“Do you know what it’s like to be in love?”

The caretaker straightened, startled. She glanced over at Chanhee, surprise gracing her features.

“Um, no sir, not yet.”

“Hm,” he mused, settling back onto his pillows, “It’s a wonderful feeling.”

“I can imagine.”

Chanhee sighed wistfully.

“I remember when I first met Jonghyun. We were young back then, and stupid. We both thought it was just a summer fling. And it was, for a little while.”

“What happened?”

The caretaker flitted around the room, cleaning, but urged him on. She was intrigued.

“We separated for a few years. I never thought… well, I never imagined he was the one I’d be spending my life with. The awkward, chubby-faced kid with big dreams.

When I saw him again, a few years later, it was like being struck by lightning. It was like love at first, completely instantaneous.”

“That sounds so sweet.”

Chanhee laughed.

“Not really. He was waiting on the other side of the street, and I almost got run over by several cars trying to reach him.

As soon as I got over there and embraced him, it was like he never left. It just felt right, you know?”

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” she pressed on.

“Oh, where would I start? He was amazing and infuriating and cheeky and an absolute pain in the . And he was all mine.

I think we met for the first time on the beach. He ran over and kicked sand all over me. I chased him around and then he tackled me into the water to stop me. And then he ran away. I can still hear his cackling.”

The caretaker stifled a laugh behind her hand.

“Like I said, infuriating.”

He reached for his glass of water with weak hands. She hurried to his side and helped him drink.

“I met him properly later, at the bonfire. I don’t know how I got so confident, perhaps I was drunk on sunshine and ocean spray, but I went straight up to him. And he smiled. God, how I miss that smile. It was still beautiful, even after all these years, even after we grew old.”

Chanhee smiled longingly.

“I sat down. We talked. We shared a beer. I remember the heat of the fire washing over us, and the way his eyes glowed amber in the light. He told me he wanted to be a dancer, I told him I wanted to sing, which I never revealed to anyone before. I think I may have kissed him.”

She sat down beside him.

“Was it love?”

“I wouldn’t have called it love yet. Infatuation, maybe.”

He chuckled.

“If only I had known how we would end up… I would have begged him to stay with me that summer.”

“He left?”

“We spent a handful of days together. I knew he was only vacationing there for a few days. He never meant to find love, neither did I, so it was a little hard to part ways.”

“At least you found each other again.”

“Yeah,” Chanhee clasped his hands together, “I couldn’t believe my luck. A few years had passed by then, and all I had was a face and the memories. No phone number, no address. And suddenly there he was.”

“It must have been fate.”

“Must have,” he grinned, “The first thing I asked him was if he was still dancing. His face lit up and he practically dragged me to his dance studio.”

His fingers danced across the bedsheets.

“I wish I could show you how he looked. The way he moved… it captivated me. It still did, even when we were old and wrinkly and he couldn’t quite move like he used to.”

She giggled.

“After he was done, he sat down beside me and asked how I still remembered that about him. I told him I never forgot him, which I guess I never did. He smiled, and it was still as beautiful as ever. Then he asked me if I was still singing.”

She smiled.

“He still remembered you.”

“He did. So I sang for him. And this time, he was the one to kiss me.”

“Was that when you got the tattoo?”

“Actually, no. It was later that evening, when we ordered takeout. We ate sitting on the floor of the studio. It was gross and humid and kinda rank, but it’s honestly one of my favorite memories because as I was watching Jonghyun shovel piles of food into his mouth, I felt it. The heat, the fire. It engulfed me. And suddenly, there it was, on my arm, in all its glory.”

“How did he react?”

“He stared at me with his mouth open, hallway done with his chewing. I told him he was disgusting.”

He wrinkled his nose. She laughed.

“Did he get yours too?”

Chanhee grinned.

“It’s actually quite sweet. He admitted he’d had mine since the day we said goodbye, all those years ago.”

“Wow, it’s like the plot of a cheesy romantic comedy. With the long lost love and everything.”

“Yeah, I guess we did get our happy ending, didn’t we?”

She cooed.

“We celebrated 50 years of marriage, did you know that? 50 years! Spent almost 6 decades with that man. We got angry, we fought, we yelled, but even after all that, we still loved.”

Chanhee toyed with his wedding ring.

“Where is he now?”

He smiled sadly.

“Not here. He’s waiting for me, on the other side.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry,” she apologized frantically, I didn’t realize…”

“It’s fine, no need to feel bad,” he shook his head, “It was inevitable. At least I’m getting a few years of break from his nagging.”

His tone was teasing and his smile was light, but his eyes shone with sadness. The caretaker opened to speak, but her words were interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

Chanhee smiled once he recognized who was behind the door. Changhyun walked in, slowly pushing the wheelchair Byunghun was sitting in. They both grinned when they saw him.

The caretaker took his as her cue to leave. She rose from the bedside and bid Chanhee goodbye.

“Thank you for telling me your story,” she murmured.

“Thank you for listening,” he tilted his head.

She straightened his blanket carefully before leaving. He turned his attention to the two men.

“Changhyun, Byunghun, my old friends, how are you?”

Changhyun rolled the other over to his side and took a seat next to him.

“We’re just fine. How about you?”

“Still the same as ever,” he glanced over at Byunghun, “The legs not doing well today?”

“No,” he shook his head, “Couldn’t stand up this morning.”

Chanhee frowned, worried.

“Why did you come then? You should have stayed home and rested.”

“It’s fine,” Byunghun waved his hand, “Actually, we came because we have something to give you.”

“Oh?”

“We were clearing out some boxes yesterday and we stumbled upon some of our old pictures. You know, the trips all 6 of us used to take together?”

“How could I forget?” Chanhee chuckled, “It was the best part of growing up.”

“Well, we found the keepsakes.”

Changhyun handed him and envelope. He opened it with frail fingers.

“There are for you. We could have given them to you another day, but… time isn’t very forgiving.”

His words hung in the air for a moment. Chanhee knew what he meant. He could honestly say that it wasn’t death he was scared of, but rather the thought of not knowing when it would come.

He lifted the flap of the envelope and pulled out the photographs inside. He thumbed through them carefully, remembering and rediscovering the best years of his life. He stopped once he he’d flipped through them all. The picture at the top of the pile was one of him and Jonghyun, standing arm in arm, bright smiles plastered on their faces. He brushed his thumb over Jonghyun.

“Thank you, guys, really. This is great,” he sniffed.

“Hey, you okay?” Byunghun patted his hand.

Chanhee nodded, lifting a hand to his face to blot his tears.

“You really miss him, huh?”

“How could I not?”

He couldn’t tear his gaze away from the photo in his hands.

“You know he visits me in my dreams sometime?”

“Yeah? What does he say?”

“He says he misses me. He says he wants to see me again. But lately, his face hasn’t been that clear. I’m scared… I’m afraid I might be forgetting his face. So this means a lot to me.”

He shuffled the photos.

“I’m so sorry, Chanhee.”

“It’s okay,” he cleared his throat, “It’s not so bad. I still have his tattoo.”

Changhyun tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“When I pass my hand over it, it’s like the haze clears, and I can remember him clearly for a few seconds. But it never lasts.”

There was a brief silence. Changhyun grabbed onto Byunghun’s hand and squeezed lightly. Chanhee stared down at their intertwined hands and smiled wistfully,

“So,” he changed the subject, “Have you visited Minsoo yet?”

“No, we were going to, after this. Is he doing any better?”

Changhee sighed.

“He isn’t doing any worse. He still has his bouts of memory loss. Last time I paid him a visit, he didn’t recognize me.”

“Has he forgotten Niel, too?”

“Most of the time he doesn’t remember anybody. Sometimes he has good days and it seems like he’s almost back to normal. But on the bad days… I think he remembers Niel’s name, because every time I mention him, it triggers some kind of reaction. Besides that though, it doesn’t seem like his memory is improving.”

Byunghun bowed his head. The mood in the room suddenly turned bleak.

“Go see him, guys. I haven’t been able to for a while. I think he needs some company.”

Changhyun stood up.

“We’ll go now.”

Chanhee watched him grip onto the wheelchair and roll Byunghun away from the bed.

“It was nice seeing you again, Chanhee. We’ll come visit again soon.”

“Please do,” he waved weakly, “Thanks again for the pictures.”

They were almost out the door when Chanhee spoke again.

“Wait, guys,” he called out.

They turned.

“Do me a favor, will you? Pass a hand over Minsoo, remind him of Niel, at least for a little bit.”

Changhyun nodded.

“Will do. Goodbye, Chanhee.”

They shut the door quietly behind them. He listened to the squeaking of the wheels and the soft footsteps go down the hall. Once all was silent again, he settled back down onto his pillows and sighed, closing his eyes.

 

Jonghyun was waiting for him in his dreams again. Everything was bright here, almost ethereal-looking. Jonghyun didn’t even look old anymore, he had aged backwards to that day, decades ago at the dance studio, when they talked the night away, with soda prickling their lips and grease coating their fingers.

Chanhee asked him how it worked once.

“You see me like this because that particular moment held symbolism. You got my tattoo that night, didn’t you?”

Chanhee nodded, then scrunched up his face in horror.

“Oh god, does that mean I look like the teenage version of me?”

Jonghyun laughed and shook his head.

“No, I can control what version of you I want to see.”

“So what do I look like now?”

“Right now? You look like you on the day we got married.”

Chanhee had blushed at that.

On this particular day, Jonghyun was waiting for him with a flower.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hey.”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before stepping forward. He held out the flower and Chanhee reached out to take it, expecting it to dissolve into nothing before he could touch it. He hadn’t been able to touch anything in his dreams all this time, not even Jonghyun. But to his surprise, his fingers curled easily around the stem.

He looked up at Jonghyun in shock. The other stared back at him, his expression a mixture of joy and longing.

“What—“

Jonghyun reached out to him then, and for the first time since his death, Chanhee felt his arms wrap around him. His breath caught in his throat.

“Finally,” Jonghyun murmured, his lips pressed into his hair.

Chanhee brought his arms up shakily and embraced him, squishing fistfuls of his shirt in his hands. He breathed deeply.

There was a bright light.

And then nothing.