I sat there, uncomfortable. Whenever this lady look so calm, it unnerves me. The irony and I’m just that moron.  ‘You know I mean no harm.’ She speaks in a cautionary tone. It was as if I was the fragile glass. Just who is she? ‘I want to help.’ She states softly but with a firm tone, like she is convinced she is some sort of second coming. Looking at her eyes filled with sincerity, ‘I want to go.’ I then turned to leave. Who gives two flipcharts what the old man wants. I own this damn place. The roof over his head, even the stupid ant trap he made me place in every random corner of this café, I own this place.

‘You can’t keep smoking and thinking all is fine.’ She calls out as I took my strides away from the lady I had underestimated. My guards are up and I learnt my lesson. That sheep that calls out is actually a wolf capable of spinning my web loose. Out of sight, out of mind, that it the phrase I hold dear and live by.

Hence, I reached the house; the house that I purchase from outsmarting human nature with logic and sound theories. If I want to smoke, I can cause I own this stupid flesh. I waved the white bloody flag that I am up today and breathing. I just own this, so if I want to smoke, I do. I will smoke until there is smog and breathing becomes the next best alternative. I cursed and conjured my own rendition of a sailor’s mouth as the shoes came off before I stepped into my apartment. Exhausted from all the damn frustrations, I slump onto my bed without a shower.

I lied there. Looking at the ceiling light just being there. Noticing that the discounted painters of last year weren’t half as bad. The smoothness of the white finishing made them deserve a half clap. I should be better than being a half corpse. At least I got the unhygienic part partially right. We all take the small victories that we can. This shall be no different. 

So I kept looking at the ceiling. So I kept just lying there. In my mind, I traced something. In reality, what I was doing is essentially nothing. Maybe the one thing that I can truly own is nothing. No clock ticking. No surrounding sounds of the night heard. There was silence in nothing. No peace in solace, just a mind attempting to grasp at something. Indeed I own nothing.

‘Unnie.’ A timid voice peers through. I know I heard the voice but it didn’t seem important. ‘Unnie.’ It calls again. May it please not matter? I am basking in the one truth, which I own. ‘Unnie!’ the voice boomed and echoed around the four walls. The body naturally rose. Hyejin is standing by the door. We held each other gaze. Neither of us said anything. She continues to stare. I wonder what my eyes were conveying? Was there nothing she could see? Is that why she just kept on staring?

I took a pillow from behind and flung it at her. She calmly took a step away and let its fluff pathetically hit the floor. Hyejin then picks it up and took steps towards me. She gently placed the pillow on the bed and sat beside me. Gently, she guides me back to lying down on the bed. It somehow didn’t matter that I had not showered. Instead of retracting her arms, she cuddles me.

‘Do we hate her?’ she ask as I became the stick, which she hugs. ‘Maybe.’