Autumn colored the world in faded shades of khaki and auburn. Painted the castle in camels and rusted bricks, the chapped wood at the doors making it look like a well-guarded fortress in the evening sky. The waters hit the cold autumn shore, splashing white and filling the air with a refreshing, yet chilly, breeze. The sky was ready to fall down, burgundy shades of peach and scarlet red painting it, the clouds starting to blend with to paint it back to black, the sun missing and the wind dancing between the trees and grass.

The small blades of emerald touching his fingers made the field he was laying soulless on fell alive. The clothes he wore were no longer the one he remembered, his body feeling heavy, as if he was now with a few kilograms heavier, maybe fifteen or twenty, and with a familiar smell of steel and plate combined mildly. His head felt bulky and hazy, as if he was taken into another world, somewhere in a land where he was no longer accustomed with. Then when he felt the wind blowing around and through his ash colored hair, the heaviness turned into a feather-like easiness and it was as if he was dreaming, and yet, it felt real. He opened his eyes slowly and moving his fingers to feel the ground some more, he could feel the soil and the silkiness of it, the way he could feel a certain warmth the earth under gave off and as he slowly pushed on his palms and raised himself he finally realized that the grass field was maybe a bit too familiar.

He looked around and heard the waves and smelled the ocean, he took in the breeze and the way the leaves danced as it blew, the sky he felt like crumbling and then turning around slowly he met the great brick walls and the towers coming out from the top of them. The road taking to the intimidating and yet oddly familiar architecture he soon recognized as being a medieval castle. His eyes blinked fast and his face slowly morphed in confusion as he suddenly got up in a walking position when he realized that the last thing he remembered is an apartment not a grass field with a castle in the middle of it.

“Where am I?” he whispered as he turned around once more, but there was no one there to answer to his question. The wind suddenly blew like a typhoon and as he raised his arm to cover his face he started to hear laughs of children in the back and the familiar whistle of a flute, some calming harp notes and when he took away his arm and looked again he was in the middle of the castle walls.

He turned to look around. He took in the beauty of it and the greatness of the architecture, how every brick looked like it was placed by hand, how the music made its way to his heart and it felt so good that he didn’t know if he should let himself get swapped in and start dancing. He looked some more and noticed some knights on their horses, some other young knights-to-be playing with swords and then another laugh and another familiar voice made him turn around.

There were two boys playing by a fountain, one of them with a hair as black as the night and the other one having slightly fair hair. The red and faded shades of yellow clothes they were wearing made him follow each move they made and before he knew it he was by the fountain looking at them and smiling. His steps were heavy, his ears hearing a buzzing sound but in that moment he didn’t care, because there was something very intriguing in what those two little boys were playing. Their laughs echoed in his head and it felt as if they were right next to his ears.

The more he stared the more he noticed how the black haired boy took a certain care of the other one, how he made sure that as they ran around not to ran too fast so he could catch up, how he would let him win and then laugh as he was made fun of. The scene seemed way too familiar for him and then suddenly the fair haired boy fell to the ground with a small thud and by the time he managed to get himself up the black haired boy was by his side helping him. And then as if nothing happened they started playing again and in that moment he wanted to play with them too, because even if what they were doing looked so childish and simple, it looked like fun and he doesn’t remember the last time he did that.

Another blow of air and as he covered his face again the laughing stopped and the music ceased and upon opening his eyes he was in the same court but this time there was a sniffling sound and as he turned his head around he noticed a young boy, looking at his feet and with tears streaming down his face, his uneven breathing making him hiccup and he didn’t know why his heart started to ache. He tried to take a careful step closer to him, taking in more of him, noticing again how he wore an armor like some knight, with a red cape covering his shoulders, how his shoulders seemed to carry the weight of the world, his fair hair falling over his forehead and in his hand holding a broken sword. He took another heavy step and before he could extend his hand to try to talk to him the boy let the sword slip from his arms and fell to the ground with a loud cling. After that he heard rushed footsteps from behind, a panting sound and then someone passed by him and kneeled down suddenly in front of the fair haired boy.

“No, stop, please, stop blaming it on you.” The boy said and he felt as if he was intruding something as if he was eavesdropping on them, but then he felt a strange sensation that made him want to stay and look some more at them. The boy that kneeled down started to wipe away the tears from his face and as he looked at his soft smile something inside of him made it feel warm, familiar again.

“But it’s my fault.” The faired hair boy whispered and the other boy placed a careful hand on his knee and then taking his hand in his he got up and circled his free arm around his shaking shoulders and took the crying boy in his arms. His chest started to ache again, his heart pounding harder and looking at the scene in front of his eyes the buzzing sound started to fill his ears once more.

“There was nothing you could have done to prevent it, so please, stop crying.” The boy said and as he heard his voice once more he started to have the feeling that he heard that line before, he started to feel confused and so he stood there and watched how the boys got up and the hug suddenly tightened and even if he felt like he should leave and stop watching because didn’t seem like it was his business, his legs didn’t move, he was rooted to the ground. “You know that when you cry I cry with you.” He said then and gave him a pat on the back and he deepened the hug and let the boy’s head fall on his shoulder.

“From now on, I will laugh, so you can always laugh with me.” He said as he started to show a smile and unlinking their arms he raised his head from his shoulder and giving the other boy another smile he went on, “So let me protect you and promise me to stay by my side forever.”

“I won’t ever leave you.” And in that moment he knew that he heard that line before. There was something in the back of his head that he couldn’t pin down, there was a smile and a voice, a hand that took him to another land, a boy he dreamt of and never found.

Before he could get their attention the wind blew again and this time he only closed his eyes and let the wind take him to where he needed to be. His ears caught the instrumental of a certain ceremony, the sound of flute and harp gone, drums rolled and trumpets started to fill the chamber he was in. And as he opened his eyes he saw himself in the middle of a room full of people, in front of his eyes was a throne and the same faired hair boy, only that this time his fair hair was more like his, a more silver color, something that shone as the sun touched his head and bowing someone came from the left and on a red pillow stood firm a jeweled crown. He noticed how the three chairs in the back were empty and how beside the king was a black haired boy with a proud smile on his face.

He tried to move to the side for a bit, so he wouldn’t draw attention and as he looked from the back he noticed how the boy he saw crying on the fountain was now also having a big smile plastered on his face and he thought he was seeing things but right before the crown was placed to his head he turned around just for a bit and stole a glance at the black haired boy standing next to him.

The people started to cheer and then it was too loud for him to hear the buzzing in his ears so he decided to leave the room and he let his legs take him through the castle walls, through the corridors and passing by chambers and doors he didn’t know why they looked so familiar. He climbed a row of stairs and before he could comprehend where he went he was standing in front of a double wooden door with a slight crack between the two doors. He slowly pushed the door further and stepping inside he felt the air surrounding it oddly familiar again.

It seemed rather clean around, with a big bed in the middle, a slightly opened window that let in the night air in, and he didn’t know when the night fell, because there was a sun shining just a while ago, and then taking some more careful steps he moved forward and stopped in front of the window because he suddenly heard footsteps coming his way and he didn’t know where to hide so he just took the best spot he could find and hid behind a big closet.

Laughs filled the room again and the oddly familiar voice he heard in his dreams was back. He peeked a bit from where he was and saw the now crowned king and the black haired boy enter the room and making a beeline till the bed. The crown was placed on the floor and the red cape surrounding the boy’s shoulders fell to the ground, covering the crown. The black haired boy only laughed some more and rolled a bit to the side of the bed and then stopping he stared at the boy standing on the other side and raising his arms he gave him a big smile and the silver haired boy jumped right in his arms and they both fell back on the bed sheets.

“Congratulations once more, my king.” The black haired boy said and he didn’t know why but his body was suddenly warmer and his heart was beating again a bit faster. He stopped looking at them and even so he still felt like they were right in front of his eyes.

“Thanks, Jaehyun-ah.” The silver haired boy replied and the moment he heard that name his heart started to race and his eyes turned big and the buzzing sound was once again the only melody his ears played.

“So my king,” Jaehyun started and the silver haired boy turned a bit so he could watch him in the eyes, “what am I to you now? Since you got a new status I feel like I should also get one. After all, we must grow together.” And he could hear the king chuckle and turning around completely they were now looking straight into each other’s eyes.

“You should for starters stop calling me king, it makes our friendship strange,” he said smiling for a bit and Jaehyun only chuckled at that, “so just, stick with Taeyong, and secondly, you are mine, no matter what status I have you belong to me.” At that the buzzing in his ears stopped and he didn’t know when but he was now standing in front of the bed looking straight at the two and in that moment his head started to bang and flinching just a bit he realized.

‘It’s not a dream, they are memories.’ And before he could try to comprehend why he was seeing this and why it didn’t have any sense and he was just more and more confused and yet deep down he felt a certain warmth he didn’t know he could feel and there was a certain rush that took his body by surprise and he was once more rooted to the ground and witnessing the scene in front of his eyes he felt as if he was touching Jaehyun and he felt as if he was being hugged and he felt as if they were sharing their warmth and in those white sheets they were happy.

“I’m not an object Tae,” Jaehyun spoke and Taeyong only laughed because a small pout started to form on his lips and he wanted to kiss it away but he knew he couldn’t, he will never be allowed to do it.

“You’re all I need in this life, so don’t ever think about leaving me, you hear?” Taeyong said and smiling the pout away Jaehyun nodded slightly, “If I have you then I don’t need anything. You are my happiness.”

“Ha-ha, stop it with the cheesy stuff, you make me blush,” Jaehyun said cutely and took the hand that circled Taeyong’s waist and touched his cheek. Taeyong only laughed at the action and rolled out of his embrace and as he extended his hand he reached a drawer that was next to the bed and scrambling a bit for something he pulled out a red material and with it in his hand he rolled back in Jaehyun’s embrace.

“I have something for you.” Taeyong said and his ears started to turn red, “This is something I made for you so you can always think of me when you wear it.” And taking the read material in his hands he slowly raised on his elbow and Jaehyun mirrored his action while looking at his slightly trembling hands and feeling his cheeks heat up he circled the material around Jaehyun’s neck and making a small nod at the back he looked in his eyes and went on, “You better not lose this scarf, I don’t think I can make another one.”

“I will wear it until we are old and you learn to make a new one because this one is too ripped to be worn.” Jaehyun said as he touched it and fell back on the bed. “Now come on, let’s sleep.” He said as he dragged a chuckling Taeyong back in his arms and letting his silver locks fall on his shoulder he patted his arm and slowly closed his eyes.

Taeyong waited for the boy to fall asleep and as he raised his head to check he slowly raised his body, sustaining it on his elbow and with a soft smile he said, “If you die before I do, I will take my life and go with you because I can’t go on living if you’re not here with me.”

As he stood there and felt everything this Taeyong felt he didn’t know how to move or speak anymore. He didn’t know if they could even see him but by how this all went he was pretty sure he wasn’t even here in the first place and that this was all in his head. All these vivid images, this dream that felt so real and the buzzing sound he kept hearing all along.

Memories started to flow in, flashing in front of his eyes, laughs and broken hearts, hugs in the late nights, strolls in the morning, holding Jaehyun’s hand, interlacing their fingers together as they ran to some place far away from the castle walls. Fireworks by the shore that he never tried to explain. Meals cooked by Jaehyun that tasted better than the royal chef, late night talks and games. Tickling and more laugh. Cuddling the lazy mornings in an unmade bed and finding comfort in each other’s arms. Learning things with Jaehyun and falling in love more and more every day. Getting married and losing him, blaming himself. All these feelings and emotions, all these memories of them, he couldn’t take them all in and before he even knew it he felt something hot streaming down his face and laughing bitterly he didn’t even bother to wipe his tears, because it didn’t matter if it wasn’t Jaehyun the one who did it.

‘He was right.’ He thought, ‘I am the king.’

Another blow of wind took him away and when he opened his eyes again he felt a sting and then a pain like he never felt before. His right side started to hurt and he felt something flowing out like water, as if he was drained of something. He felt his hand moving on its own and then stopping in something his vision started to clear away and he saw Mark spitting blood and as his eyes grew he snapped his head to his side and saw Excalibur piercing his side and that the hand holding the sword belonged to no other but Mark.

He heard a scream and he fell to the ground but before he managed to touch the ground someone coughed his body and took his it in his arms. It was a warmth that he recognized and they were arms that he yearned for.

“No, please, don’t leave me.” Jaehyun spoke, his voice breaking and tears streaming down his face. He felt his heart breaking apart, he didn’t care how much it hurt, how much pain he was feeling now, all he cared about was his tears.

“It’s okay,” Taeyong said coughing blood, “I’m okay.” He said trying to smile for a bit, hoping Jaehyun would smile with him too but he didn’t, he kept crying and he kept hugging his broken body.

“You’re not okay, you’re far from okay, let me fix you, I can fix you, let me fix you.” Jaehyun mumbled and he knew that he couldn’t fix him, nothing could fix him so he just wished for him to smile and stop crying for him, because he wasn’t worthy of it and it was too late to try and save something that can’t be saved.

“Just,” Taeyong tried to speak as he took hold of Jaehyun arm, “Just hold me.” He managed to bit back a choke and tried to hug Jaehyun a bit tighter but there was no strength in his arms and he felt his eyes heavy and his body being embraced by cold.

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun cried out, hugging him tighter and he felt as if maybe like this he could take some of his warmth and make himself live just a bit longer, “You’re not dying in my arms.”

“Please, take the sword Excalibur and the scabbard and throw them back into the lake from whence they came.” Taeyong said, trying to distract Jaehyun because he was crying and he was crying too hard.

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun kept saying and repeating the same words over and over again and Taeyong tried to raise his arm and wipe away his tears but he couldn’t and it fell limp to his side once more.

“I’ll come back to you,” Taeyong rasped out, barely holding it in, but still smiling, hoping to see his smile too, for one last time.  

“I’ll wait for you, no matter how much.” Jaehyun said between his sobs, and Taeyong felt as life flew out of his body and he didn’t even feel pain anymore. It was as if wherever Jaehyun touched turned painless and he could go without any worries.

“Just like you returned to me when I needed you the most, I’ll come back to you.”  Taeyong said with his last breath before his body gave up, his eyes closing and the hand that tried to hold on to Jaehyun falling limp to his side and coldness that he felt then surrounded him once more.

The buzzing in his ears stopped and he felt a certain warmth surround his body again. He heard a soft breath sound and as he started to gain his sense back he opened his eyes and saw a chest going up and down in circular motions, a hand holding his tight. He looked up slowly and saw Jaehyun sleeping softly and he felt his heart clench in his chest and in that moment he wanted to cry so hard and he wanted Jaehyun to wipe away his tears once more.

“Jaehyun-ah,” he whispered as he felt his eyes water, “thank you for being my happiness.”

“They knew that looking back on the tears would make them laugh but they never knew that looking back on the laughs would bring tears.”
 

A/n: IM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE AND FOR THIS CHAPTER THAT FEELS LIKE A FLASHBACK BUT I THINK I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE ANGST! I mean I have been feeling a bit too happy lately and that I mainly because of Yuta soooooooo I managed to write this in bits and pieces and I hope it’s good enough for now :D

Thank you so much for the people who subscribed and read this because I never thought I would reach 70+ subs so fast! Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section and thank you for reading this!