A pleasant wave of warmth overcame her. She had missed him terribly, even more after how worried she had been at the prospect of her brother doing anything to harm him. But there he was, in the flesh, free from harm, with a book in his hands, exactly the way she saw him for the first time.

He looked up from his book and his eyes suddenly brightened when he made eye contact with her. He smiled and veered at her with a longing she had never seen in him before. It looked as if he wanted to embrace her then and there and was doing everything he could to restrain himself.

He quickly marked his page, put the book to the side, stood up and bowed to her.

“Your highness,” he said as he bowed, “I’ve missed you terribly.”

Just then, a woman entered the main room and also bowed to Yewon. She looked foreign, and Yewon guessed that it was Hansol’s mother. She was a very bright woman with a lot to say.

From that moment, Yewon did not have much of an opportunity to speak with Wonwoo at all.

Yewon longed for just some moments alone with him. She felt like she so much to tell him, so much she wanted to ask him, and Wonwoo looked like he felt the same way. However, neither seemed to want to say anything to the other with Hansol’s mother hearing.

Wonwoo then excused himself, telling Yewon that he really wanted to finish the book he was reading before the journey back to Solen, because he probably won’t ever get the opportunity to read it again.

Yewon knew they would have more than enough time together the following day, when they would be smuggled into a ship back to Solen and would spend the entire journey there together.

-

The following morning, right at dawn, Hansol helped Yewon and Wonwoo creep through the village to his uncle’s shop. His uncle had already known of the plan, and everything had been prepared for them.

“The crates have holes so you can breathe,” Hansol’s uncle explained to them. “You can open the craters from inside. When the ship moves and the storage space is closed, you can leave the craters; usually no one goes into that space until they reach the destination. There’s food and water, but ration them well over the few weeks you’ll be at sea. There are bandages and medicine for the wounds, and some buckets for all your sanitary needs. Just be aware that it will be uncomfortable, dark, damp, cramped and cold in that storage space, but you’ll live.”

“Thank you,” Wonwoo told the old uncle. “Your efforts will not go unrewarded.”

“Just let the damn war end, and that would be more than enough reward for me...”

The journey between Solen and Galacia had always been long and difficult, even when Yewon was treated like royalty. Now, she was nothing but contraband; she had to hide in the storage space, live off of rationed stale bread and water, and urinate in a bucket. She found, however, that although she was aware of how hard and uncomfortable the journey would be, she did not dread it.

On the contrary, she looked forward to being with Wonwoo for so long.

-

It took about hour for all the crates to be loaded and the storage deck to shut. After hearing the bell indicating that the ship had left port, Yewon and Wonwoo left their craters.

“So this will be our home for the next few weeks, Wonwoo said as he looked around the dismal space. It was dark, with very little sunlight peering through the spaces in the ceiling where the deck was. The are was nearly filled to the brim with sacks and boxes and craters to export to Solen, and the only free space was just big enough for the two of them.

It was also very cold.

Galacia had always been cold, but with the dampness of the storage space, it was much, much colder. She pulled the overcoat she got from Hansol’s mother over her more tightly.

Wonwoo took a seat in the small empty space and rested his back against a sack of rice. Yewon did them same, sitting beside him.

“How lucky are we for Hansol,” was the first thing that Wonwoo said to her after a moment of silence absorbing their new surroundings.

“He’s an angel,” Yewon replied fondly. “I was under so much pressure until he came along.”

“You’re the angel here,” Wonwoo said. She could feel him gazing at her, but she dared not catch his eye to confirm it.

“I’m no angel,” she claimed.

“You’re coming back to country that’s losing the war. You refused the alliance with China to save Solen. And you saved me. You didn’t have to do any of that. You are truly an angel,” he told her. “I will be forever grateful to you, Yewon.”

They spent that day simply talking, catching up. Yewon told him about what had happened and how Jihoon had threatened her, and Wonwoo revealed what he had gone through as a hostage and traumatic sights that he saw.

“We need to get those hostages out,” Wonwoo told her. “They’re suffering so much, and dying on a daily basis. I feel like it would be more merciful to kill him than to leave them in this state...”

“I wish there was something I could do about that,” Yewon replied sadly. She had managed to get Wonwoo out, but it hurt to know that there were hundreds more suffering just as much as Wonwoo had.

Their conversation that day was otherwise very light. Wonwoo told her about the book that he read and also relayed to her his impressions of Galacia (it was very cold; the sweet bread was delicious; the dialect was pleasant to hear). He asked her questions about what he had seen, and Yewon was pleased to see that he seemed fascinated by it all; he didn’t let his terrible experiences negatively influence how he viewed her home.

It only took an entire day to finish catching up and to exhaust all of the small talk. The both knew, however, that they were avoiding the awkward conversation they needed to have, the conversation that both of them wanted to start but didn’t really know how.

And neither of them started it that day. There was no rush. It was at least two weeks at sea, and that was plenty of time to understand where they stood with regards to one another.

-

At night, they couldn’t see anything. It was so dark they could barely make out each other’s figures, and so cold that neither could bring themselves to even move their lips to speak. Yewon curled into her body, craving some kind of warmth but knowing that she wasn’t going to get it.

She felt Wonwoo shift from beside her.

“Come closer,” he said hoarsely to her. She heard him take off his overcoat and shift closer towards her. She obliged and huddled against his chest as he pulled the coat over the both of them.

It helped. His body was cozier more comfortable than any coat. She felt his hand rub over her shoulder and back, creating a warm and pleasant friction over her icy skin.

She fell asleep in this position. The following morning, her head was still against his chest and his coat was still pulled over the two of them. He sat with his neck bent and arms encircling her.

The light from the sun shone dimly through the crack of the ceiling, and it was no longer too cold to move. She slowly broke away from his body, and with that he woke up.

“Good morning,” he told her as he unwrapped his arms from around her body.

Not having his warm body against hers made her feel so much colder, and she had to hold her arms across her chest. He, too, seemed suddenly chilled as he drew the coat over him again.

They ate their breakfast of stale bread. Both of them were already so weary of the journey, and they barely got through the first day. How Yewon wished for a bath, a bed and a fireplace. Some warm tea with a good meal. But that was so far away.

It did not take long for the two of them to fall silent, having exhausted all their possible conversations about the little, insignificant things.

It was in one of their bouts of silence that Wonwoo finally started the conversation.

“When I got that last letter from you,” he said, “the one in which you asked me not to write to you anymore, I felt like I lost something very dear to me. To be honest, I was angry. At Seungcheol, at you, at myself. You brought out something inside of me, Yewon. Something I never felt for anyone…”

“I’m sorry,” Yewon told him. “For cutting our communications short so suddenly. But I felt guilty because I was married, and Seungcheol trusted me and I felt like I was letting him down with my relationship with you.”

“I understand,” he replied. “Your letter was just a grim reminder of how unlucky I am to not have been the heir to the throne.”

“I’m also unlucky that you aren’t the heir to the throne, you know,” Yewon said, “I wish it were you too. So many problems would have been avoided if you were the heir. Like that stupid battle that Seungcheol started…”

“Is that the only reason you wish I were the heir?” Wonwoo asked. She knew what he was trying to get from her; she knew he was alluding to her feelings for him.

“You know how I feel about you,” Yewon said.

“But I don’t,” Wonwoo replied. “I really don’t. I just know that you value me as a friend, but I don’t know if my feelings for you are mutual.”

Yewon bit her lip and didn’t say anything.

“I love you,” he confessed softly.

Yewon had often read those words in her romance novels. It was often a monumental moment in the novel when the female protagonist hears them, and Yewon was always so delighted to read them.

For the first time ever, she heard the words from someone herself. They made her heart beat, but there was no delight associated with them. It was just guilt from the pit of her stomach eating her up for even allowing such a sinful conversation to take place between them. That guilt expanded when she turned towards him and saw the sincerity in his eyes.

“We should stop.”

“People can help their actions, but they can’t help their feelings, Yewon. I can’t help the passion I feel for you. God knows I tried, but it keeps coming back to me the more I spend time with you.”

Yewon averted her eyes timidly.

“And allow me to confess something else,” Wonwoo said after a short silence. “When you first came to Solen, I was scared of your father, and I was scared of what you would tell him. I befriended you because I wanted to keep you in check in case you decided to complain to him and cause some tirade. What Seungcheol told you about me, that was true at the beginning. I didn’t really care about you, at least not as much as I pretended to. But that didn’t last long, because I found that I actually liked you. Our relationship was only fake in the very beginning, but everything else was genuine. I’m serious when I say that I love you.”

It stung a little to know that it was fake in the beginning, but she got over it quickly. She didn’t have the luxury to dwell on that fact, and it didn’t matter now anyways. It did not serve Wonwoo’s interests at all to pretend to love her right now, and so she knew that he was being genuine.

“Thank you for telling me the truth,” she managed to say to him, despite how choked up she felt with the entire situation.

“Are you thanking me?” Wonwoo looked surprised. “Yewon, be angry with me. I manipulated you. I feel so guilty when I think about it, and it’s eating me up inside that I was not always real with you. I want you to trust me from now on, but you probably have no reason to now that you know…”

“I forgive you for pretending. And I do trust you, Wonwoo,” she reassured him. “More than anyone else I know.” She turned and locked eyes with him. He looked so relieved to hear her say that.

“I love you,” he said again. She felt him put his hand over hers. He stayed like this for a moment, as if he were waiting for her to react. When she didn’t turn him away, he held her hand and brought it closer to him.

Her hand was cold while his was surprisingly warm, so it was pleasant when he held her hand between his own. He then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. Yewon felt her heart beat in her chest. She liked the intimacy, but it made her feel so guilty.

She didn’t stop him though. She let him place kisses over her hand, rub it against his cheek, massage it, caress it. It looked like he wanted so badly to move on from her hand to the rest of her body, but was doing everything in his power to restrain himself.

“You should stop,” Yewon told him as the guilt grew inside her.

“I know,” he told her. “I know.” He gently placed her hand on the floor beside him.

The floor was cold and rough in comparison to his soft, warm hands. A part of her wished she hadn’t asked him to stop.

Another long silence ensued between them, one that Wonwoo broke by asking her a question. “Do you love Seungcheol?” he inquired her curiously, “be honest.”

“What is this question?”

“Just answer it.”

“No, I don’t love him,” Yewon answered. “Is that the answer you were looking for?”

“Yes,” Wonwoo replied, “that’s exactly the answer I wanted.”

-

The following day, they were distant. Yewon avoided conversing with him and only gave him one-word answers when he tried to make conversation with her. She felt like she should not be speaking with him now that she knew how he felt about her. She also sat as far away from him as possible (which wasn’t very far at all because of the limited space).

It was only until nighttime, when it was too cold to move, that they wordlessly came together to keep warm again. They didn’t have to talk; she just moved closer to him and he opened his arms and his overcoat for her.

They managed to sleep laying down that night, with the sack of rice as their pillow, Wonwoo’s coat as their blanket.

She woke up when she felt Wonwoo shift from beside her. She didn’t move or open her eyes to let him know that she was awake. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for waking her.

It was only until she felt his lips on her forehead that she opened her eyes.

“What are you doing,” she asked him, trying to sound displeased.

“You’re awake,” he noted. He seemed unfazed by the fact she caught him in the act. He pulled away slightly until there was some space between them. The arm that was around her shifted and his hand began to the loose strands of hair behind her ear.

He was leering at her, as if inspecting every detail of her face. She couldn’t handle it and turned her back to him.

“Why are you holding back with me?” Wonwoo asked her.

“You know why,” she replied.

“Actually, I have two theories, and until now, I don’t know which one it is. It’s either you want to be loyal to Seungcheol, or that you don’t actually feel the same way about me. Or maybe it’s a combination of both. And if it’s the second, all you have to do is say so, and I will stop…”

“Of course it’s the first one…”

“And I don’t believe the first is a reason to hold back. You don’t owe Seungcheol anything,” Wonwoo claimed. “Especially now after the way he treated you and all the stupid and costly decisions he has made which put you in this position. If you don’t love him, then you don’t have to hold back for him.”

“What has gotten into you, Wonwoo?” she sat upright and faced him with a frown on her face. “How can you say these things?”

Wonwoo also sat up: “I’m sorry, but lately I have had bitter feelings towards my brother. And you can’t blame me, Yewon. I was a hostage for weeks because of him. and that changes a person. I saw unspeakable horrors and went through a period of exhaustion and pain that I don’t even want to recall. And it’s all because of him! He doesn’t deserve you or your loyalty. And if he insists on your loyalty, then he is an entitled hypocrite…”

“Why are you making this so hard?” she asked him. She wished he would stop pushing this, because she felt herself subconsciously starting to agree with him, and she didn’t want to agree with him. She wanted to remain resolute in her loyalty. She wanted to remain a virtuous Queen in all aspects…

It was then that the memory of Soonyoung and their encounters resurfaced in her head. She had already desecrated herself in the worst possible way, she thought. What's a little more...

“Just hear me out,” Wonwoo implored with an earnest look in his eyes. “You know that I love you,” he began, “and so it would make me the happiest person in the world if you returned those feelings. It would make me even happier if you cast aside all inhibitions to be with me. Stop thinking about people’s expectations of you, stop thinking about your political and social roles, stop thinking about Seungcheol, stop thinking about your honor.”

“But I can’t–”

“Just for now!” Wonwoo cut her off quickly. “He will never know. Just for as long as we’re here together, let go. There’s no such thing as honor in the storage space of a ship anways. We’re dirtier than we’ve probably ever been in our lives, excreting in buckets right front of one another. What honor is there in that? For as long as we’re in such a state, I want to just let go, and I want to be with you.”

She averted her eyes looked down at the floor as he hesitantly reached for her hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed it.

“I love you,” he said again, “and if you feel anything for me at all, please let me indulge in my desires for just as long as it would take you to go back to Seungcheol. I promise, Yewon, that I will let go of you when that happens. I will move on, and let you be the loyal princess that you want to be; right now, though, my entire being desires you, and the fact that we’re stuck in this small space together for so long does not help…”

“What do you want me to do?” she managed to ask to him.

It appeared that Wonwoo took that question as consent for him to kiss her. His hand over her neck, he suddenly pulled her closer and closed the distance between them, softly grazing his lips over hers.

Her heart was beating fast, and whatever resolution she still had began waver. She loved his intimacy; she loved the softness of his touches; she loved how his lips moved in such perfect harmony, a harmony through which she sensed his affection for her more deeply than ever before.

A/N: I’M BACK

I’m so sorry im like two weeks late (I have excuses but they will bore you so just take my word for it lol).

The good news is im finished with classes so I’ll be updating more often again! So you may get an update on Thursday ^^ (but don’t hold me to that!)