This repulsion may come from the fact she had a woman’s body and not a man’s, but it could also be because she was far from pretty. When she cut her hair, she probably became even uglier to him.

There was simply no physical attraction from him towards her, and so Yewon began to see why he was uncomfortable with giving her license to do what she wants with his body, the reason he did not want her to take control.

Realizing this hurt her. She felt rejected, and so she just gave him a nod of acceptance. “I understand,” Yewon said, gulping down the hurt. She then unconsciously placed the shawl that was around her shoulder over her head, covering the hair she knew he hated.

He watched her carefully as she did that, and then said, “no princess, I don’t think you understand at all. Tell me what you think you understand.”

She tried to avoid responding to him, but he firmly insisted that she tell him what she was thinking. And so she said: “I know that you’re not attracted to me.”

That looked like the answer he expected, for he quickly shook his head in denial. “You’re wrong about. I think you’re beautiful,” he said, surprising her greatly. Those were the last words she could have ever expected to come out of his mouth.

She was so surprised she couldn’t even gather her words. He drew closer to her and took off her shawl, putting it to the side: “I was afraid you’d think that I hated your hair. I don’t. When you decided to cut it, I only felt immense respect for you. It may have looked like I hated it, but that’s only because it made me feel ashamed of myself: you gave up your hair for Solen, and I have yet to give up anything for my own country. Your short hair has been a constant reminder of that for me, and so when I see you, I feel defeated because I remember that I have to live up to your sacrifices. I never thought it was unattractive. On the contrary, with this hair, you remind me so much of…” his voice trailed off. He didn’t have to say the name though, because Yewon knew who he was referring to.

What he said boosted her confidence a lot. It was strangely sweet, like something Wonwoo would say. And the weirdest part was that it was something he said for her sake, to make her feel better, to make sure she doesn’t misunderstand the reason he rejected her.

She was so flustered by him that she was unable to say anything in that momentary silence that followed his confession. Little did she know, however, that he had much more to confess, and that this compliment would soon be forgotten in the midst of all else that would be revealed to her.

He took a deep breath and took a seat on a nearby chair and asked her to sit down too. When she did, he said: “I’m going to tell you something, your highness. I wanted to avoid this for as long as possible, but I think the time has come for you to know.”

He looked troubled as he thought of how to phrase what he wanted to say. Yewon had never seen him like that before: nervous and vulnerable. Whatever it was that he wanted to tell her, it took a toll on him.

 “You close your eyes when we have ,” Seungcheol stated at first. “Because of that, you don’t see the expressions I make. And you also don’t see certain parts of my body. But if you were to open your eyes, you’d see a lot of damage...” He averted his eyes to the floor and continued: “Remember when I told you that your brother did some awful things? Well, he wanted to castrate me, but your father did not let him. Instead he… did other things, similar but not as extreme. He said he wanted to punish me for ‘deflowering his sister,’ and so he basically mutilated that part of my body.”

That sounded so much like something Jihoon would do…

“ is painful for me,” he admitted after a slight pause. “That’s why I can’t do much with you in bed; I would be in so much pain that I only want it to be over.”

Seungcheol’s eyes were still fixed on the floor, and he appearred unable to lift his head to face her. And she understood him. Seungcheol, the proud, strong and perfect prince, had told her something that most men would be ashamed of. She figured that she was one of the very few people who knew about this, perhaps even the only one.

“Knowing this,” he continued, “maybe you can make a more informed decision about whether you want to have a relationship with another man. I don’t want you to be confined to a cripple for the rest of your life…”

“Do you want me to? Would it make it easier for you if I did?” Yewon asked. She had always thought that Seungcheol was open to her having ual relations with another man for her own sake, but after learning that Seungcheol found difficult to endure, she realized that it may have been for his own sake all along.

“Honestly, I don’t know, your highness,” Seungcheol answered her. “At the end of the day, I leave it up to you.”

“I don’t want to,” Yewon told him.

Seungcheol nodded, “that’s fine.”

“I wish I knew about the pain before,” Yewon muffled. “You should have told me the first time we slept together. As your wife, I should know about these things.”

“You’re right, but–”

“You were too embarrassed to tell me,” Yewon spoke for him. “I understand. I know the pride of men and I know you feel dishonored right now. But I am your wife, and there is no such thing as honor between husband and wife. Be shameless in front of me, please. Open up to me, and let me get through to you.”

Seungcheol finally lifted his head to acknowledge what she said. To her surprise, he nodded, accepting everything that she said without complaint.

That nod signified what Yewon felt was a breakthrough moment in their relationship.

In that night, Seungcheol opened up about the trauma that her brother had put him through– the torture, the pain and the humiliation. Yewon never thought she could ever reach that point with him, but he readily revealed everything to her and even let her see the result of that trauma. He made himself vulnerable and subjected his shame to her gaze, and it felt like there was a new dimension of intimacy that formed between them. That night, she felt closer to him than ever before.

A/N: yay I’m not late this time. Anyway I hope this chapter was clear I know I made sooo many allusions that I didn’t make explicit but I hope you guys got it?

anyways please do enjoy these yewon x cheol chapters while you can. Is that a hint??? MAYBE or maybe I’m just trolling lmao BYE