There were a lot of things Niel would tell Changhyun. They were best friends after all. Niel told him about his biggest, most ridiculous and unattainable dreams, his deepest regrets, his most epic fantasies. Changhyun did the same. There were no secrets between them. At least, not until now. 

Niel never thought there would be a day where he would lie to Changhyun. But here he was now, eyes averted, lips dry, telling him something other than the truth. It hurt, it really did. 

“Don't you love anyone?” Changhyun asked, curious. 

“No, no one,” Niel looked away. 

Changhyun nudged him playfully. 

“Come on, I know you better than that. That's your 'I'm lying' face. Tell me.”

Niel shook his head. 

“Why not?” Changhyun was whining now. 

“Because it's you,” Niel thought, “Because I'm scared. Scared of screwing up everything. Of you hating me. Of ruining our friendship. And losing you is just not worth it.”

“Because there's no one.”

Niel liked seeing Changhyun smile. It was a smile that lit up his whole face, and it warmed his heart. It made it beat faster too, but Niel would never admit that. He especially liked it when Changhyun smiled because of him. It was almost stupidly easy to achieve that. 

Niel made bad jokes, acted dramatically and developed a wonderful talent for storytelling, and it all made Changhyun grin. The younger was easily amused, and Niel used it to his advantage. If he couldn't tell Changhyun how he felt, then it was enough just to make him happy. 

Niel loved hearing Changhyun laugh. It was like music to his ears. 

Changhyun had different laughs, and they were all addicting. There was the quiet giggle that came out when he was shy, when he was blushing. There was the spluttering, mouth-distorting chortle that rang out when he tried and failed to keep from laughing. And there was Niel's favorite, the loud, no boundaries roar of laughter when he just didn't have a care in the world. That one was especially beautiful. No inhibitions, no restraints. It was just Changhyun being Changhyun. Nobody could even compare. 

Niel loved listening to Changhyun talk. It was such a trivial, unimportant thing, yet Niel found himself completely captivated. Changhyun's voice was pleasing to the ears, soothing even. He could talk about the most vile topics and Niel would still hang onto his every word. 

He liked how gentle, how comforting Changhyun's voice was. He liked the way his mouth rounded to form words, his lips curling as he talked. He liked how distinct his voice was, how easy it was for Niel to pick his out in a lull of voices. 

If he was being honest with himself, he would gladly fall into a bed of his words, and drown in his voice. 

There was something about the way Changhyun danced. Niel never understood how the other managed to be so adorable and puppy-like off stage, yet so fierce and in command in the spotlight. It was hard to believe that they were the same person.   

Changhyun moved like no other. Whether he was biased or not, Niel's eyes were drawn to him in every performance. He always gave it his all, his body lithe, his expression piercing, his eyebrow cocked. 

Changhyun was a beast on stage, and it took his breath away. 

Niel couldn't exactly pinpoint the precise moment he fell in love with Changhyun. He supposed it was a continuous series of events, culminating in the tattoo on his skin. 

Maybe it was the way Changhyun talked to him the first day they met, all smiles and warm greetings. Maybe it was in the discovery of how lame he actually was. Maybe it was the way Changhyun looked at him so shyly when he first admitted he wanted to be a dancer. Perhaps it was in the flow of his limbs when he danced for him. 

Perhaps it was this. Maybe it was that. Niel had a never ending list of possible reasons. 

It might have been easier to resist if Changhyun didn't act like the angel he was. Falling in love with him was as easy as breathing. It was effortless. 

Niel loved the way Changhyun made him feel.  

He loved how happy Changhyun made him. 

Loved his sweet smiles, secretive and innocent all at once. 

His voice, that protected him, joked with him, warmed him. 

Everything. 

He loved Changhyun.  

And it was killing him. 

“It might be easier for you if you just told him. You know, get it over with. You're just torturing yourself at this point, give yourself a chance to get over him.”

Niel glared at Byunghun. 

“You know it's not that easy. As far as I can see, there are three possible outcomes.”

He held up three fingers, ticking them off as he went. 

“First, Changhyun would probably ignore me forever. He'd most likely cut off all contact with me and refuse to talk to, let alone be friends with me.”

“Changhyun's an angel. I should know, you remind me all the time,” Byunghun muttered under his breath, “Do you really think he'd end your friendship over something like that?”

Niel stared down, biting his lip. 

“Do you know how hard it is to stay friends with someone, knowing that they think of you like that? Sure, he can act and pretend like nothing ever happened, but then he'll look at me and realize that the way I'm looking back at him isn't normal. I'm looking at him like he's the sun, drinking him up like a man gone insane from thirst and he's the fresh spring offering sweet relief. I'm looking at him like he's my whole world, and to him, I'm nothing more than a friend.

And you know how hard it would be for me? In his eyes, all I would see would be pity and apologies.”

There was a pause as Niel drew in a ragged breath. 

“You look at Changhyun like he's your world?”

Niel smiled weakly.

“Maybe universe is more accurate. I feel like I literally shoot hearts out of my eyes when I see him.”

“So you got it bad.”

It was a statement, not a question. Niel nodded. 

“I've dug myself into a hole I can't climb out of.”

“Again, why not tell him? It might provide you with a boost out of the hole.”

Byunghun smiled slightly, playing along with his metaphor. 

“Three possible outcomes, remember? Second one hurts just as much as the first.”

“And what is it?”

“He could ignore it. He could pretend like it never happened. We could go on just like before, nothing lost, nothing gained.”

“And they're both equally painful how?”

“Isn't it obvious? The feelings aren't mutual. In both cases. I'm sure you know what it's like, liking someone who doesn't like you back. It's torture. Because you know that one day, they'll fall for someone and leave you behind, still struggling to get over your one-sided love.”

“You can get over him, Niel. You can try, and I believe that you will succeed,” Byunghun said softly. 

“It's not that easy. It will never be easy.”

“I can't stand seeing you like this,” the other shook his head, “What's the third  possible outcome?”

“It's the most positive, and the most unlikely. It's the one I want to happen, and the one I know is impossible.”

He smiled sadly, dreamily. 

“Changhyun could tell me he loves me. He can tell me he feels the same way. We would work things out, him and I, and we could be happy. I could make him so happy, Byunghun. Give him all the happiness he deserves.”

“I believe you. I know that you could.”

He had nothing else to say. Niel was quiet, and when he spoke again, his voice was soft. 

“Byunghun?”

“Hm?”

“I need you to tell me the truth. Be honest. Spare me all the lies people feed me to keep me happy. Don't tell me there's something when there isn't.”

Niel looked up. 

“Is there any inkling of romantic love in his eyes, no matter how minuscule, when he looks at me, when he hears my name? Is there any hint, anything at all, that might indicate something other than fraternity?”

His bottom lip quivered. 

“Do I have even the smallest of chances?”

Byunghun stared back at him, his eyes flinching. He looked hesitant, and that gave Niel all the answers he needed. He didn't even need to open his mouth. Though that didn't mean he had nothing to say. 

“I'm sorry, Niel.”

Niel watched Changhyun fall in love. He knew it the moment the younger stumbled into his room, a dumb smile plastered on his face. He knew, yet he still couldn't stop himself from asking, the answer already obvious. 

“What's with you today?” Niel asked, forcing his tone to be light. 

Changhyun said nothing for a minute, and only continued to roll around on Niel's bed, squealing. 

“I'm so happy,” he finally managed to say. 

Normally Niel would be thrilled to hear those words, but this time it was not because of him. So he was more than a little wary. 

“Oh? And why is that?” he tried hard to lift his lips into a smile. 

Changhyun flipped onto his stomach and he looked at him, his eyes twinkling. And Niel's heart broke. 

And he didn't want to hear what Changhyun wanted to say, because it would shatter him, would kill him, but there was nowhere for him to run, nowhere to hide, no way to get him to stop, so he couldn't do anything but listen helplessly. And Changhyun had a lot to say. 

“This amazing guy came into dance class today. I still can't really believe he's real.”

“Oh yeah?” Niel replies meekly. 

“Yeah,” Changhyun sighed blissfully, before his head shot up again, “Oh my god, Niel, he did this move, right? It was the best thing I have ever seen...”

Changhyun launched into a passionate description of this guy's supposedly spectacular move, using hand gestures to really get his point across. Usually Niel would be hanging into his every word, but at this particular moment, all he could think about was how not spectacular this guy's move sounded and how he could probably do better. Probably. 

“And he says he's into music composition...”

So was Niel. 

“And he was so sweet to me, explaining terms when I didn't understand...”

So does he. 

“And, god, I must have looked like such an idiot, but all he did was laugh and tell me I was cute...”

So does he. 

Changhyun continued to blabber on and on, no longer in need of coaxing. 

“He's smart...”

So was he. 

“He's funny...”

So was he. 

“He's witty...”

So was he. 

So was he. 

So was he.

So why wasn't it him that Changhyun was falling in love with? Why wasn't it him that Changhyun was gushing about? Why not him? Why was Changhyun's heart swelling and glowing with happiness, when his own was splintering into pieces?

His tattoo burned. 

Niel endured. He endured well, even when his very being wanted to leave. 

He was there when Changhyun finally mustered up enough courage to ask for the guy's number. He was ready with a fake smile and a congratulations when the younger succeeded. 

He helped Changhyun through their first text conversation, supplying answers and witty comments and even typed out a few himself when Changhyun started to shake from nervousness. 

He was there to coach him before his first date, judging outfits and taking him through the dos and don'ts. He offered words of encouragement until the moment he stepped out the door, and then proceeded to be on standby for the rest of the night in case anything went wrong. 

He was there when Changhyun finally admitted to himself and to Niel that he was in love with the guy. As Changhyun looked more and more sure of himself, Niel could feel his world become more and more bleak. 

He was Changhyun's shoulder to cry on when they had their first fight, wrapping an arm around the other's sobbing form and silently wiping away the tears. 

He was there, shocked into silence, when Changhyun shyly admitted to having spent their first real night together. His world went gray that day. 

He was there through all the ups and downs of their relationship. Every step of the way. He reckoned he might even be there for the wedding. 

“I might even be best man,”he thought bitterly. 

All through this, his tattoo smoldered. 

After one too many times finding Niel curled into a ball, gasping for air as he clutched at his burning skin, Byunghun finally snapped. 

“Niel, why can't you just let him go?” He demanded exasperatedly, angrily, as he hoisted him off the floor. 

“I can't,” he gasped, “I'm trying, but I can't.”

He collapsed on his bed, teeth clenched from the pain, from the burn that never seemed to cool. 

“Why can't you just leave? Niel, please, it's killing me to see you so in pain.”

“Because,” he winced, “Changhyun still needs me.”

Byunghun just stared at him incredulously. 

“He still needs me. He's told me. I've seen it in his eyes when I hint at leaving.”

“Niel, you can't just assume—”

He interrupted him. 

“He still loves me, Byunghun. Maybe not the same way he loves him, but he does. And I can tell how much it would hurt him if I left.

If me staying makes him happy, then so be it. Nothing is more important than his happiness. Not even my own.”