A/n: It’s been a while, I know and I’m sorry! I have such a chaotic schedule I literally get home and sleep. So I don’t know how many of you saw the update but the next few chapters are going to probably include the other side pairings too~ I hope everyone is okay with that!!

“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.”

Love is always such a funny thing, because you never know if you truly love someone or it’s just a phase. Maybe you love the idea of it, maybe you heard that it’s a beautiful feeling and once you experience it it’s going to make you feel whole, it’s going to make you feel complete. You never know if you should really give your heart to someone or if it’s just the idea of love that you want to experience. Either way, people fall in love when they least expect it, because that’s one of the types on how the society labeled love; unexpected.

Yuta was born and raised in Japan. He was always a child who liked to have people around him, who liked to make lots of friends, who liked to make people smile, because then he would smile too. His parents grew him to be wise, to know how to take care of himself, because he was taught from small that you can only trust yourself, because it is you who’s making your future. Yuta was given the ultimatum of reaching a high level in society, because his parents were too, people belonging to the high class.  Yuta learned from his parents how to control everything around him, learned how to control his emotions, and he learned that only by succeeding in everything you can truly feel complete.

Then, his father suddenly got a promotion at work and they decided it was time for them to make a change, for the better they thought at that time. So they decided to move to Britain, ripping Yuta away from everything and everyone he cherished. Britain was too big for him, the language came easy to learn and he couldn’t explain why, the Japanese culture stuck with him for a while but then he learned to follow the new one, he learned how to act and move and make them think he was English. No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to fit in this new world he was trapped in now, he never felt like he belonged no matter where he was. His home felt empty, his room was not the same one he had grown up with, and his school was going well but he still felt like an outcast.

Britain left him cold, and his parents were not helping him either. They saw this as an opportunity for him to become independent, to live on its own, because he was already sixteen and they thought it was the right age to start living for yourself and learn about life. They got him a flat and Yuta started living together with a guy who he didn’t even try to remember his name. He thought that being alone like his parents wanted would be what he should do. So he tried to rip himself from reality, he tried to find other things that would make him feel complete.

Being alone gave him time to think, which was never good for him. Growing up with parents that cared more about your grades and status than your health or happiness made him think if he really was loved by them. He always envied the children who he saw in the park with their parents, he always envied the classmates who always seemed to have fun going to family trips and camping. He was only sixteen and he already felt like there was no one out there who loved him, because if your family doesn’t even make an effort to try and love you then who is there left in the world that can love you.

When he turned seventeen he started to feel like something was off. His dreams started to have strange vibes and he would wake up in the middle of the night hearing screaming and voices that he never heard before, they were screaming a name he thought he heard it before. The dreams turned into shrieks of pain in the middle of the night, shivering when he would wake up and soon enough they were no longer dreams, they were nightmares. Sometimes he would wake up screaming, because he dreamt of dying. He dreamt the same thing over and over again that he had the lines, the faces, the smells, he had it all memorized. It was almost like it was real. Too real.

His sleep hours decreased, he found some peace in watching dramas, or animations, or reading, but each time he was sleepy he tried to fight it off, he tried to keep himself up because he knew that when he falls asleep the nightmare of seeing so many people he doesn’t know, and yet feels connected with, dying right in front of him was going to come back and haunt him again.

The dream started to feel so real that when he started his final year of high school and he got new classmates he felt like he was going completely crazy. He got two new classmates. They were not the same age, it was something about how they were involved in an accident and were in a coma until recently and now they have to repeat their last year. The boys called themselves Doyoung and Taeil. Claimed to be brothers, but to Yuta it was all going to the back of his mind because it couldn’t be possible. The voices were the same voices he heard in his dreams, their faces were the same faces he saw in his dream the other night. Taeil died in front of him because of a disease and later on, Doyoung was the one who betrayed the king and fled the kingdom. He thought he was crazy, he was going insane, because he just saw the people he dreamt about.

He always felt a strange vibe that something was off. His dreams always felt too real to be just dreams, but he never questioned what it was, he never tried to answer the questions that popped in his head when he would wake up in the morning feeling like he was born in another world, feeling like he was already tired of life, like he already lived his span. He never told anyone about how he sometimes felt a pain in his right side, how it felt like a cold blade pierced through it when it rained outside. He locked himself up, he never wanted anyone to know his pain, he never wanted to let someone understand him, because he was sure no one will, he was sure there was no a single soul in this world that would understand his fear. Because after all, his family didn’t love him enough to care about his being, so why should he go running to them now when he needed them the most?

By the time he was eighteen, Yuta managed to get a few friends. Ten, his upper classmate, and Johnny, his classmate, sometimes made him smile, their goofiness and loveable air never failing to crack a smile on his face. But then each time he smiled he felt like dying too, because in his dreams there were two people who looked exactly like his two friends, because in his dream those two friends perished next to him in a battle. He heard their screams when he woke up, he could hear their cries for help, for some king to save them. A king that he saw fading in the arms of another man, the arms of someone he felt like it was a friend, someone that appeared before him when he felt his body heavy, slowly turning stone cold.

Ten and Johnny brought along Taeil and Doyoung, the two classmates he saw and made his theory that he was crazy even more real than it already was. Yuta liked to keep a certain distance by now, he learned how to hide everything inside, and he learned to smile through the pain. Doyoung made him feel like he knew something more, he felt like Doyoung could read him, and he felt like he could see his fear and he hated that. He slowly grew emotions he knew were wrong at some point, but he couldn’t help but loath people who tried to help him, who pitied him, he despised those eyes and he saw the same thing each time he looked at Doyoung. Sometimes he felt the same pair of eyes coming from Taeil too. He felt judged, he felt like he had to give them an explanation for his dark circles, for his locked up emotions, for everything he tried to bottle up until now. He was fine like that. Yuta never needed anyone, because he wasn’t like everyone else, he was an outcast. Yuta thought he was crazy, because he kept dreaming the same thing over and over again and he already knew by heart the cries of his friends as life faded out of them, as they held each other close, trying to save their last breath.

When he was nineteen, Yuta stopped trying to get sleep, he stopped trying to stop the nightmares, because nothing helped and in a matter of months he stopped caring altogether. He saw his friends falling in love with each other more and more every day, he saw how they found happiness in each other and he knew he could never have that, because he feared that one day those dreams of them dying would all come true.  He stopped caring, the only feeling left with him was the feeling that there was no one out there to love him.

Yuta started to find passion in cooking, there was something about seeing the little smiles on people’s faces when the food tasted good. He cooked sometimes for Ten, or even Taeil. They always praised him and told him it was good, but he thought they were just trying to make conversation, or they were just trying to make him feel better. When he made food, there was something about the way he made it, it felt like he was putting something that resembled love in it too. He liked to make Japanese food, because it made him feel like he belonged there, and for a while he thought that being close to Japan was home. But the more he learned about Britain, the more he felt like he could never belong to Japan, but he was not going to belong to this society either.

Yuta was cooking in his shared apartment with a roommate he never really spoke with much. It wasn’t that the guy didn’t want to make conversation, it was Yuta who tried to avoid him at all costs. When he moved in he already was there, unpacking. They greeted each other and sometimes they made small talk, but nothing more. Yuta wasn’t even sure what his name was.

“It smells good today.” Someone spoke from behind him and Yuta almost flinched.

“Thanks.” He said trying to move away from the one he recognized as his roommate.

“Japanese, I guess?” he went on, seeing his roommate trying to run away again.

“Yes.” He replied shortly.

There was a pause and for a moment Yuta thought his roommate left the kitchen, but then he heard a chair being moved and he heard some shuffling and when he turned back he saw the man sitting down with a plate in front of him and chopsticks.

“I want us to eat together.” He said and Yuta didn’t know how to say no. His roommate always seemed like he did whatever he wanted, he seemed rather carefree. Unlike Yuta, he seemed like a normal teenager.

Yuta nodded and turning back to the food he kept doing his thing and after twenty minutes he turned off the stove and came back with a pot of hot steaming soup, noodles, two halves of an egg and a very cute pink and white spiraled candy-like in the middle of the noodle mountain.

“Oh? Is this how Japanese ramen looks like?” he said grabbing his chopsticks and being ready to dig in.

“Yeah, you know about it?” Yuta said taking a place at the table, across from his roommate, flashing him the best smile he could do in this given situation. A smile he practiced over and over in the mirror.

“I know it, I saw it in Naruto a lot!” he said rather happily and Yuta didn’t know why but he smiled again. It wasn’t big, and for once it wasn’t fake either. But the man in front of him didn’t see his smile, so there was something inside of him that felt like it just went to waste. The smile was genuine, because he knew about Naruto too, he liked that too, but he wouldn’t tell his roommate that, because watching anime and reading manga was the only thing that allowed him to escape this reality and he didn’t want someone to know about that. He didn’t want to share the only thing that made him happy, because he was afraid of losing that too.

“Well, Naruto is Japanese so that’s why.” He added, forgetting for a moment that he should run away until he slips something he shouldn’t slip.

“Do you watch it too?” He questioned as he grabbed some noodles and started eating.

“Maybe…” Yuta said starting to eat too. “But it shouldn’t concern you what I watch and what I don’t.”

The other boy didn’t say anything and just kept eating. Yuta thought it was over, that he ended it at that. It might have sounded harsh but he really didn’t want any more friends. It was already too hard for him to keep up his walls, it was hard to have your shields up for a long time and it was hard to fool four people, or five if he counted the new added friend Doyoung bought along last week. His roommate however never appeared in his dreams. Unlike Ten, or Doyoung, even his newest friend Taeyong, who looked so much like the king they all sought out for, his roommate never appeared in his dreams. Maybe it was a sign that he was finally healing. He liked to think that he can be healed without actually getting any help.

“If you ever need someone to talk to,” his roommate started, and Yuta didn’t know what to expect but he was a bit sure of what was coming, “I’m here to listen.”

“I don’t need to talk with anyone.” Yuta said, right after the words left the other boy’s lips. “I’m perfectly fine.” He finished and he got up and turning around he heard some mumbling from behind.

Yuta managed to get himself so low that he thought that by seeking help would make him look weak, he saw help as a weakness rather than something that would fix him. He had these thoughts that never allowed him to seek help, not from his family, not from his friends, let alone a specialist. Or even worse, his roommate who was a mystery to him until now.

“Then stop crying at night.” His roommate repeated again.

“What?” Yuta turned around, horrified. He wasn’t supposed to hear, he was careful to not let anyone hear it. He thought he heard it wrong, he was sure he heard it wrong, this couldn’t be. No one heard him crying before.

“I can hear you,” he said calmly, getting up from the table, almost as if he was reading his thoughts, coming closer to the horrified boy in front of him. “I can hear you cry yourself to sleep at night,” he said taking a step closer, “I can hear your screams in the morning sometimes,” another step, “I know, Yuta.” Another step and he was sitting right in front of Yuta.

“Stop.” Yuta managed to say. He was scared, he was horrified. It wasn’t true, he was lying, there was no way he was telling the truth. “You’re lying.”

“I can see your fear.” He said and taking the final step he raised his arms and taking a shivering Yuta in his embrace he went on, “I don’t like the sound of your cries, I don’t like the sound of your screams, I don’t like the way you try to smile when your friends come over.” Yuta was afraid at this point that Doyoung was not the one he should have ran away from, but his roommate. He made an error, a miscalculation.

“I’m ok.” Yuta said weakly and the man holding him sighted. Yuta let his eyes close and he knew there was no point trying by now. It was his mistake, he wasn’t careful enough and now someone might figure out, someone might be able to read him and he was so weak by this point that his emotions wanted to allow this stranger to do that. “So, just stop.”

“I hate it when I, as the stranger I am, can see your pain in your eyes and your close friends can’t even tell the difference.” The boy said as he let Yuta a bit and he could see his face now. His golden locks fell on his forehead and covered it fully, his eyes were big and he never noticed how his dark eyes were boring holes into his soul.

“Stop…” Yuta whispered but his roommate didn’t listen to a single word. It was just as Yuta said, he had a will of its own, he always did everything he wanted. He felt his eyes shaking, his body felt cold and he was so scared that this person knew about his insecurities and fear that he decided to just go back to his embrace and let him say whatever and then go away. Maybe if he didn’t listen to his words he wouldn’t add another person to his list of avoiding.

“I don’t know when, I don’t know why,” He said as he let Yuta rest his head on his shoulder and slowly started to play with the locks of Yuta’s hair, “But I want to see you smiling, a real one, like those smiles kids give when they get candy.”

Yuta heard his heartbeat, he felt his legs go jelly, and those words went straight to his weak heart. There was a quiet peace to which his heartbeat was drumming against his chest, there was a calm sound that made him forget that his roommate knew too much. Maybe it was because he hasn’t slept in days, he didn’t have a full night sleep in years, maybe it was because he was so tired lately that he just needed someone to tell him its ok to cry. He was so messed up that he didn’t even knew what he wanted. There was a certain warmth that surrounded him, there was the sound of his heart beating loud in his ear that calmed him down, and before he could mutter another stop, he felt his eyelids heavy, his vision turning blurry and then he heard some words that he couldn’t distinguish and he saw black.

Their meals together increased, their small talks about Naruto turned into fully planned anime nights marathons. After touching his roommate a few times he started to yearn for his embrace again. He didn’t understand why he wanted that, why he needed his roommate when he was alone at times. The only thing that made him think it was safe to be friends with his roommate, whom name he learned after taking a peek at his roommate driving license, Hansol, was that he never once appeared in his dreams. 

Yuta was perplexed, because by this time every single friend from his circle of friends seemed to appear in his dreams and yet, Hansol never came. He would think that it’s a sign that he was healing, he would think that maybe there was something special about Hansol, and yet he never tried to question why that was. Just like everything else in his life, he didn’t try to question because he was afraid he won’t get the answer he wants to hear.

It’s rather the concept of loving that was intriguing at first. He heard Hansol talk on the phone with his parents once. He came from South Korea, which wasn’t far from Japan. He liked to hear him talk in Korean because he had this accent that made everything that came out from his mouth sound interesting. Every conversation he had with Hansol turned more interesting and by the time they spent and year together in that small apartment, Yuta learned a few Korean words and Hansol learned Japanese.

Then it was the small crush he got when he saw the one he liked. The way he yearned for Hansol’s touch made him think he was needy and that he had no right to feel that way towards someone, because happiness never lasted, because he wasn’t worthy of loving someone if he couldn’t fix himself. But when Hansol held him in his arms and sang him lullabies, Yuta felt at ease. The warmth of his embrace, the low timbre of his voice, the way his chest trembled under his back and the way Hansol held his hand all the while, made Yuta think that if he slept now he would wake up in a time where he had parents that loved him, in a time where his friends stopped dying every night and he was happy watching anime with Hansol in their small room.

He learned to get used to his embrace and by now, the only thing that made his fears and nightmares go away was Hansol’s embrace. Because in his embrace he felt like there was nothing to fear about anymore, that his dreams were just dreams and that reality faded away. Because the more time he spent with Hansol the more he felt like his heart was healing and maybe for once in his life he felt like someone actually cared for him enough to stay and not send him away.

Then he started to feel his stomach doing flips and turns whenever Hansol smiled, or laughed at something completely stupid. They were in the kitchen again, Yuta wiping the dishes Hansol washed. Yuta wore an oversized white shirt, a pair of grey trousers under it and fluffy matching rabbit slippers. Hansol wore the same pink rabbit slippers with a pair of black trousers and a red shirt that was pretty much sprinkled because of the sink. They made ramen again, because Hansol liked it, but this time they made it together. Yuta learned that Hansol ate pretty much everything as long as it was him who cooked it.

“Have you heard about the new movie that’s gonna come out this month?” Hansol questioned as he washed another plate and passed it to Yuta. Yuta hummed in response and he already knew what movie Hansol was referring to.

“Don’t make plans that day.” Hansol said, matter-of-factly, and Yuta watched as his big eyes turned to crescents, his face growing a smile.

“Pizza or McDonalds?” Yuta questioned and it was already such a familiar question because they always had to eat something unhealthy while watching a movie or during their usual marathon time.

“You...” Hansol whispered but Yuta thought he heard it wrong, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat. Yuta was still trying to get used with the feeling of no longer having to pretend. Somewhere along the way, after being under the same roof with a pushy Hansol that wanted to be with Yuta every time he got him alone, Yuta learned that the boy was rather clingy and he couldn’t help but smile at his foolishness. Hansol made him smile just remembering a simple thing, like holding hands while watching movies at the cinema, or saying his food was the best food in the world and that he would die if he wouldn’t eat it one day.

“What?” Yuta questioned, trying to stop his drumming heart. He ignored completely the whisper, he didn’t want to acknowledge it and he hoped Hansol wouldn’t repeat it louder, because then it would be real. And Yuta was not ready to take that chance, he was still unstable.

“Your cooking.” Hansol said, blushing, “Cook something, I don’t want to eat so much junk food.”

Yuta felt his heart clenching, he didn’t know why. He was still the same with the others. Smiling when he thought he had to do it, laughing when he thought it was fit and then going away before the talk started to get serious. He heard Doyoung talking with Taeil once. He had his earphones on and he tried to ignore it, but when he heard his name in the conversation he tried to listen. There was something in the tone of it that made Yuta believe what Doyoung was saying but it was scary and crazy at the same time. The same words repeated in his head ever since and sometimes he would think about them.

‘Do you think Yuta has his memories back too?’ and ‘If he does then why hasn’t he said anything?’

Yuta was rather confused to say so. What memories? He wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but he didn’t want to question that either. He was afraid of the answer again, so when these thoughts came roaring in his head he would pick himself up and go to Hansol. They would watch cracks all night long. Hansol liked to cuddle and hold Yuta as close to his body as possible and Yuta would lie if he was to say that he didn’t love the way Hansol laughed until tears got out of the corners of his eyes, until his gold bangs were covering his eyes and he had to move it. He loved the sound of his laughter so much that whenever he fell asleep he thought of it, because each time his dreams stopped.

When Yuta was twenty one, he finally learned what the warmth of Hansol meant to him. The butterflies from his belly were no longer a confusion and the way Hansol smiled all the while giving him happiness was no longer up for question. The question of what made Hansol different from the others got its answer too. Hansol was able to take away his nightmares, or what he learned to call them when he finally understood what they were, his memories.

He overheard Ten and Doyoung, and ever since then it all made sense. Crazy as it sounded it never made more sense than in that moment. If Yuta felt out of place before, he was sure of it now. He liked to joke about it, bitterly, with Hansol.

“Let’s say, for instance,” Yuta began when they were laying in his bed, tucked under the blankets, Hansol rubbing circles on his back. “If I were to be born in another time, somewhere far behind, around year 500,” he said as he searched for Hansol’s eyes to lock them with his, “and if one day I was to meet someone who told me I had to go back there and leave this time behind,” Hansol stopped drawing circles and held his breath at those words, his eyes shaking for a bit, “would you be lonely?”

“No,” Hansol said, closing his eyes and dragging Yuta closer to his body, “Because I would go back in time with you.”

 When he was twenty two and with a best friend, Yuta finally learned how to label things correctly. The first thing he labeled was the only thing he wished he wouldn’t have had to. Hansol got a scholarship, he was going to move back to Korea. Yuta stopped breathing altogether.

“How long?” Yuta asked, feeling the air from his lungs going away.

“2 years.” Hansol replied, not even daring to make eye contact.

Yuta felt like laughing. He knew it was too good to be true, there had to be a downhill again. Ever since he started to be friends with Hansol it only went up and up and upper. Yuta would lie if he were to say he didn’t see this coming. Hansol was smart, he deserved that scholarship and Yuta knew fully well he had no say in this, but he still felt like everything that they had until now would crumble to ashes and even with everyone else around he would still be lonely.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Hansol said as he saw Yuta scrunching his face and blinking rather fast, “I will call you, I will sing you to sleep, we can do video calls on skype.”

“Yeah,” Yuta replied, finally raising his head and giving him the most genuine smile he had. It was so beautiful that Hansol heard his heart breaking.

“You smiled,” Hansol said as he closed the distance between them and embraced Yuta. “I have never seen something so –“he began but stopped because there was sniffling sounds coming from his chest area.

“I’ll wait,” Yuta sobbed out. “So hurry up.”

“When I get back,” Hansol started, rubbing circles on Yuta’s back again so he would stop crying. “I want you to show me only your smiling face. I want you to show me that you are strong without me close.”

“I get it already,” Yuta said in the same accent Hansol used in Korean, chuckling at himself, and Hansol seriously started to think again about leaving him. Maybe he should have said no, maybe he should have waited for Yuta to get one too and they could leave together. “So stop being so cool.”

“I’m always cool.” Hansol replied before Yuta could even have time to finish his sentence. “I’m the coolest guy you’ll ever meet.”

“Well that’s too bad, I think Sasuke is cooler.” Yuta said finally getting his mind back and trying to raise his head he looked at Hansol and smiling bitterly he went on, “But then again, you were always like Naruto.”

“Then you can be my Sasuke.” Hansol said in a heartbeat and regretted it the moment he said it. It hurt, to look at Yuta and see the begging in his gaze, the way his pupils shook even if he was struggling so hard to smile and tell him it’s ok, that he will be fine without him, when in fact Hansol wasn’t sure if he was going to be fine without Yuta.

“I’ll be whatever you want.” Yuta said and he didn’t know where these things came from but he was sure of one thing now. He wanted to go with him, he wanted to leave everything behind, his king, his friends, his duty towards Taeyong and he wanted to leave them all behind, all of it for Hansol. “Just stay a little longer.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Hansol said hearing his own voice breaking, “You know I don’t want to go, but it’s a great opportunity for me.”

“I know.” Yuta said and with his last breath before the tears started to fall on his cheeks again for the second time, he went on, “I’ll miss you.”

“I know.” Hansol said and brining Yuta back towards his embrace he kissed the top of his head, “I am going to miss you too.”

The day Hansol stepped out of the apartment and Yuta heard the door close in front of him he finally labeled the only thing that mattered to him in that moment correctly. Heartbreak.

⚜⚜⚜

The October air started to finally feel like it was settling and yet it felt more like it was December. The wind was ice cold, the rain felt like ice cubes fell from the sky and even if today was his birthday the weather looked like an apocalypse was coming rather than a celebration of someone’s birth day.

‘Camelot’ was reserved for today. There were colorful balloons hung at the corners, fruits ready to be eaten and a chocolate fountain right in the middle of the counter. The smell of food came from the kitchen and for once it was not made by Yuta, because today Yuta had the right to sleep in and come late for work. People that passed by could only see the ‘CLOSED’ sign hanging on the door. Today it was special, today they received permission to throw a birthday party. Yuta’s birthday party.

“Taeil, are you done with that cake?” Ten yelled from the door.

“In a minute,” Taeil yelled back. “A candle doesn’t want to listen and stick up.”

“Hurry up because he just parked his car!” Ten yelled even harder and Taeil rolled his eyes.

“God Taeyong stop looking at the mirror and hide already.” Johnny said coming from behind Taeyong and starling the silver haired boy. “Jaehyun loves you even with bed hair.”

“Shut up.” Taeyong said before he took another look at himself, nodded and went to hide somewhere in a corner, ready to pop out when it was the right time.

Jaehyun just laughed at their interaction and went to hide in the opposite corner of Taeyong and waited for the right time too. He looked around trying to spot the others but failed. Everyone hid themselves well. Ten hid under a table that had a table cloth over, Johnny and Taeil taking the counter and Doyoung waited with the cake behind the door in front of Taeyong. Mark and the little ones waited in the back, peeking through the kitchen door.

⚜⚜⚜

Jaehyun felt a pair of eyes on him as he waited. Searching the room they landed on Taeyong’s. They stopped talking about what happened that afternoon and decided to go shopping when they woke up after at night. They barely found something that fit Yuta’s style and bought it; they bought a pair of cherry shaped silver earrings. All the while buying a Polaroid camera. Jaehyun always wanted one but he never thought he would get to use one even if he owned it. The moment they bought it they had to try it out. The first two selfies they tried to take were a total failure and Jaehyun started to wonder why technology was so hard to use. But then they finally got the hang of it and managed to take a good photo.

Taeyong held the camera up high and Jaehyun went behind him, both of them flashing a smile. Taeyong pressed the button and the flash lit up their faces and then there was a developing sound coming from the topside of the camera, meaning that the photo was ready to take out. They shook it in the air and when the photo finally started to have color Jaehyun felt his heart smiling too. It was beautiful, they were happy, for once in his life he felt complete. A simple photo made him feel so happy that he didn’t know why these small things made him experience all these emotions.

Taeyong took it and shoved it in his wallet, claiming that he can take better care of it. When they got back home that night they felt a certain awkward atmosphere. Jaehyun felt that, and he didn’t like it for one bit. He knew it was his fault, maybe it was too soon to let Taeyong know, and maybe it was still early. A thousand years of not knowing felt like a long period, but to Taeyong it was just around twenty five; still early, Jaehyun thought.

“Let’s take a few more photos.” Jaehyun suggested when they were relaxing next to the fireplace. Limbs tangled together and Taeyong drawing circles on Jaehyun’s hips. Taeyong somehow started to be more loving after that afternoon, Jaehyun felt like he was clingier but maybe it was his imagination. There was always the problem of him overthinking and yet, he knew that this awkward atmosphere was because he had to slip that out, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and seal his magic problems inside.

Taeyong went to get the camera, came back and sat down next to Jaehyun.

“Sit in my lap,” he instructed and Jaehyun smiled a bit and did as he was told. Picking his heavy body from the floor he went to where Taeyong sat and softly sat down, smiling. Taeyong raised the camera in the air and with his free hand he circled Jaehyun’s waist and letting his head rest on the space between his shoulder and neck he closed his eyes, smiling against his shoulder, and pressed the button.

Then one picture after another they started changing their positions and the way they held the camera. Before they finished taking photos they realized they almost ran out of film. Jaehyun decided to turn around, circle his legs around Taeyong’s waist, turning towards him completely.

“Let me kiss you.” Jaehyun said and he didn’t know why he felt like he had to voice out his intention, but he did it anyway. He watched at Taeyong closed his eyes, raised a hand and placed it on his cheek and as Jaehyun went with the camera in the air he moved closer and closer.

“Please do it,” Taeyong said against his lips and before he could go on a pair of hot lips locked his and he could only hear the shutter going off and the developing of a photo. He thought it was over at that, but then he felt hands on his cheeks and he felt Jaehyun deepening the kiss. He let him, Taeyong would allow him anything.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun began as he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Taeyong’s. “I’m sorry for what I said last night.”

“I don’t care about what you said last night,” Taeyong said as he pecked his lips, “No matter what you did, no matter what you do from here on,” he said as he grabbed his chin and made Jaehyun look at him, “I will always love you. And I will never let someone kill you, I won’t kill you, I won’t punish you, I won’t do anything even as close as harming you. I won’t allow anyone to touch my love, not even a string of your hair.”

“Please,” Jaehyun begged but he didn’t know what he was begging for. Was it forgiveness for his past actions? Was it forgiveness for what he did in the past to keep himself alive all these years? Or was it a plea for Taeyong to never stop loving him.

“You are the only thing that matters to me. For you I am ready to do anything, if you want to throw me away do it, if you want to cut me do it, if you want to destroy me do it.” Taeyong said and he started to think he was insane but deep down he knew that he liked to be controlled and if there was someone who could put up with him for eternity he knew that was Jaehyun. He was ready to give his whole life to him; that’s how much he loved him.

“I won’t do that, I don’t even want to think about hurting you. If you are hurt I am hurt, if you cry, I cry.” Jaehyun said as he started to lean down and kiss him again, slowly and then devouringly. He wanted to remember the taste of his lips forever. He needed to remember this Taeyong.

“I don’t need anything else, only you.” Taeyong breathed against his lips again, “Because you’re my whole world, Jaehyun.”

“You’re going to kill me one day.” Jaehyun said and in that moment he didn’t realize what he was actually saying, because all he could think about was Taeyong’s lips against his, his body pressed close, his breathing in sync with his, their hearts beating as one.

There was something Jaehyun forgot, he kept missing the important picture here. There was a hint, there were clues, here and there, but he ignored them all. He wanted to ignore them, because he didn’t want to know the truth. Time was not playing this time, they played enough. It was time to end this game he casted so many years ago.

⚜⚜⚜

The door opened slowly, Yuta peeking his head just a bit, but it was enough for them. Everyone came out from where they hid, Doyoung came out with the cake and almost slapped him in the face.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUTA!” everyone yelled from every corner they came out from. Yuta was taken aback a bit but then he gave them the most genuine smile he could and he went in completely, closing the door between him.

“Happy birthday man!” Johnny went there to hug him and wish him another happy birthday.

“Yeah, happy 24 years~” Ten came saying right after Johnny and ‘happy’ was not really how he liked to describe his 24 years of living in this time, but he wanted to be happy for them in this moment.

“Here, your present from us.” Johnny said as he gave him a small box, nicely wrapped in red. “We tried really hard,” he went on chuckling making even Yuta break a smile.

“Thank you!” Yuta replied, genuinely.

“This is from us,” Jaehyun came with Taeyong and gave him an even smaller silver box. “I hope you’ll like them.”

“I’m sure I will.” Yuta replied, taking it with both hands. “Thank you, my king,” he bowed towards Taeyong, “and Jaehyun.”

“Stop with the king thing already. I’m just Taeyong, your friend.” Taeyong said, feeling embarrassed somehow.

They all came to give their presents, and when Mark came Taeyong wanted to go away, to run, because he wasn’t ready. Jaehyun sensed that and quickly grabbed his hand, whispered that ‘it’s going to be okay’, so Taeyong stayed. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to forgive his baby brother, if he could ever move on, but he wanted to try, for Jaehyun. If Jaehyun wanted him to let go, he will.

When they were done with the hugging and congratulating and giving him his presents, they all went to take a seat, to give Yuta some time to breathe, but then the bell on the door jingled and before Doyoung could say that it’s closed today he was already inside. Yuta didn’t pay attention to who came, he figured it was just someone who didn’t read the sign but then the stranger spoke.

“Is this how you welcome me? My Osaka prince.”

Yuta turned around and while Jaehyun was pretty much confused, because he has never seen this man he looked at the others and noticed that they all smiled fondly and looking at Yuta he saw the boy shiver. The man was standing in the doorframe with his arms wide open, waiting for the space to be filled with someone. Black hair colored his hair, tight grey jeans embraced his legs and a black winter sweater covered his topside. In his hand there was a flower, a red rose, and in his closed fist there was something like a small white box, but he wasn’t sure.

Yuta saw him, standing there, with his open arms. He let the red box he just opened fall to the ground and in a flash he was in his arms, hugging him and sobbing hard. Jaehyun never saw the boy cry, but in that moment he felt like he finally understood. Maybe this was the person he was talking on the phone, maybe this was the one person Yuta looked so sad.

“I told you to smile.” He said, hugging Yuta so tight he felt the air from his lungs leave. He missed this so much that he wasn’t sure how he was actually standing on his two feet. “Give me the smile I want, my little rainbow.”

Yuta let his chest and with tears in his eyes he gave him the most loving smile he could. His teeth appearing completely, his eyes turning to crescents and his bangs splitting and showing a bit from his forehead.

“Hansol…” Yuta began but he didn’t know what to say, it was Hansol. Standing right in front of him, hugging him again, lighting the fire in his soul once more.

“I missed you too.” He said as he dragged him back in his arms and Yuta just kept on crying his heart out. He was so happy that he couldn’t even keep it in anymore. He was a sobbing mess and soon enough Hansol started crying too.

Jaehyun wanted to ask who he was, why he had no memory of him, why he hasn’t seen him anywhere before. But then when the look on Doyoung’s face suddenly turned grim and everyone else pretty much started to talk about something else and trying not to look at Hansol, Jaehyun put the pieces together.

Hansol was not from their time. He was not reborn. Yuta loved someone from this realm.

A/n: Well, feel free to tell me what you think! Good or bad it doesn’t matter, I want to know.  Thank you for reading and see you next update~!