And that was how our weekend lasted, loads of confessions and too many kisses here and there to ever be not sinful. We spent everyday lying around different corners of that small cabin and we spent some of the day trying to cook something different and we spent some minutes laughing about stupid things and it was if everything was okay.

It was as if one of my dreams from high school had taken on in real life and I tired to enjoy it.

I tried to enjoy it because it was what I wanted. I was happy.

But those few times that Jungkook called to see how I was doing, or the times he texted me to see if I had eaten yet; those were the times that I remember most.

Guilt was eating me alive.

But I was selfish and I set that aside.

I wanted to feel this happiness for a little longer.

So on the last day of our mini vacation, I suggested to him, “Let’s go to the water fall.” Since the rain had stopped finally, and the sun was fresh and bright we had to go out.

“Sure,” he said as he packed some food for our last day out.

And we walked to the waterfall with our fingers interlaced and smiles on our faces. I could remember feeling my cheeks hurt a bit since I Was smiling and laughing too much that day. I truly wanted to make the best of it.

We spent the whole day splashing through the waterfalls small lake.

He joked around with me sometimes but sometimes he held onto my waist and tickled me then held on for a little longer with a tight hug that only made my heart flutter fast than it was already fluttering.

He lifted me up high to toss me through the waters and I only had to try to lift him up for some payback.

We played in the water and ate lunch on the rocks nearby. And as the sun was setting and we were heading back for the long drive back home, I had a serious conversation with him that I should’ve had from the first time he kissed me.

On that walk back, when he was holding onto my hand, I said to him, “Taehyung,” as I slid my hand out of his, “I can’t be doing this anymore.”

I remember how confused he was. “What do you mean?”

“Jungkook will be waiting for me when we get back,” and as much as it hurt me to do, I continued walking even though Taehyung had stopped in his tracks.

And when he regained some sense in himself, with hurried steps to catch up with me, he grabbed my arm.

“You were serious about him, Hale?” I had never seen that kind of expression on his face before.

But how could be question me like that when he apparently had someone waiting for him too?

“Why wouldn’t I be serious about Jungkook?” I asked him.

He threw our things on the dirt we were walking on and threw his hand in the air.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe I thought you weren’t being serious considering how you let me kiss you?”

But I didn’t have anything to say back to that. I just continued walking.

I didn’t want to leave like this but I had thought it through.

I let myself have my little dream come true but I had someone waiting for me that didn’t make me wait so long. I had someone that wanted me and it was someone who wasn’t afraid to take me then and there.

I had done wrong to Jungkook and I had planned to make it better.

The guilt running through my veins couldn’t take it and though it was my fault for falling into this terrible circle of one versus the other, I also had to be the one to fix myself of the confusion.

I made my decision and after that conversation, Taehyung and I were never the same.

~

It’s been three days since I’ve gotten back from that trip.

And on the third day back, I told Jungkook about what happened on that trip.

He was livid. He was hurt, and I had seen how his eyes changed a bit when he looked at me.

We fought for days, maybe even weeks. But now the exams were over and summer had fallen on us college students and now he had to make his decision, whether to forgive me or to end it since we wouldn’t have any reason to see each other anymore.

But regardless of how angry he was at me, he still had come to get me every morning for school and we still spent lunches with me.

He had never said a word but he had never once left me alone.

But he forgave me, luckily.

Slowly we fell back into our normal swing of things. He often came over to spend the night and he never brought up Taehyung again.

Neither of us talked about him again actually.

I didn’t even know if I had a reason to.

I never saw him.

~

Taehyung was never home anymore. After that weekend, he disappeared. I only heard him move about in his room on the rare occasion that he was home. Or sometimes I would hear the water running from the bathroom that we sill shared.

After that weekend he never bothered to answer my text messages. The countless times I had apologized to him.

And I didn’t even know why I had to apologize since he also had a girl.

And I know he did too.

He had made that very clear to me.

Since I would sometimes heard him and some girl making noises in the middle of the night.

And I could smell her perfume seeping through the cracks of my door as if to knock me senseless with the amount she sprayed on her for the night.

“Oh, Taehyung!” I heard giggling through the walls of the small apartment. The very same apartment we had once agreed to never let anyone else stay over in.

And I’d hear him trying to muffle her laugh as he made jokes with her.

They’d stumble into the house at late hours of the night, smelling like alcohol and cigarettes. And you could tell they’d been drinking for a while since it was strong enough for me to smell from my room.

But it wasn’t just her. It was an Amy, and a Tiffany, Jessica, Lauren, and that list went on and on.

But he never listened when I asked him things. He always ignored me and walked away when I asked him if he could stop them from being so loud.

He always pushed me aside whenever I tried to get his attention.

And that’s how we stopped talking.

I couldn’t help but feel like I broke him somehow. I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault he was out late and it was my fault he was never home.

I wanted to know how he was doing in school since he never seemed to be going anymore. Or the band he was in, were they still doing good? Or his family? I hadn’t had the chance to visit home in so long since he never wanted to talk about anything.

That’s how our once happy conversation became shushed and silent.

~

“Can I sleep over tonight?” Jungkook was lying at the edge of my bed on a Monday during that summer.

“Well…” I didn’t make eye contact with him.

“Well?” He asked me.

I didn’t want to tell him that he shouldn’t stay since Taehyung would be coming home. He usually only comes home on Mondays and Thursdays.

“I don’t think tonight it good?”

“Please? I can’t stay any other day since I’m leaving for the family vacation this week,” he rolled over to me with his big puppy dog eyes and I let myself smile at him.

I gave in and though I was nervous for what could happen, I let him stay the night.

We made dinner together and watched an action movie in the living room, the whole time I was looking towards the clock and listening for Taehyung’s car.

My mind wasn’t in the movie or into the boy who had his arm over my shoulders fingers brushing against my arm.

“That was a great movie!” Jungkook stretched his arms out and made a grunting noise.

“It was,” I said, and in the corner of my eye, I saw headlights pull up to the building.

“Want to watch another one?” he started flicking through the channels.

“How about we just wash up for bed really quick,” I grabbed the remote to turn the TV off.

“Oh, well okay,” Jungkook wiggled his eyebrows at me and I couldn’t help but laugh at bit.

I could hear footsteps coming towards the door and I froze as I heard the key unlock the door and I didn’t look towards it but I knew he was there.

“Hi,” Jungkook said to him with a straight face.

There was no reply. There were no more footsteps.

And with seemingly long seconds passing by, the door closed and locked back up and the footsteps made their way away from me.

“Let’s wash up,” Jungkook pulled me from my frozen state and I let him.

Jungkook had forgiven me since he knew how broken Taehyung had become since everything happened. I was actually grateful for how forgiving he was. He ignored anything that had to do with him and he actually made me fall a little bit in love with him, just a bit.

After that small tensed scene the night played out like it nothing happened.