Jungkook was my sanity. He kept me sane. He showed me the wonderful things in life that I had missed out on before.

He showed me what real friendship was. He gave me amazing friends actually. He gave me friends that I basically considered family.

Namjoon, Suga, Jin, all these boys were my saviors.

They gave me laughter filled days and they never left me alone for a second. Endless group texts and video chat rooms filled with them fighting and arguing about dumb things.

Jungkook was the reason I could laugh freely. He turned me from being the lonely girl in class to the girl who was happy whenever and wherever.

Jungkook was constantly reminding me of how lucky I really was with him. That self-complimenting dork never let me forget how great he is.

But I would never deny how wonderful he is.

I could never.

He’s the best.

He would show me off like I was the best thing in the world.

In front of pretty girls that were obviously swooning over his model like face, he would wrap his arm around my waist. Did he know they were looking? Or was he just always like this? Both maybe.

This amazing guy would buy me food; like every single day. What girl wouldn’t love a guy that comes with food too?

And I did love him too.

And that was the problem.

I loved him.

And at this point I realized it too.

That I also loved Taehyung.

I probably almost never stopped.

I seriously ed myself over.

~

There was just one flaw about him, one flaw that I hadn’t yet completely understood.

One day, I had spent the night over at Jungkook’s place. He shared it with the other boys and it was the first time I had come over; though we had been dating for this long already, I didn’t know why it had taken so long for them to invite me over.

“Welcome to our lovely home!” The boys yelled as I walked through the front door.

Their place was really nice too! The living room was nicely decorated and neatly, everything seemed to have its place.

“Wow,” I gave an exasperated sigh, “This place is beautiful!”

“We know,” Jin laughed cockily.

I shoved his shoulder and laughed, “You must’ve had someone help you make it look this good. It looks too mice or you guys to have decorated it.”

 I joking said this but everyone seemed to look away from me at the moment.

The laughter faded and they all just walked to the next room of the house.

I ignored that and just went along with them.

They eased up again, much to my relief.

The night was nice; dinner and a couple board games later, Jungkook wanted to get me home cause it was getting late.

And something weird happened again.

“Bye, Curly!” Suga called out.

But it was like he didn’t mean to say it because again everything became quiet.

And he never called me that.

Who was this ‘Curly’?

I was too afraid to ask Jungkook. He seemed to tense after that.

There was always something fishy about the group of boys.

They didn’t hang out with any other girls than me, any of them really.

~

“I need to ask you something,” I said to Jungkook.

We were at an ice cream parlor down the street from my place. This place served some kickass soft serve.

“Sure,” he said while away at his cone.

“There’s thing I don’t know about you, right?” I asked. I kept my eyes on him. I could see him stiffen.

“Why?”

“No. I don’t want to know what it’s about. I just want to know if there is really something,” I said.

After a long pause.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, there’s something?”

“Yeah.”

“Will I know about it?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he avoided my eyes.

“That doesn’t make me happy. I’m even more curious now.”

“Don’t be.”

~

“Hey,” Taehyung stuck his head through the crack I left open at the door of my room.

He was home even earlier this night.

“Hi,” I looked up from my laptop at him.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said and scooted over a bit on my bed to make room for him.

“Movie?” he asked.

“Scary?” I offered.

“Of course.” He smiled and came through the door with some popcorn.

We had been doing this for weeks now. Everyday, Taehyung would come into my room, earlier and earlier every single day.

He had been going out less and he didn’t smell of smoke anymore. Things had been looking up finally. Could I finally get my best friend back?

I felt terrible. But I also felt happy. The conflicting feelings inside me were ripping me apart. To love or to not love? To leave or to not leave? To leave one or to leave the other?

One had been there from the start and had never really told me he loved me till it was too late. Another one had told me his feeling in such short amount of time and he drove me crazy whenever we were together.

What a crazy girl I am.

The movie was barely reaching half way but I could help my heavy lids from closing. I snuggled closer to Taehyung who was beside me.

This happened often in these weeks. He let me do it too.

I wonder what he thought about me.

He knew I was still was Jungkook. He was actually home enough to see Jungkook come pick me up and drop me off now.

Taehyung seemed to slowly be home more often to witness all of this.

Was him changing back to his old ways a sign that he’s gotten over me?

But we were sleeping with each other every night.

God, I was confused.

But it seemed okay at the moment.

I felt Taehyung kiss the top of my head.

We did that often too.

We kissed.

And we never discussed anything of it.

We just parted way in the morning when one of us became busy.

I was a terrible person.

But strangely, I grew okay with that.

~

The sun rolled up the next day and I woke up in Taehyung’s arms again.

This was my insanity.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he smiled and stretched next to me.

“Morning,” I let myself smile at him.

“School’s starting again next week,” he said.

“Are you ready?” I asked him. His hand was playing with stray strands of my hair that managed to stretch over to his pillow.

“As ready as I can be.” He laughed. His laugh was back. Things felt right again.

“Good,” I smiled.

A little drabble later he scooted closer to me.

Hi arms pulled me into his chest, my nose against it, my arms automatically coiling into myself, his chin on top of my head and our feet completely in disarray.

“Hailey,” he said, his voice was giving off a vibration and I could feel it on my head, giving me shivers down to my arms.

“Yeah?” I could hardly let out.

“Can I we talk about this yet?”

“Sure, I think we should.”