---

 

Remember waking up to her eyes and her smile

 

The whiteness of the room was quite conducive to dreaming. The utter lack of any decoration on the 4 cage-like walls made it necessary to fill in the dreariness, somehow or another. In a hospital bed, there wasn’t much else to do, but dream.

 

But for Wheein, dreams turned to nightmares. Nightmares that left her jerked awake, gasping with sweat beading on her forehead. Nightmares so seemingly real, because they were more memory than imagination.

 

Her head rested on crossed arms atop the bed, Wheein’s sleeping features twisted as memory of that night surged once more into her mind.

 

“I’m starting to get too used to this,” drawled Moonbyul, one arm behind her head, the other a headrest for Wheein who lay next to her. “It feels almost normal, doesn’t it?” She turned her head to the right and Wheein’s sleepy, half-lidded eyes stared back at her.

 

“Mmm. 5 more minutes,” mumbled Wheein as she snuggled in closer to the warm heat pack that was Moonbyul’s body.

 

Moonbyul chuckled. Taking her hand from behind her head, she carefully eased her body around so it faced Wheein. She ran her fingers over the girl’s creaseless forehead, brushing back strands of hair that had dared to fall and cover such beauty. Moonbyul felt her own heart lighten at the sleeping face free from the stress she knew Wheein faced daily.

 

“I can feel you watching me.” The sigh escaped Wheein’s lips, more amused than annoyed.

 

“Haha. Am I that obvious?”

 

“I can always tell when people are staring.”

 

“It’s because you’re too beautiful.”

 

“Ah, Moonbyul it’s too early for grease.” Wheein dug her face into the pillow, muffling her laughter, shoulders shaking within Moonbyul’s embrace.

 

“It’s never too early.” Moonbyul ruffled the back of Wheein’s hair. She wrapped both arms around the girl and hugged the girl closer, feeling the tickle of the girl’s black locks under her chin. A sense of elation and satisfaction washed over her, knowing that Wheein was safely tucked in her arms.

 

For a few minutes, they just basked in the silence, a fleeting moment of normality in their lives. Matched thuds of peaceful heartbeats echoed within the confines of their chests, confessions of love unspoken but understood in between the synced breaths they shared. It would be a crime to break the magic of the moment.

 

Wheein’s stomach growled.

 

“Oops.”

 

“I’ll make you breakfast.” Moonbyul raised Wheein’s head up for one last kiss before forcing herself out of the warmth of the bed and of Wheein’s company.

 

“Pancakes?”

 

“Blueberry. Your favorite.”

 

Wheein's expression softened, nose crinkling unconsciously as if she could smell the very pancakes Moonbyul had patiently fed to her, bite by bite in bed. It had been such a good start to the day.  

 

"Are you ditching work again? " Moonbyul raised an eyebrow at the girl who stood in front of her apartment door.

 

"You didn't come to the hotel today. They said you called in sick. Are you alright?" Wheein followed Moonbyul into the room, tiptoeing to lay her hand flat against Moonbyul's forehead. Moonbyul had looked fine when she had left for work that morning, but she couldn't help but worry when she didn't see the familiar girl in black and white, behind table 3, during her daily inspection.

 

Moonbyul took the opportunity to lunge forward, toppling Wheein off balance so they both fell onto the couch. She took the hand that was on her forehead and placed it over her chest . "I was fine,  but now my heart feels like it's burning." She bent her head, resting it onto Wheein's shoulder, and gave a long, dramatic sigh.

 

"You're not sick."

 

"I'm heartsick."

 

"Yah!" Wheein pushed Moonbyul and the girl landed with a pout on the other end of the couch. "I was worried, Moonbyul!" She crossed her arms and looked away with a huff.

 

Moonbyul inched forward. "Wheein?" She scooted closer. "Wheeinnnnnnmmn, my love." She snuck an arm around the girl's waist and tugged her back. "I didn't think you'd be so worried. I'm sorry."

 

Without turning around, Wheein said, "How can I not worry when you've never skipped a day of work?"

 

"It was a spontaneous decision."

 

"But why?"

 

Moonbyul nibbled on her ear playfully, warm breath lighting on the reddening earlobes. "I was a bit...tired from last night. Should I have told them that instead then?"

 

"Oh my god."

 

"We can't all be working machines like you. So much stamina." Moonbyul yelped as she felt a pinch on her arm. Rubbing the tingling patch of red, she continued,  "And I had a bunch of paid leave days that I've never used, so it worked out."

 

"You don't go on vacation or anything?"

 

"The only person I'd go with is always busy. So there's really no point."

 

Wheein could hear slight regret in the laugh that rumbled through Moonbyul's chest. If only. She wished she could.

 

She wasn’t blind. She knew there was always something extra lingering behind the torrid gazes Moonbyul showered on her. Something akin to disappointment. Or resignation.

 

Wheein wanted to be able to give her more. She wanted Moonbyul to stop holding herself back, to stop giving in.

 

“One day…”

 

“Let’s not think about that. What matters is you’re here, right now, with me.” Moonbyul flashed a cheeky grin as she lay down outstretched on the couch, arms out waiting for Wheein to join her. As they cuddled, she said, “Maybe I ought to take more sick leaves. It’s nice seeing you twice a day.”

 

“Are you sure you should be saying that to the one who pays you? How unprofessional.”

 

“Boss~”

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Some people have those kinds of es you know. I’m sure some people would have been by that.”

 

“You--”

 

“Not saying I do though.”

 

“...”

 

“We could try something new though. Spice things up.”

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

“Well, I could be a doctor and you a nurse. Sound enough--”

 

Moonbyul grunted in pain as she felt a sharp elbow dig into her ribs.

 

“Ok. You don’t like hospital roleplay. I’ll note that down.”

 

“Note what down! Don’t keep track of things like this--”

 

“Guess we’ll stick with the mafia boss setting then.” Moonbyul chuckled as Wheein’s fists lightly rained down on her. This lighthearted teasing, this simple yet affectionate skinship they were sharing, this was something Moonbyul could definitely get used to. If only.

 

“D-Don’t joke about that.”

 

“Yes boss.”

 

The couch shook as Moonbyul endured another round of pulled punches.

 

“You. Buy me dinner.”

 

“Yes--”

 

“Moonbyul--”

 

“--ma’am.”

 

“Good.” Wheein burrowed her head into the crook of Moonbyul’s neck and breathed in the familiar lavender scent that heightened her tingling senses. “But maybe a bit later.”

 

“Mmm. I like that idea.”

 

Full blown laughter. Secret, hushed giggles. An occasional moan of delight. Memories of the sounds peppered Wheein’s dreamscape, but it was the deceptive calm before the storm.

 

“I’m so full I could roll back home.” Wheein toddled forward while clinging onto Moonbyul’s arm. “Scratch that. Let me just sleep the food away right here.”

 

“Right here?” Moonbyul glanced amusedly at the row of streetlamps between the trees lining the path. “I doubt that’s the best idea.”

 

“Ugh this food coma.”

 

“Come on. I’ll piggyback you.” Moonbyul squatted down and tapped her shoulder for Wheein to get on. Once she felt the warmth of the smaller girl against her back, she grabbed the encircling legs and hoisted herself into a standing position. “Ooof. You’re--”

 

“One word, Moonbyul. I swear I will--”

 

“--beautiful. Ow! What was that for? I complimented you god damn it!” Both hands occupied, Moonbyul grumbled as she could do nothing about the bruise she was sure Wheein had left whilst knocking on her head.

 

“Shh. You’re ruining the moment. Listen.”

 

From close by, they could hear the faint melody of guitar chords darting between the trees. They followed, well, Moonbyul carried Wheein towards, the sound, and soon they came across a lone man sitting on a bench, strumming his instrument.

 

It felt ethereal. The sweetness of the lyricless song accompanied by the rustling of falling leaves, all within this paved path that people had aptly named ‘Lover’s Lane’.

 

A path that was magically empty at the moment.

 

The last vibrating string hummed in the evening breeze. The man looked at the approaching couple.

 

“Sir. Could we request one more song?” Moonbyul gave him a hopeful smile.

 

“For you and the lovely lady on your back? Of course!”

 

“Thank you so much!”

 

As he rested his guitar on his knee once more, he asked, “If you don’t mind my nosiness, are you two together?”

 

“Us?” Moonbyul paused, biting her lip. She felt Wheein’s breath hitch near her neck and a small squeeze on her shoulder. “We’re just friends.”

 

“Oh. Well, it’s a shame. You two would look beautiful together. Let me prepare another song anyways.”

 

Wheein’s hands clenched and unclenched, agitation growing and coursing through her as she slept. But she couldn’t wake. She never could, not in time.

 

Men clothed in black stepped from behind the trees.

 

Wheein was the first to notice. She slid off Moonbyul’s back, face hardening at the approaching threat.

 

“Wheein? Oh god.” Moonbyuls eyes widened as Wheein pushed her back, gun already out in her hand and pointed at the enemy.

 

“Don’t panic. Just be ready to run when I say so,” muttered Wheein out the side of .

 

“Um, your guards?”

 

“We’re actually not too far from a nearby meeting spot.”

 

The guitarist ended his serenade. Wheein whirled around. He was still playing?

 

Something flashed in the lamplight. Moonbyul stumbled forward, bumping into Wheein.

 

“. Run now!” Wheein pulled Moonbyul along.

 

“Run,” mumbled Wheein into the bedsheets, as tears began to trickle out the corner of closed lids. It was so familiar, this scene that endlessly replayed itself within her mind.

 

“Let. Me. Go!” Wheein violently struggled within the iron grip of one of her men.

 

“Sorry boss. We’re being outnumbered. We have to go. You’re the number one priority.” He hustled along, ignoring the unrestrained punches and kicks Wheein landed desperately against his body.

 

Another one of their men fell from a gunshot. The riverfront storehouse provided ample cover to hide, but the wooden crates only proved to be capable of minimal protection.

 

“Moonbyul’s still there! Tell one of them to get her! She can’t fight!”

 

“Collateral damage is common. We can’t afford to.”

 

“I order you--”

 

“I won’t obey if it compromises your safety.”

 

“If you don’t, I’ll shoot myself.”

 

He halted, staring down at the young mafia boss in disbelief. “You would--”

 

“Do you want to test me?” Wheein raised her free arm.

 

“Boss!”

 

“Help Moonbyul.”

 

He exhaled, shaking wet hair free from his eyes. “They’ll know. Our enemies. Rescuing someone who isn’t even part of all this? I guarantee you, they’ll use her against you. It won’t turn out well.”

 

“What if she is part of this?”

 

“Isn’t she just that casino dealer from the hotel we control? She’s not part of our family.”

 

“But she could be.”

 

“You want to bring her in?”

 

“It’ll save her. Won’t it, Dominic?”

 

Dominic ducked, arms held protectively over Wheein’s small figure as another burst of bullets spat into the surroundings. As he crouched, he met Moonbyul’s eyes across the clearing. The girl was leaning against a blood splattered crate, dead body of one of his men slumped next to her. He knew those eyes. Those dimming eyes that seemed one puff away from endless night. Was she even worth saving at this point?

 

Moonbyul saw Dominic guard Wheein from the hail of bullets. Her own back felt sticky and warm, body unable to do anything but wait and hope the bullets would miss her. The man’s dead body next to her was also uncomfortably still warm.

 

I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t do anything. Moonbyul laughed at herself. Who had she been kidding? To want something she couldn’t even protect.

 

When Dominic’s gaze roamed towards her, Moonbyul gave him a brief shake of her head, ghostly smile on bloodless lips. With her unpinned arm, she shooed them away, gesturing for him to quickly leave with Wheein.

 

She wasn’t sure if it was blood loss, the cacophony of the ongoing fight, or the shrill sirens in the distance that caused her head to swim, eyes losing focus in front of her. But every fiber of her still conscious being buzzed with relief as she saw Dominic forcefully carry away a screaming Wheein.

 

“Who’s unprofessional now.” The words and the ensuing chuckle barely made it past numbing lips. She closed her eyes.

 

Dominic hurried out carrying Wheein, who he had knocked unconscious. He turned towards one of his men waiting by the building. “Get that girl out if she’s still alive. She’s one of us. We’re retreating.”

 

Wake up.

 

If only Dominic had not knocked her out.

 

Wake up.

 

If only Moonbyul had held on just a little longer.

 

Wake up.

 

Why could Wheein never wake up from this nightmare? Why did she have to relive that moment she was cut off from Moonbyul over, and over, and over?

 

Wake up.

 

Why couldn’t Moonbyul come back so Wheein could finally recite that apology she had spent months working on?

 

“Wake up.”

 

The voiced swum through the hazy red fog of Wheein’s subconsciousness. What?

 

Nostalgia tingled through her spine as she slowly woke to the rhythmic, familiar ruffling of her hair. With bated breath, she kept still, afraid to commit herself to the sudden rush of hope through her veins.

 

“Ah, you still sleep so much, don’t you, Wheein?” The tired voice still held a hint of playfulness. Scratchy vocal chords from disuse distorted the tone, but it was still distinctly hers. “But I guess I slept a lot this time too.”

 

The bedsheets rustled weakly beneath Wheein’s arms.

 

“Damn. Are you really still asleep--”

 

Wheein raised her body up.

 

Moonbyul cocked her eyebrow.

 

Moonbyul was looking at her. Wheein could barely control the sobs that threatened to escape . With a trembling hand, she reached forward to feel Moonbyul. To make sure she was truly there.

 

“Maybe I’m still dreaming,” she murmured, eyes clouded with tears, disbelief, or whatever other coping mechanism she had devised.

 

“Ouch. Am I just a dream now--oomph!” Moonbyul whined, but she welcomed the warm and tearstained embrace of her girlfriend. She wasn’t sure what had happened, or what was happening, but Wheein’s sobbing into her hospital gown cleared any of her own worries. She felt impelled to fuss over her girlfriend. “Wheein, I’m here. I’m here.”

 

“You’re back.”

 

Remember that love doesn’t change. Circumstances change. People change.

 

“Dominic. Do you think my decision was wrong?” Wheein sat at her mahogany desk, stirring the little sugar cubes into her coffee with one hand as she perused a stack of papers. She took a sip and grimaced. She dropped in another cube, hand moving mechanically. Better. But it still couldn’t compare to the coffee Moonbyul made.

 

Her eyes lost focus on the tiny words scribbled before her as thoughts of Moonbyul flitted across her mind. Where is she? Is she still fine? Has she eaten?

 

She shook her head but the worry plaguing her thoughts just wouldn’t leave. Scoffing to herself, she downed the coffee, letting the scalding liquid wash over her tongue. She shouldn’t be so overprotective. She shouldn’t feel the need to be.

 

But losing Moonbyul once had been a warning sign too late and a near crash of the tattered wreckage Wheein could still call a heart.

 

“Your decisions are yours, Boss.”

 

“Just speak honestly, Dominic. There’s no one else around.”

 

He shrugged and sat down in the chair facing her desk. “Moonbyul?”

 

“Who else?”

 

“She’s doing fine. She’s adjusting quite well, actually. The men like her since she’s always smiling and energetic.”

 

“But how much of that is real?” Wheein ran her burnt tongue over her lips, staring at the remaining drops of coffee stuck at the bottom of her cup. She tilted her cup, nearly inverting it, but nothing flowed. Frustrated, she dug into her desk and began popping sugar cubes into .

 

“She seems pretty satisfied. Wouldn’t you know though, Boss?”

 

“I-I…” Wheein curled her lips, thoughts turning sour despite the overwhelming sweetness in . “I haven’t asked her.”

 

“It’s been a whole 3 months since she woke up.”

 

“I know! Damn it, I know. But whenever I meet her, I’m afraid to bring it up. What if she rejects it? Hates this lifestyle? Hates me?”

 

“She knows about sacrifice. And she seems pretty hell-bent on protecting you, like the rest of us.” Dominic chuckled, remembering the clumsy girl who had been so serious during training. “We’re all there for each other. She’s really getting to be one of us.”

 

“You’re the only one who knows, right?”

 

“About your relationship? I haven’t said anything. I doubt Byul has either.”

 

Wait. “Byul?”

 

“Oh, that’s the name we’ve all been calling her. It’s easier and feels more comfortable on the tongue. She doesn’t mind either.”

 

“Byul,” muttered Wheein under her breath. She popped another cube into to cleanse the bitterness that rose up. “Byul.”

 

“She’ll be back in a few.” Dominic scrolled through his phone as it buzzed with incoming messages.

 

“She texted you?” She reached her hand to her own phone but only its silent, black screen stared back up her.

 

“Yep, they finished up a job. It’s essentially Moonbyul’s first big mission and apparently it was a success. You should congratulate her when she’s back!”

 

He realized his mistake a second too late. The man who was twice her size shriveled beneath her accusing eyes.

 

“A mission? Why wasn’t I told?”

 

“W-Well, not all the jobs are run by you, right? You’re the boss, you should only worry about the bigger picture.”

 

“Dominic. Do I look like I care about your excuses?”

 

“No?”

 

The table shook under Wheein’s thundering fist. Dominic cowered even more as the girl leapt to her feet, chest swelling with an impending rant.

 

The door to her office swung open.

 

“Dominic! Whee---Boss! I’m here to give a report” A cheery Moonbyul bounced inside the room, much to the laughter of the men behind her. “Uh, what’s happening here?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Help me Byul.” Wheein glared at the whimpering man who immediately turned back to face her.

 

“You guys, get out. Moonbyul, stay and give the report.” The chilliness in her tone made all those in the room shiver unconsciously.

 

Dominic stumbled in his haste to leave, but he clapped Moonbyul’s shoulder as he followed the line of men out of the door. Moonbyul quirked her eyebrow at the obvious relief in his eyes and his silently mouthed ‘thanks’.

 

When the door swung shut once more, Moonbyul turned towards the girl who had seated herself with a huff. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Byul.” Somehow, the name rolled off her tongue strangely. She rubbed her cold palms together and tried again. “Moonbyul. How was the mission?”

 

“It went smoothly. They didn’t see us coming.”

 

“No injuries?” Her eyes roamed Moonbyul’s thinned and lean body, anxiously hoping not to find a single patch of broken skin. She caught the girl trying to surreptitiously slide her sleeve down a hand she snuck behind her. “Moonbyul. Come here.”

 

Guiltily, Moonbyul inched forward and sat in front of her. Wheein sighed and walked around from behind her desk.

 

She took Moonbyul’s hand gingerly and held it eye level, wincing as she saw the bandaged appendages.

 

“It doesn’t hurt.”

 

“It hurts me.” She sat on Moonbyul’s lap, hand reaching for the face she had yearned to see all day long. “I should tell Dominic to stop sending you--”

 

“No. I want to help. I want to be useful for you.”

 

“You can be useful in other ways! Like…” Her words trailed off, heart aching as Moonbyul turned away from her pleading stare.

 

“I’m not that fragile. Wheein, trust me.”

 

“I’m just so scared.” She wrapped her arms around Moonbyul’s neck, burying her head into the girl’s chest. The steady thump of Moonbyul’s heart calmed her.

 

Seconds after, she felt a gentle hand on her back, and loosening the tense knots in the muscles that had kept her on edge all day. She had missed this. Moonbyul’s caress, the soft hum of her voice as they stayed glued together.

 

“I’ll always be here for you.”

 

Wheein lifted her head up to gaze squarely into Moonbyul’s eyes. “But--”

 

Her words were cut off with a swift kiss. Moonbyul smirked as she leaned back. “Someone’s been indulging on candy I see.”

 

Flushing red, Wheein sputtered, “It’s because of the coffee. And you.”

 

“Me?”

 

“I don’t know. Sometimes it just feels so off, so different.”

 

Wheein felt the low laughter vibrate within Moonbyul’s chest. “I think you’re just overthinking things.”

 

“Am I though? Are you hiding things?”

 

“Of course not! I love you! I would never hide anything from you and you know it.” Moonbyul tightened her grip around Wheein’s waist, sighing happily as the girl melted even closer into her embrace.

 

“Byul.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about that? Byul.”

 

“It’s just a name. The guys came up with that for me.”

 

“But when they call you that, it’s like a different person answers. A different Moonbyul that I can’t recognize.”

 

“It’s still me. I’m still the Moonbyul you love. And the Moonbyul that loves you.”

 

“The Moonbyul that I can’t even keep track of?” Wheein’s pitch rose with each word, furious at how Moonbyul could just laugh off her worry like that. “I didn’t even know you were gone on that mission today until Dominic slipped up!”

 

“I told him not to tell you.”

 

“Why--”

 

“Because of this.” She clicked her tongue as she squished Wheein’s cheeks. “I didn’t want you to worry. I know how hard it can be to worry about someone you love, not knowing if she’ll be back safely. Or if she’ll be back at all.”

 

Ah.

 

“It’s better to live life for the moment.”

 

Wheein closed her eyes as she listened to Moonbyul’s steady breath and heartbeat.

 

“So I’ll cherish every moment I get to spend with you now.”

 

Since when had the girl stopped talking about a future together?

 

“Since neither of us knows what might happen tomorrow.”

 

Never had Wheein hated her job as much as she did at this moment.

 

“So I’ll say ‘I love you’ now. And tomorrow, if I see you. And the day after.”

 

“Is it really the same?” Wheein could not mask the hurt in her voice.

 

“I’ll always love you like I always have.”

 

The boisterous laughter of men approaching the office startled the two, tearing through their passionate exchange.

 

“Boss!” Moonbyul leapt to her feet as the doorknob began to jiggle.

 

Wheein hurried back to her desk, straightening out rumpled hair and patting down the wrinkles Moonbyul’s tight grip had left in her shirt.

 

“Everything went smoothly boss! Report end!” Moonbyul bowed stiffly as more men began to file into the room.

 

“Good job. Moonbyul, you may leave.”

 

“Thank you boss.”

 

Wheein’s gaze lingered on Moonbyul’s figure as she stepped out the room, the only sign of emotion on the stone mask of authority she had instantly slid on.

 

Another day.

 

Wheein could wait.

 

More hiding.

 

Moonbyul’s feet reluctantly walked away from the room.

 

But I can. Because I love her.

 

The same thought flashed in both their minds as Wheein began discussing tactics with her men and Moonbyul headed to the rec room to relax.

Remember that even though she’s so close, she’s so far. But she’s still there, and that’s what matters.

 

---