Chapter 23

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Note: This chapter is from the point of view of Jimin, and all the text is what he's actually saying out loud on his visits to see Jungkook. 

Jimin’s POV

Day 1

Jungkook, I’m here. It’s me. Jimin, haha. You probably don’t want to see me, and if you were awake I know you’d slap me, or land a punch right in my stomach like you do when we mess around, except you’re stronger than you think and it ing hurts, brat. But when you get better you can beat me till I’m a bloody pulp and I’ll still be smiling.

God, I haven’t slept since I first found out about what happened. How could I? It was all my fault, Jungkookie, and because I was a complete idiot you’re lying in here… like… like that. If you die, I’d never be able to forgive myself. , could I even live my life without you? I’m struggling already. You make my world so much brighter, and because of you I’ve changed for the better. If it wasn’t for you I’d be on a downwards spiral to God knows what hell of a life.

I never got to apologise to you, did I? Here. I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m so ing sorry, you don’t understand. If I could rip out my heart and give it to you, I would. If I could the life out of me with a vacuum cleaner and push it into you until you’re awake and breathing, I would. Without a doubt. You know what I thought? I thought that if I scared you enough, you’d come running back to me. Well, guess what? That was the most ridiculous bull I’ve ever thought up in my life. And I’m sorry for the day in the bathroom. I didn’t realise what you must’ve felt like afterwards, but all I had cared about was my goddamn stupid reputation which I don’t even give a about anymore, hell, I would throw everything away just for you to open those eyes. I miss your eyes. I miss you.

I miss you so, so much, Jungkookie. You’re everything to me, you know that? Can you hear me? Probably not. But whatever. I’ll still tell you this—I love you. More than anything, more than anyone. And I’ll tell you a ing lot more when you wake up, just you wait.

Day 2

Good morning, Jungkookie. How are you? , silly question. Here. I just hit myself. You know you still look hot with all those wires and that thing on your face? Sorry. I hit myself again, don’t worry.

So today I talked things over with the boys, except Taehyung, because everyone decided he would be better off not knowing the full story. Taehyung’s really emotional, you know that, and he loves you a lot. It would break him. But I’m worried he’ll work things out, Jungkookie. He’s so perceptive, and seems to understand things even Namjoon hyung can’t get his head around. Yoongi started yelling at me again, and I think he would’ve punched me or something but he calmed down at the last minute. He told me everything, about his past, and about how he had his own little Park Jimin in his life, and how that ed him up real bad.

I ed you up, too, didn’t I? Messed up your life? I don’t know what I’ve done, Jungkookie. They tell me you’d developed anorexia, depression. . If you let me, I’ll hold your hand through the whole thing. Stay by your side until you recover. I’ll love you forever, just please. Give me a second chance. As for school, don’t worry about that. You’re like, four years ahead of everyone in your year, four years ahead of my year, even. . You could just skip school and go straight to college or something. You’re so smart, Jungkook. I can’t believe you ever even considered me, back when I didn’t mess things up. You’re too good for me. You’re too good for anyone.

Day 3

Your parents are back from Jeju Island and they come to see you every day, for almost the whole day. They don’t know I’ve caused any of this, of course, but I still visit you when they’re gone. I sleep here beside you a lot, too. Don’t ask me why. Jihyun always cries when they have to leave, she misses you so much, Jungkookie. Come back to us, for her. Please.

Don’t kill me, but I went to see her. She’s like a little sister to me, please forgive me. I… I told her everything. Well, not everything, because that’s too much for a girl that young, but I tried to explain what I could. She understood—of course she did. She’s smarter than me, I think. Jihyun said that it was okay, that if you were awake, you would say it’s okay too. But I doubt she’d say that if she knew everything that had happened. I like spending time with her, because it feels like I’m with you. She looks so much like you, and she’s becoming so pretty. She’s going to break hearts when she’s older, I can assure you.

Today I helped her colour in her family picture for school. It was adorable, except one of your eyes is like, on top of your head. Also you have yellow hair, but that’s because I accidently broke the brown colouring pencil. She helped me make your favourite blueberry pancakes, too. Jihyun’s a right little woman, and she mixed that pancake batter up faster that I’d ever done it. Holy . She’s going to grow up to become a scary little motherer like you are. Crap, I didn’t mean that. She’s cute. Adorable. Fluffy. I watched Toy Story with her and I cried. Hey, don’t laugh at me! It’s sad, okay?

I’ve got to go now. My grandparents have come to visit and my mom keeps calling me to get home. I love you.

Day 14

Baby. I haven’t called you that in so long. , I miss it.

So your bruises have healed quite a lot. There’s still a few, especially that big scar down your face, but you look all tough and y with it anyway so don’t worry about that. Guess what? I grew a centimetre. That’s right, , I’m Yoongi’s height now! Trust me, I’m coming for you. When you wake up I’ll be towering over you, how’d you like that?

It was kind of awkward this morning because Ji-eun came to visit at the same time I did. She cried, said some bull about how she wished she knew what was going on in your life but she was on damned study leave. Whatever. She can’t have you anyway. Sorry, I don’t want to sound possessive. I still think of you as mine, but I don’t have the right, do I? it, I deserve about as much as that prick Hongbin.

About that… I told the school that all that stuff I said about you was fake, that I was just messing around and it was a prank that got out of hand. They’re all worried as hell about you now. Sometimes I come in and there’s groups of kids I don’t even know all fussing over you, bringing you flowers and cards. It’s weird, you know? But I don’t blame them. You’re ing precious, Jungkookie. Just get better, will you? Please. I don’t even care if you never speak to me again. I just want to see you healthy and ha