08: Ghost of You

Why do I still cry for you?

dying to get close to you.

Why do I still fear to face,

the ghost of you?

-Michael Learns to Rock, Ghost of You

***

Park Shinhye's POV

March 29, 2016

"Mommy? Is that you?" I heard a voice. A voice I've been missing so much. 

I was in our apartment back in Korea and I saw a light above me. I wasn't able to speak. I can't speak.

"Mommy I thought you won't forget about me? You said you will always cherish me." Oh, my son.

"Dae Yong! My Dae Yong! Mommy never forgot you. Mommy always thought about you. Oh I miss you. I miss you so much!"

It was so dark and all I can see was the light above. I was searching for my son. Oh how desperate I am to see him again.

"But you left me in school that day. I remembered trying to walk to go home." 

"No! Dae Yong let mommy see you! Where are you?" I was trying to search for him even if I can't see anything. I wanted to see my son again. I want him back again.

"Mommy! Please look for me! You can't leave me again." 

"I am trying my son! Just stay where you are! Wait for me."

"I waited for you mommy but you never came! Do you love me?" 

"Oh Mommy loves you so much! Mommy can't live without you."

Seconds and I never heard his reply.

"Dae Yong? Where are you?"

I was walking, sweating searching for my son. My only son. Oh, where is he? I can't even see the light above me.

"Dae Yong answer mommy! Dae Yong please come back! Dae Yong!" 

I wanted to hear his voice again but I heard another voice.

"Mommy who is Dae Yong? You have another child?" I heard my daughter. My neglected daughter.

"Have you seen Dae Yong, my son, Hye?" I asked instead.

"How about me? Am I your child too? Do you love me too?" 

I couldn't answer. For seconds I stood there with my head spinning and before I knew it, I succumb back to unconsciousness.

"Shinhye wake up! Shinhye!" I woke up to the sweaty face of my husband. I can see how worried he was and how relieved he was.

My dream. Oh, my son. Dae Yong. 

"Calm down, Shinhye." I was shaking,sobbing and all my husband could do was hug me and rock our bodies back and forth.

"Oh, Yonghwa I dreamed of our son. He was sad. Oh, our son needs us." I was crying and my tears won't stop. I miss my son.

"It was only a dream, Shinhye. Stop crying now." I shooked my head viciously and kept on repeating to Yonghwa how our son needed us and that we should look for him.

"I was in the dark and I heard his voice. I was looking for him but I can't see anything! Yonghwa our Dae Yong needs us." I buried my face in his warm chest and I held on to both of his shoulders so tight. 

"Shinhye... Dae Yong is dead. Remember what happened? It was all a dream, Shinhye." I looked at him with eyes full of hatred and disbelieved.

"You don't understand! Our son was blaming me! You don't even care about how I feel. Stop comforting me with foul words!"

"Shinhye, I am tired of this. Can't we just move on? It was just a dream. Our son loves you so much."

"You're tired of me? You're sick of me? Then go to your Eunhye! You don't understand how I feel. You always neglect me!" I stood up from the bed and walk out of our room. Since Hye Kyo can now sleep on her own, he is back to sleeping next to me. 

Yonghwa followed me and before I was about to go outside our apartment he spoke to me.

"Shinhye I understand how you feel that's why I am always patient with you! What do you want me to do then? Stop pushing me away! Stop pushing us away!"

"Bring my son back!"

I ran as fast as I could and I found myself at the rooftop of our building. 

"Dae Yong-ah! Mommy is sorry! Please come back to us! Come back to me! I miss you so much!" I cried my heart out and I felt my body's heat all over.

This is why I escaped from Korea; from Yonghwa; from Hye Kyo; from Eunhye. They remind me of the ghost of Dae Yong.

My sweet Dae Yong.

***

Jung Yonghwa's POV

I watched as how Shinhye trembled in her sleep and how her tears spilled.

I listened as to how she hate me and how I always disappoint her. 

But I was trying to make her realize that the death of our son is not the end of her life. 

That she can always start with us. She can always start with H