I have been wondering about the man that put my parent marriage in jeopardize for a long time. I am not a kid. I keep my eyes open wide about the problem in our family. They might never quarrel openly in public or in front of me For example. Always behind the door in their soundproof  bedroom I believe, but I can sense the bleak atmosphere everytime they were around each other, they tried hard to hide it from me but I wasn't dumb. They should knot that they can not fool kid with the highest IQ in his school.

Since that day. In my 10th birthday, the cemetery look like marriage turn even darker until that day, when I found mother in her bathtub drowning in her own blood. She eventually couldn't stand any longer. I never really understood their problem back then not until mother passed away. That Yunho name man that I heard once finally have a face and a body. He come to visit our house so bluntly. 

Staying with my father talking I don't know what for hours, I still couldn't grasp the reality of mother leaving me. I guess that's how your soul connect to your mother, you might be not close with them but knowing that they are there, you can see them when you want to and suddenly they were gone, and only grave your place to visit when you miss them. The feeling is so hollow, the immediate void in your chest appear and you don't know what kind of thing that can cover that coldness.

I attend my time with my psychiatrist to heal the "trauma" that I got from seeing my own mother horrible ending, they thought they can heal me. The wound that my parent sew in my heart everyday with their attitude. I have turn my heart into a stone. it couldn't be heal by a mere talk with a psychiatrist. I don't know if I will even be healed by this kind of trauma. The trauma of life.

That man, Jung yunho, he even became so bold, staying at hour house, Sleeping in the same room with my father, the very same room when my mother died.

It was that bad night when I dream about my mother, begging me to stop the bleeding from her wrist. She didn't want to die but she told me that my father ordered her to. She beg me to bring her back to life.

"I didn't want to die Taemin. Please help umma my baby". Mother's ghost drag her body from the bathtub. The water mix with blood dripping from her body when she stand on the pale white tiles of the bathroom floor. I step back slowly. Terrified by my mother reaching hand toward my direction.

"No. I don't know how. Please leave me alone" I tried to close  my eyes but the dreadful feeling that mother keep coming at me and my cold feet on the floor my body trembling. 

I screamed so loud, trying to make her go. I was a little bit relieved when I woke up, by my crying help also awoke the entire people in the house. father and yunho rushed to my room. father hugged me in his embarace and tried to calm me down, yunho sit at the other side, caressing my hair while his other hand reaching to my father back giving him comfort.

His presence makes my heart turn fragid. I despise this man so much. I want him to dissapear. I hold my father tightly and bury my face in his chest. 

"Papa is here baby. Papa is here. " father soothed me with his  babbling words. I don't know how long I stay like this in his embrace. When I woke up it was already morning.

Yunho always try to make a conversation with me when I was in the room with him,  I didn't show my dislike toward him openly. Damn me and my own training to conceal my true emotion, I couldn't even be mad at him when all I want to do is to scream at him and leave my family alone. 

It was father who also like to reach his hand toward yunho on the table when they ate. It was sickening to see how in love they are with each other. 

This is what I have been want to see from my father and mother. when I witness it the thing that impossible to even imagine my father would do to my mother to show his affection but he effortly do it with this man. I understand that love was never there between mom and dad. But love is here. Between them, I hate that love .

The nightmare That I dread the most form itself into reality, my silent for this whole year after mother died about their relationship made my father think that I didn't oppose about it. He told me that Yunho want them to stay with him. Stay, I know how it will lead. They want to declare their relatinship officially to everyone. I am a 15 years old boy. I am not a kid anymore. I know what it means. 

They will going to get married soon. Did father the one who killed mother? Or did Yunho do it all ? I start to doubt mother's death , I have read about all the speculations on the internet, If I didn't know how badly mother dealing with her life I might have believe all the nasty rumours on the internet.

Sadly I know my parent better than them. I know my father is not a murderer and I know my mother has alwasy had suicide tendency. But I don't know this man. This yunho man. Is he a criminal? Who obsessed with my father and evilly plotting a plan to get rid of mother to be with my father.

How long this