*I apologize beforehand for the politics mentioned here. Moonsun

“Fine” comes in many forms.

Or it can come in many forms. Depending on how you see it.

But what about when it’s “not fine.” Like really, really not fine.

Like going from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye.

Or a 180 degree turn from everything normal that you believed would last forever.

They say you don’t really know how great the present is, how satisfying “just fine” is, until it gets ed up.

They’re absolutely right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s pretty cold outside. For California at least. Which is basically a low 60 degrees or so.

Solar wraps the sides of her jacket more tightly around her body and shivers. Noticing, Moonbyul opts to be another heat bank for her girlfriend and wraps her arm around the girl’s waist, pulling her closer.

Solar smiles, thankful for the care and rests her head on Moonbyul’s shoulder. It’s a small comfort, to say the least. She’ll need the comfort tonight. Maybe all of America will need the comfort tonight.

Together, they, along with a mass of restless college students, sit in the plaza, intently watching the feed projected onto the large screen set up for this very occasion.

Election coverage.

Only four years ago, they wouldn’t have expected this day to come.

Only four years ago, they wouldn’t be tightly clasping their hands, waiting with despair to see what, or who, their future held.

Only four years ago, they wouldn’t have experienced the mass of dread coiling deep within the pits of their stomach as the states on the map onscreen lit up red and blue.

More red than blue. And it’s only been the start.

“Are you ok, babe?” Moonbyul turns her eyes down to look worriedly at her girlfriend, hand rubbing up and down Solar’s arm to warm or comfort her, whichever one necessary. “I know I asked you to come watch this with me today, but if you’d like, we can go back home.”

“I’m ok. Besides, I’m just happy I have you here for me right now.” She nuzzles her head into the crook of Moonbyul’s neck, inhaling the remnants of that Victoria’s Secret perfume Moonbyul always put on. It’s always been successful in combating her anxiety and restlessness, and it does its job now, distracts her temporarily from the political reality.

Her calm is short-lived.

The crowd around her erupts in anger as the clock strikes 4. She looks up from her position to see Moonbyul’s thinned lips draining of blood as eyes stare fixed at the screen.

She herself turns, looks, and can barely contain her gasp of shock.

Red. Red. So much red.

Moonbyul abruptly stands up, fists clenching in nervousness, disbelief, or from the ominous premonition she harbors within her. Solar looks up with questioning eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I---“ Moonbyul can’t really find the words to speak, to voice how she feels right now. She knows she really shouldn’t jump to conclusions about the results that have just been released and that the reporters onscreen are now going over. But she feels sick to her stomach every time that man’s face comes up on screen with the massive bar of red next to it. “Let’s go for a walk. For a bit. We’ll come back in an hour.”

Nodding, Solar reaches her hands up and out, and Moonbyul tugs her to her feet and into her arms. There must be a deeply rooted fear in her girlfriend, for when their embrace continues on for more than a few seconds, she moves one hand up Moonbyul’s back, up into the newly grey locks that she had dyed merely a few weeks ago, and smoothly begins the back of her head. She knows she’s not wrong when a muffled, choked gasp resonates near her ear.

“Moonbyul, baby, I’m here for you. I’m here.” She continues her rhythmic motions, trying to slow down the slight trembling of Moonbyul’s shoulders, which have always been so confidently thrown back.

Now they look hunched, small, and oh so fragile.

“I know. But I’m so afraid.”

“Me too. But let’s not freak out too fast ok, baby?”

When Moonbyul’s tremors finally stop, Solar pulls back from the hug and rubs her thumb gently under Moonbyul’s eyes, wiping away the traces of tear stains. She kisses Moonbyul gently on the nose and interlaces her fingers with Moonbyul’s.

“So about that walk….” She jerks her head towards the side of the plaza, and they begin walking to the edge of the crowd, through the hushed conversations around them.

~~~~~

When they escape the nearly palpable air of tension hovering over the plaza, they slow their steps, taking time to enjoy the evening view of campus vacant of the daytime bustle of students.

Solar peeks out the corner of her eye, and sees Moonbyul’s drooped head and biting lips, and realizes that the girl is still agonizing over the recent developments.

It’s only right for her to step up and try to soothe her agitated girlfriend. After all, Moonbyul has always been the one looking out for her no matter the situation, as her pillar of support, the shoulder to cry on whenever her vulnerable heart began to ache.

She imbues a bit more of a bounce into her step and drags Moonbyul towards the arches of one of the older buildings on campus. For now, it’s better to relive the happy memories rather than wallow in the making of sad ones.

“Do you remember this place?” She playfully nudges Moonbyul in the ribs, pointing to the faded bricks above them.

Looking up, Moonbyul stares around puzzled for a bit before a flash of recognition hits her.

Solar’s never been so elated to see the familiar smirk and grin make its way up Moonbyul’s face. She leans in closer to Moonbyul’s side and exhales, misty cloud mixing with Moonbyul’s as they both look up.

“I remember you being impossibly cute and ridiculously shy when I confessed.” Moonbyul shrugs when Solar slaps her on the shoulder. “No, like actually. You should have seen your face then.”

“Yah! You just caught me by surprise that day.” Solar turns her head, shaking her hair so her bangs hide her reddening face. “How was I supposed to react anyways? Psh.”

“Hey hey, I wasn’t complaining, was I?” As she speaks, Moonbyul steals a kiss from Solar, only serving to deepen the flush that is spreading across her soft cheeks. “And I still remember. When I tried to do that 3 years ago, you slapped the hell out of me.”

“Y--You-” splutters Solar, hands cupped over her cheeks as she faces Moonbyul. Just the sight of the taller girl staring back at her with love in her eyes makes her heartbeat erratic, if it already wasn’t spazzing from the kiss.

“I’m not wrong, am I?” asks Moonbyul smugly.

“You deserved it.”

“Well, I don’t see you complaining these days.”

Laughing, Moonbyul takes off in a light jog, dodging Solar’s flailing hands and annoyed exclamations. She leaps backward gracefully as Solar’s crocs slap against the ground uselessly. At some point, the red in Solar’s face is no longer from the kiss and is from the exertion of exercise she always says she’ll get to at the gym but never does.

Out of breath, Solar screeches to a grinding halt, hand on her knees, head bent, and she takes in a shaky breath to formulate another empty threat. As she waits for her voice to steady, she points an accusing finger at where Moonbyul was moments before. But when she looks up the girl is nowhere to be found.

“What—“

Suddenly, she feels a pair of arms wrap snugly around her body from behind, feels another body press against hers so fittingly, feels a teasing breath of air against the backside of her neck.

“I told you crocs are impractical. My grandma could probably run faster than you.”

“They’re comfortable. How dare you judge my love of crocs.” Solar rolls her eyes and pouts, but of course Moonbyul cannot see from her position. However, she’s just fine with how they are at the moment. The night is less cold with Moonbyul by her side.

“But you love me more.”

“Do I?” teases Solar, and she feels herself being spun around in Moonbyul’s arm until she is facing the girl, face merely inches from her own. Her breath’s caught in as Moonbyul stares searchingly into her eyes, boring straight into her soul.

A corner of Moonbyul’s lip rises up slyly as she takes in the nervous tick of Solar’s eye. She leans forward, shortening the gap between them to a miniscule distance while tightening her hold on Solar’s lower back.

“Do you?” mumbles Moonbyul, soft breath hitting Solar’s lips and the girl twitches in return, but makes no move to get away. “I hope so. Because I love you.”

There’s a raging wave of heat coursing through her body now, with Moonbyul so close, so teasingly close, grinning right in front of her lips. Moonbyul’s always been the more playful one when it came to relationship, and it’s clear what the other girl is hoping for right now.

So, unlike three years ago, Solar is the one initiating the kiss tonight. It’s not much effort to move her head a mere degree forward and meet Moonbyul’s smiling, patient mouth with a ferocity so unlike her it takes Moonbyul by surprise.

It’s been three years, but for Solar, each time kissing Moonbyul is just like the first. Unpredictable, electrifying, and heart­-stopping. She can’t get enough of how soft Moonbyul’s glossed lips always are, how even when their lips are mashed together she’s desperate to get even closer. She forgets how to breathe, how to think, how to care about anyone that may be watching. Because at the moment there’s nothing else more important than their love for each other and her need for physical intimacy.

They’ll be fine. They think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moonbyul stares at her phone in disbelief. It’s like shock and fear has permanently etched itself into her chiseled features. Her finger shakes as it scrolls through the live feed, only showing more results that can’t and shouldn’t be happening.

Solar understands. After all, what can be said when the hourly update launches that man forward with such a disgusting lead, and the map of the country is painted such a bloody red.

She realizes that the situation is more dire than they think. And deep down, inklings of resignation are already sprouting. But when she looks at how broken her girlfriend looks, she gathers her resolve and opts to find Moonbyul a strand of hope for both of them to cling on to.

“It’s not the end. This was to be expected. Republicans almost always get those southern and Midwestern states. There’s still all the western states. Including us, right?” Solar gently tugs the phone away from Moonbyul and gathers her hands in hers, rubbing them together to keep out the cold. “There’s still hope.”

“Will it even be enough?” Moonbyul’s voice is hollow, and it echoes in the empty terrace. “Did you see his lead? I don’t even know…”

“Just don’t stress about it too much for now,” pleads Solar. “We’ll know for sure later. Please. I can’t see you breaking like this.”

“I just—“ Moonbyul squeezes her eyes and shakes her head. “No, you’re right. For all we know this could just be a horrible dream.”

“More like a nightmare?” quips Solar with a cheeky smile.

Moonbyul pokes those said cheeks and responds, “Can’t be a nightmare if you’re in it with me.”

“How you manage to be so cheesy is beyond me.” She sighs, and leans back against the table bench, looking up for the stars. It’s a cloudy night. “Wonder what Wheein and Hwasa are doing right now.”

“They’re probably freaking out about the election as well.”

“Probably.”

“Remember when the four of us would always get together for lunch here on the terrace? And just talk about the most random things?” Moonbyul slides her hands over the smoothed knots of the wooden tables and the carvings accumulated by decades of use.

“They always called it a ‘double date’, didn’t they? Even before we were official.”

“Well they’ve definitely had a hand in getting us together. I never really told you how much they helped, did I?”

She shifts in her seat, turning sideways before laying her head down in Moonbyul’s lap. Out of impulse, she sticks her tongue out at the girl, and says, “I doubt you would have been able to do anything without their help.”

“Hey!”

At the onslaught of tickles, Solar begins giggling and squirming under Moonbyul’s attacks, poking the other girl in the abs occasionally to get a cry of outrage. Little by little, she can see Moonbyul’s face loosen up into the familiar scrunched smile and gentle eyes.

“You know, I never really told you how much I confided in those two either.”

“Tell me.”

“You tell me.”

“You first.”

“No, you first.”

Moonbyul tangles her fingers into Solar’s hair, gently brushing the disheveled locks off her face, brushing the pout right off as well, when she leans down to give her forward a quick peck. “My story’s pretty short. Basically, Wheein and Hwasa got tired of me constantly telling them how beautiful you were and in the end they just told me to go for it.”

“How… I guess that’s so like you.” Solar raises her hands to cover , muffling the chuckles rippling through her body and counteracting the blush that was once again flooding her cheeks. Moonbyul just did things to her that she couldn’t explain. At least it gave her the hope that them, their relationship, would last for eons. She would never get tired of Moonbyul. And with those adoring eyes gazing back down at her, she was pretty damn sure Moonbyul felt the same way.

“I’m offended.”

“Don’t be.”

“Rude.” Moonbyul snorts and lets out a dramatic sigh. “So, what was it that you told the two? I told you mine, now spill,” she whines.

“I may or may not have told them that I may or may not have had a crush on this girl that may or may not be you.” She draws out her sentence, wiggling her eyebrows at the girl above her.

Moonbyul rolls her eyes, giving Solar’s forehead a light flick. “So those two little rascals knew the whole time.”

“What’s scarier is their synchronicity. I still don’t get how they fabricate lies on the spot and then immediately cover each other’s story like it’s no big deal.”

“They’ve been together for nearly ten years now. They’re practically a married couple. They even fight like a married couple. I bet you,” Moonbyul Solar’s cheek, “they’ll be the ones to get married right out of college. Shotgun wedding. I’m calling it.”

“That’s if Hwasa gets to decide. I bet Wheein will be going for the big fancy traditional weddings.”

“What would you want?” When Solar freezes under her touch and silence permeates the air between them, Moonbyul wonders if she’s stepped a little too far out of bounds with the question. Maybe she’s assumed too much, too far ahead, and she opens to rectify the situation. “Sorry, that was random, wasn’t it?”

“No, no.” Solar was just momentarily stunned. It’s not like she’s never thought about marriage before. But she’s not one to fully plan out the rest of her life to begin with, and instead just takes things as they come. Call it procrastination, but she’d rather not think about worrisome future decisions and live in the present instead.

She knows Moonbyul to be the opposite though. And by being with her, she thinks, maybe, just maybe, it’s worth thinking of her future with Moonbyul. A future that that’s more than just a few days of comfortably hanging out, that’s more than just a few months of playful dates and harmonious apartment life, that’s more than just a few years of god knows what.

She’s talking decades. And within the first one, she thinks, no, she knows, she’s more than willing to tie the knot with Moonbyul at the altar.

She whispers softly, “I think I’d like a smaller wedding. Maybe on the beach. Just us a few friends and family.”

She can see her response take Moonbyul by surprise, by it’s quickly written over by delight that nearly makes her eyes vanish and face crack open from the strength from her smile.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” sighs Moonbyul contentedly.

“I don’t know. Tell me again?” Solar tickles under Moonbyul’s chin playfully and bats her eyelashes in an attempt at seductiveness.

“To me, you are the world and everything beyond.”

They’ll be fine. Hopefully.

~~~~~

But their happiness has to crash and burn around them.

How do you react when you can’t believe the results right in front of you?

When it’s just appalling how something that impossible has occurred?

Presidency. Senate. House.

Moonbyul’s lost for words, and even Solar’s comfort can’t tease a reaction out of her.

She herself is barely holding it together, helplessly trying on a strong facade for the girl who needs her right now.

In the distance, she can hear the roars of disbelief from the spectating crowd, building up with a rage that may boil over into a riot.

He’s won.

It’s not only about him though. It’s about what he represents.

Misogyny.

White privilege.

Bigotry.

Homophobia.

Islamophobia.

Racism.

And endless other intolerable prejudices that should only be remnants of a progressive age.

Well, maybe no longer progressing.

Perhaps the greater question is how do you live in a country where nearly half of the population shares his views?

What will become of them?

Will they walk down the streets, no longer able to hold hands or any other acts of intimacy in the fear that the homophobic people he’s lured out will begin pointing, begin complaining, begin forcing their views because they feel entitled to?

Will their siblings go to school only to be taunted about their race, every known insult directed towards them to the point they can only return home, sobbing from the verbal abuse? Just because “our president” has said the same thing? And somehow that makes it right?

Will they have to just accept the discrimination they’re already suffering through as women, a long list that apparently even includes ual assault now because the president has spoken of his demeaning views on women and America has responded with a terrifying yes.  

Solar envelops Moonbyul in a hug so tight, so desperate, because she never wants to let go. They stay there in silence, because silence is all they’re capable of now.

Are they fine?

She doesn’t even know if she can hope for normalcy anymore.

And no, they are not fine.

*I know this veered away from Moonsun a lot, especially towards the end, but I, right now, am nearly speechless at what has occurred last night. It's ridiculous, it's impossible, it's a ing joke gone too damn far. I cannot believe America is actually capable of making such a terrible, blatantly stupid decision. I understand that not everyboday may share my political opinions, and that what I say may offend some people. 

Anyways, I'll try to keep that rant short, and just add that I wrote this in a rush, just trying to spill out how I was feeling last night. It's a very rough piece of writing that I'll try to get back to and edit once I've calmed down.

As always, thanks for reading!