I slowly opened my eyes and all I can see was blurry images. I can’t see clearer the way I used to. Where am I? I can’t utter any single word. It feels like my throat is lazy enough not to work on it’s own. Am I in heaven?

“MISS! MISS! He’s already awake!!” It’s a voice of a girl I know. Her tone is still the same, gentle but has a hidden sharpness. I shifted my head to see who it was and slowly, my eyes came back to normal. I saw Hyejin on the doors screaming for help.

The nurse entered the cold room. She is wearing a pink nurse gown and a pink nurse cap as well. I am somewhat confused to read what is written on her name tag. I want to ask where am I, but my throat is tired. “Sir Chittaphon, pleaseu do not forceu yourselfeu to standeu. Onegaishimasu.”

Onegaishimasu? Is this?

“Ja--” I tried to open my mouth and let a sound quiver on my vocal chords.

“Ja?? I’m Hyejin, if you’re going to find Jaehyun then go to Korea.”

“Ja..pan.” I weakly whispered. The nurse’s mouth fell down as I said the country’s name. Slowly I move my left leg, checking if everything is fine. I tried to move the other one but I can’t. It’s like I’m paralyzed, because I cannot even feel any single thing about my right leg.

“Hai, hai! I.. am.. Japanese! She... is.. Korean!.. She.. is.. Hyejin. My.. name.. is Yuna. Nagato Yuna! Please don’t force-” She’s making hand signals as if I’m a child who doesn’t know how to speak. It’s funny at least and she made me smile once again after those stressful things I’ve had.

“Hai, hai, Miss, please remove all of his masks and such, and you can leave already. I have some private thing to say. Don’t worry, I won’t be stressing him. Please do your job.” She removed my apparatuses on my head as she nodded, and I leaned towards the wall. The nurse gets out fast to report it to my physician. I just remembered I got into an accident. But why the f I’m here in Japan?

“C-Can you.. E-explain..” I tried to move my body but the half is paralyzed.

“Okay look, you got into an accident. It’s been weeks since that happened and you still didn’t want to wake up from your sleep, what exactly are you doing in your dreams? Goodness, I know you can’t speak and move, but don’t worry. It’s not a or anything. You just need to recover.

To sum things up, I’ll tell you what I know.

After you got into an accident, you passed out. Jaehyun saw you and he called the hospital to help you. Glad there are no injuries, and you just passed out from shock I think. I was literally petrified to know that you just fainted. People saw you flying before you fall. Not literally flying, but if you know what I mean, You’re supposed to be dead!”

I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. My voice box, I think, is now relaxed. It doesn’t feel stiff and dry anymore just like what I felt after waking up.

“I was a corpse so maybe I have this powers.” My husky voice is just echoing throughout the room.

“Ten, it’s not the time to be childish. After the accident, this is what we got. A broken necklace. You’re wearing this the whole time, right? I don’t believe in sorcery, because that’s EVIL, but you know, maybe this is the one who saved you from breaking your ribs. It might be small but who knows?

Anyways, this doesn’t matter though because you’re already here. Whatever this miracle brings, I’m still thankful that you’re still alive..

For your information, I brought you here because Jaehyun wants you to study here. I don’t know if he’s throwing you away or he just wants you to be on a better place, eh, I don’t know to be honest. Here, you can just pick a course, whatever you like.” She gave me the laptop that she has on the table and she gave it to me. It is the list of the top colleges here in Japan. I’m interested, but in my case, right now, I can’t.

“Hyejin, I don’t have mone-“

“OH MY GOODNESS. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M HERE. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I ALMOST KILLED YOU FROM REMOVING EVERYTHING, SO I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU ATTEND COLLEGE. Please do so, I’ll be your sibling starting from now on. Your grandma doesn’t want to come with you and be your guardian here. So..”

“Grandma? Oh..

The witch.”

“Don’t call her a witch. It’s not pleasant to hear from a teen like you.

Anyways. She told me that she has a contact with Tern that is in U.S and she’s giving you allowance secretly. I want to relay this message to you, because you looked depressed finding them, but Jaehyun told me you got into the acciden-.”

“How about my parents?!” I sat straightly wanting to hear more about my sister that is still alive. “PARENTS?! MY MOM DAD?!”

“Mom and Dad, I.. found none..”

Why I’m expecting my mom and dad to be alive anyways, and why do I claim Tern as my sister? We’re not even related by blood, because I was a corpse after all. Why I feel excited talking things about Chittaphon’s family?

“Sorry.” She whispered, gritting her teeth.

“I know they passed away. It’s okay.”

“So, Chittaphon Leechaiya-I-don’t-know.”

“Don’t call me by that name.”

“I will, because you are now the real Chittaphon. Documents are yours, everything about Chittaphon like signatures and stuffs about him, you probably knew it without even trying to remember.

Your grandma told me that you have been programmed to be like Chittaphon. You know the basics, the complexities, and more, that, I think, I don’t even know. Please be reminded that starting from now on, you’re going to be like Chittaphon. Ten is nobody. Ten is just a nickname.” She smirked as if she was hypnotizing me.

“Tern will be supplying you the allowance, and I’ll take care about you and the expenses, until you graduate. Think of me as your older sister, and you can ask me for everything. Congratulations on waking up! You’ll be living as a human right now. Don’t worry about your past. It won’t happen anymore, and I won’t let them do that experiment to you. You are now reborn as Chittaphon Leechaiyakul, welcome to the new world, I must say?”

I grasped my own hands, feeling the warmth, praying that everything would be fine as soon as I step out this hospital. I will delete all of my memories about the past: my feelings, who I am, and where did I start. It will be just a part of the game I’ve played. It’s the part of the world I made. Now that my saved file is corrupted, I will start this game as a new human being, looking forward to the new world that Chittaphon and God gave me.

I will not waste my life..

I will not disappoint you,

Brother..

I chose medicine career as my path in college. I wanted to study the human anatomy and learn what the heck my grandma did to revive me. Somehow, even though years have been passed, I cannot just forgot who I am. It will be a scar that will never fade, and I should never treat that scar.

The first year of my college went fine for it’s just basic things like simple chemistry, biology and so on. I studied way harder than I used to be in high school. The university I went was international school, so people use English as out communication. Everything must be written in English, though there would be of course Japanese term for every definitions, because we’re in Japan.

At first, I struggled hard learning Japanese especially the Katakana and other writing systems such as Hiragana and such. There are like three of them and you need to learn when to use those, unlike in Korean, the words are easy to write but might be confusing to pronounce. Here in Japan, the words have their OWN letters. Maybe, because of the Chinese influence. Japanese calligraphies were hard to write especially for newbies like me. Pronunciation is bit okay and easy. Only those writings are bit hard for me, but I got used to it. Hyejin hired a tutor to teach me Japanese language so maybe it is somewhat moderate to me.

I also called Tern and we got along well. I really feel like she is already my sister. She gave an apology for not visiting me at the hospital, because she was pregnant that time, and I told her that it’s okay. I have to admit that after I had a chance to talk with Tern, she spoiled me too much. I told her not to worry about the expenses, because it is Hyejin who’s supplying my needs, but still she bought a laptop, a desktop and a brand new phone for me. I’m bit glad though, at least I can see her effort making up for me.

My new room. Okay, first I was not used to live with a girl. Hyejin was sleeping at the second floor, while I’m on the first floor. I’m bit shocked at first after she told me that we were going to live together, but after seeing the house that she has, I must say that it’s pretty good.

It’s so huge, you can be lost inside. There was a movie theater, a pool, and everything you want inside is there. There are lots of furnitures and arts and it made me think like their family is really into the passion of creativity.

After living with her for 8 years, I should say I already know everything about her. She was a famous net-idol, or should I say ‘ulzzang’ in Korea. It means you’ve been popular for your looks, beauty and of course people will adore you. She has this 550,000 followers on one of her active Social networking sites, and I must say I’m pretty flustered. Like how she got that popular? If only they know how loud this girl can be, they will become astonished.

This girl is manly than I am when we are inside this house watching some random TV shows and animes. Popcorn, lying down on the floor when we have like five sofas, laughing so hard, rolling on the floor; to be honest, she is the definition of derp queen.

Hyejin is pursuing the same course I’m taking. In school, she will be acting like she’s the shyest girl in the whole university. Boys, of course, courting her, but, of course, rejected. There will be rumors that we’re dating, because we live in the same place. We were just laughing about it the whole time. Once, we even pretend holding our hands, took a picture of it and post it into her SNS. Everyone went crazy, but I was just laughing at the comment section. She wanted to reply once but I told her not to. I said, “If you’re going to reply one fan, then make sure you’re going to reply all. That’s unfair if you’re not doing so.”

She nodded and she would only read everything after that.

I have to admit that we really look like a couple every fans shipped on every fanfic they’ve read. She likes to sleep on my shoulders, because it’s stiff and it feels like a pillow. She likes to hold my hands, because it feels soft. But honestly, I’m not interested at her. Both of us, are not in love with each other, and we will never be a couple for two reasons:

First, I want to study and dissect a corpse. Yeah, might sound sadistic, but it’s my dream to explore surgery world.

Second, she’s a fujoshi.

I’ll explain. In Japan, there are types of fans you can call. Just like in Korea, there are fandoms, here there are ‘nicknames’ for the fans of a certain ‘fandom’. Otaku is what I can say the fandom of anime. And there are lots of animes. Expect that there would be a lot of names for ‘this’ and ‘that’ kind of fan. One of it is fujoshi.

The fan who is obsessed of reading a genre called which means boys’ love.

Look, She has a phone of course, and she also has this premium app for reading manga and she was paying it every month just to download tons of or boy to boy manga. I was really surprised to see her bookshelves inside of her room. 90% of it is mangas, 10% of it is medical books. She once said, “Ten, I want you to break up with Jaehyun and go to Taeyong instead.”

I was like, “The heck girl, Jaehyun and I haven’t been in that kind of relationship you’re thinking.”

And she was like, “I know right? Look, Jaehyun doesn’t care about relationships. He even treated me like a stray cat. He’s only there to feed me some love if he only wants. Taeyong looks badass but to be honest, he’s cute. COURT TAEYONG AND I WILL ARRANGE YOUR WEDDING HIHIHI.”

This is the reason why somehow, we can’t be a couple; She wants me to be with Jaehyun or Taeyong, and I want her to get rid of my vision as soon as I see her reading s.

Every night, All I can hear is her, screaming all around her room and stomping because of the plot that she’s reading. That’s also the reason why I’m staying late at night.

It’s fun to live with a loud girl, though. Your dead cells will recover because of her energy.

There are so many things happened in my life these past 8 years. My life has not been dull, like the previous world I had. The flow of time is going fine. I have never been stressed about bullies, about my identity, about my relationship with other people. All I care is about my grades.

Right now, We’re inside the plane, planning to get our residencies in Korea, where my first life began. This is to learn more about our expertise, and to study more about our fields.

It’s been a while, Korea.

The roads, buildings, trees, everything is still the same. It brings back the memories as we pass by the intersection. Hyejin stared at me on the driver’s mirror. “You’re smiling, do you want to go to our school?” I startled and shift my gaze to her.

“No. It’s okay. I’m just reminiscing everything.” She drifted away to where her house is and instead, she made a U-turn going back to where we went. “Why? You forgot something?” I asked.

“Yeah, Ten. My memories. I think I dropped it on the intersection. We’re going to our school.”

“Are you serious!?” I grabbed her shoulder trying to stop her, but she was just laughing at me. “You got to be kidding, right?” I kicked her seat and made her scream. She’s still laughing. I’m pissed.

“What’s with that face? We’re already here at the intersection. Get out, I’ll leave the car here.”

We are in front of my grandma’s store. It’s closed. I mean it’s permanently closed. Papers are covering the window glasses, as well as the door. It is completely closed. I peek through it, and all I can see are boxes. Some are covered with white blankets, some are covered with dust. “Your grandma died after we graduated, right? You should know that.”

“Yeah, that’s why I don’t want to go back. The thing is, even though her smile is creepy and dark, she still tried to make my half pursue his dreams. I’m quite fascinated by that.”

“That’s why you took medical course? To continue Chittaphon’s dreams?”

“Chittaphon wants to be a surgeon. Her mom, too. But I feel like someone is knocking my heart, telling me to pursue this course as well. It’s not family related or what. It’s just that my heart decides for it. That I should go through this. I think, it is my decision to pursue this dream. I can’t call it a dream. It’s just- I can’t explain. It’s not a dream. It feels like, God wants me to try this. My emotions pushed me through, but my mind is somehow, disagreeing.”

“But, now, Ten is here. You made it through those hard exams, research, stress.. You made it.” She’s right. I made it through a hunch. “Can I ask something? I’ve been like curious for this.” I nod as I raised both of my eyebrows.

“Are you studying every final exams? For years I haven’t saw you studying. You’ve been inside your room for the whole time, like what you’re doing? Are you reviewing?”

“I..

I’ve been experimenting myself.”

“WHAT?!”

“Oh gosh, yes. Look, I do really believe that something or someone puts me here in this. College, I studied harder, but my mind keeps on telling me it’s hard but my heart is saying that I need to go through those struggles. I once told myself, I’ll try to drop Physiology and Organic Chemistry. So I tried to go to school to approach any of my teachers, but it rained so hard that I can’t even find a cab on the streets. Now, I tried to fail it by not reviewing for finals. I’m surprised with my stock knowledge because I almost aced the exam. You won’t believe me for sure.”

“Nah, you’re just too smart.”

“Rain?”

“It’s coincidence. Rain appears whenever he likes. It doesn’t count. You’re destined to be a surgeon, because you’re genius, and you want to pursue it for Chittaphon. That’s all. You’ve been stressing about yourself so maybe that’s the reason why you’re pushing yourself hard thinking about the possibilities that maybe someone or something is helping you to get through. Get rid of it. Don’t think Chittaphon is helping you. He’s consciousness is already in heaven. He’s living in peace anymore, bro. Come on.”

She’s right. It’s just my fantasies to feel that Chittaphon is still controlling my mind. He let go of what he has and gave it to me already now, somehow. I should stop bringing him to my life now, ‘cause that what he wants.

After we walked kilometer away from my grandma’s store, we finally reached our school. It is still the same. The gates, the color of the walls, trees, even the smell is still the same. This brings back memories of my childhood. The fun is jumping inside of me as I kept on reminiscing those days we had with Taeyong and Jaehyun. I didn’t know I put that into an end. There’s so much fun being with them and yet, I still sever our ties with only one mistake and lie. Thinking of that right now is definitely depressing and embarrassing to me. I was immature, and spoiled like a child back then. “You want to go to Jaehyun’s? Or Taeyong’s? I’ve been calling them since we got here, but I think they’re too busy planning their residencies as well.”

“Residencies?”

“Yeah. They also seek medicine career, just like we did.” I’m not surprised. Jaehyun is way more intelligent than me. Taeyong is, too.

“Good for them.” I whispered.

“Let’s go!” She grabbed my hands as we go inside the campus hallway. Students are laughing around, but stopped when they saw us. They’ve been whispering to each other after we got here inside.
“I think they noticed me since I’m popular.” She giggled and now she’s on the ‘shy shy shy’ mode. Goodness, this is why I hate her when we’re on public. “Oppa~~” she did an aegyo. The girls are screaming as I turned back coldly. I rolled my eyes.

“Stop that. I’m not going to entertain you.”

I ran across the students that have been observing us since we got here and as I excuse myself, I heard rumors about me. I have this sharp hearing sense, so even though how soft you whisper, as long as you’re near me, I can hear it.

‘It’s the doctors our teachers are talking about.’

‘Wow they look good together.’

‘But Mr. Ten had a relationship with Professor Jung.’

‘How did you know?! Omg my fujoshi feels!’

“THEY’RE NOT!” I heard Hyejin screamed. Her voice echoed inside as I became stiffed. We’re dead if one of the teachers found us. “I know the story between them, because I’m their friend. If you want to know, follow me here. DM me and I’ll tell you everything about--“

“HYEJIN!”

“Ten, shut up a bit. Okay here. So this is how you use it.” She’s unstoppable.

I ran and left her behind behind those curious little cats. Just how these rumors start? I didn’t even think that some of my classmates are working here. Oh well, we’re alumni so what to expect. Of course, when you became successful, the school will talk about you and how you’ve been, who are your friends, what stressed you the most and how you overcame it. It’s basic.

I’m glad I still know the shortcuts of this school after being away for a long time. I arrived on the front desk of the school. Before, there were no tables around here, only lockers of students, but now I don’t see any lockers around. Maybe it was inside of their room for convenience. Someone caught my eye and I ask where are those huge cabinets.

“According to my knowledge, they have been thrown out of this building because there are already dents and rusts on it and I think it would be easy for thieves to unlock those since students are keeping their phones and wallets inside sometimes. Maybe that’s the reason why they disposed it. All of the lockers here are new.”

“Oh I see. I was going to find something inside of it, because I forgot to get it somehow after I graduated. I have the keys but I don’t know where did the old lockers went.”

“Oh is it important? They disposed of those lockers, but they didn’t burn something inside. Umm, old lockers are not here inside the building. They’re beside the pond, in the garden.”

“IN THE GARDEN? How could they put those rusting cabinets in the garden?”

“It looks like an attraction to me because it was designed.”

“I see, Thank you!”

I ran and waved at him as I’m getting excited reading all of my embarrassing things inside of those lockers. I didn’t have the courage to send it to Jaehyun and now, I’ll only be laughing on how cheesy it is.

I arrived at the garden. It looks prettier than the last time I went here. Many flowers are blossoming around and as the sunlight flashing above the sky, it adds more glory to this place. This is the definition of heaven. This place brings back many memories, and I’m happy we went here once again. I thought I would only be remembering those worst moments we had, but I’m mistaken. The last game I’ve played,

It was beautiful.

I remember the times science club invited me to participate the horror game they planned and it worked out pretty fine, because Jaehyun came. Those days, Jaehyun is my only source of happiness. My heart is fluttering reminiscing those scenes in my head. It is still vivid to me. Those days I only cared about Jaehyun. Those days I laughed with them.

They filled me with joy, even though they’re supplying me with lies.

I don’t care anymore. I had fun. It’s the reason I should not waste my life again. They showed me the beauty of the world and that is enough for me not to waste my second life.

I opened my locker as it creeks. I closed my eyes, feel the wind sweeping through my hair. The calming chirping of the birds, the sound of water in the pond. Everything is perfect.

I slowly opened my eyes to go back to the past, to leap through time.

But as I shifted my eyes from bowing,

I found nothing but a sketchpad.

“Jung Jaehyun’s. 18 years old. Art club member.” I whispered what I read as I grabbed the sketchpad out of my locker. It’s my locker. I have the keys. I don’t know how Jaehyun tried to open it, but it’s really here inside of my OWN locker.

I flipped the cover and I see a sketch of two guys walking down the streets with an ice cream. I flipped another and saw a guy reciting a poem in front of a guy at the back of the room. I flipped another and saw two guys inside of a library, watching the stars and the moon.

I saw a guy sketched on the paper..

Reading those poem I wrote.

It’s me. It’s me and Jaehyun.

I flipped once more and I saw myself smiling while Jaehyun is caressing me on the bed. It was that time when the other bed was wet that we need to sleep together. These drawings are all about us and what we have done for the rest of the school year. The things I thought only I would loved the most. The moments that I treasured the most.

It seems like Jaehyun cherished it more than I was.

The last page is a letter made last week as I read the date. This is the penmanship of Jaehyun, I’m 100% sure. I took a deep breath and I read it loud and clear just like I’m reciting a story in front of class.

Ten,

Hey, it’s been a long time. Congratulations on graduating! I attended your graduation in Japan and I saw you smiling again. You’re now a doctor of medicine!! We’re the same~ ㅋㅋㅋ Hyejin told me to come, so I tried my best to save money and get a help from my mom to let me fly to Japan. You’ve been in a luxurious school! Awesome! I saw many foreigners clinging to you, I was shocked and jealous that time. I wish I can hold you.

I wish.

I can’t.

I know you’re holding grudges to me. I lied, Taeyong lied about your existence. I have to admit that is the biggest lie I’ve did in my whole life. I love Chittaphon. That’s why I care for him. The first time I look at him, crying for help underwater, I was about to cry. I feel like my heart was tearing apart on it’s own. I saved him, because I thought I fell in love,

But then you came into my life.

Every time we’re close to each other, my heart is beating faster than usual. Deep inside, I was panicking, and my mind won’t work. I want to hold your hands but I don’t know how or when should I. Everything we did was too precious for me to handle. The moments we made, I want to keep it forever.

After graduating, I want to confess my feelings about you. I love you more than I love myself. I know sometimes you hate me, and I know you like Taeyong. To be honest, when I saw my friend confessing to you, I was surprised. I thought it was over, but you rejected him. I feel sorry for Taeyong but it was awesome. He’s courageous while I’m not. I have no chance if Taeyong and I courted you. He’s handsome, he’s cool, he’s expressing his feelings, he’s frank, he’s perfect. He is the definition of a ‘fanfic material’. I’m belittling myself too much now. It’s true though. I’m just handsome, and intelligent, but I cannot be frank like him.

I want to say how much I love you on that day, right after graduating, but the physician messaged me that they will cut Chittaphon’s life support. They want me to visit before he dies, so, I have no choice. I told myself that I will confess right after I bid my farewell to him, but then you came inside the room, and you left.

I want to become a surgeon, because that’s what I want to do with my life. I feel like, someone or something is pushing me to go through the struggles of this career. Once, I lose hope and didn’t study for finals, but I’m surprised that I aced it! It was flawless like I reviewed and memorized everything even though I didn’t study! I think it’s a miracle. Are you doing good at exams? I want to know.

Please eat well, and I hope you come back here. I hope we meet again. If so, I will treat you lots of foods. We’re going to hang out with Taeyong on that coffee shop!! It’s been popular nowadays! Hahahaha. I want to see your smile.

I’ve been lonely, but I’m still holding for a hunch that you will come back. I know you will.

My life has been dull, and dry after you left. I hope you come back and shower me with your smiles to relieve my dryness.

I love you. Please, don’t leave me like this.

-Jaehyun :)

The paper I’m reading is dripping wet. The ink became messy as I kept on crying quietly in the middle of a fine day. I grasped the letter in my arms, as if it was Jaehyun, smiling at me once again. As if I can recover what’s lost. As if I’m going to meet him again.

Someone screamed outside and I heard others calling for help. My phone vibrates and I saw an unknown number. Someone is calling me.

“S-S-S-SIR. Hyejin.. CALL 911 FAST GUYS!”

“What?”

“HYEJIN.. CAR.. SHE’S.”

No.

My eyes went black for a second as I’ve dropped the sketchpad I’m holding. My adrenaline rushed in my veins supplying the flight response I’m doing. I feel like running in my full speed. Someone is running with me as well, but I can’t see. My eyes are focused on the gate, stiffed I can’t even speak. The guy next to me is running with an awesome speed as well. I saw the students running as they’ve been curious of what’s going on.

I arrived at the gate, trying to push myself from the crowd.

And that was the time my heart fell into my intestines.

The nervousness I feel is like the anxiety I had when I saw a car going to hit me.

Hyejin, lying on the street, unconscious. I gulped as I slowly approached her body. “SIR PLEASE DON’T--“

“I’m a doctor...” I whispered as my voice tremble. My eyes won't blink. This is the first time I’ll be diagnosing a patient. And the first patient is the person I didn’t expect. Someone rushed beside me, holding his phone. I don’t get it why he’s holding his phone on a situation like this. I can’t see his face. I took at deep breath, as I glared on the driver who made Hyejin suffer like this.

“Hyejin, HEY, ARE YOU AWAKE? HEY ARE YOU AWAKE? Please help me check injuries.” I tried to calm down. This is the requirement I need to master.

The guy beside me is not listening. He kept on browsing on his phone.. “CAN YOU EVEN HELP ME ON CHECKING INJUR-“

“Hey, Taeyong, can you come?” The guy beside me whispered. Taeyong?

 I slowly shifted my head towards him.

It’s Jaehyun.