The first time he could hear his voice as often as he wanted was the same day he went out with Dongwoon. After sleeping in, as it was his free day, he spend the whole morning rummaging through his wardrobe, trying to find a fitting outfit for their date. Of course he wanted to look his best but as they were idols they couldn´t make it too obvious. Therefor he spend the whole morning changing form one outfit into another so could find the best combination but if he was totally honest with himself he was mostly trying to keep himself busy.

The talk with Yesung from last night still kept ghosting through his mind. It had only come to him after waking up that the older hadn´t lost a single word about the fact that he was going out with a guy. And why had he suddenly seem so sad? The more he thought about it the more it left him confused. Could it be that Yesung didn´t want him to go? But why would he? Angrily throwing the jeans he had just tried, back into the wardrobe he carted his hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly. He had decided to forget the older and yet all he was doing was thinking about him.

Giving up on his search for a suitable outfit for a while he made his way toward the kitchen. He didn´t know why but cooking had always calmed him down and so he spend the rest of the day in the kitchen, ones in a while handing a plate full of food to a hungry Hyung of his. That was until Kyuhyun appeared in the kitchen. He was about to hand him a plate as well, but the younger just grabbed his arm.

»Ryeonggu, what are you doing here? «

»Why? « He was slightly confused as the Maknae starred at him in disbelieve.

»Ryeonggu, Dongwoon is gonna be here in an hour and you are not even dressed yet. «

Throwing a glance at his phone the older immediately threw the ladle, he was currently stirring the food with, into the sink. Without him noticing a few hours had pasted since he had entered the kitchen and if he didn´t get ready soon he would be seriously late.

Leaving Kyuhyun with the order to tell Sungmin to have an eye on the stew he quickly returned to his room. Eying the lump of clothes on the floor he quickly freed his pair of favorite pants and a simple T-Shirt from it before heading to the bathroom. He considered wearing something with long sleeves for a moment but he had stopped hiding his slim wrists years ago, so why should he start now. They were only going on a simple date he told himself as he was drying his hair, but if he was totally honest he was quite nervous about it. What he had said last night about not having been on any date since he joined the company was true. Even more so after he had noticed his crush on their oldest main vocal and even before his experience was quite limited due to his age and ual preference.

Seeming to sense his nervousness, Kyuhyun who seemed to have made it his personal responsibility to make sure Ryeowook was “getting out there again”, as he called it, appeared just the moment the older was applying light eyeliner, placing a hand on his shoulder.

»Don´t be nervous! «

»I am not! « Ryeowook protested immediately, but he was sure the light shaking of his fingers betrayed him.

»Yeah, sure «a light chuckle left the Maknae´s lips. »Ryeonggu, you two are just gonna meet, spend a nice day, see how it goes and if it doesn´t go well it is no problem. There are many nice guys out there and I am sure they would love to go out with you. « Receiving a small nod from him, Kyuhyun squeezed his shoulder one more time before plopping down on the closed toilet seat, observing him as he finished his make-up. He had just finished the last touch of his make-up when he heard the doorbell ring and Heechul screaming for someone to open it. Throwing a nervous look towards the Maknae he received a thumps up and an encouraging nod before he headed towards the door.

Sungmin had already opened and was engaged into light conversation with Dongwoon. The younger had obviously dressed up as well. He was wearing tight black pants and a simple shirt that underlined his features well. It suited him extremely well and yet Ryeowook couldn´t help but wonder how it would look if he wore one of the crazy shirts Yesung loves so much.

When the other noticed him, he send him a bright smile. It was a lovely smile and mad the younger vocal look a little mischievous, but the Eternal Maknae felt that it wasn´t as infectious as his best friend´s. Still he forced himself to return the smile as he joined the two men at the door.

»Ready? « The younger send him another smile and immediately opened the door for him when he gave a quick nod. Receiving a teasing “have fun” from Sungmin and a quick wink from Kyuhyun, Ryeowook quickly led the way to the elevator, scared any more members would show up.

They stepped out of the back door of the building a few minutes later and Ryeowook couldn´t help but let out a small sigh as the warm rays of the sun hit is face. It seemed as even the weather seemed to support his decision to go out again. It had been raining for the last few days, but today not a single cloud darkened the sky and even though it was already early evening it was still nicely warm. His mind wandered to the earlier summers when he and Yesung would spend hours on the roof of their dorms doing nothing more than talking and enjoying the sun. Before he could get lost in his nostalgia a hand on his lower back interrupted his thoughts.

»I thought we could go down to the Han-River and get something to eat there. I know a place without many people. What do you think? « Dongwoon´s voice was hopeful and the older quickly pushed his thoughts aside before answering.

»Sure, why not? «

Arriving at the Han-River they just walked along the riverside talking casually and the Eternal Maknae slowly felt his nervousness subside. After a while, when it slowly turned dark, they had a small snack at one of the stalls along the river before sitting down at a rock enjoying the view of the river. They kept talking and Ryeowook had to admit it was quite fun. He was enjoying spending time with the younger but something was missing. It was more like spending time with a friend instead of a date. It was nice but it was different than when he spend his time with Yesung. There were no strange feeling in his stomach, no wild beating of his heart and no shiver running down his spine whenever the younger touched him.

A shiver immediately ran through him as he thought of the oldest main vocal hugging him from behind and singing something. Dongwoon seemed to misinterpret it though and immediately placed his own jacket around his shoulders.

»It´s getting cold. Why don´t we go back? « The younger asked caringly. Ryeowook just nodded. He felt sorry for the younger who really seemed to make an effort.

When they arrived at the dorm it was already late at night. Dongwoon had insisted to take him home so they ended up in front of their dorm´s front door. The Eternal Maknae considered asking the younger in, but he didn´t want to lead on the other any further. Not knowing what to say an uncomfortable silence started to spread between them, but Dongwoon took his hand in his own. It didn´t feel uncomfortable but still it didn´t feel right. The other´s hand felt too big around his own compared to Yesung´s but still he didn´t pull away as to not hurt the younger.

»Thank you for agreeing to this Ryeowook Hyung. I had a lot of fun today. «

»Me too« he didn´t know what else to say and the uncomfortable silence returned for a moment until Dongwoon took a step closer and cleared his throat.

»Maybe we could do this again « he sounded so hopeful and the Eternal Maknae couldn´t help but nod. »Well, good night then…« the younger vocal suddenly leaned in and before Ryeowook knew what he was doing he had turned his head away. The younger immediately pulled back and looked at him with sad eyes causing the other to immediately felt sorry.

»I…I…« he tried to explain himself but the other just shook his head.

»You like someone else, don´t you? «

»I am sorry! « Ryeowook didn´t know what else to say. He suddenly felt guilty for even agreeing to this date when he still had feelings for his older member, but Dongwoon just shook his head again.

»Don´t worry, I totally understand. Thank you for giving this a try anyways, Hyung. « The younger just send him a sad smile before letting go of his hand and taking a few steps back. »Just go in. Don´t worry about me. I will be fine. Have a good night, Hyung. « He gestured towards the door before looking at him in expectance.

»Thanks for understanding, Dongwoon – ah. »Ryeowook gave the younger one last sad smile before opening the door. Receiving an encouraging nod from the younger he quickly stepped in and closed the door.

The whole dorm was dark and the Eternal Maknae quietly walked towards the room as to not wake up anyone. When he stepped into his room he used to share with their oldest lead singer the emotions overwhelmed him and a few tears rolled down his cheeks. He just missed the older main vocal so much – their talks about unimportant things in the middle of the night, the older´s comforting words and his friendly hugs. Plopping down on his bed he buried his head in his hands and he let out a loud sigh. He had really tried to just forget the older and spend a nice day with Dongwoon but instead he had just compared the younger with Yesung the whole time.

Letting out another sigh he let himself fall backwards when something hard hit his back. Sitting back up, he starred at the now a little damaged cardboard box on his bed. There was no sender, just his own name written on it with black marker. He starred at the little box in confusion before getting a scissor from his table. Opening the box carefully his eyes fell on a little paper lying inside the box. His heart started to beat wildly as he immediately recognized Yesung´s handwriting. It was only a small note but he couldn´t explain the emotions he felt as he read it.

“Hope you had fun today. If you ever feel worried or want to talk, just call me. Hope you sleep well tonight, Wookie”

Taking out the note he noticed the flash drive at the bottom of the box. Quickly getting his laptop from the table as well he plugged it in. There was just a single audio file on it and when he opened it the older´s voice singing one of his favorite songs, sounded through the room. A strangled sound left the young Korean´s lips as new tears welled up in his eyes. His heart contradicted painfully and he wasn´t sure which feeling was stronger – the feeling of missing the older or the happiness of hearing his voice. Plugging in his headphones, he quickly snuggled into his blankets before setting the tune on repeat. As he listened to the older singing over and over again, it slowly came to him that no matter how hard he tried he would never be able to forget the older and as he slowly drifted off to sleep he decided that he loved the older, not just like an older brother but in a way you only feel for the love of your life.