She had read so much about this experience– mostly positive things (perhaps because in most cases, the female character is in love with the man with whom this experience is shared). Yewon had always wondered whether the novels she read were misleading in that regard. Is this bodily union with another person truly as exhilarating as was often portrayed?

Soonyoung did not hold back when it came to his attempts to pleasure her, but even with all of his touches and gentle reassurances, there was a restraint on her part that was difficult to overcome. It was not as magical as it was in the novels, but it was also not quite unpleasant, especially given the extent he went to please her.

Soonyoung was experienced; he seemed to know exactly what to do and when to do it. He seemed to understand when she was in pain and when she was stimulated, and he adjusted accordingly. He seemed to know how to make it as comfortable as something like that could be.

The true discomfort came after he was finished, collapsing at her side on the bed, the sound of his heavy breathing close to her ear. For a long time, they both just lied on their backs, staring at the ceiling, not saying a word to one another. Thinking about what had just transpired made her feel uncomfortably numb on the inside.

Each breath he took made her wince all of the sudden, like a constant reminder of how messed up this was.

It took many minutes before Soonyoung finally got up from her side. She pulled the covers over her body timidly and turned her back to him as he cleaned and dressed himself.

“We need to burn the sheets,” was the first thing Soonyoung said to her. “We should have thought ahead and did it over a towel.” His tone was lighthearted, as if her were telling a joke. Yewon appreciated his attempts at alleviating the awkward atmosphere, but it wasn’t going to work, she thought.

He sighed when she didn’t respond.

“I know you want me to leave,” he said. “But the guards will come in as soon as I leave. So you have to get up and get dressed.” She just pulled the covers closer over her body. “I’ll close my eyes,” he added jokingly.

When she still didn’t say anything, he walked over to her side of the bed and knelt down so that his eyes levelled with hers. Yewon pulled the covers over her face. She couldn’t even bear to look at him.

“Come on,” he moped. “You’re making me feel bad…”

She didn’t reply.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked with concern.

“That’s not it,” she muttered from behind the sheets, not wanting to make him feel guilty. “I just feel dirty and ashamed.”

“You shouldn’t feel that way,” Soonyoung told her. “It’s not like you’re not doing this because you want to have an affair. You’re doing this because you have to…”

An affair– that was exactly what this was. She hadn’t even thought of it like that until Soonyoung mentioned it, and it made her feel even sicker.

“Seungcheol also had an affair,” Soonyoung reminded her. “So you shouldn’t feel guilty.”

Yewon didn’t really want to reason with Soonyoung right now. The fact of the matter was she felt nauseated now, and no amount of comfort was going to reverse it, especially if that comfort came from him.

“I’m sorry you had to go through this,” he told her. “And I’m sorry if it didn’t feel good. I tried.”

She didn’t reply, and he sighed.

“I’m going to sit in the corner with my eyes closed and my back turned until you tap my shoulder, okay?”

She heard him walk to the far corners of the room and sit on the floor. She uncovered her face and sat up to find him indeed seated in the corner with his back to her, his arms around his crossed legs. She took a moment to gather herself before getting up and cleaning herself with the dry towels and sheets around her. She got dressed, feeling dirty and in desperate need of a bath. But she knew she didn’t have the luxury of bathing right now; she was a hostage after all.

She eventually tapped his shoulder and he turned to face her with an encouraging smile on his face. She averted her eyes.

They both worked together to remove the bedsheets and hide them.

“Haein is going to figure it out, isn’t she?” Soonyoung asked Yewon as they were putting all of the dirty towels and sheets together.

“I don’t know.”

“She’s smart,” Soonyoung said. “She’ll see that the sheets have gone missing, and she’ll know that you and me were on ‘official business’ together in this room. She’ll figure it out for sure.”

“She may…”

“You have to make her promise to not tell anyone,” Soonyoung told Yewon. “It’s very important for our family that this doesn’t come out…”

Yewon nodded. Throughout the entire conversation, her eyes were focused on the sheets in front of her. She didn’t dare catch his eye, and she could tell by how generally less talkative he was with her that he was uncomfortable with that. Soonyoung was someone who needed attention; he needed to be noticed and acknowledged, and the fact she wasn’t even looking at him seemed to unsettle him.

“Please look at me,” he told her when they finished folding the dirty sheets.

She turned lifted her eyes towards him for a moment, but averted them after a few seconds. She could no longer look at him in the same way again, not after what had happened between them, not after she was so intimate with him.

“I know how you feel,” Soonyoung told her. “Even I feel ashamed of what happened, and I sleep with girls every single day. I can't imagine how you feel, having your first time with someone like me in this clandestine and dirty way. But I just wish you would just let go a little bit, Princess. It will be a lot less stressful and a lot easier for me if you just stop thinking about norms and standards and ethics. We’ve already established that this is going to happen, and so just loosen up a bit, and let’s just have fun with it. If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it.”

She noted the eagerness in his voice, as if her were trying his best to persuade her.

She never imagined that anyone would ask her to loosen up. She had always been the loosest girl there was, in her obsession with novels all the wild adventures she’d had. But this has got to be wildest one she had ever been on, and it just so happened that the person who shared in that adventure was so much more wild than she was.

“Okay,” she answered him. She understood his logic, and he was right. This was going to happen whether she liked it or not, and so she might as well enjoy it. She might as well liberate herself from all the inhibitions that were in her head. “I promise I’ll try,” she added, looking him straight in the eye.

-

Soonyoung was right about Haein; she was smart, and she caught on to what was happening immediately.

She couldn’t say anything though, because Yewon was only ever with her when there were at least four guards with them too. It was only during a bath, when the guards had the courtesy of turning their backs, when the oppurtunity came for private communication between them.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Yewon mouthed soundlessly towards Haein, who only nodded her head in understanding.

Haein took a little longer to bathe Yewon that day. She used more soap than usual and provided extra grooming, and later she dressed her in the same undergarments Yewon had worn during her wedding night.

Yewon appreciated that Haein had thought to do all of that, and it truly did help Yewon feel more confident with the state of her body for the next time.

-

It happened again that night, and the next day and the night after. With every session, she felt a lot more prepared and by the end of it, she was desensitized from the stigma of it all. She no longer felt guilty; the guilt and the shyness wore off completely and she embraced the arrangement and tried to enjoy it.

He made it easy. He was shameless and did not hold back anything at all when it came to ual pleasure: both hers and his own. Within a few days, he had her entire body memorized with all of her sensitive areas noted and considered. She became used to having his flesh against hers, his breath on her neck and his tongue all over her body.

Soonyoung’s only role was to impregnate her, but Yewon knew that he went above and beyond what he needed to do for that role. Her pleasure became central in their sessions, and it didn’t need to be. Sometimes it didn’t even feel like he was working towards his own release; it didn’t feel like Yewon’s pregnancy was the objective…

Yewon worried that maybe they had gone too far sometimes. Even though it always ended the way it should, Yewon worried that maybe the mere fact that both of them were so clearly enjoying it made them culpable.

This all continued and until, eventually, after some correspondence between the two kings, it had been decided that Yewon be sent back to the Galacia in return for Seungcheol, who, according to the letters, was well and alive.

“So, I guess that’s it…” Soonyoung told her as they lay side by side a minute or so after the final release.

“Yeah. That’s it,” Yewon said.

Soonyoung turned to his side to face her, and she did the same.

“Do you feel pregnant?” he asked jokingly, making her smile.

“What would happen if I’m not pregnant?” she asked him, her smile fading as she considered the prospect. It was a welling concern that was always in the back of her mind ever since the first time, but she always pushed it aside in order to focus on being physically and mentally prepared for her sessions with Soonyoung. She had not had the time to worry about whether or not it worked.

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung answered. “Do you think your father would forcefully break the marriage even if you insist on it?”

“If it’s for the benefit of Galacia, he’ll do anything.”

He eyed her curiously for a moment before hesitantly asking the question: “I still don’t understand why you agreed to do this, you know.”

“To do what?”

“To make a baby that Solen will claim. And if this baby really does happen, you’ll be tied to this country and to Seungcheol forever, especially if it’s a boy. And I don’t understand because I know that Seungcheol doesn’t treat you well, and I know you don’t love him. And I also know that your country will have so much to gain if the alliance with Solen is broken. Why are you letting this happen… is it really because you want peace so badly, even if you’re better off without it?”

“If the war doesn’t end, no one is better off,” Yewon answered. “Lives will be lost all in the name of glory, and I don’t want that.”

“You know,” Soonyoung said with a smile on his lips, “I admire you a lot, princess. I’m glad that you'll be our future Queen.”

She blushed, and he laughed. “After everything that happened between us, this is what makes you blush?” he added making her blush even more. “Anyways, I trust that you’ll find your way around this. Even if you’re not pregnant, you can pretend to be, or you can tell your father you’re in love with Seungcheol or something.”

“I don’t think my father believes in love.”

“No, I’m pretty sure he does. Everyone falls in love; it’s just a fact of life. And maybe if he believes that you’re in love with Seungcheol, he would feel guilty about keeping you away from him.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“I know you will,” he said. “That’s why I’m not worried. I know you’ll be back, even if you don’t have a baby.”

“I can’t imagine not being back after everything that happened,” Yewon replied to him. “I can’t imagine just cutting off ties with everyone I met here.”

“I can’t imagine not seeing you again either,” Soonyoung replied, but then added: “But at the same time, I also can’t imagine how it would be when I do see you again. When you come back, things will be different. Suddenly, I’ll have to forget that we were intimate and treat you like a sister-in-law. It’s going to be so strange. And if you’re pregnant, it’ll be even stranger. I’ll be a father to this baby, and Seungcheol has to pretend that it’s his, and the poor guy or girl will have to grow up believing that I’m an uncle. The thought makes me shudder a little, to be honest,” Soonyoung admitted.

Yewon had not thought that far ahead, but now that she considered it, it was going to be difficult for them all. Difficult for Soonyoung, difficult for her, and difficult for Seungcheol.

Seungcheol… how would he feel when he learned about the arrangement? That question had always lingered in the back of her mind all throughout these past days, and she didn’t know what to expect. Would he hate it? Would he be furious? But if politics was all he cared about, then this was all for the good of his country, so he should be glad, especially if she did end up being pregnant. But still, she somehow just knew that this wasn’t going to be how he reacted. She still somehow knew that he was going to be livid.

“How do you think Seungcheol will react when he finds out about this?” Yewon asked Soonyoung.

“To be honest, I’m afraid he’ll murder me,” Soonyoung joked. “I, his brother, touched his wife before he himself could, what man wouldn’t be enraged by that? But he would understand the necessity for it, so maybe he wouldn’t murder me for it… but…” Soonyoung hesitated, “if he did know exactly what happened between us, he would murder me for sure. You and I both know that it wasn’t as impersonal as it could have been…” Soonyoung trailed off, eying her. It was the first time that either of them acknowledged that maybe they were guilty of being too indulgent in this affair.

Yewon averted her eyes again, this time, in shame.

“Of course, he doesn’t have to know that,” Soounyoung added quickly. “Which is why I’m telling you from now: I’m going to lie to Seungcheol about what happened between us. We only had once. Your eyes were closed and your hands were folded across your chest. I finished quickly and quietly. You and I both refused to do it again. Understand?

“Is he even going to ask about this?” Yewon asked uncomfortably.

“I hope not. But if he does, I want to reassure him. No need to hurt his pride and tell him the truth. I just want to make sure our stories align…”

“I understand,” Yewon replied, and she agreed to lie.

-

Saying goodbye to everyone in Solen was very, very hard, especially considering that there was this likely possibility that she would not see any of them ever again.

She didn’t want to cry, because if this really was her last time in Solen, she didn’t want to remembered as weak. And so she kept as a straight face as she said goodbye to the King and the Queen, and to Soonyoung. It became harder to hold her tears when it came to Yulhee, who was crying hysterically and saying that Yewon was her best friend.

But Haein was the one who pushed her off edge. Instead of bowing like usual, Haein wrapped her arms around Yewon and hugged her, and Yewon couldn’t hold it in anymore. She cried and wrapped her arms around her maid, who had been her greatest support in her time in Solen.

It was the first time that Haein had hugged her; Haein, being the polite, courteous lady that she was, never went against the protocol and hugged a princess. She was a servant after all. Yewon could feel that the guards were uncomfortable with Haein’s disregard for conventional conduct. But Yewon’s tears and the force with which she embraced Haein had made them not try to do anything to stop it.

But it was rather strange still, and it was only later that Yewon understood why she did it. It wasn’t because she had an overwhelming urge to hug her before she left. It was to tell her something.

As she hugged Yewon, Haein whispered in her ear: “I don’t want to say this out loud, but please look for Wonwoo among the captives.”

A/N: im very sorry to everyone who wanted cheol to be her first but hey, maybe he can be her second- wait, soonyoung already took that spot too. maybe her third – wait soonyoung also… I’ll just stop now lol