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Faded Stars

Raising My Twelve Boys by hailiangli (Co-author: epicbrat)

Genre: familyau exo comedy

Characters: EXO + OC

Status: Ongoing

Kim Joohyun seemed to be living the perfect life. Endless money, flawless beauty, power and fame. She has it all or so that's what everyone else thinks.
Behind money, there is corruption and greed. Behind beauty, there is coldness and cruelty. Behind power and fame, there is secret societies, supernatural secrets and endless sacrifice. Family turned into foes, and friends turned into enemies - all because of that one crazed obsession for the pure, the untouched.
Yet as Joohyun struggles to live in her dark and lonely world, twelve precious orphan boys enter her life. Little did she know, that they would bring her a gift that she had been missing her whole life.
The gift of love.

Notes From Reviewer

Awfully sorry about the late review and thanks, once again, for understanding the shop's situation!

-gnohnuj

Title (4/10)

It’s a title that can make someone easily pass the story by. It is not eye-catching and reveals practically everything about your plot in a rather mundane manner. In terms of relevance though, I believe it is as straightforward and literal as it can get. 

Description & Foreword (8/10)

Your description painted your story in an exciting light. It focused mainly on Joohyun’s dark background and how the twelve orphans would help her overcome her gloom. It is rather relevant to your story, but I wish you could have delved more into the finer details of your plot because it is so much more than what you have promised. It might turn people off by making them think it would just be another cliché story. Try to put in a few more details, though your story has a lot happening at once and it’s hard to really sum all that up. Perhaps highlight more on Joohyun’s dark past by hinting at the things that she has done. For example, you could refer to the horrible act of dismembering people Joohyun was forced to commit by her father as “The blood that seems to permanently stain her hands, stubbornly sticking to the deepest parts of her memory no matter how many times Joohyun tries to wash it off.” Put in bits of intriguing pieces like this and you’ll find that not only will this attract more people to your story, it will also attract the right kind.

Plot (14/20)

As much as I have qualms about the way you write your story, I actually really like your plot. It appears to me, mainly funny and heart-warming, with a nice touch of angst and realness. I think the balance was what made your story really unique and likeable. It was evenly distributed.

It is very apparent that you’ve thought through your plot carefully, and I really applaud you for that. I don’t really have many criticisms in this area, except that some aspects might be over-exaggerated and/or unrealistic. For example, the whole rich girl owning a world-famous enterprise at eighteen concept is terribly unrealistic. Also, there we