Forks lightly scrap and poked flesh of the grilled mackerel. Spoons hit the radish stew in a subtle manner. We ate in this silence. Ajusshi just eating and chewing, Hyejin and Wheein exchanging gazes, while I ignored everything I could observe. Dinner is important. This useless atmosphere, like oxygen, can just exist and be around. 

‘Erm….’ Hyejin made a noise. Only Wheein had a micro-shift in her eyes. The intended audience, the main actress, and director of this dumb play, continued with our respective sips and chews. I gazed up at her and her opened mouth shuts. Words are tiring. The whole affair of putting thought into tangible words for someone else to receive the noise I made and then process it to be a perception is exhausting. I’m worn out. Ajusshi’s line to face her and speak to an outsider about my issues is draining me flat. 

I heard a chair moved. Facing the source of the noise, I looked at his tired eyes. At how somehow his little head thinks he is right. Yet at the same time, his gaze had the gentleness, which indicates his concerns for the broken.  ‘Erm…’ this time it was Wheein who made a noise. Still, neither of us turned. 

Just then, the main glass door opens and closes. All 4 pairs turned to see a panting goldfish tidying her hair.  ‘I’m….’ she doesn’t finish the greeting when her tiny mind finally could process all eyes being on her.  ‘Welcome back.’ Ajusshi greets in a sweet tone. ‘Please don’t forget your session with Moonbyul.’ He smiles and brings his bowls back to the kitchen. 

She doesn’t reply. Her head simply nods. It was firm. It was an affirmative nod. Under what obligation is this situation continuing. How did this goldfish raise beyond the main actress? How dare she! The frustrations of her existence build within me. Is the purpose of this play to make me overly angry till I murder once more?

I glare at his feeble back through the service window. The little movement of his shoulder blades as he washes the dishes. That old man appearing so harmless yet so determined to drive me insane. Without Ajumma’s presence, maybe our methods may only be of the extreme. This wall separating us. A single rectangle providing me what appears to be my probable future. He means well. He, like I, meat well. I grit my teeth as somehow my thoughts had extinguished my anger.

With a high pitch landing of a utensil on the wooden floor, I had to cut short my inner dialogue. As my eyes identified it to be spoon which had landed, I perceived my ugly look of pettiness being reflected at me. ‘Unnie…?’ Hyejin calls as she picks up her spoon. ‘You alright?’ she whispers with eyes consumed with worries. ‘Yea.’ I straightened up in my seat. ‘Lost in thoughts’ I stated and she didn’t probe further. 

The goldfish now sits opposite me. Her eyes no longer reflected that confidence. It now reflects the warmth of the meal. How do such harmless eyes bring out all the rage in me? Just who is she and why do I have this absurd feeling that all of this was a part of Ajusshi’s play. Am I that clueless? Am I that great of a method actress of my own life? 

I can feel the slow cracks forming as my mind races to break the dam of never-ending questions. ‘We hate her.’ I said to Hyejin. A Hyejin that had hit paused with a mouth full of food. ‘I need you to not choke.’ I flatly stated before resume to chewing. Upon her last gulp, she turns to face the goldfish. An awkward smile forms and her eyes met mine once more. ‘Erm… ok. I got it…’ the open-ended tone of that sentence, I didn’t appreciate. ‘Thus, I will do your dishes too.’ 

Then, she laughs in the most awkward manner.  ‘Wheein will help.’ She grabs Wheein’s left wrist. ‘Enjoy your dinner.’ With that short exit line, When was grabbed and gone. 

In their place, Ajusshi simply places the two annoying timers on the table. ‘She eats first and then you speak. I’m tired so I will be going up now.’ He says his lines perfectly. If he wasn’t that old, if I didn’t care for him, if it wasn’t wrong, I would have at least slapped him once. Instead, I sat rooted to the chair and watched him depart the scene. ‘Have a good night.’ she called out to him in a polite manner with the undertone of sincere good wishes for him. She must had been planted. Their relationship couldn’t have possibly blossomed that quickly. 

‘How long since you first stepped into Café Le Beau?’ I asked. ‘Nearly a week, I believe.’ She answers without halting her actions. Where had that nervous lady I first met disappear to? ‘Are you taking the initiative tonight?’ She questions. ‘I just wanted to get my facts in order.’ I replied in a factual manner. I watched as she comfortably ate under my observation. Despite the lack of continuation of our 3 sentence conversation, watching this lady eat has mysteriously managed to calm me down.

A soft tap on my shoulder. ‘Unnie…may we speak?’ I blankly looked at Hyejin’s face. ‘Outside. Please.’ with that I saw her y strut away. An actress without the knowledge of the script is being dragged along her play. Intellect clearly not a strength of this actress.