Wednesday passed much the same, except when I'm walking with Mina across the quad, another girl approaches me.

"You're a sinner." she says in this voice that makes me feel loathed. "God loves you, he just hates your sin." The weird thing is, she says this in a really sincere voice.

"Get the fck away from her." Mina says, grabbing my arm and pulling me on.

But I'm rooted to the ground, staring at the girl in shock. I vaguely recognize her.

"Momo?"

I shake myself. In a daze I follow her.

A few minutes later I'm approached by a guy, "She didn't mean it," he apologizes. "Honestly, I know that Jesus loves everyone -- no matter what." he adds. He gave me a really genuine smile.

I know what he meant, but I can't bear listening to him now, I'm feeling too upset. I brush him away, Mina wraps an arm around me as we walk on.

I never thought it would be this hard.

Oh sure, I had an idea of what I was getting into. I knew it wouldn't be easy, knew there would be a few people who would judge. By I didn't realize the power those people have to make me feel so-- well, bad.

I go through school dully, like a robot. My insides have been hollowed out. Even passing Wonwoo on the way to class produces no feelings - no hurt, anger, guilt, or yearning. I cancel with Mina, saying that I just want to go home and have some time to myself. She lets it go.

I came home but it was an empty house. It's cold and dark. I turn the central heating and lights on, and go and stand by the kitchen window, looking out at our poor excuse for a yard. At last, I decided to make some tea - isn't that what you're supposed to do when you're feeling down? The stuff tastes yuck though, watery sweetness, and I throw it down the sink.

Later, as the afternoon turns into evening, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Lightly tanned skin. Straight, dark brown hair. Hazel eyes. I've seen this so many times. The little bump in my nose that no one seems to notice but I certainly do. The high cheek bones I've been blessed with. The little scar on my forehead, just above my left eyebrow. They're starting to grow back in, and need plucking again. I have a freckle on my collarbone. How have I never noticed that before?

I'm running a bath, and my reflection is starting to cloud over from the steam. I turn away and test the temperature. For the first time that day, I gave a genuine smile. I strip off my clothes, and sink down into the water. This feels good.

I let myself zone out a little, cradled in warmth and sweet-smelling bubbles. Here I am safe.

Eventually, I rouse myself and scrub my body down taking away the grime. It's almost compulsive, the way I make sure I've slathered body wash and rubbed down every inch of my body. But I just feel dirty, and I so long to feel clean.

I ran my hand over my skin, I can count my ribs. I'm not really skinny, not enough to visibly count them. There are girls at my school who are. There are girls who have scars on their wrists. There are alot of people in worse situation than me. You see them all the time at school, but people don't really notice. Don't notice that the popular cheerleader fainted last practice and hasn't eaten for days. Don't notice that some people always wear long sleeves, even in summer. Well, actually - they notice. But don't think anything of it. Either because they're too oblivious, or don't want to. You can't blame them for not wanting to notice. Life is a lot simpler that way. A lot easier.

But that doesn't change things. I am lucky, compared to some.

When I step out, the cold air bites at my flesh. I dry myself as fast as I can and then pull on comforting clothes - you know, big woolly jerseys, lounge pants, fuzzy boots. I walk into the kitchen, and call Mina.

I almost think she isn't going to pick up. But she did, right in the middle of the first ring.

"Hey, Mina here." I heard her husky voice. She couldn't careless what other people think.

"Mina it's me. Is it ok if I come to your place to teach you how to cook tonight?"

Her infectious smile, I can hear it in her voice.

"Momo, I've been checking my phone ten times a minute for the past two hours and trying to pass the time playing video games. What do you think? Nothing would make me happier than you coming over right now." Her words reminds me why I'm in this relationship. She genuinely values me. I say bye quickly and then go to pull on my coat.

Sometimes, you've gotta turn to other people. Trying to cope on your own just doesn't work and I'm so grateful to have Mina.

_____________________________________

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

OMG HEY HEY HEY! LOL I MISS YOU ALL OF YOU!!! SERIOUSLY. DO YOU MISS ME TOO? NO? OK.

BUT I'M REALLY SORRY IF I TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE I'M JUST REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL S RIGHT NOW. BUT I'M BACK O.O *as i promise a new fanfic >.>* NO? Ok.

SO YESS! THANKS FOR WAITING FOR ME!! I'LL TRY UPDATING MORE!!! ^~^ LOVE YOU ALL ^~^ OH AND THANKS FOR READING MY STORIES ^~^