Jong Kook climbed the stairs of the staircase, slumping as he was further, losing strength in his legs. He finally stopped at the 16^th floor and looked down the spiral stairs. The massive height between the building and the ground tingle his eyes. He looked down there, holding onto the glass rail.

If I fall down there, would it hurt? How did Honey feel when she fell down there? Was she scared? Was she conscious? How badly was she hurt? Just… how badly?

*Flashback

She sat still as Jong Kook pat the ice on her foot, applying pressure on it. He looked up at her to see her eyes glued on him. The gaze in her eyes were soft, unaware.

He looked away in shyness but continue to tend her swollen feet.

“Why are you looking at me for? Haven’t seen a handsome man like me before?” Jong Kook tried to joke. The lady looked away in embarrassment and tried to move her feet.

He gripped onto it, “Tsk, stay still, it’s almost done.” He gently massage it with the ice pack in his strong hands, melting into the bucket. His heart beated faster and blood pressure rise. Was this the type of feeling girls feel for him?

After he finished massaging her feet, he put a towel around it, to pat the excess of water. Then he finally let go of her and walked away.

“It’s done. You can leave now, I won’t stop you.” Jong Kook pretended to busy himself with the equipment and left her alone too. As he walked behind the shelf into the locker room, he quickly closed the door and gripped his chest, trying to gasp for breath. He knocked his head on the back of the wall and tried to think properly.

He never felt this way before, although he was a playboy, he made sure to never let his feelings exposed or feel anything for any girl. Just who was she to make him nervous like this? He couldn’t stop questioning himself and took a cold shower, hoping that by the time he got, she would be gone.

After he finished his shower and dressed up, getting ready to leave the gym. He found her presence gone, none of her things were in the gym. A sense of relief flushed over him but a lingering of disappointment was there too. He frowned and was about to look away when he found a note on top of his gloves.

‘Thank you for the ice massage.’

A smile crept over his lips as he almost jumped in joy. He still didn’t know her name.

*Flashback to present

Jong Kook took in a deep breath before climbing the stairs again.

He was at their university gym building. The place he often went to when he was still younger, 12 years ago. Memories came back to him, how he laugh and walked the stairs back and forth with his buddies. How he climbed the stairs in joy to just catch sight of her with her friends on the opposite end every day. Oh how his heart pounded as he sees her smile and dimples poking out.

Who was that random girl that moved him? Not a gentle and fragile girl, but a strong and capable person. Someone who laughed for others but keep her shield and sword in front of him to show that they are not friends. He never apologized to her friend anyway. He would taunt her every time she came to spar and train against him, mocking her ability and skills.

There were days he would taunt her over the boundary to see how she would react. He tried to ignore her demeanor but when she stopped coming, he was worried and upset. He missed seeing her.

****

Jong Kook reached the top of the building and look out into the city’s building. He leaned on the rail of the tall building, remembering how it was. How his decision changed his life.

*Flashback

Kye Sang and Jong Kook leaned on the rail as the sun was setting on the horizon. Kye Sang was fidgety with the paper in his hand while Jong Kook was smoking.

“Yah, if you crumpled it anymore, I’m swear I’m going to ripped it apart.” Jong Kook threaten as Kye Sang was upset. His big nerdy glasses covered his eyes, quite an unusual sight because Kye Sang may look strong but when it comes to girls, he is really shy.

Kye Sang turned to him and pouted. “What should I do Hyung?”

Jong Kook grabbed the note in his hand and open it up to read. After reading the passage of long note Kye Sang had wrote, Jong Kook cringe.

“You call this a love confession?” Jong Kook crumpled the paper in his hand. Kye Sang screamed and pulled his hair in shock. He quickly pulled the paper away from Jong Kook’s hand and smooth it out.

“Don’t you know how long it took for me to write this?!” Kye Sang was hysteric and furious. “It’s a script of artwork.”

“Artwork my *ss. Is she your business partner?” Jong Kook interfered with Kye Sang again, purposely pointing to the paper and making it crumple again. “To Miss Lee, let’s trade. Our hearts are in vain, we live day by day and grow stronger. But according to the stock and economic rates, they too will also rise and fall and so will we. Therefore, I Yoon Kye Sang would like to request you for partnership to develop something that will not rise and fall. It was the day of university festival that I met you. It was the camp event that led us to stand in our common roots. Will you stand with me to make this common ground rise like clouds? Honey Lee, will you go out with me?”

Jong Kook started nagging as Kye Sang’s face turned pink and blush.

“Stop reading it.” He mumbled and pull the paper away. Jong Kook snatched it back and ripped it into pieces.

“Yah!” Kye Sang yelled and tried to stop Jong Kook. He could only grasp the teared pieces of paper. Jong Kook then pulled Kye Sang up and flop his glasses, messed up his hair and held his face firmly, making them look intently at each other.

“Be more suave, meet her and tell her your true feelings. Why? Because written scripts are too flat and sounds fake. She will think you are some kind of reckless wimp. Man up and wow her.” Jong Kook tried to sound as patriotic as possible and pitched his voice higher, sounding like a cartoon princess.

“You really think so?” Kye Sang looked at him with his puppy eyes.

“Of course, Hyung is an expert.” Jong Kook nodded quickly.

Kye Sang was star struck and took off his glasses. “You’re right. I’m a man.” Jong Kook nodded with him. He pushed Jong Kook away and went to the sidings and yelled out. “Hey you! The one in long hair and dimples. I- I like you!”

“That’s it, do it like that.”

“I like you!” Kye Sang yelled again, gaining confidence while Jong Kook cheered from the back. Kye Sang turned back and face Jong Kook.

“Uri Hyung!” He yelled.

“Uri Dongsaeng!” Jong Kook yelled back. They ran and hug each other and kept saying that to each other and laughing. Their voices grew higher and squeaky. When they finally pull away, Ji Hoon had arrived there with their snacks and his mouth agape.

Crickets were chirping with an awkward atmosphere. Why? They were acting like long lost lovers.

“Uh I think I came to the wrong place.” Ji Hoon walked away and disappeared from their sight. They just shrugged their shoulders and continue to hug. Ji Hoon ran back and parted them. “Yah! What about me? Huh? I want a hug too!” He came in and hug them both like a kid.

*Flashback to the present

Jong Kook stood at the siding ad look at the college version of them that vanished like the wind.

If I didn’t encourage you, she probably would’ve been mine now.

Someone walked to his side and puffed out a gust of smoke. Jong Kook immediately turned around to see Kye Sang standing not too far from him, smoking.

“I guess, I’m not the only one who comes here now” Jong Kook said and drink his water. Kye Sang nodded and handed him a cigarette but he shook his head. “I stopped smoking 8 years ago.”

Kye Sang nodded his head and only continue smoking. The atmosphere was quiet and awkward. Jong Kook peeked at Kye Sang, his face was sunken, his face was only healing better now but there were a few scars. His beard was unshaven and had grown, smelled of alcohol.

“It would have been better if I didn’t confess to her in the first place. That’s what you’re thinking right?” Kye Sang turned to look at him. Jong Kook only stared at him, he looked so pathetic right now. His wife was killed but he’s not doing anything. A sudden urge of madness ran in his adrenaline.

“You hate me, don’t you Jong Kook?” He asked before turning away to take another smoke. “Don’t look at me like that. It hurts my ego.” The cigarette burned quickly as Kye Sang intently on it.

Jong Kook clutched onto his water bottle so hard it was about to break. Ego? Jong Kook took one long glance at him, tons of questions run through his head but the silence was even more irritating as only the sound of the cigarette burning became louder.

The only person you’ve learned to love is gone because of you. And here, you talk about ego? Jong Kook reached behind his back for something then grabbed it out.

Kye Sang then did the same and they faced each other. Kye Sang was holding a gun while Jong Kook was holding a note. They both stood shock to see what they were each holding. Jong Kook’s eyes were fixed on the gun in Kye Sang’s hand.

Although he was surprised, he refused to let it show. Jong Kook walked toward him and held out the note. Kye Sang lowered his gun, the shock of his own actions bewildered him.

“Your confession letter to Honey 8 years ago, the one I tore up.” Jong Kook spoke without hesitation.

“Hyung, I-“ but Jong Kook walked away. Kye Sang was only left to stand agape with the letter in his letter. He didn’t mean to point the gun at Jong Kook, it was a reflex he head after Honey was captured and the others were hunting him down.

Jong Kook only hurried out of the building. He turned around to look up at the roof before getting out.

So in the end, you are going to kill all of us huh? Yoon Kye Sang, I didn’t think you were going to be like this… I was wrong, right from the beginning.

****

Jong Kook was in the gym with the weight lifters as his group of people were waiting for him. He didn’t want to scare anyone so he ordered them to stay outside of the gym and joined the public area where only celebrities and other people were put under high surveillance.

He was doing pull ups before he met another group of boybands who were also exercising. They were laughing and showing off to each other but were mindful of their actions. The sudden joking around turned quiet as the music boom through the gym and men were fanboying. As Jong Kook was about to finish his 50^th pull-up, he felt a poke on his back. He tried to ignore it as he was about to finish his routine but this time, the poke was harder.

Annoyed he stopped and turned around to see Bora crossing her arms in front of him in her gym wear. He only looked at her weirdly from head to toe. She had a nice figure but if he had to judge her based on her attitude, he would choose someone else over her any day.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, as if she owned the gym.

“Exercising, can’t you see?” Jong Kook turned around and continue his last 5 pull-ups. He felt someone tugging on his shorts, making him quickly let go of the bar and went to pull up his pants.

“Yah!” he shouted and people started looking at them. Then he whispered angrily at her, “Are you crazy?”

She only smirked and pushed him out of the way. “Get out of the way, others need to use the equipment too.” She stretched as Jong Kook only huffed in frustration.

“Do you own this gym?”

“I’m a member here. FYI, I’m a VIP member.” She emphasized and stated doing the pull ups. Jong Kook gather his things as she got down and put her hands on her hips. “Just so you know, FYI means for your information. In case you are too old.”

Jong Kook only smirked and inch toward her. The other guys were astounded seeing him with the famous Yoon Bora of Sistar.

He stopped as he reached his arm above her. Her eyes widen but Jong Kook’s smirk grew wider.

“W-what do you think you’re doing?” she hastily asked. Jong Kook only shrugged. “Are you trying to harass me?” She tried to push him away but didn’t want to draw attention to them.

“If leaning forward to get my towel while you are in the way is called harassment, then what would the event from the other night be called?” He asked her, Bora’s cheeks flushed pink as she had forgotten about it. “That event, what was it?” Jong Kook pretended to wonder. “Oh, a kiss.” He said louder. “That’s what it was. A kiss.” He loved to .

He inched closer and cowered over her and Bora’s shut her eyes as she felt his hot breath against her face. She was such a tease, a funny person to him. Though he saw her growing up with them 10 years apart, he had never thought about having any relationship of them together. He just liked to .

But in this moment, he was hesitated. The look she gave him reminded of the kiss from nights ago. He hasn’t felt this feeling for a long time, his heart started tumbling and his blood was rushing. He stopped himself and grabbed his towel from above her head.

“I’m not going to kiss you. You can open your eyes.”

Her eyes shot open yet they were still close. Bora quickly pushed him away as Jong Kook only chuckled. “Yah Kim Jong Kook!” then everyone looked at them. She bowed in embarrassment, apologizing.

He was about to turn away but turn back to see her. “Yah piglet Bora,” she shot her head up to look at him. “Just so you know, you’re not my type. Oh and about you talking about yourself, it’s TMI. I don’t even want to know about your assets.” He hooked the towel over his neck and walked away in satisfaction.

Then someone bumped into him. He caught her in his arms out of reflex. She got up and looked up at him and so did he.

“Clara?” Jong Kook choked out.

“Jong Kook oppa?” she asked as she got out of his arms.

“Hey Clara, it’s been so long.”

“Nneh oppa,” they greeted each other and hugged.

Clara was his ex-girlfriend from college, when he used her to forget Honey after he found out that Kye Sang confessed to her and she became his girlfriend. After going out with her for a while, Clara broke up with him after finding out the truth but remained friends with him, willing to be there for him whenever he needed her. She was always there for Jong Kook when there were group dinners between their friend’s get together after they graduated.

They stopped getting in touch after Jong Kook went to America. But here, they meet again. Was it fate?

Jong Kook was a little blown away when he released her but she still hugged him.

“Yah, if you hug me any longer, others might misunderstand us.” He chuckled.

“Can’t I just hug you because I miss you?” She asked cheerfully.

“What?” he blurted as she let go of him.

“Yah, not like that. I can’t even miss you now? How stingy. Of course I miss you. You suddenly disappear even without saying bye.”

“Well I-“

“Are you done here oppa?”

“Ah yes, why?”

“Let’s catch up for lunch. I’m hungry.”

“Keurae.” he patted her head as she hooked her arm over his and they joked around. Bora saw them leave together.

****

They sat together at the restaurant as the food came. Clara sat across from Jong Kook, now changed into a set of normal, stylish clothes while she was dressed in her denim shorts and black and white stitched pattern shirt and blazer.

Jong Kook picked out nutritious food for them as Clara only looked at him in awe.

“As always, you’re a real health fanatic now.” She clapped her hands.

“I have always been healthy.”

“Lies.”

“How do you know I’m lying? We just met today.”

“Exactly. You were a smoker when I met you 9 years ago.”

“Aish, really? Stop talking about the past.” Jong Kook nagged and started eating.

“So, what have you been up to the last 5 years?” She changed the subject.

“I’m doing well. The company is much better off now and profit is good. What about you?”

“I’m doing pretty well. I got a lot of modeling projects and a few films here and there.”

“That’s good then.”

“That’s it?” She asked.

“Why?”

“That’s all you have to say after 5 years? Aish, oppa.”

“What?” he looked up at her and smile. “What do you want me to tell you? Should I show you my accounting as well?”

“Really, you will? Then show me.” She took out her hand and he only chuckled, high fived her hand instead.

“In your dreams.” She stick out her tongue as he told her off and they continued eating. They talked about business, work, and family. After lunch was finished, they walked over by the Han river.

Jong Kook felt relieved, as if time had stopped for a while. Although he had wronged her many times, she was a true friend to him. Being the player and broken-hearted person he was years ago and today, she had always sided with him and made him comfortable, like a little sister.

 “Oppa.” Clara called him as they stopped at the wooden sidings.

“Hmm?”

“I heard about it.”

“About what?”

“About Honey unnie and Kye Sang oppa. Everything.” Jong Kook had avoiding that topic with her, he actually forgot about it for a while too. The sudden reminder made him flushed back into serious mode.

“Who told you?”

“Ji Hoon oppa.” She answered.

Ji Hoon? Why would Ji Hoon tell her?

“Don’t blame him. He was drunk when he told me.”

“Aish that kiddo.” Jong Kook pinched his forehead. Clara touched his arm and patted it.

“Jong Kook oppa.” 

“Hmm?” his head was down as his head throbbed.

“Can you please look at me?” he reluctantly turned to her. Jong Kook felt hot tears forming in his eyes. “Jong Kook oppa.” her voice became softer. He raised his head to look at her. His eyes became red and dark, the softness and playful vanished.

Clara stepped up and caressed his cheek with her hands. “It is alright.” she assured him as she looked into his eyes. “You’ve been through so much, oppa.” Jong Kook looked up at her as the hot tears streamed down without his consent.

“Clara-ah…” he called her.

“Yes?” she asked patiently. Then he hugged her and rested his head on her shoulder. The hug was long as Jong Kook could only remember those feelings as it came back to him. Clara was about to pull away but he held her still.

“Please!” he begged, “Please…. stay still for a minute. No, 30 seconds. Just 30 seconds.”

Clara stopped and let him hug her as she patted his back. After a few minutes has passed by, Jong Kook then let go of her and wiped his tears dry. He took in deep breaths and finally shouted to the river as the sun beamed the light that reflected it at them.

“Can you forgive him?” Clara asked.

“What?” Jong Kook turned around to face her.

“I’m asking you, can you forgive Kye Sang oppa?”

“Even you?” he was upset, “Even you are asking me this question? Clara, I thought you understood me…”

“I do.”

“Then how can you ask me that-“

“Jong Kook oppa. Although it was his fault, he didn’t mean for it to happen.”

Jong Kook clenched his fist.

“Why is everyone taking his side?!” he finally blew up. “I know he didn’t mean for it to happen. I keep convincing myself to stop blaming him. But-“

“Then why are you hurting him too oppa? He lost his wife and child. Now only his sister is his family left. How would you feel if it was you?”

“He disregarded her safety-“

“What about you?!” she finally raised her voice at him. “Why did you choose to run away? If you were here, he could have told you about his idea then you could have stopped him.”

“I was ready to forgive him but do you know what he did to me today? He drew a gun at me! His eyes were deadly and full of darkness. He wanted to shoot me!”

She shut up and only loos at him with her eyes wide. Jong Kook kicked the siding shouted in anger and cooled down.

“Jong Kook oppa, I-“ she ran her fingers through her hair.

He took in a deep breath, “The underground world is warping him around its hand. I know… I shouldn’t have done those things to him at the funeral and I shouldn’t be mad because I was the one that let her go to him. I know that I have no right to linger anymore feelings for her whether she is alive or dead anymore. But I…” He pointed to his chest. “This part of me can’t forget her. I-I… I never got the chance to confess to her nor to see her for the last time. How can I move on like this?”

Clara hesitantly raised her hand to his shoulder.

“I have no right. No right at all, I know it well Clara. But I can’t pretend it was an accident nor can I live with this guilt for the rest of my life.” He was choking on tears.

“We will always long for the one we can’t have.” Clara replied. “Confess to her then. No matter how mad you are, you should think of it positively. If you are like this, can you imagine how much pain Kye Sang is going through? Bring him back if you must. Isn’t that what friends do? Open your heart up and be the bigger person and I promise you, tomorrow will be a better day.” She gripped his shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his back and leaned on his shoulder as he fought back his tears and they watched the water streamed.

Can I forgive him? Can I ever forget this ever happened?

****