10: Emptiness

Deny this emptiness,

This hole that I'm inside

These tears

They tell their own stories

-Sam Smith, Lay Me Down

***

Jung Hye Kyo's POV

April 12, 2016

My daddy is a really busy nurse and my grandmother is busy having the time of her life. I have no choice but to be left alone with my mom.

It is hard to be my mom's daughter. Unlike those lucky kids, I felt like I am a stranger to my own mom.

My daddy said I needed to be patient with her, and that whatever she did to me, I must love her.

Is it bad to hate my mom, isn't it? I knew I hated her deep inside my heart. I grew up without her and I only heard stories about her.

Those stories sound so good, I was so excited to go here in Singapore and meet my mom.

Yet those stories were just stories; for she was very vicious, uncaring, and unloving to me.

Am I really her daughter?

How can I not doubt when just like now, she's smiling sweetly at her students and she treated them like how she would never treat me.

I was just sitting at a one end of the studio and watched how she dance with them so gracefully and she taught those kids with utmost patience.

While to me, she wouldn't even spare a glance; and if she would, all I can see was hatred and a cold pair of eyes.

I endured everything just to be with her.

Me and my father moved in a country very foreign to me. I need to learn two languages at this very young age. I have no friends and I always play alone.

Everything was so much better back in Korea. Although Singapore is a nice place to live, I felt so alone here.

A few only loves me and sadly Park Shinhye is not one of them.

Thanks to my Mommy Eun, Daddy, and Granny. I was able to live comfortably despite the hardships and hurt.

I watched as how her students hugged her as they were done with their class. Those students get to feel how it is to be hugged and smiled sincerely by my mom.

"I'll just change my clothes. Stay there and wait for me." I wasn't looking at my mom when she spoke to me. Her voice was always scary and cold. So different from Mommy Eun's cheerful voice.

"Okay." I replied a little and focused on staring at my feet.

 I kept on staring at my feet I didn't notice my mother was already waiting for me at the door. I run at her and she held my left hand carefully.

"It's almost lunch time. Where do you want to eat?" She asked quietly and I don't know what to answer.

If she was my Mommy Eun, she would already bring me to Mcdonald's.

"I want to eat in Mcdonald's. Mommy Eun always bring me there whenever we meet." I looked up and saw how she closed her eyes tightly and opened it. She looked down at me and sighed.

"Don't talk about that woman in front of me. Besides, your grandmother told you to eat healthy foods. This is all Eunhye's fault. She spoiled you too much." I don't know what to say so I just followed her.

But I wanted to defend my Mommy Eun so I say what I wanted to say.

"Mommy Eun didn't spoil me. She just knows how to make me happy." I said innocently and smiled at the thought of my Mommy Eun.

"I forbade you to see her and talk about her. Your Mommy Eun is a fake person. She always get what's mine and you're mine. She can't take you away from me." I didn't understand some of what she said and all I understood was I can't see my Mommy Eun anymore.

I gripped at her hand tightly and looked up to her. "Mommy Eun knows I am not her daughter but she treat me as one. She won't get me from you. Besides, you don't like me." 

She didn't replied to what I said and so we walked in silence. 

I was busy staring down at my feet as we walked and I looked up when we suddenly stop.  We're in Mcdonald's.

"Don't compare me to your Mommy Eun. I can do better than her; and stop calling her your mom. I am your mom." All I did was smile at her brightly and she just looked away.

My first day at Mcdonald's with mom.

***

Park Shinhye's POV

I sighed and smiled secretly when I saw my daughter eating to her fries vigorously. After she said how good that Yoon Eunhye stand as a mother to her, I felt a certain anger.

Yoon Eunhye always get the recognition of being the best. I am Park Shinhye and I know to myself I can be the best in my own way.

I knew to myself I acted I hate my daughter because I wanted her to hate me. I have my own demons to deal with and I don't want her to be a part of it.

She's a precious gem and in order for me to protect that gem, I will shield her away from the past and away from me, her mother.

I continued eating with my foot when I felt her grip unto my skirt. I intentionally sitted beside her as I don't want to have eye contact. 

I lift my right eyebrow and continued eating.

"Let's go to daddy after this." She made a pouting sound and I just sighed. 

"Your dad is busy working and you know that. You endure staying with me; and don't try to ask me to bring you to your Mommy Eun. I'm your mom and you should stay with me." She stayed silent at my side and continued eating. 

"Can I have your fries?" Minutes after, she asked me  pleadingly and eyed my food. 

"Won't your grandmother scold you? I will be scolded too." She smiled sheepishly and I just shook my head.

"Please? I promise to behave myself and I will follow whatever you say." I sighed and glared at her.

"I already did you a favor to eat here. Enough is enough." I saw how disappointed she was that I wanted to give in. 

"Do you love me, mom? Even just a little bit?" I  heard her soft voice full of hope and I felt ashamed of myself. 

Why did I did is again? 

I sighed and clenched my fists I shoved the fries at her and said, "Here, it seems that you're so desperate for french fries. Don't ask me nonsense questions again." She smiled to me a little and held my fist with her two hands.

"I wanted to hate you, mommy. Everything that you did to me was very awful. You're not worthy of my love yet I still love you. Daddy always told me you're a good person So, why do you hate me?"

I saw tears running down her cheeks and all I can do was wipe them. I wanted to cry but I composed myself and stood up.

"Stop crying, Jung Hye Kyo. I don't deserve those tears."

***

Jung Yonghwa's POV

 April 13, 2016

4:30 am

I was on my way up to our apartment when I saw my wife, Shinhye walking towards me